if you fall at midnight
A HariPo oneshot
by mew-tsubaki
Note: The Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling, not me. This pairing was discovered by me, so please gimme a little mention if you write them! Thanks! It is one of many of Mew and Mor's Weird Pairings, most of which you may find in the M&MWP forum. Check out and join the forum FUN! Read, review, and enjoy!
- ^-^3
"I wanted to kiss you goodnight.
No longer can pretend it won't cave in and will be all right.
I wanted to save this last light.
With dawn comes certainty of what we'll be; for now hold me lightly."
—Meg and Dia, "Kiss You Goodnight"
"My stomach's in knots. Is yours in knots?"
Kevin rolled his eyes. "Isn't everyone's? Now please, let me concentrate."
Stephen shrugged, but his nerves were a jumbled mess. He didn't get how Kevin could be so calm at a time like this. "You think that'll be enough? Loads of potions?" His eyes dropped down to the book in his lap. He'd checked it out from the library with only Pince's permission—these days, any student trying to get into the Restricted Section had to have the approval of Snape or one of the Carrows, but they didn't know that Pince was playing favorites in this dangerous time. Lucky for the Ravenclaws that she'd always favored her House above the rest.
But the book on ancient curses and jinxes and hexes would only be of help if Stephen could wrap his head around some of them. Most of them didn't make a whole lot of sense, whilst others had incantations that looked impossible to pronounce.
"How many are you making?" Stephen asked.
"As much as I can with the few materials I have," Kevin informed him. He sighed as he stirred. "Lucky for us that Hagrid's been able to grow as much as he can and catch as much as he can. And it's a good thing that Snape's not been poking around the greenhouses too much."
"Yeah…" Stephen swallowed the lump in his throat.
"What is it?"
"No, nothing. Just go back to brewing."
Kevin huffed and flicked his wand, bewitching his stirring to keep moving without him. Then he crossed the empty dormitory until he sat on Stephen's bed with him. "There. It's still brewing. Now, tell me what's on your mind."
"You were the one who just asked me to leave you alone!" Stephen pointed out.
The smaller boy rolled his eyes a second time and reached up and patted Stephen's head. "Well, now I can't focus because you can't be left alone." His lips finally curved upward into a tiny smile. "Hey, honest?"
"Honest," Stephen said. It was a game they'd come up with in first year. They had met and gotten along with the other three eagle boys at first, but one night just the two of them had begun this game. Kevin had said the same thing—"Hey, honest?"—and Stephen had agreed, and then the two of them exchanged one truth each. It was a nice game that had grown into something more private after the end of fourth year when a shaken Kevin, terrified of what was to come in their future what with the Dark Lord's return, confessed that he loved Stephen as more than a brother or best friend. The game had grown into a serious joke since then.
"I'm so scared that it's all I can do to steady my hand right now," Kevin breathed.
Stephen nodded. "I don't think we'll all make it out alive."
Kevin took a shaky breath and laughed darkly. "Yeah, yeah… I can't help but agree there."
The larger boy grimaced and pulled his boyfriend into his arms. Though he couldn't see it before, he could definitely feel Kevin trembling now. "Hey," Stephen said, finding his voice somehow, "c'mon. We've gotta keep it together. Those potions aren't all offensive—some of them are for our friends." He patted Kevin's cheek and locked eyes with him. "Our friends—Ter, Tony, and Mike, and Padma and Morag—they've joined the reconstituted D.A. They're in the crosshairs of the Carrows. They need all the support they can get."
"You forgot Mandy," Kevin told him.
"What?"
"Mandy. She couldn't stand being at dinner the other night while the others starved, so she took food to them. Alecto snatched her by her hair and used the Cruciatus Curse on her. Mandy sought refuge last night. Or so Lisa told me," the smaller boy finished.
Stephen sighed. "Great. I can't believe I left you and her and Lisa and Su at the table alone."
"No, it's good—Mandy's better off with the D.A. anyway. And you had to get that book from Pince when Snape wasn't looking." Kevin kissed his forehead. "Trust me, you did a load of good."
"It doesn't exactly feel like it," Stephen confessed.
"Maybe it doesn't because we're not officially part of Dumbledore's Army. But we're their accomplices." He smiled mischievously, the mirth reaching his eyes and moving the line of his short, curly, reddish brown hair. "Doesn't it feel good, to be breaking someone's rules for once?"
Finally, a wet chuckle escaped Stephen, and he hugged Kevin to him again. "Maybe."
"Good. Now, you take some notes to slip to Tony later, and I'll finish up some more potions."
"All right. But you should sleep soon."
Kevin slipped from his arms and padded, stocking-footed, back to his spot on the carpet between the bathroom and his bed, where he had set up a decent-sized potion lab. "Sleep is for the dead, Steve. And it's almost May. It'll all be over soon."
Stephen grunted in response so that Kevin knew he'd at least heard him. But then he turned on his side and continued reading, hoping that things wouldn't end sooner than expected and in the wrong manner. He was asleep soon after, though.
- ^-^3
"It's almost May," Stephen said the next afternoon.
Kevin nodded with bags under his eyes. "I know, Steve. Tomorrow's May first."
"Do you think they assumed that we joined the D.A.?"
"Dunno. What do you think was the clue? Us missing all of today's classes?"
Stephen bit his lip. He had managed to compile a short list of hopefully helpful spells after his quick nap last night. Then, under the cover of darkness, he had used the Avis Spell—which, thankfully, acted like the Patronus Charm and produced a bird unique to each caster—and sent his red-winged blackbird to Anthony to signal a meeting. Anthony had come up with Ginny Weasley and Susan Bones' help, and Stephen had given him the information.
But they'd all caught up in the seventh-year boys' dorm, Lisa and Su even joining them. The health and healing potions Kevin had been brewing were a godsend, but they needed more. Seamus Finnigan was in a bad way, and Neville Longbottom apparently looked unrecognizable.
Lisa, who had long wanted to become a Healer and had begun her own self-training this school year with Madam Pomfrey's private help, had written down several spells and explained them to Ginny and Susan. In the end, however, Lisa had grown frustrated and demanded they take her to the Room of Requirement with them. Su, not one to let her girlfriend enter danger alone, left with her. So now Kevin and Stephen were the only seventh years left in Ravenclaw Tower.
And now Stephen was petrified. They really had all but officially joined the D.A. by ignoring their mandatory class attendance.
"Have you got enough now?" he asked, pushing all the crumpled parchment and books off his bed and going over to Kevin.
"No, of course not!" Kevin's voice wasn't loud, but his tone was sharp enough, as if he'd yelled. He gritted his teeth. "Sorry, sorry. It's just—no sleep, and this isn't enough for them… For us…," he added with wide eyes as it suddenly hit him how it must look to the current headmaster that they must've finally chosen a side.
"No, that's not what I mean," Stephen corrected, oblivious to Kevin's epiphany. "I mean, what have you made? Are they really offensive, or are they mostly defensive potions? As in, will we be relying on spells most of the time?"
Kevin scowled up at him. "Oh, no, these are just bottles and phials of fertilizer for Sprout—I'd thought I'd leave the protecting to my wand-waving boyfriend!" he snapped mockingly.
"Well, I'm sorry! But I can't help but ask, considering all the stuff I've been reading. I don't even think that'll be enough," Stephen snarled, gesturing to the dozens of volumes he had borrowed and filched the past few weeks.
"The potions will be enough—or, they would be, if you helped me and stopped worrying!"
"I can't help but worry, Kev! We could die out there!" He panted and then added, "There's a real war out there, and it's only a matter of time before it's on our doorstep."
They glared at each other for several minutes. Nothing could be heard but Stephen's heavy breathing and the bubbling of the potions.
But then Stephen sat down and got to work on chopping ingredients and Kevin returned to mixing. They worked in silence, because things were too crucial right now to mess up because of an argument they'd had which had resulted in one of them giving in anyway. And they worked like that well into the night and early morning.
- ^-^3
Stephen awoke early the next evening, right as it was dusk. His muscles were sore and he ached a great deal…and then he sat up and realized that sleeping on a silver knife and a mortar was not a very comfortable thing to do.
Kevin woke up, as well, a mint leaf stuck to his nose. "G'morning," he said. Then he locked eyes with Stephen, dark brown meeting brown, and seemed to recall their argument. He glared at his boyfriend and huffed, getting back to work on making a few more potions.
Stephen scowled, but not at Kevin. He simply wished they hadn't argued at all, and he wished he hadn't opened his mouth. He wanted to apologize and clear the air and remind Kevin that he loved him, but he couldn't stomach doing that right now. Sometimes they just needed to stew before making up, so Stephen began to clean up their room instead of apologizing.
Hours passed, and a few of the younger Ravenclaws knocked on their dorm door, leaving food outside for them. Stephen fetched it and silently thanked whichever allies they had in their Housemates. He left Kevin's share by him and ate in peace while Kevin put the finishing touches on the last two potions.
"Are you done?" Stephen asked as Kevin put most things away.
"For now," the other answered bitterly. He wolfed down his food. Only after did he say anything else. "Thanks for finally helping me."
"Yeah," Stephen said. There was a "Hey, honest?" lodged in his throat, but he just couldn't force it out. He hoped he could do so later.
Kevin stood and went to the window—and he saw movement against the night sky. "Hey, Steve, I think something's up in Hogsmeade."
Stephen joined him. There was, in fact, a large gathering of birds above the general vicinity of the Wizarding village. But the birds appeared to be flying out and away, and if he listened hard enough Stephen thought he could hear something high-pitched—like that Caterwauling Charm in place to alert the Death Eaters about Apparition.
"Stephen—"
The next thing the wizards knew, there was a stampede of activity in the tower, and they cracked the door open to see all the other students file out, led by the prefects. "Not good," Stephen breathed under his voice. He turned to Kevin. "Kevin, we've got to get to the Room of Requirement. Now."
Kevin nodded and grabbed his rucksack, upon which he'd long since placed an Undetectable Expansion Charm. He gathered all the potions and put them inside, while Stephen emptied his trunk and locked all the books he'd borrowed inside. Just in case they survived and Pince came looking for the books, unharmed, of course.
The two left behind a scared second-year witch, whom Kevin asked what was happening. She replied, "Headmaster Snape says Harry Potter's here and he wants to know where."
As she hurried to keep up with her friends, Stephen and Kevin exchanged a glance. They kept to the shadows, then, and had to pause for one horrifying moment with Filch nearby while Stephen sent another red-winged blackbird to Anthony. But instead of waiting for Anthony to come, they followed the bird to the wall that hid the Room of Requirement.
Anthony saw them, and he and Terry behind him looked around and motioned for them to come inside.
"About time you blokes showed up!" Terry gasped as he and Michael closed the door behind them. "You had us worried there, wondering if you'd be trapped up there in the dorm or trapped in the Great Hall with Snape."
"Is it true, that Harry's back?" Stephen asked. But his attention was drawn to the size of the room. The Room of Requirement really had been taking care of the D.A.'s and any defected student's needs. Hammocks and sleeping bags were everywhere, and it was amazing to see the sea of maroon, yellow, and blue and see so many faces within it. Nearly all of their year—Slytherins excluded—was present. There were a number of younger faces, as well, but there were several older ones, too, such as former members of the Gryffindor Quidditch team.
"Yes," Neville answered him, but he had already started handing out assignments in Harry's stead. "And he's got a job to do, so let's do ours."
Stephen wasn't entirely sure what Neville meant, but Michael pulled him and Kevin aside with the other eagles in their year.
"Anyone have any suggestions?" Michael asked.
"The spells I sent—has anyone practiced them?" Stephen inquired.
Padma frowned. "A few have. Just the wording. I wish we'd had time with a real teacher to teach them…"
"I've at least got potions," Kevin said, opening his bag and rummaging around until he had two in each hand. "In general, blue is poison and/or acts like an acid, green will explode, purple will cause side-effects, and red will make the pain go away."
"That's brilliant, Kevin!" Mandy exclaimed, taking one of the red phials. She looked hopefully at him. "Got any more for healing?"
"Orange—a few." He looked at Michael. "If we're splitting up into teams, I'd suggest one of the orange ones per team, though each is about only two servings."
Terry gazed in awe at Kevin's stash. "Merlin! And to think I've had Lisa helping me with Healer spells!"
Lisa raised a disapproving eyebrow at him and cleared her throat. Apparently she was a little more dedicated to becoming a Healer than Terry was.
Kevin basked a little in the praise. "It's all right. Steve helped."
Stephen's face flushed momentarily when all eyes landed on him, but then he cleared his throat. "I guess we're not all going to be on one team, yeah?"
Anthony nodded. "Safer that way, for some." The last bit he added wistfully with a quick look to Terry, who was known to be Anthony's boyfriend. The look made Stephen's stomach flop, and he reactively grabbed Kevin's hand for comfort.
Morag caught the interaction and cleared her throat. "So, I guess we'll plan a double civil ceremony after we kick the bad guys' arses?" she asked cheekily, as she showed a ghost of the spunky witch she'd once been with her rough Auror's mouth coming through despite not being an Auror—yet.
Kevin blushed, and he and Stephen broke apart. "I don't know what you're talking about."
The others gave them a mixture of looks, throat clearings, snickers, smiles, and "hmph"s, though, so clearly they were unconvinced.
Michael broke away from the group to converse with some of the other D.A. members, though. Neville, Ginny, and Luna had already disappeared, and now Seamus, Dean, and Parvati were acting as their lieutenants. Even the older students, such as the Weasley twins, had disappeared to prepare for the fray.
Altogether, they broke up into groups of about four, but they barely had time to do so, as shouts broke out and the sound of life-ending spells could be heard. Despite the chaos, Stephen and Kevin were in the only Ravenclaw-only group with Lisa and Su, and the various groups dispersed, with the exception of Zacharias Smith, who was in a hurry not to fight but to flee. But they couldn't mind him now, for the battle, as Stephen had said it would, had finally arrived at Hogwarts castle.
Stephen, Kevin, Lisa, and Su meant to fight mainly in the corridors as they headed towards the kitchens to alert the house-elves. They managed to get there fine, but the house-elves were already on alert and fighting Death Eaters with pies and produce alike. The sight would've been funny had the circumstances not been life-or-death.
"Stick together!" Stephen shouted at his friends as they wound their way up the floors to aid the battle in some other way. But while the descent had been easy, their return was not.
Death Eaters and their Dark witch and wizard sympathizers had broken through the castle's barriers embarrassingly easily, and they now flooded the place. Some went after the underage students, who were now running for their lives. Others, such as the three coming the quartet's way, went after any rebels.
For one paralyzing moment, Stephen locked eyes with one of the Death Eaters. He had dark brown eyes like Kevin's—but they were only alike in color. Kevin's could never look that cold to him, no matter what.
The very next second, the Death Eaters were flinging hexes and curses at them every which way. They had the advantage, as these three were good with nonverbal casting.
Lisa and Su weren't half bad with the nonverbal magic, either, and they stunningly held their own against two of them.
But Stephen struggled with one, picking his brain for good spells while at the same time trying not to let his fear freeze him in place. Kevin fumbled with his bag, but he grabbed one phial—a blue one—and threw it at their Death Eater. Not expecting anything but spells, the Death Eater gaped as the phial fiercely shattered on the ground by his feet, sending glass shards and acid potion all over him. He shrieked in pain and crumpled to the floor; he wouldn't be getting back up anytime soon.
Faith renewed in the good fight, Stephen and Kevin turned their attention towards the burlier one of Lisa and Su's two opponents. That Death Eater turned their way, as well, and Stephen and Kevin were both practicing their fancy footwork as they simultaneously dueled the man.
The duel pushed them up the floors and out near the inner courtyard. Stephen lost sight of the girls, but he could hardly be worried about them when his own life and Kevin's were at jeopardy at this very moment.
Their opponent appeared to grow annoyed with them, as though he'd been looking for a real fight. Instead of attacking them, he took to deflecting their spells and blowing up the castle around them. It made the two young wizards do twice as much work as they dueled and ducked.
But ducking worked only so long, and an explosion from the other side of the wall rained stone on all three males. Stephen could only hope that the destruction would at least do in this Death Eater.
Stephen then craned his neck as deadly spells came flying through the new hole.
To his horror, a bright, green strip of light hit Kevin.
Then Kevin fell.
His face was a mask of terror, a frozen "Don't leave me" stamped into place on his features. Stephen had time only to gape as another explosion sent him up and flying…and, when he landed, everything went black.
- ^-^3
"Hey, honest?"
…
"Honest."
…
"I'm not just terrified, but I've got this bad feeling in my gut. I'm going to lose you. I know it."
…
"I didn't mean to fight with you. I love you, you know that?"
…
"I love our friends, too, but I could've cared less about spells and potions and war."
…
"I wanted us to run away. We should've run away the moment we saw something was up in Hogsmeade."
…
…
…
Stephen slowly opened his eyes. Had he been dreaming? But the pain he had when he moved told him, no, he hadn't been dreaming. Everything had been real, too horrifically real.
Worse still, he had not been playing a game of "Hey, honest?" with Kevin. No, all those words just now had come from him. He could still taste them on his lips, even if his voice had sounded alien to him.
Stephen struggled to stand. He looked down and saw that his right leg was broken, and he sighed. Binding some tree branches (how had they gotten all the way here?) with some tattered black-and-blue robes (did he dare to wonder whose they were?), he made a crutch for himself. A part of him wanted to see what had happened, as night had become morning and things in general were quiet now. But he could check on others later if he actually felt like doing so.
Instead, Stephen hobbled for a good twenty minutes before he reached where he was sure Kevin had died. Maybe, maybe it had been a dream, that part. Maybe Kevin had been struck with something else, not the Killing Curse. But Stephen had to see Kevin alive and well for that to be true.
But it wasn't true, and Kevin's body laid frightfully motionless and horrorstruck amidst dust and debris. Someone had nicked his bag, but Stephen couldn't care if one of their friends had taken it after Kevin's death since he obviously would not have needed it anymore.
Stephen fell to his good knee, but he couldn't cry. The tears simply wouldn't come. Or maybe they didn't exist, he wondered. Maybe, when it came to Kevin, he just couldn't cry. Maybe there was such a thing as a love that was so beyond words that not even tears could do its loss justice.
Stephen liked to think of it as "Hey, honest?" love, if he had to name it.
But its name didn't matter.
Kevin wasn't alive any longer.
With a heave and a swallowed yelp, Stephen stood and hobbled away from the castle, away from the forest, and away from a victory won in death. He knew there must've been Healers and helpers on call for the survivors, but he couldn't face them. Not now, and probably not ever. He wasn't a survivor in need of help. He wasn't even much of a survivor at all. …no, not at all, since he'd really died the moment Kevin had. And Stephen didn't mind that, not really.
- ^-^3
No emoticons can convey my emotion over killing Kevin like that, Merlin… But it's part of my head-canon, and this is one of two fics that leads into another oneshot called "the broken ones." I'm so sorry, Stephen…! You and Kevin were the best…! *creys* Gah... I'd like to think that something like the secret help in Hogwarts did happen, though; the D.A. needed a lot of help. I also liked that my version of Lisa became a little more adamant here; I do love her and Su Li together (another M&MWP, so a nod would be nice if you wrote them). About Kevin being there for his 7th year: I know JKR's original notes said he was a Muggle-born, but she changed her mind about Hannah Abbott being a pureblood as well as being a Muggle-born, so I believe Kevin to be a half-blood, therefore placing him at Hogwarts in 1998. Also, that's just my idea of how the Avis Spell works, so I'd like a nod if you wanted to use that; I first wrote that idea in another fic of mine, Lavender Brown's Requiem, and it's just stuck with me ever since. Gah… Well, read "the broken ones" now, or read the other lead-in fic to it, "A Life Well-Lived." *sobbing* Stevin…!
Thank you for reading, and please don't favorite this without reviewing. Killing off a charrie is not easy to write!
-mew-tsubaki ;_;