NOTE: The italicized portion has been taken from the book. I don't own the characters mentioned, only thought I would take advantage of an interesting situation set up by Richelle Mead.
The floor had been clean and leveled, and I saw some stones and rocks in a corner that looked like they'd been gathered up to clear space. A couple of pieces of furniture had already been moved in: a narrow wooden chair and a mattress that looked like it could barely hold one person.
"You probably think it's small," said Joshua.
It was true, but it was actually bigger than my dorm room at St. Vladimir's. "Well...yeah, but I mean, how old are you?"
"Eighteen."
"Same as me," I say. This seems to make him happy. "Having your own, um, cave at eighteen is pretty cool." It would have been cool still with electricity, Internet, and plumbing, but there was no need to bring that up.
His blue eyes practically shone. I couldn't help but notice what a pretty contrast they made against his tanned skin. I dismissed the thought immediately. I wasn't here for a boyfriend. But apparently, I was the only one that believed that. Joshua suddenly took a step forward.
"You can stay if you want," he said. "The other Tainted would never find you here. We could get married, and then when we have kids, we could build a loft like my parents' and-"
The word married had me moving toward the entrance as shocked and panicked as I would be by a Stigoi attack. Except, I usually had a fair warning before those.
"Whoa, whoa, slow down." No. I hadn't seen a proposal coming. "We just met!"
Thankfully, he didn't come closer. "I know, but sometimes that's how it is."
"What, marriages between people who hardly know each other?" I asked incredulously.
"Sure. Happens all the time. And seriously, just in this short time, I already know that I like you. You're amazing. You're beautiful and obviously a good fighter. And the way you carry yourself..." He shook his head, awe on his face. "I've never seen anything like it."
I wished he wasn't so cute and nice. Having creepy guys proclaim their adoration was a lot easier to deal with than one you liked. I remembered Sydney saying I was a hot commodity here. Scorching was more like it.
"Joshua, I really like you, but," I added hastily, seeing hope filling his features. "I'm too young to get married."
He frowned. "Didn't you say you were eighteen?"
Okay. Age was probably not a good argument around here. I'd seen how young people had kids back in Dimitri's hometown. In a place like this, they probably had a child marriages. I tried another angle.
"I don't even know if I want to get married."
This didn't faze him. He nodded in understanding. "That's smart. We could live together first, see how we get along." His serious expression turned into a smile. "But I'm pretty easy going. I'd let you win every argument."
I couldn't help it. I laughed. "Well, I'm going to have to win this one and tell you that I'm just not ready for...any of it. Besides, I'm already involved with someone."
"Dimitri?"
"No. Another guy. He's back at the Tainted Court." I couldn't even believe I was saying that.
Joshua frowned. "Why isn't he here protecting you then?"
"Because...that's not how he is. And I can take care of myself." I'd never liked the assumption that I needed rescuing. "And looked, even if he wasn't in the picture, I'm leaving soon anyway. It would never work out between you and me."
"I understand." Joshua looked disappointed but seemed to be taking the rejection okay.
"But I wish I could change your mind." There was a glint of something in his eyes that I couldn't place.
"It's practically impossible to change my mind about anything-let alone about marriage. It's been ingrained in me that I wasn't meant for that."
Joshua laughed loudly, causing it to echo inside his cave. I had no idea how softly we had been talking until then.
"I wasn't talking about changing you mind about marriage. I meant changing you mind about me." He started walking towards me again, and I stepped back until I couldn't anymore. My hand reaches behind me to meet a rock wall. I had missed my exit.
Standing in front of me, the firelight dances across Joshua's smooth features. A small smiled plays on his lips, as he leans forward.
"I have a boyfriend." I whisper.
He pauses in his advance. "I don't see him here. If you were mine, I wouldn't dream of letting you go off without me." He interrupts my protest, shaking his head slightly. "I'm not disregarding your abilities. Despite how brave or how great of a fighter you are, everyone deserves to feel safe, warmth, and support from the person they're with. Loved. At the end of the day, that's what you need to get you to the next."
I thought the Keepers were like backwoods hillbillies and less civilized, but that was one of the most profound things I have ever heard. And he is my age.
Dimitri had done all of those things for me, before he was strigoi. 'Love fades. Mine has.' It still rings in my head and stings in my chest. There could never be a future with Dimitri, not anymore. One day, my heart will catch up with my mind, and accept this.
As much as I don't want to admit it, Adrian could only offer me so much. Even if I was sure of the future of our relationship, the most I could be for him is a mistress.
Love was a possibility I never had an opportunity for, and now that I had someone willing to opening love me, I didn't really want it. The warmth, Joshua is talking about, sounds inviting. I can't remember how long it's been since I have felt that kind of warmth. It feels like a lifetime ago.
"Rose? Are you okay? You're shivering." I let Joshua pull me away from the cool granite wall, and lead me toward the bed. I hadn't realized that I was cold until I had the covers wrapped around me. Joshua sits next to me, pulls me to his chest, and wraps my covered body in his arms. This should have been more than enough to warm me, but it doesn't. I need more.
I look into Joshua's eyes, and he smiles carefully in return. "Are you any warmer?" How can someone care so much about another person they don't know? He doesn't know I died and was brought back. He thinks I killed the Queen of the 'Tainted', and likes me for it. He doesn't know that my best friend is a princess in the culture he was raised to dislike. He doesn't know about all of the other things in my past that makes me a skewed version of a person. Some how, I find that exciting.
My intrigue and curiosity must have been present in my face, because his worried expression began to transform into uncertainty.
"What's the matter?" I ask, holding his gaze, and curl closer into his side.
"I'm a little confused." He answered honestly. "I think that I'm getting mixed signals."
Smiling, I pull my hand out from the covers to press my palm to his cheek. "You're right about me needing some things. I'm not agreeing to marriage or a future, but I could definitely use some comfort."
Joshua still didn't grasp what I was implying. My confidence in my actions wavered, wondering if it was customary to the Keepers to keep their purity until marriage. "Have you ever kissed a girl, Joshua?"
His eyes widened exponentially. "I, uh..." he gulped. "I have. Why?"
"May I kiss you?" I ask, hopeful. With an ear near his chest, I can tell that I have made an impression.
With a nod of acceptance, I lift my face to his, meeting his lips. They were partially chapped and he held back. I needed heat, that warmth he spoke about. I became more forceful with the kiss. When he gasps in surprise, I put my tongue in his mouth. The arms around me tightened, but not in protest. He started to groan as I stroke my tongue against his. I pull away slightly, to look at him. His pupils are dramatically more dilated then before.
Despite my guess, I question. "Have you been kissed like that?" Unable to talk, Joshua slowly shakes his head 'no'. "Did you like it?" He nods, and I smile. I shift quickly, so now I'm out from the covers and sitting across his lap with my arms loosely hanging around his neck. Joshua has begun shaking. "Are you cold," I ask seductively. Another head shake, 'no'. "Would you like me to kiss you like that again?"
"Yes." Joshua finally spoke. It wasn't hesitant or unsure. As I lean in again, I push my chest against his. Like before, my tongue strikes out, but now his is dancing with mine.
Before the kiss, Joshua's arms were laying beside his body, on the bed, not knowing what to do with them. Now, they are running over my body, eagerly pulling me closer to him. His body heat is starting to encompass me, and my heart rate increases. This is what I wanted, but I need more.
I bite his lower lip, and he pulls away in shock. A smile curls my swollen lips, and I take advantage of being free from his lips. With his eyes wide, I trail slow soft kisses across his jaw to his neck. I can feel the jump in his pulse as my lips pass his carotid. His hands knot in my shirt when I swirl my tongue and nip at him.
"What are you doing?" He asked breathlessly.
Looking back at him, concerned, I ask, "Would you like me to stop?" I will if he wanted me to, but I still wanted more of his heat.
"I have never done anything like this before. Is it always this intense?" Joshua eyes me in wonder, and I grin in satisfaction.
"You haven't experienced intense, yet. Would you like to see what comes next?"
Seeming a bit conflicted for a moment, he finally agreed. "More than anything."
I felt my insides flip, selfishly enjoying the excitement that hung between us. With my devilish smirk, I rock back on his hips, rubbing myself against his sensitive appendage. Joshua's lips popped open as he inhaled a deep breath, his eyes lighting up at the new sensation. "Whoa."
"Again?" I question, waiting in anticipation. It has to be his choice, but I'm starting to get impatient. I need more.
He smiled. This time I kissed him before rocking back and forth against him. After a few more times, I felt his bulge meeting my wet core.
Our breaths were in short gasps, so I pulled away from our kissing and looked down at his shirt. Putting my fingers under the material, I ask if I can take it off. Apparently, we're back to nodding, so his shirt is off in one swift movement. I lean away so I can get a better look at his body. My fingers trace the delicious contours of his tanned muscles and his abs clench.
I feel his fingers on my waist, just under the hem of my shirt, like I had done to him. My attention back on his face, I see his blue eyes holding the unspoken question. "Go ahead," I permit, raising my arms above my head. Sitting on his lap in my bra, he stares at my body, seemingly lost. I want him to touch me. Instead, he speaks. "Have you ever..." he pauses and blushes.
"Had sex?" I finish for him. His sweet eyes find mine, and I can see his fear. I feel the heat and warmth start to leave me. Stupidly, I ask the obvious question, "You've never had sex before, have you?" Another shake of his head discourages any hope I once had. I drop my head in complete disappointment. I could never take advantage of someone who hadn't had their first sexual experience. It should be with someone he intends to love-or in this community, plans to marry. "I'm sorry," I sound hoarse. "You should wait, until it means something."
Joshua's tan fingers caress my face and lift my head to look him in the eye. "It will mean something with you. Just not in the manner you mean." My body sings, he's finally understood what I needed, and was willing to help me. His thumbs trail under my eyes. I hadn't noticed that I was crying. Pulling me to him, he kissed me tentatively. Eventually, we pick up our pace, and I start to feel the warmth coming back in waves.
In such a short time, he had picked up all of my tricks and a few of his own. With soft kisses, he runs his calloused fingers from my shoulders down my back. I involuntarily shiver. He alternated between rough and gentle touches along my smooth skin, which caused goosebumps. While kissing my neck, he nibbled his way to under my ear-causing my insides to flutter with renewed excitement. My insides reveled in the feeling of him under me, his hands gripping my sides rocking his his hips in sync with my own.
Sliding the straps of my bra down, he kisses each shoulder. I held in my laugh as he struggled to figure out my bra, but he does manage to get it off without my help. Just at the sight of my breasts he licks his lips. For convenience, I get off his lap. He looks bewildered, but grins when I lay on the bed. Staring at me with lustful blue eyes, he places one kiss on my lips before paying attention to my breasts.
If I hadn't known he was inexperienced, I wouldn't have been able to tell by how skilled his hands were. One is massaging one breast and his tongue is flicking the opposing nipple. It was hard not to squirm, but I still needed so much more. He doesn't realize that I don't need to be prepped, and this is starting to feel like torture.
When I couldn't take anymore, I flipped us with little effort, and he is openly surprised by the turn of events. "Thank you for being so attentive, but this is equally about you." While I was speaking, I worked on unbuttoning his jeans. He blushed from my unabashed behavior, as I stripped him of his remaining clothing. I quickly remove my own jeans, so he wouldn't feel too vulnerable.
"What are you going to do?" He sounds petrified.
"I'm going to share a first with you. If you're uncomfortable at any point just tell me, and I'll stop." Gulping loudly, he nods for me to continue.
It's true that I've never given oral pleasure, but I do know the basics. I figured the slow start would be better for him, so I lay kisses all over his shaft. Peeking up, I smile seeing his mouth is open, and his breath has quickened. My tongue touches his tip, and his body jerks. "Are you alright?"
His mouth is in a thin line. "Um," he tries, but just nods.
I wrap my mouth around the head, and I hear him sigh. Moving my mouth slowly down his shaft, I suck and I swirl my tongue. His body jerks again, and his hands grip onto the sheets. I pick up my speed, bobbing, enjoying the saltiness of his skin and the noises he can't control. Noticing his hardness changing, becoming even firmer, I stop my attack.
Frantic blue eyes find me. "Why...why are you stopping?"
Smiling, I stand up, and remove my underwear. "You don't want to miss this part, trust me."
He doesn't seem convinced, but remains quiet as I position myself. He is large, and it has been a little while since my first and only time. I bite my lip as I lower myself, watching as he disappears inside me. I feel slight discomfort, so I don't move.
Capturing his blue eyes, he is entranced with what he is feeling. "So warm, and tight. I hand no idea."
"Best part." I say as I lift myself away from his hips, and come back. The warmth spreads through my body, tingling traveling down every nerve, the friction is what I needed. His sharp intake of breath barely distracts me. Lifting myself again, I begin a decent pace.
Moments later, I feel dizzy with feeling, but I can't get enough movement. He must have been able to read my frustration, so I help him flip us without removing him from me. My legs rise on their own to wrap around his waist. On his first thrust, Joshua was able to fill me completely, and I sigh with content. He increased the speed, which elevated the heat being created between us, and I loved every second of it. The position was doing wonders for him, too. His constant moans were deafening, and they became louder whenever I arched my back.
Joshua's face was flushed, and his eyes were begging for release. I knew he wouldn't be able to hold himself much longer, and I was flattered that he was waiting for me. Understanding his need, like my own, I begin to massage myself as he thrusts harder into me.
Surprising me, he removes my hand, and his calloused fingers take their place. Which had shocking effects, adding to the pleasure by ten times. Within seconds, I come undone. My muscles squeeze, tightening around his hardness, and he screamed his own orgasm.
Withdrawing from me, he laid atop of me, head on my rapidly rising chest. I wrap my arms around him, still reveling in the warmth he provided me. Joshua was right. The feeling right now, offered me comfort. Comfort that I had desperately needed for a long time.
There will not be a future for Joshua and I, but we now both shared an understanding about life's many requirements. An understanding that I believe we will carry with us forever.