Okay, this was thought of because of Hajimama's (Hajime Isayama) tumblr. One question was, "Has Levi ever gotten freaky with cleaning suppiles?" Answer: "Levi once got freaky with a broom and shoved up his ass and Mike had to pull it out." I don't remember the exact words, but those are close. I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin but I love it! This is something that my friends and I like to call, 'the broomstick incident.' And this fanfiction idea has been quaking at my soul. So, enjoy my little one shot! (You will be completely weirded out, I promise)
Levi sat at his little lonely table in the empty office, sipping his tea, his mind wandering to nothing. He never decorated the room, never feeling it was necessary. It was just a desk, a chair, a window and a closet overflowing with cleaning supplies that Levi somehow kept organized.
He set his tea down, noticing that the closet door wasn't closed. Didn't I shut that? He pondered. He stood up, and walked to the other side of the room to close the door. Right before he closed it he noticed a broom. A certain old broom that sparked a buzzing warm feeling...
He wanted this broom. Levi needed this broom.
Levi let his arm shoot out and his fingers wrap around the broomstick...realizing how aroused he was. His palmed his face at the throbbing, and sighed. He was pretty sexually confused. That's for sure.
Levi pulled his hand back, inspecting it as if it was covered in blood. He lowered his hand and looked back at the broom. Levi was not an enthusiast for sex, or sexual things, and didn't know much about it, so it was odd that he very abruptly wanted this object, and it was certainly odd that it was a broom and not a human.
He shifted his gaze to his closed door, surrendering to the throbbing and want of this broom.
Levi flicked his eyes back to this broom, chuckling to himself. He unbuckled his belt,.and unzipped his fly, reaching his hand to his member still growing. He stroked softly, grabbing the broom, licking it's tip and biting it.
Levi let out a quit moan as he stroked faster. He held the broom tightly to his chest, becoming fully erect. He looked down at the broom, deciding that maybe it would be like...
Levi shifted the broom behind and under him, and quickly pupped his pants and boxers down, and shoved the broomstick in his opening. Levi screamed and pain, falling on the floor.
"A-AHH!"
Levi squirmed, buckled his hips and panted, the pain unbarable. He definitely needed some tips or something on...this...I don't need to think about that right now! Levi hissed and shut his eyes tightly, breathing hard. His knuckles went white on the broomstick as he sadly attempted to pull the broom out. But some luck with that.
Levi cried out in pain, immediately letting go.
Knock knock.
"Shit!" Levi hissed. He was on the floor, a broomstick up his ass, in excruciating pain. The fuck would he do?
"Levi?" Mike's voice said through the door, "Are you okay?" Levi sighed heavily, reviewing his options...which he had none.
"N-no! C-come in-nh!" Levi tried. The door opened and Mike's eyes widened. Mike froze completely, causing Levi to shift into an awkward position, concealing his still erect member, but still painfully and awkwardly on the floor.
Mike burst into laughter. Levi blushed wildly, his face becoming the reddest tomatoe to exist. Mike closed the door behind him. Mike quickly turned down his laughing to quiet chuckling.
"OK Heichou! W-Ha!-what do you need help with?" Mike asked between chuckles, staring at his pathetic little captain. Levi palmed his face.
"I-I k-kinda need-dh help!" Levi started, struggling to speak between whimpers. "This never happened! You didn't-"
"Levi." Mike grabbed Levi, half standing him up. "This never happened, whatever." Mike laughed, putting his hand on the broomstick. Levi felt it shift and cried out. Mike laughed. "This is gonna hurt, so be prepared...three...two...one!" Mike pulled the end of the stick out.
Levi screamed so the whole world could hear him.
"a-A-AHHHHHHHH! FUUUUCCCKKK!"
Mike flinched from the loud scream, but then chuckled. He pulled up Levi's pants before picking Levi up bridal style. Carried to his bedroom, Levi whimpered and panted. But what was inevitable, was Hanji.
"Heichou! You okay? The hell were you doing?" Hanji asked, laughing. Levi shut his eyes tightly.
"Go away Hanji." Hanji laughed and continued walking, mumbling and ranting to herself. They eventually got to the bedroom, Mike laying Levi on his bed. LevI lightly pantediluvian and ignored Mike's chuckles.
Okay. At the end I kinda gave up on details and crap, sorry. Anyway, I HAD SO MUCH FUN WRITING THIS! I hoped you guys had as much fun with this as I did.