He felt fine. He had come to the office to see Hillier and settle a few things in view of his return to work and he had found himself the center of interest of almost anyone he met. So here he was, now, standing in the corridor, chatting with his colleagues who wanted to know when he'd be back, inquiring in return about the on-going investigations and the latest office news. Being in office, talking to his colleagues made him feel at home. The last months since his aggression had been terrible. He hadn't had too much trouble to cope with the psychological part of it, a few sessions with a psychologist was all it took but the pain…,the pain had been terrible. He had intentionally limited his consumption of pain killers for they were strong and presented a risk of one becoming addicted to them and the last thing he wanted was to become an addict. Drugs had almost destroyed his brother and their menacing presence was still hovering over his family. At first he'd manage to cope thinking that he just needed time to heal but then, there had been the physiotherapy. One who thinks of physiotherapy as sweet massages is deeply mistaken. It's hard, it's long and it's painful. Oh God, was it painful!, especially when the physiotherapist made his stiffened knee bend. During the first sessions he'd clenched his teeth as hard as he'd been able to but he had soon realized it would only lead to his breaking all his teeth so he'd surrendered and stopped holding back his cries. He knew it had to be done lest he'd be left with a stiff leg but that was a meager consolation. But eventually the pain had receded and he had regained control over his own body to the point where he could consider going back to London and to work. So, here he was, at New Scotland Yard, relaxing with his peers, chatting happily with them. He was glad to see them but the one person who he was really looking forward to meeting was still missing. And then as he turned his head in laughter he saw her. She was standing in the middle of the corridor, motionless.

'Ah! Havers.'

He said it casually, as if their last meeting had taken place the very morning and not 4 months ago. He smiled and went to her, and as he walked he couldn't help but notice how startled she looked. She made him think of a deer caught in car headlights. He was afraid she'd turned on her heels and run away. The distance between them was short, a few paces, but thoughts were running in his head. First came the memory of the wonderful moment when he had seen her face leaning over him, soothing him in a soft voice, telling him he would be safe. Then came the realization that he had actually not seen her, nor talked to her since a very long time, and he felt the urge to hold her in his arms and thank her. He certainly was not the kind of man to publicly express his feelings, and she certainly was not the kind of woman to gracefully receive public display of affection, but his heart ached with an overflow of feelings. When he reached her his cheerfulness had vanished and he felt tears coming to his eyes. Barbara had lowered her gaze and he couldn't see her eyes. He could hardly speak, but he managed to mutter:

'Barbara, I am going to do something you… probably won't like but… forgive me…'

Damn and blast, he cursed inwardly. He sounded just like a teenager struggling to express his feelings to his first love interest. He felt stupid but then she looked up and met his gaze, and he saw that she had tears in her eyes, those beautiful eyes of hers, and he regained enough composure to finish his little speech.

'Barbara, I'm going to hold you tight and kiss you. And I know you'll find this utterly embarrassing and you'll probably be mad at me but I don't care, I'll do it anyway because you saved my life, again, and I really want to do it.'

He suited the action to the word, held her and pressed his lips on her cheek in a long and tender kiss. He could feel Barbara tensing up so he ended his kiss, whispered "Thank you so much, Barbara" in her ear in a low, hoarse voice and reluctantly let go of his embrace. He feared her reaction, maybe he'd gone too far, but he saw her blush when their colleagues teased them at the cry of "Look at the loving birds!", "Tommy, give the lady a real kiss!" and he felt a bout of manly pride for he was sure that not so many men had made Barbara Havers blush. He couldn't help but smile. "Let them talk, Barbara. They only wish they were as lucky as I am to have a friend like you. " Before he could say more Hillier's secretary came to let him know the Assistant Commissioner wanted to see him. He had no choice but to follow her.

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Luckily the meeting with Hiller had been short. Lynley had had some difficulty to focus on the matters discussed and when Hillier had noticed it he had blamed the painkillers. The truth was, however, that the painkillers were not to blame. Barbara Havers was. Lynley was worrying about his partner's reaction, or lack thereof. He knew he had shunned her during his recovery, just as he had shunned about everyone else. It was a matter of self-preservation for him. He had done the same after Helen's death. He had hoped Barbara would understand that. But maybe she hadn't. She had not reacted at all when they had finally met again, not a move, not a single word. Not even when he had held her close against his chest, or kissed her. What had she thought? What had she felt? He had no idea. The only thing Lynley knew was his own feelings and thoughts and they quite puzzled him. At the beginning of his partnership with Barbara he had merely tolerated her, but over the years he had come to appreciate his partner to the point he wouldn't have wanted to work with anyone else. And during all this time he had never thought of her as a possible lover, but when he had felt Barbara's body against his, her soft skin under his lips he'd realized that, had they not been in plain sight of their colleagues he would have aimed for her lips, and took her mouth in a long, deep, passionate kiss. But maybe she wouldn't have let him. Maybe she didn't feel the same. As he sat now in his office, he tried to analyze the situation. He had to admit that there was a more than reasonable doubt that he was in love with his long-time partner. He would have never thought this moment would come. She was not beautiful, at least according to the fashion standard of the time, and her personal grooming seemed to be a deliberate attempt at making herself truly ugly. She was bad-tempered, had a problem with authority which he found hardly bearable, and he was all too aware that she loathed aristocracy and everything even remotely labeled upper-class. Still she had become more than a partner; she was one of his closest friend, and possibly even more than a friend to him now. He needed to sort this out. He needed to be sure it was truly love that he felt and not some peculiar feeling brought about by his aggression and his time away from Barbara. He also needed to find out about Barbara's feelings for him. She was so secretive and she belittled herself so much he was sure she had never allowed herself to think that some romance could blossom between them. He would need time and patience; he didn't want to rush things. First he needed to talk to Barbara, alone, but not in a too private place. A pub would be a good choice and it would allow them to get back into their old habit. The George and the Dragon would be perfect, not too far from the Yard but still far enough not to be a den of coppers. They won't stumble upon any of their acquaintance there. He went to Barbara's desk but she was not there so he took a Post-it and wrote rapidly over it his invitation: « Fancy a drink? Meet me at the George and the Dragon, 18:00. My treat. TL" He put the Post-it under the mouse of the computer where he knew Barbara couldn't miss it. He walked back to his office to retrieve his things before leaving, a small smile on his lips. The use of their old ritual phrase "Fancy a drink" felt so good. He realized he had not used it for a very long time because he saved it for Barbara and with this realization came the relief that his time away from her was over and the firm resolution that from now on he would be as close to her as she would allow him to.