Kryptonite

Set after S4 Showdown. There was no time like the present to say things that should have been said in the past. S/M

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, Without A Trace or the FBI. I do however own my imagination, my Muse, my insanity, my fangirliness and my dreams.

A/N:- I know this plot bunny has been done to death so I'm going to keep this as a One-Shot. I thought this episode was amazing (although I've never seen 'Endgame') and the way it ended was the icing on the cake. This is just my take on things. I'm currently obsessed with 'Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down'. I think it's the most played song on my iPod!

"I'm sorry I …. didn't come to see you sooner, I, er, I guess I was scared to see you like … like this. I want you to know that I know … that I haven't been very good about …. being there for you. But I'm here now and … I'm not going anywhere until I know you're alright."

She sat there staring at his still, lifeless form for a long time before she felt a jolt go through her body. In her whole life she had never felt like this before: so helpless, so frustrated and so inexplicably empty.

She had never seen Martin like this and it really brought home that he really was just as vulnerable as any of them. The past few months she had begun to see him as someone she could lean on, her protector, her rock and it was only when he ended it that she realised how much she had grown to rely on him. Just seeing him, being with him, made it easier for her to get through the day. Sitting with him now, she realised that whilst she had felt all of this, she had never told him how much he meant to her. Feeling it wasn't enough if she didn't show him or look after him as much as he did her.

She squeezed his hand gently. It was cold and heavy and just holding it made her miss his warm touch on her face, down her spine, on her stomach. She gulped, trying to hold back the tears that had kept threatening to spill over since the moment she entered the room. She felt so damn guilty. All these months, she had given him nothing and yet he had stood by her for so long and now when he really needed her she couldn't do a damn thing for him.

The doctors said he was stable, whatever that meant. She knew that nothing was certain. How could this be happening? She ran a hand through her hair and drew her chair closer to his bed. "I bet you're lying there thinking it's so ironic that all the months we were together, I could never bring myself to tell you how I really felt and now that we're not dating anymore and you're lying there unconscious, suddenly the words start to flow." Samantha said quietly, her eyes scanning all the features of his face that she knew so intimately. "I shouldn't have been surprised when you ended it but I was and I was hurt because although I saw that you had every reason to feel that way, I didn't want things to end between us so much and the only way I could try and accept it was to blame you and give you the cold shoulder. You can't imagine how much I'm regretting that now. Regretting everything that I did to hurt you in fact." She sighed, looking down at her hand on top of his and carefully entwining her fingers with his lifeless ones. "I never told you this but my favourite moments of my whole life was simply just waking up every morning in your arms. Do you remember how I used to catch you just staring down at me whilst I slept? And how we would fight about whose turn it was to go and make the coffee. The cuddles in bed, talking about the day ahead and the way you used to suck on my neck and kiss along my collarbone knowing only too well we had to be up and dressed in five minutes time." She gave a weak smile as she remembered those times and then swallowed hard as her eyes really began to sting. "Then after a hard day at the office, you would know exactly what to do. You'd order in a takeaway and open a bottle of wine whilst I had a bath. Then we'd snuggle on the sofa and I'd lean on you and we'd talk through the case and put it to the back of our minds together and we'd just lie there in comfortable silence with you holding me. I never fully appreciated just how good that felt. It was the little things that you did or said that I'd never had in any relationship before that I really really miss." She paused, her vision was starting to go blurry. "And of course all the big romantic gestures you did too. I never had anyone cover the bed in petals or hire out a limo for me like you did for our six month anniversary. And the beautiful meal on the boat during the cruise around the harbour." Samantha could feel the tears running down her face now and she was past making an attempt to stop them. "Do you remember us standing out on the deck afterwards and you took my hands in yours and you told me that you loved me so much? God I was so scared, I swear my heart must have stopped beating for a minute, I was giddy and aware that we were moving onto untrodden ground for me. But you weren't angry. You just kissed me softly and said that it didn't matter if I couldn't say it back to you, you just wanted me to know how you felt. Well, I can say it now Martin, and I can hope it's not too late. I should have said it sooner when I first felt it but I was scared. I lo-"

Just then the door opened and two men walked in. "Samantha?" Jack said, looking at her concerned.

Samantha stood up quickly and wiped her eyes on the back of her sleeves furiously. This was why she never let herself cry. Once she started she was uncontrollable and always ended up a messy wreck, even now in front of Jack and the Deputy Director. "I'm sorry." She said heading towards the door. "I'll let you have time with him now."

"Samantha?" Victor Fitzgerald said, touching her arm. She turned to look at him. "Martin's my son and I know he's a fighter. He's going to be okay." He said firmly, looking down at her kindly.

Samantha didn't know why but having just managed to regain herself, the tears came flooding out again. "I'm sorry ….. I'm just so worried … I …" she blubbered.

Victor watched as the woman his son loved fell to pieces in front of him and in a move which would never be forgotten for awhile, he drew her lightly into his arms and let her sob into her suit as he patted her back comfortingly.

It seemed that his kindness simply made Samantha cry more and she tried to quell her tears in vain, overcome with embarrassment. "I'm sorry … I'm sorry." She muttered before pulling away and rushing out the door. She heard Jack follow her out and she purposely headed towards the nearest Ladies to regain some control.

Samantha walked up to the basins and splashed her face with cold water and took some deep breaths. She guessed she only had herself to blame.

After months and months of keeping thing to herself inside her, when she finally let them out, it became an uncontrollable flood. She had lived in fear of meeting Martin's father and when she finally did, she was a miserable wreck. Great. She stared at her reflection in the mirror. If she had known what was going to happen, she certainly wouldn't have worn mascara today but she'd purposely made a special effort with it this morning as part of the whole independent woman 'I'm not going to cry over you anymore' act. Not that Martin had known she had been crying. He probably thought she was just pissed at him because he had ended it on his terms not at the fact that unknown to him, she had emotionally invested herself so much in this relationship more than in anything before and then after all that …….. She ran the tap again and cleaned herself up. Whether Martin wanted it or not, for now she was going to be there for him. When he wakes up it'll be up to him.

She should have known Jack would be waiting for her outside but she wasn't in the mood for all his questioning.

"Are you okay?" he asked, looking at her concernedly.

She nodded dully. "It's just seeing him like that …… so weak and helpless. It really got to me."

"I've never seen you like this before." Jack commented.

"Makes a change from the cold-hearted front I usually have on, eh?" Samantha quipped.

They shared a smile. "He's going to be okay Sam." Jack said.

Samantha started walking down the corridor back to the room. "People keep saying that but they don't know that. If anything does happen ….. the way I left things between us ….." she trailed off. "Sorry, I shouldn't be spilling this on you."

Jack touched her arm reassuringly. "It's okay, we're friends Sam. Martin's going to be fine, stop worrying." He paused. "And if it makes you feel better, things between you both will be fine as well. If anyone deserved you Sam, it's Martin."

Samantha looked at the floor and gave a slight nod. "I just didn't see it until it was too late."

As she walked back into the room, Victor Fitzgerald was heading for the door. "I'm going to join Elizabeth at the hotel now and get a few hours rest, do you want a lift home?" he asked, eyeing her concernedly.

"Erm, I was going to stay here if it's okay." Samantha said, running a hand through her hair.

"You sure? You look like you could do with some rest and the doctors don't know how long it's going to be until he wakes up …." Victor said, glancing back at the still figure in bed.

"I just want to be here, you know?" Samantha said weakly.

Victor looked at her for a moment. Martin had never told him or Elizabeth much about what was happening in New York and had only mentioned in passing that he was dating Samantha Spade. He had no idea it was this serious. He nodded. "I'll see you in the morning. Try and get some rest." He said before leaving her alone with his son.

Samantha sat back down at the bed and just sat there motionless for a few minutes, her mind blank, and her eyes just staring. Then she reached over and gently taking his hand in hers, leant over and rested her head on the edge of the bed.

…………………………………………..

She could see him now just reaching out to touch her. She extended her arm and reached out to grab his but the closer she got the more he moved away. She started to run, he started to fall faster. She lurched forward, he lurched backwards. And all the time he was looking at her accusingly, his face demanding why she wasn't there, helping him.

Samantha woke up with a jerk and took a few deep breaths to reassure herself it was just a dream before opening her eyes.

"I wondered when you were going to wake up sleepyhead." Said a familiar voice.

Samantha sat up. "Oh my God, you're awake, thank God." She said, a smile creeping onto her face. "I – We were all so worried. You lost a lot of blood and-"

"I'm fine, just a little sore." Martin said, his voice croaky.

Samantha looked at him, he was in a sitting position and his bandages had been changed. Obviously a nurse had been in when she had been asleep. "How long have you been awake?"

"About an hour." Martin said.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" She asked. She would never tell him this but he looked really pale and weak and she knew he wasn't out of the danger zone yet.

"You looked so tired, I told the Nurse to work around you." He said softly.

"Thanks."

"No thank you." He said, looking at her. "For being here."

"Makes a difference from all those times I weren't there before, eh?" she said with a weak smile before glancing away.

"Sam …" Martin, said his voice sounding strained and Samantha couldn't tell whether it was from the fact she'd broached the forbidden subject or whether it was because he was in pain.

"I know, I know. It's in the past. We won't talk about it now. You must be tired." She said quickly.

"Just a bit dazed." Martin said. "How's Danny? And Adisa?"

"Danny's fine. Just got a bump on the head but he's kinda shaken up and if we weren't two Agents down then I don't think Jack would have let him back in the field." Samantha said. "Adisa's dead."

Martin nodded slightly, clearly relieved to hear about Danny. "And Dornvald?"

"Jack shot him." Samantha said simply.

"Lucky him. If I got to him, he wouldn't have had it so easy." Martin said, wincing as he tried to make himself more comfortable.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?" Samantha asked worriedly, she hated seeing him like this.

"No, I'm fine." He said, forcing a smile and holding onto Samantha's gaze.

An awkward silence descended on them and Samantha nervously looked away from him. She couldn't look into his eyes and hope to not feel anything so it was best just not to get into that situation.

Martin looked at her chewing on her bottom lip. It was something she always did when she was unsure or nervous and he had always thought it was really endearing. He moved his arm a bit and rested his hand on top of hers. She seemed a bit surprised and looked at him questioningly.

"Sam, I was lying here thinking over things and I thought of all the things I wanted to say and what would happen if I never got a chance." He started. Samantha looked like she was going to interrupt but he didn't let her. "No, let me, please." He pleaded. She nodded slightly, waiting. He ran his tongue over his lips, moistening them a bit before continuing. "I'm really sorry for hurting you. I should never have ended it with you at the office." He paused. "I should never have ended it with you at all."

Samantha's eyes darted to him and met his gaze in surprise. She certainly never expected him to say that he regretted dumping her. Frankly she was shocked. When she told him about how she felt, she'd expected him to just tell her it was too late but after this, maybe there was hope. "I told you that it shouldn't have to be a fight but I was wrong." Martin continued. "Sometimes you have to fight for the things you really care about because life isn't the fairy tale we hope it to be. I hope you can forgive me for being a jerk." He said, looking at Samantha hopelessly.

Samantha reached down and placed a kiss lightly on his hand. "Martin you've got nothing to apologise for. I pushed you into doing it. I kept everything to myself and that was really destructive for our relationship. There's so many things that I've wanted to tell you for a long time and I've only just found the words to do so." She looked down, resting her other hand on top of his before regaining eye contact with him. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me and the moments we spent together – I've never been so happy. I know you're gonna tell me that it shouldn't take nearly losing you forever to be the trigger for me to say all this – and I know I should have said it sooner but I was scared you know?"

Martin didn't say anything. In truth he was a little overwhelmed but he softly rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. He wanted to tell her that having her here was enough for now and they could save all this until later but a part of him had waited so long to hear it all he didn't want her to stop in case he thought he was just dreaming.

Now she was nervous. Samantha looked down at their hands. She never wanted to let go. "The truth is, these past few months, I've been falling more and more in love with you and I never even knew it until it was … too late."

If Martin wasn't in so much pain with tubes coming in and out of him he would have wrapped his arms around her and held her close. She was hesitant and anxious with expressing herself like this, like a child learning to walk. Saying all this stuff must seem foreign to her but she was trying and he loved her so much for doing that.

Samantha stared into his eyes, trying to fathom what he was thinking. Had she said too much too late? Did he not believe she really meant it? Was he trying to find the best way to tell her that no matter what she said now, it wouldn't matter?

The door opened with a bang, startling them both and pulling them out of their reverie. "Martin!" Elizabeth Fitzgerald cried, running up to him and planting a kiss on his forehead. Samantha could see tears of happiness running down Martin's mother's face.

"Mum!" Martin mumbled, half in pain, half in embarrassment at the display of affection.

Victor followed his wife in and gave Samantha a smile. "How are you feeling son?" he asked.

"I think the painkillers are starting to wear off." He said, biting down on his lip. He glanced at Samantha. She looked awkward now and he found himself wishing that his Mum and Dad could have held off for just five minutes more.

Samantha knew when to give people some space and she disentangled her hands from Martin's and stood up. "I'm just going to get some coffee, give you guys some time alone together." She announced, heading towards the door.

"Sam …" Martin said, pleadingly. He didn't want her to runaway and escape getting the wrong idea from it.

She turned and gave him a small smile. "I'll be back in a minute." She said, closing the door behind her.

…………………………………………………

Samantha took her time with the coffee machine, giving Victor and Elizabeth plenty of time to mollycoddle their only son whilst she thought things over. Her feelings were almost all out in the open and she'd never been freer. She only hoped that something good would come out of this but it was hard to tell from the little Martin was giving her to go on. She never could read him like he could read her which is why she hadn't seen the break up coming at all. But maybe she hadn't wanted to see it so she had just blocked out the signs. Denial. It seemed like that was how she dealt with everything.

She made her way back to Martin's room and looked through the gap in the blinds, trying not to feel like she was spying on them. The door opened and Elizabeth Fitzgerald walked out, smiling brightly.

"Samantha, I'm really sorry that I didn't introduce myself earlier. As you've probably gathered, I'm Elizabeth, Martin's mother." She said, holding her hand out for Samantha to shake.

The two women just stood there for a few seconds, contemplating each other. Samantha certainly saw a lot of Martin in his mother - the eyes and the smile were nearly identical.

"Well, her certainly gave us a scare didn't he?" Elizabeth said, staring back into the room at her son.

"Yeah, just a bit." Samantha said quietly, not wanting to think how close she was to losing him.

Elizabeth turned to face her again. "You make Martin really really happy." She said warmly. Samantha smiled back awkwardly. Martin had obviously not updated his parents on the fact they were no longer together.

Elizabeth seemed blissfully unaware that she was treading on difficult ground and looked at her curiously. "You know for someone who was so important in his life, he never told us much about you. It was like he wanted to keep everything a secret."

Samantha shook her head slightly. "No that was me. I was scared of how things might change between us if everyone knew ….."

"It was Victor wasn't it?" Elizabeth said, trying to hide a smile.

"What?"

"You were scared of what Victor would think, weren't you? Scared he'd be all judgemental and like he is in his role of Deputy Director."

Samantha smiled sheepishly. "That could have been part of it…"

Elizabeth smiled. "You should see what some of Martin's sisters' boyfriends were like when they brought them to dinner. Nervous wrecks I tell you! But honestly, people get the wrong idea about Victor. He only wants what's best for everyone and he's a gentle giant at heart." Elizabeth leaned forward conspiratorially. "But don't tell him I said that!"

Samantha laughed. Martin's family really were much more easy going than she would ever have expected and that made her feel even worse for not listening to Martin when he told her that she had nothing to worry about meeting his parents.

"You'll have to join us for dinner." Elizabeth said.

Samantha sighed. She was going to have to say something sooner or later. "Erm, we're not …. Together anymore." Samantha admitted quietly.

"What?" Elizabeth said looking at her surprised.

"Yeah, erm, a few weeks ago, we kinda ended it." She said, still not used to hearing herself say that.

"Martin never told us. Who did it? Why?" Elizabeth said before quickly correcting herself. "Sorry, it's none of my business."

"No, it's alright. I kinda drove Martin to do it. Maintaining a successful relationship isn't exactly my forte. I was never there for him enough." She said, hardly believing she was talking about this with Martin's Mum.

"You're here for him now, aren't you?" Elizabeth said quietly.

"I think it's too late. Still, at least we can hopefully be friends." Samantha said resolutely.

"Look Samantha, how long were you together?"

"Ten months."

"Maybe he wouldn't want me to tell you this but I've never seen Martin happier than in the last ten months. I saw you two just now before we came in, don't tell me there's nothing there anymore." Elizabeth said quietly, her voice gentle and reassuring.

Samantha looked down and examined her nails absently before looking back up at Martin's mother. "You know-" she started then trailed off and looked away. She hardly knew where she was getting the courage from to talk about this stuff with the wife of the Deputy Director.

"Yes?" Elizabeth asked curiously.

"How did you know when you realised Director Fitzgerald was 'the one'"?" Samantha asked unsurely, using his title rather than his name. Sure they may have hugged but Samantha didn't feel ready enough to start calling him Victor. Elizabeth smiled when she heard her question but she wasn't sure if it was at the fact she called him 'Director' or generally because of her question.

"They say love affects everyone in many and different ways." Elizabeth started. "For me it was like an addiction. I had to spend every possible minute with Victor otherwise I felt lost and helpless. It didn't matter what we were doing, just as long as he was there. And when he was there it physically was like I was flying – the giddiness, the tingling …. And you know that feeling's never really faded through the years."

Samantha looked back through the window at Martin. He was smiling at something his Dad was telling him and just seeing him being able to smile, made her feel her heart warm. "That's how I feel now. And it's so scary." She admitted softly.

Elizabeth smiled. "I just came out to tell you that Martin wants to see you again." Then she touched Samantha's arm lightly. "You kids will work something out, I know it. I'll see you at the family dinner we'll have for Martin either way."

Samantha silently thanked her before slipping back into the room. Victor Fitzgerald stood up with a smile. "Well, I give you two some time together." He said glancing at the both of them. "Your mother and I will get down to spreading the good news that you're awake." He said before walking out.

Samantha sat down on the seat, feeling awkward at the way she had let everything out before.

"You know, if I was the jealous type, I'd be really jealous, right now." Martin said, looking at her. Samantha looked at him questioningly. "I heard about you and my Dad having a cuddle."

Samantha gave a light laugh and looked away in embarrassment. "I don't many Agents who can say they got hugged by the Deputy Director."

"He only hugs the longest serving members of the Washington office. And the ones who are in a flood of tears." Martin added, looking at her pointedly.

"I was really scared I'd lose you." Samantha explained.

"I know." Martin said softly, reaching for her hand.

They stared at each other for a few moments. Samantha could feel herself falling into a mindless state, losing herself in his eyes like she had done so many times before, electricity running through her body, her grip tightening on Martin's hand.

"I love you." She blurted out.

Martin's eyes widened in surprise but his gaze never left hers.

"I love you so much." She said softly, trying to regain her composure. "And it doesn't matter if you don't feel the same way anymore; I just needed you to know." She added, although inside her she knew that it did matter. It mattered a lot. "Martin, say something. Please." She pleaded.

He moistened his mouth and looked at her searchingly. "Give me a second chance." He said softly.

"What?" Samantha asked, surprised. She had expected him to tell her it was too late or at least to leave him alone to think things through.

"Give me another chance." Martin repeated, his voice sounding more imploring than asking.

"I should be asking YOU to give me another chance." Samantha said quietly.

"No I shouldn't have ended it."

"You had every reason to." Samantha argued.

Martin shook his head slightly. "This one's on me."

"Don't make me fight you on this." Samantha said smiling, lowering her head.

"Okay I won't but you know I'd win anyway."

"Wimp." She muttered, brushing her lips against his softly before pulling away and staring into his eyes.

"Tease." He mumbled, smiling at her.

"You think this is bad, wait until you're out of this hospital and at home where I can do worse things." Samantha said, smiling seductively.

"Oooh what would Director Fitzgerald say if he could hear you now?" Martin questioned, resting an arm around her neck and pulling her closer.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Samantha just had the chance to plonk back down in her seat before it opened and Danny walked in.

"Can I come in?" he asked, glancing at the two of them.

"Of course." Martin smiled, entwining his fingers with Samantha's.

"How are you?" Danny asked, looking at his friend worriedly.

"I'm doing okay." Martin answered, wondering why Danny looked so nervous.

Danny gave him an anxious glance. "Look, I'm really sorry. I feel so guilty. You got the brunt of it and all I got was a knock on the head, and-"

"Danny, don't be stupid. I don't blame you in the slightest okay?" Martin said.

"You sure, I mean you have every right to ……."

"Danny." Martin said, giving him a look to reassure him.

Danny nodded then turned his attention to Samantha and their joined hands. "So what's going on with you two then?" he asked, with a grin.

Samantha looked at Martin with a smile. "We're going to give things another go." She said.

"One might almost say we're going to give things another 'shot'." Martin quipped with a grimace. They laughed and rolled their eyes.

"That's really good guys. You two belong together." Danny said with a smile.

There was a little banging outside and the door opened and Jack walked in, wheeling Vivian in a wheelchair. "Look who I found." Jack said, pushing her in. Samantha got up to give her a hug, ecstatic that all the people she cared about were going to be fine.

"How are you my Vivalina?" Danny asked, pushing his chair over, making room for Jack and Vivian round Martin's bed.

"I should be asking you two that." Vivian said looking at Danny and Martin pointedly. "I'm off the job for one week and look at the scuffle you guys managed to get yourself in." she chided. "I know I said I would be lonely in hospital but I didn't mean for you guys to get yourself admitted as well!"

Martin laughed. "How are you doing?"

"The Doctor says that I'm going to be fine although I have to have a lot of rest before I'm allowed back at work." Vivian answered.

"You and me both." Martin sighed. "Maybe we should start a book club."

"Or with the number of scrapes this team has managed to get itself into over the past few years, maybe you should write a book." Jack pointed out. He looked at Samantha who had sat back down on the edge of Martin's bed with his arm around her waist, holding her tight. "And how are things?" he asked, looking at the two of them.

"Things are fine." Samantha said smiling, leaning into Martin.

"Now didn't I say they wouldn't bear to be apart for long?" Vivian said knowingly, smiling at them both. "I'm really happy for you both." She said to the agreement of the others.

There was a lull in the conversation as they all just sat around looking at each other, glad that they were together as a team again.

Jack sat down in the vacated chair and pulled out a deck of cards from his pocket. "Poker anyone?" he asked.

…………………………………………

"You know they never fail to amaze me." Victor said, putting his arm around Elizabeth as they stood outside Martin's hospital room, looking in on the scene. "But I can honestly say that you won't find a better team of Agents anywhere."

A/N:- The end! Whooo. That was a pretty hefty One-Shot. I tend to kinda want to include everything I thought of into fics hence it taking me absolutely ages to write this right. Why do Uni work when you can write fics, eh?