So, finally here we are! I know it's been ages, but this chapter was really tricky. Hopefully the next ones will be sooner. Thank you for your patience readers! Constructive criticism welcome! I love to know what you think.
The first step
"If I didn't know you I would say I don't know you."
Jaime Cabrera
Jenny perches on the jump seat, watching him.
The ship is still now-he said it means they are settled in the vortex. He's tall and thin and moved around the controls as if he was whirling a bizarre dance. He keeps looking at her out of the corner of his eye. She is uneasy to find that she is unsure of herself. Jenny doesn't know what to make of him. She's glad, so glad, to have found the Doctor, but as for him….he's not exactly who she had been looking for.
Jenny suddenly realizes something. "But-did-won't he be looking for me?"
"Who?" He pauses to frown at her in confusion.
"I mean-if I'm here now, but you're-he's," she stumbles. "The younger you…"
His expression clears, softening into something quiet and strangely sad. "No, Jenny. I'm not looking for you. I-he-thinks you're dead." His eyes distance for a moment "I've thought you dead a very long time."
"What…? But it was only two years ago that-you're a time traveller." She remembers.
"It's been almost two centuries for me. I regenerated."
"Two centuries?! But how can you be-" Jenny is astounded. "Wait-" She pauses then suddenly to stare at him. "Is that what it is-regeneration?"
The Doctor stares at her. Stupid, stupid-of course she doesn't know-
Impatience or disbelief was common for the Doctor whenever people weren't keeping up with what he was saying-which was often, bless their little human minds. But he's never felt so flustered, or intimidated by it-because it suddenly matters. Then again, as the last of his species, he never expected to be holding the enormous weight of an entire culture and history of his people on his shoulders for someone else to actually inherit.
Jenny is frowning at him. "…Doctor?" She watches him, eyes bright with determination and excitement, expectant.
Oh.
He doesn't-he's never taught people before-how-
These vast gaps in Jenny's knowledge, fundamental to her as a species, fell to him to patch up. Every fact, each piece of information, every quote, every tradition, each tiny nuance. From the evolution of Time Lords as a species to what had been popular for breakfast-it was all the Doctor's responsibility now (one of the very things, some might say, saw him leave Gallifrey in the first place). He couldn't wave a hand, or smile patronisingly or feed her half-truths. He had to go slowly, be sure she understood what he taught her, be patient in face of her questions-
He comes and leans on the console in front of her. "Um, right. Sorry. Okay. It's… TimeLords…have this ability to change themselves. Face, body, personality…. There's only a certain amount of times they can regenerate-twelve, so that's thirteen incarnations, yes?"
"That's why you're…like this now." Jenny nods, studying him intently, trying to match this different appearance in front of her as the same man.
"It's a survival mechanism against injury…and death, providing it happens at the right time."
"But…" She shakes her head, trying to word it. "If you change your personality and-You're-" she gestures at him "totally different…How can you be the same person? How are you still… the Doctor?" She's frowning.
"Maybe…not the same person…But I'm still….me." He trails off lamely. It just always seems to take them time, to see that he is the same man, instead of just explaining it. The Doctor turns to busy himself with the controls. Giver her bit of space, let her think it out-and he's surprised at how hurt he feels, seeing her so wary and mistrusting.
"You-You're the Doctor? I mean-you remember it all?" Jenny asks quietly.
The Doctor turns back to her. She fidgets one hand, nearly bites her lip-but she meets his gaze strongly. A challenge. "Yes. And he is me. I was him. It's all still there." he touches his temple briefly.
Jenny nods, once. He's so earnest. He couldn't be lying, Jenny can see how much he clearly seems to care and wants her to feel at ease. She can't disappoint him. But he's so…she shouldn't trust him-she doesn't-yet, there's something about him-
"I think…I knew it was you, before." Jenny realizes thoughtfully.
"Time lord biology. You recognised that you knew me. Even though you had never seen this body before. It's so we can keep track, as such."
"It's why I didn't run." Jenny realizes.
"Exactly. You wanted to, but it was instinct."
Jenny nods slowly.
"-But you can't have regenerated, you look the same…" He manages to restrain himself from asking her more about it-let her figure him out first. The Doctor suddenly pauses to gaze at her. "You're beautiful. Oh, look at you."
Jenny looks at him, deep blue eyes scanning him, nearly dark in a pale face and silvery blond hair. Her mouth is just uplifted a little, puzzled and almost amused by his delight.
She shrugs "I just sort of woke up like this…"
A wild laugh rushes out of his chest. Only she could be so nonchalant about waking up from a seemingly fatal gunshot wound. Jenny's eyebrows come down in a frown-he realizes he's staring at her, smiling hugely, looking enthralled.
"It doesn't matter though-Oh, let me see you!" he reaches out to her shoulders-then suddenly frowns, straightening to pull back slightly. The change in his demeanour is so strange, Jenny finds herself standing, fists clenching.
"What?" she wonders.
"What happened? Who did this?" He reaches out to her and gently touches her temple, igniting a pain she didn't even realize was there.
"Oh-I nearly got away from those two earlier, but they caught me up…"She trails off under a burning thing growing in his eyes. Fury.
"He hit you."
Jenny shrugs uncertainly. She finds herself unable to keep eye contact, even though she knows his anger isn't directed at her. There's something in his eyes…
"With what?" his voice is low.
"The butt of his Patron."
"Does it hurt?"
"It's fine." It's true, it doesn't really, but for some reason her voice isn't as strong as she likes.
And again, he suddenly switches. He pulls back from her, face softening and anger fading, to look oddly crestfallen and guilty.
"Sorry, Jenny. I didn't mean to scare you."
She opens her mouth to deny it, then stands there uneasily, realizing he's right.
He nearly looks a if he wants to say something, then abruptly leaps away from the console, a bright smile suddenly in place of the anger and grief. Jenny blinks, baffled by the sudden change in demeanour. She doesn't like feeling one step behind all the time. He's so strange…
"Right-now, you look dead on your feet!" he whirls and bounces up the steps with a grin. Jenny is still trying to work out what he means by that-she most certainly isn't dead and she couldn't stand even if she was-when the Doctor beckons to her.
"I'd say the TARDIS will have a room ready for you."
Jenny follows him as they set off through the hallways. As they walk she can't help glancing at him, watching the man beside her. He's so young-but yet…not. He must be aware of her scrutiny, yet he says nothing, never looks at her, gives Jenny the space to make her study.
He's not a young man, it's clear somehow. Just like the way he looked at her in that cell…as if he seen a lot. He certainly seemed to have a lot of military knowledge, from what Jenny saw on Messaline.
They come to a stop outside a cream wooden door, curious circular patterns carved into the face. Jenny looks on down the corridor (She hopes she can go exploring) and then opens it at the Doctor's eager nod.
Amused at how awed she seems, he watches Jenny cross the room, touch the bed briefly and then moves to examine the chest of drawers and the wardrobe.
"It's very big." His daughter (he's never going to tire of that), turns back to him sounding endearingly doubtful, and he laughs.
"It's all yours, Jenny. It's nice-sized; cosy." Not the best description, he realizes. It must seem very excessive and odd to someone used to military-issue bunks and tiny rooms, bare of nearly all creature comforts.
"All mine…" she repeats quietly to herself, then whirls to grin at him. "Thank you!"
"Of course. I didn't do any of it though. She always gets it right…" he adds affectionately, patting the doorframe. The TARDIS hums and Jenny's eyes widen.
"The ship-the TARDIS did all of this?" he nods, amused as her awe returns.
"Um. Thank you….TARDIS?" she tries, and this time the light flares.
The Doctor smiles as he watches her sit on the bed, seemingly unable to resist giving a little bounce. It fades as he remembers there is something very important he hasn't said.
"Jenny. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. For…all of it." he continues, looking wretched. Jenny meets his eyes now, and she looks at him. Trying to see him, equate to the man she has been searching for. The Doctor gazes back, hoping she knows how sorry he is, and how much he cares. He would do better. This was a second chance, he never gets those; He should have been better the first time-It needed to be said. He should have-
"It's not your fault." Jenny offers. He looks so guilty. "I mean, you thought I was dead, there was a funeral-" The Doctor shakes his head almost violently, mouth a tight line, jaw clenched. She hesitates, then changes the subject as a thought occurs to her. "What did you do, after Messaline?"
He blinks at her; she must have interrupted a thought-then comes further into the room and sits on the chair by the wardrobe.
"-What about Donna, and Martha? Your friends!" Jenny suddenly remembers and is not prepared for the way his eyes hollow and the grief in his face-only a flash-before it's gone.
"They….stopped travelling after that."
Jenny hesitates, desperate to know more, then says instead "Can I look around?" -maybe she's not meant to know.
"Of course! You need to get acquainted!" the Doctor bounces up again and to the door-his sudden mood changes and energy are hard to keep up with-and points down the corridor to the left. "The Wardrobe is that way, and you might come across the kitchen. And the pool-"
"What-?" Jenny stares. A kitchen and a pool?
"And I think I have three studies now…" he continues.
"Don't you know?"
"They come and go, she moves them around a lot." He says vaguely.
"How big is this ship?" Jenny interrupts in amazement.
"The TARDIS is infinite." The Doctor pauses to look at her as if something occurs to him. "Do you want me to show you around?"
"How will I know how to find that central room?" The prospect of a little time to herself is suddenly appealing.
"The console room? The TARDIS will guide you back."
"I should be okay then." She glances at him, hoping she hasn't disappointed him, but he beams.
"Plenty of time to show her off!" he whispers and turns away, then suddenly whirls about again. "Are you hungry?"
"Um-" he really does move fast, mentally and physically.
"I'll make you something!" he sets off again. Jenny watches after him a moment as he strides away.
The other…him was sort of steady and graceful and calm. He is manically expressive and exuberant in his physicality and he speaks as if each word is trying to reach a finish line. It's…a lot. Jenny turns down the corridor, taking everything in with curious eyes and stopping at every door she finds.
Jenny stirs, and slowly blinks awake.
She lies there for a moment, letting sleep fade. There's something different. The room is quiet, in a comfortable way. And she feels so relaxed-
The TARDIS. Jenny is suddenly wide-awake as she sits up. She's on the Doctor's ship. Her father.
She found him.
It's not the waking up in a strange place, she's used to that. She just still can't believe it. There is her familiar knapsack is on the floor by the wardrobe, dusty and with a few straggling threads, in her room, in her father's ship.
The Doctor.
Jenny leans back against the headboard. She has seen absolutely no trace of the man she met on Messaline. Except the memories. His mood swings are hard to keep up with and it was almost dizzying watching him dance around the console. He was definitely more…mad than the other…him. But he cares, she thinks. He seems happy to have found her, too. Jenny looks around contemplatively as she sits up. Her room-that's odd too. She's never felt ownership, or even a sense of belonging in any of the places she was in, never mind a place she could call home. Although, this ship is unlike any she has ever seen-and she has a feeling that the maze of corridors she walked last night are only a fraction of it.
Jenny swings out of the bed as she remembers he mentioned a wardrobe and wonders if there are any clothes she could borrow.
Being re united with Jenny was something the Doctor never even considered. He also never thought he'd be doing something so domestic and house-y as laundry. And that he can't even get the machine to work.
"Why am I even doing this?" he grumbles to himself. Why were there so many buttons just to wash clothes?
"You're much better at this than I am." He grouches to the TARDIS, in a poor attempt at flattery. Unimpressed, the ship deigns to make any response. The Doctor sighs, swings the round door shut, gives the machine a last glare, walks out of the room and firmly shuts the door. Surprised to find himself in the console room, he decides the TARDIS must be as happy with jenny's return as he was-he expected to be re-routed through various corridors for a while as punishment.
The TARDIS-The Doctor whirls suddenly, staring up to the ceiling with a look of dismayed guilt.
"Thank you." He murmurs, and bringing his hands up to the glass column, the Doctor leans his forehead to the surface. "Efchan sei, Mea'silan."
The TARDIS hums, the surface under his hands warming, and then he hears footsteps. The Doctor leans around the Rotor and there she is.
"Jenny!"
"Hello…Morning." She smiles, standing curiously on the stairs. "…What-who are you talking to?"
He chuckles. They all ask him that. Although half of them never seemed to grasp the idea of his ship being fully sentient.
"The TARDIS." he tells her. Jenny comes down the steps, eyes roving the room intently. It occurs to the Doctor as he watches her that most of his companions never showed such powerful curiosity in the ship. Perhaps the physics of it were enough to try and accept, and the rest was beyond their understanding.
"The TARDIS? It can talk to you?"
"No. We…She can't speak or communicate like that. I'm connected to the TARDIS, mentally. But it's deeper then that. It's more instinctual, I feel what she wants to express." The Doctor pauses then abruptly, realizing he had never spoken of it this personally before.
Jenny is gazing at him in fascination.
"Like, in your mind? You can talk to her in your mind?"
"A telepathic symbiotic connection, yes. But not direct words."
"That's….wow. Weird." Jenny muses. "How can a ship-a machine-have a….mind? Like, she can think? You said she would…guide me somewhere."
"Oh, yes, if you ask nicely. But the TARDIS doesn't have a mind like we understand it, or even actual thought processes. Consciousness, yes, or a form of-but the TARDIS literally is…Time. Past, present, future. She…perceives it all."
"What's a…symbiotic connection?"
"Molecular, genetic. We're linked on a cellular level. The controls," he gestures to the console, "are isomorphic."
"And, the….size?"
"Dimensionally Transcendant. One dimension fit inside another by distancing one from the other but keeping it stationary."
"Right." Jenny frowns over that but seems to decide against further questions.
The Doctor watches her as she studies the controls near her thoughtfully then widens her gaze to take in the interior, thinking it all out.
He claps his hands. "So, now that you're up, shall we take a trip? I thought about waking you to go to the annual Celstial storm on Rulan Serian, but we can go again, that's the beauty of Time travel!" He realizes his grin is stretching too large and he's gesturing with his hands but is unable to contain himself. Jenny.
"So, it can travel in time?" Jenny turns to him with a curious grin rising.
"Anywhere and anywhen!"he confirms. He whirls to pull down the screen and then spins back to face Jenny. She grins gleefully, bouncing on the spot with excitement, blue eyes gleaming, smile dazzling.
"There's so much….um…Earth?"
"Earth it is! Do you want to know where and when?"
Jenny hesitates. "…No!" she decides quickly.
The Doctor beams and leans in to wink. "Better that way," he tells his daughter as she laughs, and the TARDIS rolls into flight
It's a bit short, but's it's just to see jenny's reaction. I thought she would feel a bit unsure and wary of him at some point, (he's essentially a stranger and Eleven definitely has a bit of a temper, I think.), so I think he probably can be intimidating.
…and you may noticed this chapter has suddenly got a bit longer- I wasn't happy with it and it didn't work out for the structure in the next few chapters. :P
I'm going to try and keep the general…feel of this story canon, but there is obviosly AU stuff. All the Gallifreyan/TimeLord history stuff really gets my imagination and the creativity going, so I'm putting Gallifrayan into this.
Efchan sei-thank you
Mea'silan-respectful address for a distinguished figure, and dear female friend.
Grá,
TheSoul.
P.S reviews are, like, the best thing ever :)