All characters belong to Gaston Leroux, and all music lyrics belong to Andrew Lloyd Webber. I'm only 14, so this is going to be a little rough, so please bear with me. However, I can't improve unless I get feedback, SO LEAVE A REVIEW I'M BEGGING YOU. Also, let me know if you want me to continue the story, or if you just want me to leave it at this short one-shot. Thanks for reading 3

"Too many years, fighting back tears, why can't the past just die?"

But that's the thing about your past, it doesn't just die. It lingers, haunting your every step. And there are some people who have pasts so painful, every day is like a fresh stab in their heart, an endless torture that only worsens with time. Those are the people with pasts like mine.

I tried, I really tried to be happy with Raoul, but I couldn't. Every time I close my eyes, I see the same distorted face, hear the same broken voice proclaiming his love for me, and feel the same ripping sensation in my heart.

I haven't told Raoul about these feelings obviously, but I think he suspects. I've often caught him staring at me with a strange expression on his face; not quite anger, more hurt and betrayed. And I feel guilty of course. After all, he risked his life for me, and I repay him by being distant and moody, shying away from his every touch. He says it's because I'm still recovering from the whole ordeal, and I let him believe that. I don't tell him that it's because I crave a different pair of hands holding me, different lips pressed against mine.

I must be a masochist. Living just to hurt myself and others. First the Phantom, then Raoul, and all the way I'm tearing my heart into pieces. I thought I loved Raoul, I chose him after all, but now I don't think I do. He's a perfect gentleman of course, every woman's dream man, but not mine. He lacks the raw emotion and power that the Phantom possessed. And no matter how hard he tried to make up for it, Raoul could never give me the same sensations that the Phantom's music gave to me.

For months I've debated going back and begging the Phantom to forgive me, but the Opera House is well guarded now, and he's long gone. No matter how hard I looked, I know I would never find him. That's even more reason to just move on, to commit to Raoul and have the life I used to always dream of having. But I can't bring myself to love Raoul. The only one I can truly give my heart and soul to is the distorted, murderous Phantom, and that scares me. But he is gone forever, and thus I am doomed to live in sorrow, broken and unsatisfied, with nothing but songs in my head to remind me of the man I loved and the life I wanted.