Written for Thoughts Like Raindop's Christmas Challenge 2010. Happy reading!
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Hermione flitted around her room, readying herself for Slughorn's Christmas party. She magically began curling her hair, sighing anxiously as she did.
Lavender floated into the room, gushing to Parvati about Ron once again. Lavender was eating up every detail, living vicariously through her.
"And when he kisses me, I can just tell that he loves me, even when he won't say it. He's so passionate, I feel as though my heart is going to beat through my chest every time his lips meet mine," she gossiped, giggling giddily as she did.
Hermione remained unnoticed in the background, continuing the work on her hair and trying to breathe. She hated hearing these details from Lavender, which she overheard nearly every day. It made her sick to her stomach each and every time.
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Hermione finished her hair and began on her make-up, applying small amounts, just to add some extra emphasis to her eyes. She was already in her deep blue dress, afraid she would get make-up all over it.
She had planned to ask Ron to Slughorn's party, but when he became angry when the topic was brought up, she became equally as angry and decided not to ask him. By the time her anger calmed down, she was too late. Lavender had already thrown herself at Ron.
Hermione cursed herself for not asking Ron sooner. If she had, maybe Ron wouldn't be with that ridiculous bimbo now. Then again, maybe he would; he would assume that their date to the party would be simply as friends.
Hermione thought back, back to when she was going to invite Ron, to her plans. She had hoped she and Ron could take their friendship to something more at the party. Now, he had Lavender. Now, it would be impossible.
Once bitten, and twice shy
I keep my distance, but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby, do you recognize me?
Well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me
Happy Christmas
I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I love you," I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now, I know you'd fool me again
Hermione laughed at the memory of last Christmas. She'd sent Ron a letter, and while she hadn't outright said 'I love you,' she had written 'Love' in it. Apparently, that wasn't enough.
She left her room, leaving behind the giggling girl who broke her heart every time she spoke.
She walked into the Common Room, where she spotted Harry. "You look dashing," she complimented him.
"Thank you, Hermione," he responded with a curt nod. "You look absolutely stunning as well."
"Thank you," she said with a smile. She turned to look around the Common Room, and to her dismay, spotted Ron. He was sitting in a chair in the corner, gaping at her.
She looked away quickly, a pang in her chest, trying to breathe. She hated it, but every time she looked at him, she felt a deep pain in her chest, she felt sick to her stomach, and her eyes burned with tears that threatened to run down her cheeks.
She fought back her tears, and turned her attention back to Harry. She smiled, trying to convey that she was fine, even though they both knew she wasn't.
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Hermione remembered two Christmases ago, the Yule Ball.
She had wanted nothing more at the time than for Ron to ask her to the ball. But he hadn't. He had repeatedly complained about not having a date, yet any time Hermione threw out a hint for him to ask her, he completely missed it.
She remembered how awful she felt after the ball. She and Ron had gotten into a huge argument, because he had gotten jealous. Hermione knew it was the truth. He had always admired Viktor, and only after Hermione had a date with him did he begin to show his distaste in Viktor. He had said some awful things about Viktor through his anger and jealousy. But Hermione resolved to disregard anything that Ron had had to say.
Ron had lost his chance. Ron had ruined this.
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Hermione came out of her reverie, and thought ahead to tonight. She had asked Cormac McLaggen to attend the party with her.
Cormac had never seemed the type that Hermione would be interested in, but she figured this could be a chance to get to know him better. After all, she owed him, after the Confundus Charm incident.
He was intelligent, he was handsome; he could be someone Hermione could be attracted to, as long as he kept his ego at bay.
Hermione decided she would give Cormac a chance. He couldn't be that bad.
A crowded room, friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you, and your soul of ice
I thought you were someone to rely on
Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on
As Hermione entered the Common Room after the party, she had another sudden flashback of the Yule Ball.
She had been trying to avoid Ron at all costs. They'd had a huge row. Amongst the dozens of elder students heading to bed, sleep in their eyes, she refused to be spotted by Ron. She found him, looking sour, and quickly ran upstairs.
Now, she looked around the room, hoping Ron wouldn't be there. As she started up the stairs to her dormitory, she heard her name.
A face on a lover with a fire in her heart
A man under cover but you tore me apart
Now I've found a real love, you'll never fool me again
Hermione reluctantly turned around to see Ron looking straight at her from the armchair that he was sitting in.
"Yes, Ron?" she asked politely. Please don't ask how it went, please don't ask how it went, she pleaded silently.
"So..," he said, standing up and walking over to her. "How'd it go with Cormac?" he asked, snarling slightly at the other boy's name.
Hermione forced a bright, brilliant smile. "It was great!" she exclaimed. "It was a lot of fun."
"So, are you going to start dating him now?" he asked curiously.
"Well, while I find that to be absolutely none of your business," she began, "I just might. After such a divine night with Cormac," she said, forcing her eyes to sparkle with an admiration she only had for one man, "I can't imagine that I won't. He really is quite loveable."
Hermione continued to babble, hoping she could fool Ron, trying to convince him that she could care less about him, but she had a feeling she was absolutely failing at it.
Ron snorted in disbelief. "Right."
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
At that moment, Lavender came down the stairs, launching herself at Ron. "Won-won!" she shouted, giggling and jumping into Ron's arms.
"Hey, Lav," he said, smiling slightly.
Lavender, either completely oblivious or really not caring that anyone else was in the room, she began kissing Ron, wrapping herself tightly around him, locking him in her grip.
Hermione quickly flipped her head away from the sight, feeling nauseous at once. Just hold it in, Hermione told herself, biting her lip to stop the tears that instantly flooded her eyes. Wait until you make it up the stairs, just up the stairs, that's all.
Hermione climbed the stairs faster than she ever had, leaving Ron and the scene downstairs behind her.
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Hermione quickly changed, flopped down onto her bed, and lost control of her emotions. She cried until her eyes ran dry, refusing the produce any more tears for Hermione to wipe away. She couldn't breathe; her nose had become too stuffed as a result from crying. She had a splitting headache, which she knew also was a result of her tears.
She needed to regain control of her life. She knew how much Ron could control her emotions was unhealthy, but she couldn't help it. She'd been in love with him for years, now.
She flicked her wand at her radio, which began to blare music immediately. After turning the volume down, she listened closely.
The song "Last Christmas" began to play.
Hermione lay there, contemplating the lyrics, and was unable to deny how emotionally connected she was to them.
Eventually, Hermione drifted to sleep, only able to with the hope she held onto; the hope that not every Christmas would continue to be like the last.