No regrets? I think it's an unattainable, idealistic notion in a far from perfect world.
Surely everyone must regret something; there must be at least one thing you would differently if you had the chance. At least, that's how I've always seen it. I have so many regrets, stacked up around me in piles so tall I feel I could suffocate. But I think that's normal, if not normal then at worst only slightly irregular. Imperfection makes us human, alive, unique. And I wouldn't give that up for the chance to say "I have no regrets".
That's always been my philosophy, until tonight. I would give anything to redo tonight but I can't, I'm human and we have to live with our regrets.
I know I will always regret not reaching out to her, pulling her close before our world shattered. But there is nothing I can do and as I sit here in the rubble of the once majestic castle I know I have to accept that.
5 Hours ago we stood waiting, nervous but determined, surrounded by the rest of the DA, Hogwarts staff and students and the Order of the Phoenix. 5 hours ago I stretched out to take her hand but I never reached her. Before I could pull her to me our world exploded in a mess of dust and light, screams split the air while curses missed us by inches. I lost her. There was so much going on, every time I would catch sight of her something exploded or a curse shot by and I would lose her again.
When the armistice was called, I made my way to the great hall, searching in earnest. I don't know how many have died today, but seeing them all lined up knocked the air out of my lungs. Cries of despair filled the hall, forcing themselves into my mind, engraving themselves into my memory. And still I couldn't find her. I wanted to go back out and search some more, she had to be somewhere! I was stopped by Trelawney, she said I needed to rest, my legs buckled under me and I sat, shell shocked, unresponsive as I feared the worst.
When the battle recommenced I fought harder. I fought for her. Time blurred and all I could see was my next target through the red haze that had settled over my mind. I dodged and fired and jumped and fell and attacked and I didn't stop, the battle consumed me. I felt it in my veins, the bloodlust, the animalistic need for revenge. There was nothing but the fight, all around me, it was everywhere. Then it was gone, finished, won.
Won. People say we won, I don't understand. How can we say we won when so many bodies line the hall? When so many families have been ripped apart? How can we say we won, when so many were lost?
5 hours ago I lost her, and I haven't seen her since.