Title: Little Lie - Big Lie
Author: Salianne
Pairing: Greg/Nick
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Yet another angsty Nick-hates-his-his-big-gay-self-and-takes-it-out-on-Greg story.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. Just for fun.
Warnings: This is slash - if you don't like boy-loving you probably shouldn't read it. Also - angst and mentions of child abuse.

Nick knew it was a low blow even before he said it.

He said it anyway.

Now he regretted it.

The way Greg couldn't even look at him made Nick feel sick – guilty – and a little lost.

Nick finished stowing his carry-on bag in the bin above his seat and took one last glimpse at the rather devastated looking man ten rows back. Greg was leaning against the window with his arms wrapped around himself. He was looking out the window in an obvious attempt to avoid looking at Nick. Greg's eyes were bloodshot and he had giant dark circles beneath them.

Nick wasn't sure how to fix it. He had done a really great job driving a wedge between them – too good.

It all started three days earlier – two days into a conference on forensic investigation technology. Nick and Greg had both been sent because they were the only ones still lacking required training hours for the year.

Neither man expected to fall into bed with each other.

And now Greg was under the impression that Nick believed Greg had set up the whole thing up – that he had taken advantage of a trusting friend in a vulnerable position – mostly because that is exactly the impression Nick intended to leave.

Which would explain Greg's current condition.

~Two Days Earlier~

Nick stood at the hotel room door for a good five minutes before he finally knocked.

Just tell him it was a mistake. He'll understand. We were drunk. He probably regrets it too. There was a part of Nick – the part he locked away in the most remote corner of his soul – that didn't want Greg to regret one single second of it though.

The door opened with a flourish and Nick felt himself being yanked into the room by the front of his shirt. Before he knew what was happening, he had been slammed into the back of the closed door and had a very enthusiastic Greg pressed against him.

He felt hands skimming the bare skin underneath his shirt and warm breath ghost across his lips as Greg spoke. "I've been thinking about you all day, Nicky."

The next thing he knew, Greg's tongue was tangling with his own in what can only be described as the best kiss Nick had ever experienced in his life – the exception being the kisses they shared the previous night in a drunken rush to get laid.

Nick felt himself giving in to the buzzing in his body. As hard as he tried – it was impossible to deny how good Greg felt. How good Greg smelled and tasted. How good Greg…oh no. Nick grabbed Greg by the shoulders and pushed him away so hard that Greg fell to the floor three feet away with an audible thud that made Nick wince. That had to hurt. He glared at the man looking up at him from the floor. Greg looked confused and embarrassed…and a little bit hurt – the kind of hurt that doesn't come from one's ass slamming into the carpet hard enough to make the floor vibrate a little.

Nick made a show of wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. "Sorry, Greg. But…Greg…last night was a mistake." There – done.

Or maybe not. Greg was shaking his head. "No…it wasn't."

Fuck. "Yes, Greg. It was. We were drunk. I'm not even into guys, Greg. It was just two friends being drunk and fucking up. That's all it…"

"No!" Greg insisted. "I wasn't drunk, Nick."

What? "What do you mean you weren't drunk? We were both…"

"You were definitely drunk. I was a little buzzed. But I knew what I was doing." Greg looked almost defiant. "And honestly, you didn't seem that drunk either, Nick. You seemed to know exactly what you wanted. You wanted me. And good god, I wanted you. I've wanted you for so long, Nicky."

Greg stood as he spoke and stepped toward Nick. Nick stepped back – he needed space between him and that Greg-smell that caused him to do things he had only ever dreamed about…until last night.

"No, Greg. I didn't – don't – want you. I was drunk out of my mind. I don't even remember most of it! I mean seriously Greg – if I was so into you why did you wake up alone this morning?"

He could see Greg thinking about it before he made his next argument. "Just because you freaked out a little doesn't mean you didn't want it, Nick. I admit - I was a little freaked out too. I mean – god Nick – we made-love last night! I never thought I had a chance – it's a lot to wrap your head around…"

"Shut up!" This is crazy. It's not supposed to go this way. Think, Nick! Think!. "We did NOT, by any stretch of the imagination, make-love. Gross, Greg! That's just…oh god…I think I'm going to be sick."

Nick could see that this change in tactic was working. Greg looked taken aback – almost sad. He knew he had found the right tone to get Greg to back off and let the whole thing go. So Nick just took it to the next level and went for the proverbial kill. "So wait…back up, Greg. Are you telling me that you KNEW I was drunk – way drunker than you – and you STILL dropped trou' and bent over for me?"

Greg was the one to take a step back this time. He looked mortified. "I didn't…"

"Oh my god, Greg. You're my best friend. Since I lost 'Rick you've been my only confidant and you do THIS to me? You know about what happened to me, Greg. You know all about my past – the babysitter – and you took advantage of me anyway? You're no better than her, Greg. You…god, Greg…you practically raped me!"

He heard Greg take in a harsh breath before clasping his hand over his mouth – partly obscuring the complete shock that rushed across his features. Greg's body began to visibly shake, his hands – which were both tightly clamped over his mouth now – were quaking so badly his hair bounced from the movement. Nick watched – shocked himself by the instantaneous devastation that had taken over his friend – as a thick cascade of tears literally burst from Greg's eyes.

Nick stepped out of the way when Greg rushed to get to the bathroom. While Greg violently threw up what seemed like everything he had eaten for the last month, Nick bolted from the room. He knew he had made a tactical error but had no idea how to fix it.

So instead – he left Greg to deal with the aftermath of his big lie - alone.

~*~

Nick settled into his middle seat and thought about his best friend.

Greg. Sweet, lovable, dependable Greg.

When Greg had first landed on the scene, Nick thought he was just a kid with no ambition or direction in life. It didn't take long for Nick to realize that Greg was smart – really smart. What came off as cavalier was really Greg's way of balancing that smart part of himself with the fun part of himself. Once Nick got to know him a little better he understood – Greg spent his whole life trying to fit into a world that wasn't made for him. He was nerdy, skinny, and sexually ambiguous – for a young Greg, it was be funny or be trampled.

Greg chose funny.

Nick enjoyed his friendship with Greg – always had. But it wasn't until after Warrick's death that Nick understood how truly deep Greg's feeling went. They had started spending more time together, mostly it was Greg trying to make sure Nick was surviving the loss – but they bonded during that time. Then one night Nick walked into the locker room and heard Greg's voice. He was talking to Sara on his cell phone. Nick hid behind a row of lockers and listened – at first to see if he would get any good scoop about Sara and Grissom, but then Greg started talking about him.

To say Nick was surprised would be a bit of a lie.

Nick always had a suspicion that Greg had a little crush on him. He liked it – the innocent flirting was fun. When Nick heard Greg say it out loud – and sound so…sad – he wasn't sure he liked it anymore. The flirting suddenly didn't feel so innocent.

It took him a couple of weeks to pack away his own feelings again – the ones he keeps hidden away because they are messy and complicated and completely counter to the Nick he has carefully constructed for public viewing.

It took a little more than a couple of weeks for him to settle into the ease again.

And then in one night in a tacky hotel in Detroit – a few reckless hours really – Nick managed to ruin everything. But instead of dealing with it like a man – dealing with the truth and figuring out how to move forward with what he had always wanted – desired – needed…he dumped the burden onto Greg so he could lock the vault and stay hidden.

~Three Days Earlier~

The bar at the hotel was nearly empty. They had been drinking for nearly three hours and even the most persistent of the ladies who were hoping for a conference-romp had moved on to men who were a little less into each other than they were the easy women throwing themselves at their sneaker-clad feet.

Nick already knew who he wanted tonight though.

And he was almost drunk enough to go for it.

Greg watched a curvy red-head walk away and turned to Nick, "Dude. You could have totally had that one. You blew it man!"

"Night's not over yet, G." Nick slurred a little.

Greg laughed before he leaned in a conspiratorial manner. "Nicky. I hate to break it to ya, but we're the only two left in this bar. She was your last chance for action tonight."

"I still got one more." Nick grabbed Greg's collar and pulled him close enough to whisper into his ear. "And I already know you're a sure thing."

Greg froze. He chuckled nervously and spoke in a shaky voice. "You're too drunk to know what you want..."

This time Nick bit Greg on the neck before he spoke. "I'm just drunk enough..." It was just a little lie.

Greg jumped back. Nick saw red creeping up Greg's neck and he liked knowing that he had that kind of effect on his young friend.

"I'm heading up to my room. See you in the morning Nick." Greg power walked out of the bar after tossing way too much money down for his share of the tab.

Nick tossed a little more money on top of Greg's and followed. Chased. Hunted.

By the time they reached the elevators, Nick had caught up. As soon as the doors slid closed, Nick backed Greg against the far wall and licked his face before he growled like a predator into Greg's mouth. "I'm going to do things to you that would make even a Vegas whore blush."

"Nicky." Nick thought it was cute that Greg looked a little scared. "You're drunk. You need to go back to your room and sleep it off."

"No, what I need to do is get you into your room and live out every filthy fantasy I've ever had about you"

Greg's eyes widened, "You've had fantasies about me?"

"For years, G. YEARS! You've been a fucking cock tease for as long as I've known you and tonight you're going to follow through on…"

"I'm not a cock tease." Greg argued. "I've never teased you. If you wanted me all you had to do is…"

"Shut up." Nick demanded as the elevator dinged and the doors opened on Greg's floor. He watched Greg's pupils dilate and knew he wasn't going to have to do much more convincing. "Let's go."

Things happened fast after Greg's card-key slid into his door. Nick remembers Greg asking him if he was sure - right before he grabbed Greg's head and pushed that gorgeous mouth toward his zipper. Clothes were flying all around them and there was a sudden relief that came from the hot, wet sucking of Greg's divine tongue.

Nick was pretty sure he bruised the back of Greg's throat from the force of his uncontrolled hip-thrusting. Nick talked himself out of feeling bad about it though because Greg was a man after all, and men like it a little rough.

Besides, Greg wasn't complaining. If anything, he was begging for more of the same.

So that's what Nick gave him. More of the same and more of other stuff too. By the time Nick was done living out his filthy fantasies he wasn't sure Greg was going to be able to walk for a few days. Nick was sure Greg was the best lover he had ever had – ever. He was open and willing and unashamed. It was everything Nick dreamed it would be and more. Greg was sprawled beneath him – sweaty and panting and covered in Nick's mess. He felt Greg's hand slide across his shoulders as he heard his breathless voice say something that sounded a little like 'I love you' before he closed those trusting brown eyes and fell into a well earned slumber.

Leaving Nick alone with his old friend, Denial.

Oh god.

I fucked Greg.

No no no no no.

Wait. It's Greg. No problem. Greg's cool – he's a free spirit – some would say he's kind of easy – right? He'll be fine. No big deal. Right?

Oh god.

Nick rolled himself off of Greg's used body and right out of the door. He was in such a hurry to get away from the evidence of his fulfilled desires that he only managed to get his jeans back on – he carried his shoes, socks and shirt with him. He took the stairs up six flights so he wouldn't have to deal with anyone on the elevator. Once he made it safely to his own room, he fell onto his bed and breathed deeply so he could smell Greg's scent - which still lingered on his skin. God - he smells better than I imagined. I fucked Greg. I fucked him and I ditched him like he's nothing to me.

Why does it feel like he's everything to me?

He closed his eyes and drifted to sleep with only one thought screaming in his head.

Oh god – what have I done.

~*~

When Nick pulled into the parking lot his first night back from the conference and saw Greg's car, his stomach clenched. He was literally filled with dread. He knew what he did to Greg was wrong. Not only the drunken – not so drunken – sex part. It was the way he turned the tables on him. The way he turned the night they shared - a night Greg believed was about love - into something vile for which Greg now felt so much shame and remorse. Nick turned something Greg believed to be beautiful – the beginning of something beautiful – and made it into…oh god.

Nick was exhausted. He felt like had hadn't slept since that night – mostly because he hadn't.

He hadn't worked out all the details yet, but was close to it. He hoped that by the end of the night he would have made amends – at least a little – and start the long process of gaining Greg's trust again. He hoped they would be back on track with their friendship…and maybe more…maybe a lot more.

Over the days he had spent every second regretting not only the cruel way he had treated Greg – but also the lifetime he had spent hiding from himself. He decided that it was time to stop regretting and start living. It was time for Nick to have the life he had been denying himself for as long as he can remember.

And Greg HAD to be part of that.

But first he had to face him. It was that first meeting, face-to-face, that Nick was most anxious. It's like pulling off a band-aide, Stokes. Just rip it off and let the healing begin.

When he stepped into the assignment room he was surprised to find it empty. In fact, the entire lab seemed eerily quiet. He wandered down the hall and saw no one. It wasn't until he reached the last interrogation room that he found most of the night shift crowded into the small viewing room. He opened the door and crammed himself inside. "What's going on?"

"SHHH!" Hodges demanded. "Greg's confessing."

"What?" Nick was sure he heard wrong.

Wendy clarified in a hushed tone. "Greg came in an hour ago and asked Catherine to step in here. Archie happened to be in here working on the blown speaker and he heard Greg start confessing that he raped someone while he was at that conference last week. He grabbed Bobby, who grabbed me, I grabbed Hodges and we…"

"Wait, slow down." Nick shook his head as if he were clearing cob webs. "Greg - OUR Greg – said he raped someone last week?"

"I know – crazy, huh? You got here just in time – he just really started talking about what he did…"

Wendy turned away from Nick to watch. Nick followed her gaze through the one-way mirror and saw Greg sitting across the interrogation table from Catherine. Brass was standing behind him looking at the ground shaking his head in disbelief.

"So let me see if I understand this." Catherine said in a motherly way. "You were at a bar with someone. You got her drunk and then took her back to your room and had sex with her against her will?"

Greg's eyes never left the table in front of him. He nodded sadly.

"You need to say it, Greg. The microphones can't hear your head rattle." Brass said quietly.

Greg took a deep breath before speaking – barely audible. "Yes."

Nick was sure his heart stopped beating. Oh no.

"We need a name, Greg." Catherine said.

"I can't…I mean…(sigh)…I never got her name." Greg's voice almost broke.

He's protecting me. Why is he doing this? What the fuck IS he doing?

Catherine grabbed his hand. "Greggo. Sweetie. Are you sure about this? I mean, without a name there's really no case anyway. I'm not sure I understand…"

Greg finally looked up. Everyone in the tiny observation room gasped when they saw his face. He looked haunted. The pain and self-hatred was etched in every line and shadow of his beautiful face. Nick was most notably affected by the shattered stated of his friend. What the fuck have I done?

"It doesn't matter if you know who I did this to, Catherine. I know I did this. Don't you see? I KNOW. I'm…I just…what's next? There's something wrong with me. I don't even know when I'm…I…god Cath...did you forget? I…first I...I KILLED a kid - REMEMBER?! I killed…he was just a kid and I…then…fucking hell - he was my friend…how could I do that to him?" Greg broke down into incoherent sobs, leaving Catherine and Brass very confused.

"Greg? I don't understand. Who are you talking about? Who is your friend and what does he have to do with…"

"I am."

Catherine and Brass both jerked their heads toward the door to see Nick standing in the open doorway. He looked tired and ragged and couldn't take his eyes off of Greg.

Greg started shaking.

Nick spoke to Catherine and Brass but only had eyes for Greg. "I'm the friend."

"Nicky? What's going on?" Catherine asked sternly.

Nick stepped into the room and knelt on the floor in front of Greg. He grabbed the legs of the chair Greg sat in and turned the chair so Greg faced him. Greg's body shook uncontrollably and his hands were almost shaking off of his wrists. Nick grabbed them and held them steady. Nick took a deep breath and closed his eyes before he spoke.

"Greg…"

Greg made a feeble attempt to speak through his hiccupping sobs. "I'm (hic) so... sorry…N...Ni…Nicky."

Nick squeezed Greg's hands. "No, G, I'm the one who's sorry."

Greg tried to pull away.

"G, look at me." Nick tipped Greg's chin up with one had until they were looking at each other. Nick felt the world fall away beneath him when he saw the depth of pain in Greg's eyes. "Oh Greg, I'm so sorry I did this to you."

Greg shook his head – saying so much without saying anything at all.

"Yes – I did this to you. G, listen to me. You didn't kill that kid. You hear me? You DIDN'T kill that kid – he was going to kill YOU and he had already almost killed Mr. Tanner. You're not a killer, G – you're a fucking hero. You got that? You're a fucking…fucking hero." Nick was finding it hard to control his own tears now. "And you didn't rape me, Greg. I wasn't that drunk – no more drunk that you were. I'm just not as brave as you are, G. So I used my own past against YOU. I lied, G. I remember everything and I lied. You understand, G? I remember everything WE did - WE did TOGETHER. I wanted you, G. I've always wanted you. I'm so sorry..."

Nick could hear the excited murmur coming from behind the glass.

"One of you better start explaining." Catherine demanded – her tone was all business now.

Greg was still shaking and crying so Nick did the right thing – finally - and spoke for both of them. His eyes never left Greg's.

"Greg and I hooked up at the conference. It was actually all my doing." Nick smiled at Greg. "I've been in-love with this guy for so long and I just…finally gave in to it."

Greg's eyes were streaming heavily, but his body stopped quaking. Nick took this as a good sign and combed his fingers through Greg's hair lovingly. "You are a generous lover, G. I'm a selfish one."

Catherine was starting to understand. "Greg…did you rape Nick?"

"He didn't rape me." Nick answered. "I made him think he did, though."

"You what?!" Catherine was obviously shocked.

"I was so afraid of how I feel – how much I love him – that I told him I was too drunk to know what I was doing and he took advantage of me. I told him that he was no better than the babysitter who molested me when I was a kid. I told him that what he did to me made me sick – literally sick." Nick confessed tearfully – never taking his eyes from the man in front of him. "I lied, G. I didn't even think about how that would make you feel. How many nights did we spend together talking about Demetrius James? How many times did I have to tell you that you aren't a murderer? I know how you are - how you take on so much more than you should. How could I do that to you, G? How could I not consider how my manipulation would make you feel? What kind of friend am I? I'm heinous…"

"You're not…" Greg croaked. "You're just scared…"

"G…" Nick pulled Greg off of the chair so they were both on their knees facing each other. "I don't want to be scared anymore."

Greg leaned against Nick - suddenly letting himself succumb to the exhaustion.

"I'm so sorry. I…I should have just told you how I felt instead of….god…G…I..." Nick pulled him close and spoke softly into his hair. "I don't want to be scared anymore. And I never want to hurt you like this again…ever."

Catherine and Brass stepped from the room, leaving Nick to try his best to fix the mess he created. A mess Catherine was still trying to wrap her head around – it was just so un-Nick-like to be so intentionally cruel. She always knew there was something simmering between her two friends – she just never would have imagined it would have come out like this. Fix it Nicky. Fix it and find yourself a little happiness.

As she passed the observation room she stuck her head in the door to get her lab back to work. "Show's over people. We got crimes to solve."