Nothing is forever, not even Arrancar. It should have been painfully obvious, but most of us couldn't, or rather, didn't want to to believe we could be so easily broken. We had been reborn to believe we were invincible and nothing could kill us, however, Aizen Sosuke, as we learned, was quite the manipulator. It was because of him that we were able to break out of our hollow shells and become almost human once again. It because of him that we learned how fragile we really were.
It's cruel really, to die a second time, yet the glowing prospect of something much better than this place makes the pain almost worth it. Almost. Death is a lonely thing, and I've spent far too long being alone – abandoned. While this way of life couldn't be considered ideal, it still had something...someone to fill the void. This world had him, and it was he who kept me wanting to continue, to see it through until the very end. Because I knew that when the time came, we would not see each other again – and that hurt my inhuman heart more than any torturous pain ever could.
We were never destined to be happy, but for a time, I truly felt like we were. For a time, we weren't alone.
Lonely
Chapter 1
The dark cover of the forever night sky gave no solace to those wandering aimlessly; trudging through the desert sands, hoping for their next meal – hoping to not be the next meal. Howling winds could not conceal the cries of hollow as they pitifully died or transformed, and while most had become conditioned to the sounds, the sadness echoing through the air could not be ignored. It was a dark way to live, if it could even really be considered such, but at least the memories of prior lives vanished with time. The numbness taking hold as it swaddled their poor pathetic souls like newborn babies. Hunger and strength their only worries now.
Most hollow-turned souls lasted no more than three days inside Hueco Mundo. Being the easiest to eat, the higher classed hollow awaited their arrivals near the many hundreds of gateways, however, there was always a small handful that managed to escape the clutches of second death (as most referred to it as), and find their way into strong, tightly knit groups. They were the lucky ones.
For those lured into loneliness, the only true salvation was to be strong or smart. It was never both; the strong grew dumb with power, and the smart kept hidden away in knowing. It was a vicious cycle, but one that would forever turn. This was their eternal hell. A hell Sosuke Aizen had taken it upon himself to corrupt even further. His name was a common one throughout Hueco Mundo now, and with it, came a terrifying prospect. He could make the strong even stronger, or he could kill with a single look. He was a god inside this dimension, and most hollow craved to be acknowledged by such a deity.
She was no exception.
Being lonely was such a human emotion, but one she felt constantly. It was like a never ending despair inside her bones, and because of it, her hunger never seemed to be satiated. The need for companionship was her curse, one that also turned her against her own kind. None that showed themselves were ever strong enough - never smart enough. For a moment though, she believed one to be perfect, but he had lasted no more than a few weeks in her clutches before being eaten by a much larger Adjuchas-class Menos. Her escape during that time had been simple, but the sudden abandonment gave way to an odd feeling.
It was with that ever growing change that she felt something stir within her being – a pulse not quite her own. She would have been lying had she said she never wished for something more, but in the dark recesses of her mind, memories of fear and anxiety clouded her judgement. Those two human emotions were the only things keeping her moving. Searching for what, she didn't know. There was a void inside her that remained unfilled as the desolation slowly crept into her bones, forcing its way toward the only human attachment she still carried. Soon, she realized, she would be no better than the hollow surrounding her small fortress. Soon, she would fall into darkness.
She was not given much time to dwell on that fact as a sudden pressure was thrust on to her body while the immense spiritual aura drew, at an amazing speed, closer to her small domain. Her movements became anxious as she paced back and forth upon the long hollow's bone above the death canyon, her glowing eyes ever observant. She could have moved from her position to scout out the incoming presences, but curiosity always killed the cat. Instead, the jackal-like Adjuchas-class Menos remained rooted as she kept a wary eye out for the sudden intrusion into her lands. Not many hollow ventured this far into the almost abandoned desert, but even with their immense power, she knew that the upperhand would be hers if she remained atop the gorge.
As the fog settled in, she found solace in knowing her hiding spot would be even more well prepared. She was not a fighter by nature, instead taking to smarts and deception to get what she needed. But as the impending presences became more clear, she feared that battle smarts alone would not be able to help her.
Within minutes, the wind had pushed the sand and fog as an eery howl rose from the air. They had arrived. In the brief moment between her seeing their silhouettes and actually recognizing them, they had appeared before her with a startling speed that even she couldn't comprehend, stopping just before the edge of the cliff. The brown haired man's gaze lingered on the blackness below before turning to the jackal.
"Did you kill all of those hollow?"
His slithery voice gave no comfort as she remained tense and calculating. Those damned memories of fear and anxiety blocked most her senses, causing a pregnant pause before her terse reply.
"Not all, but most."
The man smirked as he glanced back to his silver haired companion, whom gave a slight nod as his grin spread even wider (if that were even possible) on his fox-like face. The two stepped even closer to her as she unconsciously took a step back, her left paw narrowly landing on solid ground.
"You are strong, I can feel it. My name is - "
"I know who you are." she interrupted rudely, causing the man's eyes to glint at her disrespect. However, the look quickly vanished as he continued his mini interrogation; his intrigue peaked at the sight of so many dead hollow.
"Ah, then since you know who we are, why don't you tell us your name?"
"Nebanu Hassina," any previous nerves began to diminish as she took a few confident steps forward, her boney tail swaying slightly to keep her balanced. "It seems the rumors hold true, though if that is the case, are you here to recruit me or to kill me?"
Aizen smirked, amused at her bluntness. "The former."
Hassina remained quiet for a few milliseconds before an odd grin broke through her muzzle. "Then you find me strong enough to be in your ranks."
"Precisely," he held out his hand, beckoning her to move from the safety of her perch. "Will you join us as Arrancar, Nebanu Hassina?"
"How many others are there?"
"There are many individuals, all strong in their own right," he gave a bored shrug as dropped his hand and turned his back to the Menos, walking away with an arm lazily waved in the air. "If you want to find out, follow us."
The silver haired fox, Ichimaru Gin, gave an odd smile before quickly following his commander, neither looking back to see if she listened to their offer. His lax behavior on the matter made it appear that he didn't care if she chose to follow or not, but for some reason, she felt an odd sense of wanting behind his words. He wanted her to follow them – he just wouldn't admit it. Given the opportunity to have even been acknowledged by such a soul, she wasn't going to pass it up. If there were others just as strong, she wouldn't have to be alone anymore.
She could not stop staring at the woman reflecting back in the glass as she poked and prodded every body part two times over. It was odd seeing herself as a human once more, even if the remnants of her hollow mask remained on her face, there was barely enough to remind her of the time spent wandering.
Two deep green eyes were lined with a thick black color that swept out from the corners, giving her an almost cat-like appearance, while her left eye was surrounded with a bone that was shaped over and under the orb much in the same fashion as the black lines. On her forehead, partially covered by her dark, side-swept bangs, lay the other piece of her mask that sat flat against her skin much like a tiara that resembled sharp incisors. Her hair was long and black, the color fading into a lighter brown as it passed her neckline while her skin held a sunkissed tan, a stunning contrast to the almost sickly pale colors held by the others she had seen. The fabric on her body made her feel strange and constricted, prompting Aizen to order her a new set, to which she was thankful. The new white cloth was made into a long flowing tube top dress, the white jacket cropped and de-sleeved to fit more comfortably over her limbs. On each arm were two thick golden bands, and her feet left unsocked inside the sandals that she was already planning on removing as soon as she was alone. While the change wasn't ideal, she felt it would suffice.
"I assume you like your new appearance?"
"Heh, it's much better than some of tha other creepy lookin' things tha' pop out!" Gin snickered loudly as Aizen only smirked in response before continuing.
"For now your tattooed number will be 87, though it can change if you ever become an Espada."
"Espada?" she turned to look at the man sitting boredly in his throne, his chin propped up by his hand. "Are we not all Arrancar?"
"You are all Arrancar; Espada are those that are much stronger than the rest – they are something along the lines of captains."
Hassina nodded. "So they have their own minions... weaker Arrancer, I suppose?"
"Fraccion, but their numbers and strength vary."
"Then it is possible to become Espada just by being strong."
"It is not so simple," Aizen responded with closed eyes. "There are only ten positions available, all of which are currently taken. To take their spot, one must either dismember or kill the current, a feat not possible for most."
Hassina hummed to herself in response as she began to grow bored of the current conversation. She could easily take the rank of a lower Espada if she truly tried, but the thought of becoming a leader of sorts, as well as the excess responsibility, turned her off to the idea almost immediately. In all actuality, she was content just being around others like herself without the worry of them dying off or leaving her as easily as in Hueco Mundo. She could live with being a Numeros.
"Hassina-chan~" Gin's voice broke her of her thoughts as he casually wrapped his arm over her shoulder and led her toward the large double doors. "Le' me show you to yer room, Aizen-sama has much ta do and can't be bothered by such silly questions."
She snorted. "These silly questions are the fundamentals to being an Arrancar, are they not?"
"Ah, I suppose yer correct in tha assumption," he smiled coyly. "But it's still annoyin'!"
The woman eyed the man to her left in mock annoyance as they stepped through the threshold of the doorway and into the large hallway. She vaguely remembered the area, but as it appeared now, every twist and turn looked identical to the last, causing a slight panic to arise in her chest. Location and understanding her surroundings had always been key in her past survival, and now, being thrust into a world unknown, everything had changed. Everything blended together, everything smelled the same... hadn't they just been down this corridor?
The frustration must have been evident in her features as Gin chuckled and lightly smacked her back in good humor. "Ya get used ta everythin' ya know. Give it less than a week and you'll have tha whole place remembered like tha back of yer hand."
"You have such strong faith," she mumbled with a sideways glance. "There's a reason I only stuck around that canyon, you know. My sense of direction is terrible."
"You an' I ain't too different... foxes an' jackals share similar traits. We're smart an' intuitive, which means you'll survive 'round here a lot longer than most of the idiots." Gin stated, amused.
"Survival is what I know best." she responded offhandedly as her attention suddenly moved down the hallway and to the door that had suddenly slammed open. The two stopped walking as a small girl with green hair covered by her hollow mask, and a very risque outfit popped from the room while yelling obscenities to someone inside.
Hassina cocked her head ever slightly at the sight, intrigued by the young Arrancar and her boisterous attitude. It was so very human. However, it wasn't her attitude that seemed to catch her attention as much as the familiarity radiating from the small girl. It was as if she had seen or met her somewhere before, but it was something she couldn't quite place, which slightly distressed her.
"Oi, Gin! Who's that?" the girl was suddenly in front of them, staring in childish curiosity. "Hey lady, what's your name? Have me met before?"
The woman blinked in surprise, wondering silently if she felt the odd connection as well.
"My name is Hassina, but no, I do not believe we have ever crossed paths."
"I didn't think so..." she gave an odd look before continuing. "Ah, I'm Lilynette! You seem interesting, we should -"
"Lilynette, stop bothering them."
The mentioned let out a scoff as she turned to glare at the newcomer, a tall man with wavy brown hair and tired blue eyes. Hassina flinched at the sudden jolt inside her body, noting that the same sense of familiarity she had felt with Lilynette multiplied tenfold upon his sudden appearance. She could tell the same thing was running through his mind as he suddenly stopped and gave her an odd look, mentally deciphering the sudden feeling.
Gin, being the ever knowing man that he was, interrupted the awkwardness. "Starrk-kun, Lillynette-chan, yer gonna have ta finish yer introductions at a later time. Poor Hassina-chan must be exhausted an' ready ta sleep in a comfortable place for once."
Hassina gave the two an apologetic smile before allowing the former Shinigami to continue their journey to her dormitory. Upon entry, she gave a small frown at the lackluster room. There was a large bed centered near the far wall, a couch, some empty shelves, an (assuming it followed the pattern) empty armoire, and a door towards the back that most likely led to either a washroom or another room. There was a lonely vibe to the living space – if she could even really call it that – and any fatigue she felt earlier vanished at the thought of sleeping alone inside the room.
She gave a slight nod to Gin who mentioned something along the lines of, "You can add whatever you please, this is just the basic set up," before vanishing down the corridor and leaving her to her own devices. Staring down the hall for a few seconds, the woman quickly undid her sandals and threw them inside the room before shutting the door and wandering in the direction Gin had went, intent on finding the two Arrancar they had stumbled upon earlier.
She was going to get to the bottom of the odd feelings they had given her.
"Are you lost?"
The female lifted her head at the sudden voice, unaware that another had made his way toward her pacing form. How long had it been since she had conversed with another? Two weeks? Two months? Her mind felt blank; she wasn't sure if the bear-like Menos was friend foe.
"Not all those who wander are lost," she replied with a knowing tone, her tail twitching behind her. "Though I can say it is safe to assume that you are."
He let out a loud grunt. "If you consider wandering aimlessly through this hell lost, I can not argue."
"It goes on forever, doesn't it?" she mused, her demeanor relaxing. "You have seen battle before...so tell me, will you try to kill me now?"
"No."
She let out a small hum. "Then what are you looking for?"
"Camaraderie." he replied almost instantly, catching the jackal off guard. She eyed him for a few moments, observing and calculating his chances for survival before allowing him the right to know her name.
"...I am Hassina."
"Joulle."
Hassina let out a sigh as she rolled onto her side and lazily rested an arm over her tired eyes. Her mission to find the two had ended in miserable failure as she found herself lost within Las Noches no sooner than turning the first corner. The massive kingdom was like a giant maze, and she couldn't figure out how any of the residents got around so easily. In her hours of wandering, not one other person appeared to point her in the right direction either, which was an odd thing in itself. For such a large amount of Arrancar supposedly living within the palace, she was certain at least one would have been out wandering the halls, heading to their room...something. The barrenness was a bit creepy.
It was in that time frame she found herself atop a tower, overlooking the white sanded desert that was Hueco Mundo, her mind falling into odd flashbacks of her time spent there. The feelings that followed disturbed her, finding the sudden influx of human emotions to be something she could have lived without. Or at least, gained back slowly. She had been told that it was a side effect of taking on a humanoid appearance and that everyone reacted differently to it, but obviously she hadn't been one of the lucky ones. She never was.
She should have been thankful that the memories only stemmed as far as becoming a Menos though, because deep down, she knew that remembering anything before then would become detrimental to her mental state. To become Hollow is to die in tragedy or anger, so having her first death locked away into nothingness was a blessing in itself. She could at least live this (sad excuse of a) life without much regret.
But while she thanked some higher being for the ability to erase such things, there was also another part of her that instinctively knew that the connections she had felt with those two Arrancar somehow led back to those non-existent memories. It was a cruel twist of fate that would lead to nothing but trouble, but she realized that while the smartest route would be to ignore and/or avoid them from then on out, the strong sense of comfort and desire she experienced while being around them in that short amount of time would not allow her to do so. It felt as though they were magnets trying to draw her in...and it frustrated her.
It frustrated her enough to override any other sense, thus masking the sudden intrusion onto her mental strife more jolting than it needed to be.
"Oh, it seems someone was up here..." the voice mused languidly, causing the female to hiss and jump to a crouched position, hackles raised. The man gave her a momentarily amused look before sitting down a few feet away, his long legs dangling over the edge. "I didn't realize anyone knew of this spot, my apologies for frightening you."
Hassina's eyes widened at the site of the man as she remained rooted to her spot in shock. It seemed the old saying of, "speak of the devil and he shall appear", held true as her inquisitive green eyes followed his movements. That odd sense of comfort blanketed her adrenaline as she slowly mirrored his movements, making sure to keep a two meter gap between them.
"If you would like me to leave, I can. This was your place first." she spoke quietly as the nerves inside her body made her mouth feel numb.
"I don't mind, the company is nice." he admitted while casually laying his back to the ground, arms behind his head and eyes closed.
She remained quiet as she lightly leaned back onto her hands and closed her eyes as the breeze passed by, the comfortable silence allowing her to relax once more. Her thoughts focused on the man to her right as she vaguely wondered if he had been thinking of her as much as she had him...them. Perhaps she was simply crazy – delusional.
"Does it not bother you?" his voice interrupted her thoughts once more as she opened her eyes and turned to look at him, surprised to see his intense blue gaze open and studying her. "I could see it in your face earlier, and even now."
"So you feel it too..." she mumbled, turning her eyes to the sky. "I don't particularly understand it, as I'm sure it is the same on your end, but it does bother me...I can't deny that. It would be different had we met on the plains of Hueco Mundo by chance, but I don't recall such a thing. I don't even know your name."
"Starrk...Coyote Starrk."
She was momentarily caught off guard at his sudden introduction as images of Joulle flashed through her mind, the similarities between the two becoming quite obvious. He gave her no time to speak before adding on to his previous statement. "I already know your name, Lilynette was quick to tell me after your earlier departure."
Hassina allowed a small smile to form on her lips.
"Well then, even in this odd turn of events, it is a pleasure to know you, Starrk."
A/N: Well, to be honest this was just something I wrote up after watching the newest episode of Bleach on Adult Swim one night. It was meant to be something to reignite my writing muse and re-enhance my writing style so that I could pick back up with my current stories, but there's just something about Starrk that I particularly enjoy. Perhaps it's the change of personality compared to the other characters I have chosen to write for...there seemed to be a pattern of black haired, unemotional/emotionally retarded cannons, and deep down I just wanted to try out something new, haha!
I can't claim to know everything there is to know about Arrancar and how they're created and all that other stuff, so my apologies if any of this is incorrect... I kind of just rolled with it. As far as my OC goes, she sort of just appeared when I began researching coyotes and jackals, finding the fact that they represent loneliness and abandonment perfect, and as I mentally began her creation, the whole Egyptian thing just coincided with it (Anubis was a man with a jackal head); her name is actually Egyptian (I did my research, yay!) and while it is actually spelled Hasina, I read up on the Bleach Wiki and noted that it said higher up or stronger Arrancar all follow the same pattern of having two letters in their names, and so I decided that while I don't particularly enjoy the spelling of it with two S's, it allows her to fit in more comfortably to the bleach universe.
Comments, critiques, notes on what I should know (:P), etc. are all very much welcomed and highly encouraged! If enough people like this and actually want me to continue with it I will... Seeing as not much is said/shown about Starrk it gives me a lot of leeway to do as I please with the majority of the story. Anddd I'm done with this obnoxiously long Author's Note...