A/N: I loved Black Mirror when it came out on Netflix, and I really wanted to write about Piper and Alex in the San Junipero Universe. The first chapter stays pretty close to the beginning of the episode, but I've added some things that weren't in the episode, so I hope you all still like it. Right now, I'm planning on it being about six or seven chapters.
I feel alive when I'm with you baby
Looking around, Piper could not believe she was actually here, in San Junipero. It was her first act of deception and rebellion she had committed which seemed quite pathetic at the age of twenty-nine. She told Larry and her parents that she was going to visit her grandmother, like she did every Saturday, but at the last minute, she came her instead.
As the sun set, the streets of the small, seaside town began to buzz. People, mostly young people, filled the streets, dressed for a night out. Some headed towards the beach, others piled into various bars, all dressed in some of the craziest, flashiest outfits Piper had ever seen. Looking down at her floral dress and tights, she felt woefully under dressed amid the bright colors and sequins.
Piper wasn't sure where to go, or what to do. She hadn't been here before, but had wanted to check the place out; people in her group always raved about how much fun they had in San Junipero, and it made Piper interested in finding out what it was like.
They didn't, however, tell her out they made friends.
"Please just stop it, okay? I just wanna have fun," a voice cut through the din as Piper stood anxiously trying to figure out where to go.
"Alex, just wait a second," another voice whined, and Piper turned toward the conversation.
Two girls were walking just a few feet ahead of her on the street. One of the girls, with jet black hair and blue streaks, was walking quickly, clearly trying to shake the shorter brunette trailing behind her. Something about the first girl made Piper stare; she was attractive, but Piper's interest seemed more than that. This other woman was alluring, and Piper couldn't help but stare.
"Please," the second girl repeated, catching up to the other. "We only have a few hours. How about we have some fun?"
"I'm trying to have some fun," the first, Alex apparently, said, barely sparing a glance behind her as she ducked into a dark nightclub, her friend trailing behind her.
Without thinking about it, without any real, conscious decision, Piper moved towards the club, following Alex inside.
Music pulsed around her, the dance floor filled with couples. She scanned the room for Alex, but didn't see her. Piper shook her head at her actions. Even if she did locate this Alex, what was she going to do? She couldn't just go up to her, Piper didn't have that kind of bravery, so she likely would just stare at Alex. So, this was better.
But, Piper was already here, so she figured she would just stay. What would be the harm?
She made her way to the bar, ordered a margarita, and found an empty corner booth. She wasn't sure what to do with herself; she didn't have her phone, but she felt creepy just staring out onto the dance floor, looking for Alex.
The scrappy brunette who had been following Alex around was circling the dance floor, clearly on the hunt, so Alex must have shaken her. The girl glanced briefly in Piper's direction before moving on.
Piper sipped her margarita and contemplated leaving. She was just sitting alone in a club, which wasn't fun. She wasn't even getting a buzz from her margarita, which made her feel even more pathetic. So, she decided she would finish her margarita and leave, find something more her speed.
But before she could leave, she saw Alex moving through the crowd.
She breezed right past her, didn't even spare Piper a glance, but Piper felt a strange rush of disappointment at not being noticed by this Alex, one she didn't quite understand.
And, as if she could hear her thoughts, Alex stopped suddenly, staring at the dance floor. Suddenly, Alex turned, her head down and face pinched in annoyance. Alex noticed Piper then, blatantly staring at her, and Piper immediately looked away, feeling embarrassed.
And then Alex was in front of her, sliding next to Piper on the booth.
"Go along with whatever I say," Alex muttered as Piper moved over, Alex giving her no choice but to accommodate her.
"Sorry?"
"Just go along with whatever I say," the annoyance was now seeping into Alex's voice, and before Piper could reply, Alex fixed her expression outward, towards the woman that had been following her all night.
"Okay Sylvie, you're just pestering now," Alex groaned with exasperation.
"Come on Alex," the woman, Sylvie, gave Alex a smile. "We only have a couple of more hours."
"Sylvie," Alex groaned, closing her eyes, but was cut off before she could continue.
"Listen," Sylvie sat down, not even sparing Piper a glance. "Last week, we had the most amazing-"
"Last week was last week," Alex jumped in. Alex turned to Piper briefly, resting her elbow on Piper's shoulder, surprising Piper. "I need to talk to my friend here. I haven't seen her in a while."
Piper smiled a bit as she looked at Sylvie. She didn't know Alex, but couldn't help but want to be included in her ploy, even if just for a few moments.
Sylvie opened her mouth to reply, but Alex leaned towards her, as if she were sharing a secret. "Sylvia, look, she's sick. Like six months to live sick."
"Five actually," Piper interjected, unthinkingly. Alex looked back at her, confused, and Piper offered her a small smile.
Alex cocked an eyebrow, wrapped her arm around Piper's shoulders and turned back to Sylvie. "I need to talk to her. Private time."
Sylvie pouted, put out, and studied Alex for a moment before nodding slowly. "Okay," Sylvie sighed eventually, standing. Finally turning to Piper, she offered her an understanding smile. "I'm sorry."
Piper shook her head, "That's okay." However, Sylvie's attention quickly returned to Alex. "See you around?"
Alex offered her a tight smile. "Sure," she conceded, and Sylvie left.
Alex watched Sylvie's retreating back before sighing exasperatedly and dropping her head on the back of the booth. Piper tilted her head, laughing sheepishly at what she had just been roped into.
"Sorry for killing you," Alex offered as she turned towards Piper in the booth. "The whole six months to live thing?" Alex paused for a beat, eyes lighting at the memory. "Sorry, five. Five was a nice touch."
Piper laughed nervously, her cheeks heating as she glanced down again. Suddenly, Alex stuck out her hand. "Alex," she introduced herself.
Piper didn't let in on the fact that she already knew her name as she took Alex's hand, as all of Piper's nerves seemed to narrow in on her contact with Alex. "Piper," she replied.
"Piper?" Alex half laughed. "As in the Pied Piper of Hamelin?"
Piper reddened again, breaking eye contact. "Yeah," she choked out. She didn't know what it was about Alex that made her flustered, but she instinctively wanted Alex to like her, after just a couple of minutes of meeting, and she wasn't sure she was being successful.
Alex didn't seem to notice Piper's embarrassment, and if she did, she made no mention of it as she turned back to the dance floor, seemingly sighting Sylvie again.
"She's not that bad," Alex offered by way of changing the subject. "Feel kind of bad for her actually. I met her at the Quagmire, so-"
"What's the Quagmire?" Piper cut in.
Alex looked at her with disbelief. "If you don't already know what the Quagmire is, you probably don't wanna know."
"Oh," was all Piper could answer, unsure whether to let the conversation drop.
It was Alex that made the decision for her. "You want another drink?" she gestured at Piper's still half-full margarita.
"Oh no, I-"
"Yeah, you do, Come on," Alex urged, climbing out of the booth and leaving Piper no choice but to follow her. Piper stayed seated a moment longer, and Alex turned back to her, raising her eyebrows. "Come on, where's your sense of adventure?" Alex teased, grabbing Piper's hands and leading her to the bar in the center of the room.
"Hey, blondie," Alex called, getting the bartender's attention. "I'll have a jack and coke and a..." she trailed off, turning to Piper expectantly.
"A margarita," Piper smiled at Alex.
"Isn't it a little cold out for a margarita?" Alex's voice dropped seductively as she winked at her. It was almost as if Alex was flirting with her.
"I thought the point of San Junipero was that it never gets cold," Piper shot back, pleased with her quick response.
Alex's indulgent smile widened. "I suppose so," she murmured, turning back to the bartender. "A jack and coke and a margarita."
The bartender turned to make them their drink, and Alex took the opportunity to study Piper. She wasn't even being subtle about it as her gaze raked over Piper, and she couldn't help but fidget under Alex's open stare.
Piper cleared her throat nervously. "What are you doing?"
Resting her head on her hand, Alex raised her eyebrows at Piper. "I'm regarding you."
Piper laughed, embarrassingly waving her hand in front of her face. "I feel like I'm being analyzed."
"Maybe I'm just really into the whole Laura Ingalls Wilder thing," Alex mused, smirking at Piper.
Piper's eyes widened, instantly feeling self conscious as she looked at her dress. "What do you mean? Do you not like it?" She wasn't sure why she was so concerned as to whether or not Alex liked her dress, but that desire, wanting Alex to think she was pretty, was there anyway, bubbling under her skin.
Alex clearly caught on to Piper's comment, her smirk widening. "Oh don't worry, I like the prairie look," she said as she winked. (Jesus, Piper thought) "But everyone here always dresses up, goes all out. They really want to make it a party, you know?"
"I guess," Piper muttered, looking around at the other patrons. "I wasn't really sure what to wear, so I just wore what I felt comfortable in. I mean, we can't all look like..." she trailed off, gesturing at Alex and her tight black and white top and leather jeans.
Alex's smirk faded into something softer, closer to a genuine smile. "Well, I like it," she offered sincerely, and Piper smiled shyly, feeling a little more at ease. "It's different, you're authentically you," Alex smiled teasingly again, giving the sleeve of Piper's dress a tug. "And I like that in a woman."
At that moment, the bartender returned, placing their drinks in front of them, and breaking the moment. Alex reached for her glass, holding it out between them. "Cheers."
Piper chuckled, clinking her margarita glass against Alex's before taking a sip.
"Do you live here?" Alex suddenly asked, breaking the silence.
"No, I'm uh, I-" Piper stuttered, unsure how to explain her situation.
"Tourist?" Alex offered.
Piper shrugged, still not sure how to reply.
"We'll go with tourist. You new here?"
"First night," Piper nodded.
"First night? Okay" Alex drawled as the music changed, some 80s song coming over the speaker. Alex grinned, beginning to dance a little in her seat. "Oh my god, we have to dance to this!"
Piper looked around nervously. "With each other?"
Mhm hmm," Alex nodded, taking another gulp of her drink.
"I don't know, I don't really dance..." Piper started.
"Oh come on, don't limit yourself. It'll be fun."
"Alex, I'll look dumb," Piper insisted.
"Just follow my lead," Alex called as she grabbed Piper's hand, dragging her out to the dance floor.
When they reached the center of the dance floor, Alex let go of her hand, and her body started to move with the beat. She danced with a well deserved confidence, her movements smooth and effortless in a way Piper didn't think she could ever manage. Piper looked around at everyone else on the dance floor. They weren't even paying attention to her, they were too busy having fun with their friends, but Piper still wasn't sure. She didn't want to embarrass herself.
Alex turned to her then, grinning widely at Piper and exaggerating her movements to try and goad Piper into joining in. Piper shook her head and swayed a little bit, but it didn't seem like this was a song she could really dance to.
"Copy me!" Alex yelled over the music, moving her shoulders in time with the beat, in what was clearly a choreographed part of the dance; as she looked around, she saw several other people doing the same move. Slowly, Piper began to mimic Alex's movements, earning a smile from Alex and a nod of approval. With Alex's smile, she felt a knot of apprehension that had been sitting in her stomach loosen, and she smiled back at Alex, dancing a little more fully.
"There you go, you got it," Alex laughed, and Piper smiled back at her, inexplicably giddy. As they danced, Alex suddenly pulled Piper closer to her, so they were barely a few inches apart. Alex smiled reassuringly as she kept dancing, and Piper smiled back tentatively, moving to the music again.
Akex's gaze, as seductive as it was intriguing,was hard for Piper to hold, and she had to break eye contact, for just a second.
And what she saw, or thought she saw, made her stop dancing almost instantly.
Someone was looking at her.
For a second, Piper just thought it might be someone just scanning the crowd, like Piper herself was,but then the girl looked back at her, this time her gaze resting on Piper a moment longer. Piper looked back to Alex, giving her a weak smile, but her eyes could no longer hold Alex's. Within seconds, Piper sought out the other girl again, and there she was, still looking at Piper curiously.
In another situation, Piper could ignore the girl, brush her off, and tell herself she was being paranoid, but something didn't feel right, something was off...
Jamie, the name suddenly filled Piper's head. She looked like Jamie.
Piper turned to the girl again, this time really studying her. Her hair was the same shade of red, she was about the same height and age. She squinted, trying to get a better look at the girl. It could be Jamie, if she were wearing makeup, and looked a little less pale. Piper had only ever seen her in their couples; group therapy, so she couldn't be sure...
Shit
If Jamie was here, what had she seen? She had clearly seen her dancing with Alex, but had she seen more? Had she seen Alex flirting with her at the bar, and Piper flirting back? Would she confront her in group? Would she tell Larry?
Larry. Piper had completely forgotten about Larry. Alex made her forget about everything, and that could be dangerous. She could go talk to Jamie, tell her Alex was just a friend, and everything would be fine.
She looked back to Alex, still smiling and dancing. She could excuse herself from Alex for a few minutes, just to find Jamie. She leaned into Alex, looking out on the floor for Jamie, but she was gone. Piper frantically scanned the crowd, but couldn't find her anywhere. Shit, shit, shit.
Alex was turning, her back now towards Piper, but Piper didn't want to dance anymore. She felt nauseous, and out of her head, and she didn't know what to do.
So while Alex's back was turned, she left.
Piper stumbled off the dance floor and out of a back entrance, into the rain. She wasn't sure what to do, and she felt like crying, so she just stood there in the rain, against two trash containers.
"Hey," Alex's voice called out, and as she turned, Alex was moving towards her, a leather jacket half over her head. "Why'd you run away?"
"Sorry," Piper mumbled. "I-I said I'm not much of a dancer." It sounded lame, and it really was, but Piper didn't really want to admit the truth. Not yet.
"No shit. You definitely looked like you didn't want to be out there," Alex laughed at her own joke. "I'm kidding. Well, half kidding. Sorry I basically forced you to dance with me. Saturday nights, once a week, I tend to get impatient."
"No, no, it's not that," Piper stuttered out as she moved to sit on the bin, feeling guilty that she made Alex apologize. "I just, wasn't sure what to expect, and I got overwhelmed. But you did seem pretty adamant about getting me to dance. Were you planning some kind of pig's blood at the prom scene?"
Alex laughed loudly, and it warmed Piper's insides. "No dummy, I told you, I liked the song, and was being impatient." Alex eased herself up on to the bin next to Piper.
"I don't really do the whole dance floor thing," Piper admitted suddenly. "Like ever."
"Never?" Alex asked, clearly shocked.
"Maybe once or twice in college," Piper shrugged. "But I was too much of a good girl to go out a lot. And then... life got in the way." Alex nodded sympathetically beside her, but didn't say anything. "That's why I came here tonight. I wanted to live and be free, away from my family, and their judgment, and just...life," Piper sighed.
"Well, no one knows about half the shit I get up to here," Alex offered. "With your parents though, it's from a place of love, right?"
"I honestly don't know," Piper admitted, finally saying out loud what she had though for several years. "I thought it was, but for a while now I feel like they just...don't want me to make them look bad. It's like the concept of me just living my life and enjoying myself would blow their minds."
Alex knocked her shoulder against hers, and Piper turned, meeting Alex's sweet smile. "What would you like to do? That you've never done?" And with a raised eyebrow, Alex went from sweet to something less innocent, and Piper felt an unfamiliar type of longing seize her chest.
"Oh," Piper sighed. "So many things..."
"San Junipero's a party town," turning to face her, Alex's smile turned almost seductive. "All up for grabs," her voice lowered. "Midnight's just two hours away."
Piper swallowed. "Oh that's not long," she managed, her mind racing. She knew what Alex was proposing, or at least, she thought she did. And a part of her (a larger part than she would want to admit) wanted to give in.
Alex's hand snaked across Piper's thigh, coasting inwards and lightly squeezing Piper's inner thigh in a way that was definitely not subtle. "Why waste time sitting here?"
Exhaling, Piper almost turned, wanting nothing more than to follow Alex wherever she wanted to go. But she needed to think, remember why she was out here, in the rain, rather than back in the club dancing with her.
Larry
At the thought of Larry, Piper vaulted off of the bin, searching for something to say. "I, uh. Listen..."
"It's okay," Alex cut her off, smiling.
"No, I mean..."
"Really, it's okay."
"No.. I'm, uh," Piper inhaled deeply, deciding to just go with the truth. "I'm engaged." Alex's eyes widened, almost as if she didn't believe her. "I have a fiance. His name is Larry."
"And is Larry here?" Alex asked slowly.
"No, he's-"
"Elsewhere?" Alex filled in, her voice almost teasing.
"Yeah," Piper nodded.
"Huh," Alex didn't believe her, Piper could tell by the way she looked her up and down. "Wanna go to bed with me?"
Piper sighed longingly, but Alex pressed on. "We could be back at mine in like..." she trailed off with a snap of her fingers.
"I've never...done anything like that," cheated, had a one night stand, there were so many ways Piper could have finished the sentence, but she just let it lie.
Alex smiled enticingly. "All the more reason..."
"Oh, you're nice," Piper said, not even embarrassed about the longing that filled her words, spilling out from her core. "I can't."
Alex stared at Piper for a moment before shrugging. "Okay," Alex said lightly, as if Piper told her she didn't want pizza for dinner rather than reject her advances.
Alex hopped off her bin as Piper stood before her, biting her lip and nervously wringing her hands.
"I just... I can't" Piper blurted. She felt the need to keep talking, keep apologizing, keep justifying her reasons for turning Alex down.
"I get it," Alex said simply.
They stood silent for a moment, Alex staring as Piper avoided eye contact. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. "I have to go."
Alex looked up at the sky, looking up at the downpours. "In this?"
Piper stuck out her hand, years of etiquette coming out naturally in awkward situations. "It's been really great to meet you."
Alex looked at her like she had grown another head, but took her hand cautiously. "Likewise."
Piper looked up at the sky and out onto the street. "Okay," she nodded, moving around Alex and walking quickly up the alley.
"Okay, okay," Piper sighed as she walked, trying to collect herself. Fists clenched at her side, Piper stopped moving when she reached the main entrance of the club. "Shit," she muttered, looking up at the sky, feeling the rain hit her cheeks.
It gave her enough time to think about her actions. Maybe she made a mistake. Maybe she should have taken Alex up on her offer. After all, she was at San Junipero to have fun, to have a few hours of freedom. It's like Vegas, what happens in San Junipero stays in San Junipero.
Screw it, Piper thought. Feeling brave, she turned to go back to Alex, to catch up with her before midnight.
But Alex wasn't there.
Piper groaned, filled with disappointment. But maybe it was better this way; now she wouldn't have to feel guily. Nodding once, Piper resigned herself to her night, turned back towards the street, and began walking aimlessly through the rain, waiting for midnight.