Over You, a death note fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, or any of it's characters. They belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. I also do not own the song Over You. It is rightful property of Chris Daughtry.

Warnings: Implied yaoi.

Well, this is a first for me. I never thought it would happen, but sure enough, time passed (albeit slowly), and I finally ended up getting over Mello. I know, I'm shocked too. The days went by so dreadfully slow; I thought a year would pass by quicker. Every day I would be left just sitting in our room – my room – and I wouldn't even come out for food. Roger usually brought it to me, but I always dumped it out the window. I never ate. I was pathetic.

I would always be numb, never thinking, saying, or doing anything but sitting on his bed with my face buried in his pillow. Of course, after a while, it slowly stopped smelling like he did, and I ended up keeping that habit up just for something to keep me connected to him. I still remember clearly the day he left. We were almost fifteen.

"Roger, it's time that I left. I'm almost fifteen! I can take care of myself!" I'd heard him say while I was listening through the door. I heard his boots stomping across Roger's office and I stepped back from the door to let him pass without accidentally hitting me with it. He had a pained expression on his face and I knew what had happened. I let him walk ahead because when we got back to our room, I knew he would break down and I figured he'd at least want some part of that day to think for himself before he needed me.

So, when we made it up the stairs and down the long and repetitive hallways, and finally to our room, I followed him in, and I immediately locked the door behind me. He was sitting on his bed, trying not to let the tears and sobs break free from inside, but as soon as I sat down next to him, I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and I felt him squeeze himself around me and finally, he let it all out. I didn't tell him everything would be all right, because honestly, I didn't know that it would. I just told him I would always be there to help him, whenever he needed it.

I knew that would be all he asked for in life, and as long as I could give that to him, I would. He sobbed for hours on end, and finally, he fell asleep, arms still draped around my frame. I reached my free arm under his knees and lifted him so that I could lay him down properly. I put his head down on his pillow, his golden blonde hair framing his face angelically. I removed his heavy boots and set them on the floor by the foot of his bed. I grabbed a small blanket from my bed and draped it over him. He seemed so peaceful in sleep. This wasn't the Mello I have to see during the day, the one who becomes over dramatic and makes a fuss about the smallest things. This was the Mello that I fell in love with.

Since it was late, I decided to undress and pull on a baggy shirt with my boxers and I lay down next to him, draping my arm over his waist and nuzzling my nose in his hair. He unconsciously snuggled closer. I fell into a dreamless sleep. When I woke, the blanket I'd gotten for Mello the previous night was on top of me, a pillow in his place. I looked at our nightstand to see the time on the digital clock and noticed it was just past ten o'clock in the morning. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I saw a quickly scribbled note next to our clock. I picked it up, unsure of why there would be a note, and what it said devastated me.

'Matt, I really wish I could take you with me. You mean so much to me, but I have to leave you now. I hope this doesn't hurt you too bad, and if it does, I'm sorry, but you'll get over it. At least, the Matt I know would. Don't bother looking for me because all your efforts will be in vain. Got that? You should be thankful you even get a note in the first place. Goodbye for the res of this life.

Mello'

Each word after his second sentence felt as though it had blades on every letter that sliced right through me. My breath whooshed out of my lungs and it took me a second to realize I was crying. Well, not so much crying as blubbering. The pain wrenched my heart so that it ached so much I felt like I was having a heart attack. I couldn't breathe and the first thing that I felt after the pain was the betrayal. I had never expected him to leave!

How could he? Obviously he didn't know me well enough to know what this would do to me. And how could he expect me not to look for him? If I didn't, how could I be sure that he was ever really there in the first place? I wish someone would explain it all to me, give me a reason as for why he left me. Could he simply not tell me that he wanted to leave and then let me have some closure by giving me some justification? Or was it simply that he thought this was the best course of action? That this would hurt me the least because what he'd say to my face would be far worse than what was in that note?

After about an hour and a half of hyperventilating, I finally calmed myself down enough to function. I immediately got up off his bed and tried to reason that he would come back for me. I thought i knew him well enough to assume that he would. I let the numbness consume me while I kept my mind busy by honing my hacking skills on the computer.

I waited until I graduated from Wammy's House. That was two and a half years ago. I wondered what was keeping him from coming back to me, like I thought he would. But even after I found my own apartment and started living by myself, which took a good chunk of time from me because of rent prices, he still hadn't come for me. One day, I felt the numbness leaving, and I thought for sure that the pain would come back with the betrayal. However, nothing happened. I was aware of my surrounds more than ever. But more so than that, I wasn't hurt anymore. After spending so much time trying not to think of what he did to me made me forget him. It was surprising. I never knew I was capapble of forgetting a person such as Mello. He made a huge impact on my life, and now that he's gone, the impact has left with him.

It's been several years since then. I've been living my life as if nothing ever happened in the first place. I was just fine. I even had a few love interests here and there, but none lasted longer than three weeks at the most. The shortest relationship I went through lasted two days. But enough of that.

Today was like any other day for me. I was hacking into a drug lord's computer from my own and that was when I got that one fateful phone call. I heard my cell phone ring from my back pocket and I quickly removed any traces of my hacking before picking up. I looked at the screen but no number had shown up. I answered, and I lost my breath when I heard Mello's voice.

"H…hey…c-can you come…help me?" he choked out.

"Mello? Is that you? Where are you?" I asked in a hurried panic.

He mumbled an address to me and as I told him I was coming, I rushed out the door, grabbing my keys on the way. I took the stairs three at a time in my haste, almost tripping over my feet. I made it to my car in record time and sped out of the parking lot, peeling out into the street in the direction of the address he'd told me. I still had my phone to my ear, but I couldn't hear anything anymore.

"Mello! Are you still there! Say something!" I shouted into the speaker.

No reply. I hung up, pushing my car even faster. I kept the needle towards the far right of the speedometer. I reached the warehouse district of the city, scanning the numbers for the right building. I saw the last building in the groups of abandoned warehouses, the faded yellow paint indicating the correct address. I slammed on my brakes hard and turned so as not to ram into the metal doors. As I stepped out of my car, I finally took notice of the condition of this particular building.

I saw a plume of smoke heading towards the sky, thick and black. I raced inside after getting the hardly used doors opened wide enough. I almost started choking when I smelled burning hair and flesh from somewhere around me. However, the smell wasn't stronger in any certain direction, so I covered my mouth and headed blindly through the halls. I found some stairs and the smell of burning flesh and hair grew stronger, so I hurried up, willing my legs to carry me faster.As I reached the top I saw a lot of destruction. In this part of the building, a bomb had been set off.

Pieces of the wall were all crumbled around each other on the floor. Small flames were still burning, even though the majority had burned themselves out. I had to climb over several piles of wreckage to reach Mello. I heard a faint moan of pain and I just knew that luck was on my side considering he was still alive. I moved a few large pieces of the crumbled wall and saw singed leather. I hurried to shove the rest out of the way and when I caught sight of him for the first time in God knows how long, my knees shook. But I willed myself not to fall. I bent down and picked him up, noting how light he still was.

I walked as fast as I could to get out of the disaster site. I got back down to my car in a matter of minutes; having memorized which hallways I took to get up to Mello. I laid him down gently in the backseat of my car, and I raced to the nearest hospital, not caring that he would prefer not to go. But I didn't know how to treat him, and I didn't want him to die. I knew that if I allowed myself to get too close to him again through treating his injuries, I'd probably not make it through him leaving me again. On my way through town, I managed to get a hold of Watari, remembering that he always had at least one phone number that was only available to all the Wammy's House kids.

I told him what had happened to Mello and where we were. He gave me clear directions to a specific hospital that was familiar with Watari and would be able to keep us anonymous. He told me that he was sending a large sum of money to the hospital and that they would be waiting for us. I thanked him generously and he hung up.

I made it to the hospital and drove around to the back, where I saw several nurses and doctors already rushing to open the doors to my car and lift Mello onto a stretcher. I didn't dare to follow them inside. I knew if I did, that would be it for me. So I sat in my car, turning on the radio, thinking to myself what I was going to do. That's when I heard a new artist, American from the sound of his music. The song started playing.

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

I suddenly realized how perfectly this song was going to describe me, translating it in my head.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

I decided then to drive myself away from the hospital, returning to my apartment. I didn't allow myself to think of the day's events. So I pulled out my PSP and turned on the game before I remembered that I had already beaten it.

I put a new game in and immersed myself in it. I wouldn't dare to think of him again. If I did, I would most likely suffer through depression and go kill myself. I knew myself well enough to assume that's what would happen.

In the days that followed this incident, I made myself forget what had happened. I poured alcohol down my throat until I passed out and when I woke up, I didn't even remember my name. Then I went to my tiny little bathroom to puke. Afterwards I would have a cigarette or three and go back and drown myself in alcohol again until I was sure I wouldn't even remember the week as it passed me by.

Amazingly enough, it ended up working. The week was gone and I had no memory whatsoever of that day that I saw Mello. My most recent memory of him was the night that we learned that L was dead and he cried himself to sleep in my arms.

Once the nausea wore off, I decided to take a joy ride around town, mostly because I was bored and I had no clients to do any hacking for. So as I got in my car and turned the radio on, I heard that song again. I felt that this song had been made for me. I was finally able to hear the ending of it.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

When the song ended, I felt happier than I had in the longest time. I was finally free from any regrets I'd had about not being by Mello's side. I was completely myself once again.

A/N: I was in a really weird mood when I wrote this. It kind of developed in my head after I spent about two hours listening to Over You. Please, tell me what you think of it. I, for one, don't like the ending. If anyone knows how I could make it better, please tell me. Thanks a bunch!