round one

Terry told Jake that he was finally supposed to be happy. But here he was, the second day in a row, staring into his beer at the bar, drowning his self-pity in a glass bottle of alcohol.

Everyone told Jake that he was the best. That he was a fantastic detective. That he should be proud of having the most solves in a month. That he should be excited he solved the most unsolvable case. For everyone, he was trying to be happy, he really was, but he found himself putting on an act for Boyle and Terry every night rather than truly being happy for all of his accomplishments. Something was just blocking his mindset from the euphoria most detectives would feel after all of these achievements, and predictably he felt himself lapsing into his immatureness routine to hide his own feelings. Jake knew that he shouldn't act like a little kid anymore. In fact, he was just so sick of putting on that show and only thinking about boobs or farts. It had become a habit, a distraction from what problems were truly at hand. He just couldn't deal with anything or anyone right now.

He was reminded of the last time he felt like this. It was his bar mitzvah, 8th grade (he was young for his grade). His father had just left, which meant no more Sal's. Jenny Gildenhorn broke up with him, which meant no more grinding. And his mom seemed to be having fun but then told him during the Horah that she really had to go work early in the morning, which meant he had to deal with his out-of-town family all by himself. Jake had gone to the bar and gotten a Shirley Temple. The bartender turned the TV to Saturday Night Live, and Jake practiced comedy for every week for years. He later decided to be a detective, but that's a different story.

He looked around and looked at everyone else enjoying themselves but Jake just couldn't bring himself to join the rest. So Jake sat alone at a table while everyone else celebrated for him.

round two

The second bottle of beer left Jake feeling nostalgia rather than sadness.

The 99 was one of the few great places of Jake's life. Even though his childhood friend Gina could be a little much and Boyle could be a little awkward and Holt forced him to wear a tie, he always felt welcomed.

He felt actually happy when he won The Bet. The infamous Bet- the one where Jake beat out Amy on number of solves in a year. He felt happy later, actually-the date had gone sideways and slightly sour when Holt sent him on a surveillance op, but somehow he and Amy made the best of it. Jake didn't tell her, but he even called off the backup team because he was having so much fun. He wasn't just enjoying himself, but he was feeling something more…he felt known. Like Amy had actually wanted to know him. It wasn't a feeling that he really experienced before, even from his own family. Graduating the Academy, getting bar mitzvahed, getting all those collars…they somehow paled to that day. His emotions from that day weren't something that he could define.

Or there was the time on Halloween when he got the entire team to participate in the robbery of Holt's Medal of Valor. Everyone helped him (with a little bribery) and they all successfully pulled off the heist to win the bet. For once, Holt was actually impressed with Peralta. And then left him handcuffed to the table. But still pretty cool.

To fit the pattern of nostalgia, Gina, Jake's childhood friend turned coworker, walked over, sat down, and put an arm around him.

"What's wrong, girl?" Gina asked.

"I am not a girl," Jake grumbled.

"Girl, I think you need some YOU time. Or some sex. Look around you! Look at all the wonderful ladies out there just begging to have some Jakey time!" Gina advised.

"No, Gina. What the hell?" Jake responded angrily. Gina shrugged and walked off

He turned around and looked at the people surrounding him. Despite him not participating, the party had still gone on. There was confetti everywhere (was that glitter in Boyle's hair?) and multiple drinks (definitely not paid by Jake) were being passed around. The entire 99 was there along with some others: Holt's fiancée, Vivian, even Amy's boyfriend. The music was turned all the way up and a Knicks game was playing on the bar's television. But still Jake sat alone, watching the party.

round three

It took until the third round of drinks for someone else to notice Jake. Terry walked over and sat down next to him and tried to figure out what's going on. In reality, Jake didn't want to tell anyone. He kept his emotions, his real emotions, to himself. No matter what. His philosophy was to make life a joke, but not let anyone know the punchline.

Terry, with a wife and 2 kids, was a perceptive guy despite Jake's trying to make his emotions invisible. Without his own knowledge, Jake had been staring in the general direction of Amy Santiago.

"What's going on with you and Amy?" Terry insinuated.

"Can you just get me another drink?" Jake snapped. He couldn't handle any comments like that right now.

"Whatever's going on, you have to work it out, Jake," Terry called back as he got Jake the drink.

As Jake stared deeply into his drink, he thought about how his life had been a series of crushing debts, money or not. He lacked attention and a father as a child; grades and his own apartment as a college student; relationships and funds as an adult. Crushing debt, indeed-but not really something Jake can work out while sitting alone at a bar. Who the hell was Terry, anyways, to be nosy and then tell him what to do? Obviously Terry didn't really know Jake. The only ones who came even halfway close were Gina and Amy, and Gina had her moments. Gina was Gina, after all, and she had problems, um, understanding others. Amy, though, actually knew him, understood him.

Meanwhile, however, Amy was sitting on Teddy's lap while singing karoke to "Love Story" by Taylor Swift. Jake looked over and then turned back in disgust. No one really knew him…what was he thinking? If he couldn't figure out himself, no one else could.

So Jake still sat alone, stirring his drink with a complete lack of emotion on his face.

round four

The fourth drink made Jake decide to get roaring, roaring drunk. His emotions and thoughts were already slurred and his emotions were on high. What better way to ignore whatever thoughts were in his head?

He ordered about 5 more drinks for his table of one and paid the bill early so he wouldn't have to do so later. By this point, most of the people in his little party were already pretty drunk. Boyle didn't have a shirt on and he and Vivian were on a table and…ew ew ew Jake quickly turned away from that. Terry was doing some awful karaoke with Scully, Rosa was throwing butter knives at the dartboard, and Hitchcock was downing an entire wine bottle while Gina was screaming "Chug! Chug! Chug!" Holt had already left when the festivities began. But someone was missing…where were Teddy and Amy?
Jake scanned the bar for the two, which was hard as Scully's dancing kept getting in the way of his line-of-sight. He looked everywhere-he thought Amy would have at least said something to him before she left. However he was wrong: he caught Amy and Teddy sneaking out the back door, Teddy's arm around her lower back. Way too low on her back. Just before the door closed, he caught Amy's eye and she just looked away. This was wrong. Something was wrong.

No. How could Amy let Teddy do that? It was so weird that they were dating. Amy, dating.

Something in him wanted to crash the date or whatever they were planning but he really just wanted another drink. He moved to a table far, far away from Vivian and Boyle doing whatever they were doing and ordered some more drinks just for him.

round five

Jake wasn't acting like normal drunk Jake. Normal drunk Jake is crazy: dancing on tables, singing loudly and obnoxiously, slurring jokes…but today's Jake was sulking in a corner, even before he got drunk. Jake kept ordering more drinks and drinking in silence, slumping in his seat. To be honest, it scared Amy. Amy knew Jake and knew something had to be wrong for him to be acting so upset.

Despite being halfway towards intoxicated and driving home with her boyfriend (he was driving), Amy couldn't think about anything else besides Jake. When she looked at him before leaving, something was just so off and…she couldn't place it. But something within his eyes showed that he was NOT okay. Usually his eyes were so full of life, ready to make the next joke or try to make Amy smile. But today, they were empty holes. Something was wrong, and it was probably all because of Amy.

"Teddy, you know what…I have something really early tomorrow. I think you can just drop me off at home," Amy said without thinking.

Teddy, being the great boyfriend he is, turned around and heads back towards her apartment. He really is a great boyfriend. He was work-focused like her, and kind and empathetic and giving…he's great. But why, tonight, did she feel like something was missing with them?

When Teddy dropped her off, giving her a quick kiss, for some reason she didn't really kiss back. When he drove off, she waved for a taxi and asked for the bar in which Jake was probably still sitting, alone. Something had happened and it was all her fault.

round six

Jake was staring into his sixth drink when Amy walked up and sat down at his table-for-one. Everyone else had since left the bar.

"I thought you left," Jake said, almost slurring. He was way past drunk.

"Stop being so pitiful. What the hell's going on, Jake? It's your day," Amy asked. It came out a little angrier than she intended. She was furious, for some reason, that he was acting this way; today was his day and she was so proud of him and this was how he was treating her. It was time for him to explain.

"Well, if you're going to be like the rest of them, just… go away," Jake snapped. He was so far-gone.

Amy picked up her purse and started to storm out of the bar. She had come back for him just to find him drowning in self-pity. Being a little drunk herself, her emotions were like a tornado and she was just angry. How could he say that to her…?

"Wait, Amy," Jake suddenly called out.

"What do you want?" Amy asked, suspiciously.

Jake walk-stumbles over to her and whispered, so she almost couldn't hear him, "Stay, please."

"Jake, can you explain what your problem is?" Amy said worriedly.

"It's, it's…" Jake paused for a moment. "It's you." He then gingerly touched the bottom of her chin, and then took her face into his hands. He was so gentle, gentler than anyone could've expected from Jake. But gentle he was.

"Jake…" Amy trailed off. A look of confusion crossed his face, then placed with determination. He leaned over, and just barely touched her lips. Amy then leaned in close, placed her hands around him and kissed him back harder as he melted into her. He looked happy, even, as he started to kiss her everywhere: the tip of her nose, her forehead, each of her eyes. She just laid against his chest, her moment of drunkenness fading. Teddy.

"Jake, I…I can't do this," Amy said, and then quickly leaves the bar. Sober, indeed.

She left Jake sitting at the bar, once again drinking alone in silence, still drunk and still upset. Nothing had changed.