Notes:
Swan Queen Week Day 5: Caregiving. I'm still fascinated by Regina, and then the SwanWeek prompt caught my eye and well, the rest, as they say...
Follow up to (1) "Do You Ever Just Want to Give Up?" and (2) "Through My Eyes". The stories can stand alone, but there is a flow to them. You might want to start with the first one, if you have the time. And interest, of course. ;-)
Still labeled SwanQueen because it really is the driving relationship in these stories, even if that relationship is a tad undefined. No sexytimes because of my legendary awkward. Maybe someday, if the characters seem ready, I'll hire that part out. :-)
As Emma tumbled painfully down the stairs she was angered most by how utterly stupid it was; one hundred percent avoidable if she'd just been more careful, or faster, or had just put her phone in her pocket as Regina was constantly reminding her. But she wasn't careful - she was a clutz. And she wasn't fast - she shot her arm out towards the banister just a hair too slowly. And her phone wasn't in her pocket - it was downstairs on the end table where she had dropped it casually when she'd arrived.
When Emma heard it ring she knew Regina would tease her because yesterday - just yesterday - Emma had sworn to her that she was going to start carrying it with her religiously. Because, really, how much use would it be to her on the table if she somehow fell down the stairs and broke herself? She was pissed that she hadn't even been able to go twenty four hours so she reversed course halfway through her sprint up the stairs.
That was her real mistake because, for her entire life, Emma had been a bit clumsy. She caught her right toe on the back of her left foot mid spin and the rest was all gravity and physics that ended with her in a broken heap at the bottom of the stairs. There was not an ounce of air left in her body after she impacted the floor flat on her back and it took terrifying seconds before she was able to coax her lungs back into expanding. When she was finally able to draw in a breath she let it out with a heartfelt moan.
It didn't really sound that loud to her but it must have been. Or it could have been the horrendous thud of her hitting the floor. Either way they next thing Emma heard was the sound of urgent footsteps making their way to the foyer. Emma pulled in a shaky breath and almost passed out from the pain of clearly broken ribs but managed to keep herself present because she knew Regina would help. When she felt a warm and gentle hand rest on her stomach and heard her name whispered by her ear she felt a tear slip from her eye. If she'd been in less pain she would have been embarrassed.
Her entire body hurt and she'd just scared herself silly and knowing Regina was there filled her with the sweetest relief she'd ever felt in her life. Because she knew without doubt that Regina would fix this somehow. No matter the conditions, there was nobody on the planet Emma wanted in her corner more during a crisis than Regina.
The breath against her ear was warm and she focused on that more than the actual words and realized that she'd missed everything Regina had said. She thought about asking her to repeat herself but decided against it. She wasn't sure how many words she was going to get out. "Hospital?" Her ankle was broken, she was sure, and her ribs must be as well. Her shoulder was throbbing in time with everything else so odds were good that it needed some attention too. All in all the hospital seemed like a good idea.
She felt the hand on her stomach clench and then, after a second, flex and press firmly and deliberately against her. And then Emma's entire existence shifted. A warmth spread slowly through her, starting at the hand on her abdomen, and moving out towards her extremities. The pain in her ribs was the first to subside and then her shoulder pain vanished as well. Her ankle seemed to take longer but the gentle ache she felt was still bliss compared to the awkward agony she'd experienced since her tumble. But even that ache faded eventually and she was left basking in a gentle warmth. The fear that clung to her was replaced by a calm lethargy that she had no desire to fight.
As the warmth gently faded Emma's surroundings poked back into her awareness. She was still laying on the floor, though she'd been slightly rearranged, and Regina was gently cupping her cheek with a cool hand. Emma fluttered her eyes open briefly and saw Regina's lips moving but couldn't make out a single word. She let her eyes close again to surrender to the calmness but a second later her hand was gripped tightly, almost painfully, and the part of her that understood Regina without even trying knew that she was panicking. Badly.
So, with a groan against the effort it took, Emma opened her eyes again and this time fought through the comforting lassitude to real consciousness. She half expected the pain to return but it didn't. Everything was perfectly wonderful.
Except of course that Regina was crying.
She certainly wasn't sobbing over her broken body but there were tear tracks on her cheeks and her eyes were full and wet and absolutely terrified. Emma was more herself now and she realized that there was absolutely no reason that she should still be lying on the floor so she cleared her throat, offered Regina a tight smile and gave the hand gripping hers a gentle squeeze. "Help a girl up, would ya?"
Regina absolutely froze above her. She even stopped breathing as far as Emma could tell and it lasted so long that Emma got worried and started to struggle up herself. At her first movement, though, Regina snapped into action and braced a hand against her shoulders and helped her into a sitting position.
Emma was still waiting for the pain but it just didn't materialize and eventually she felt a relieved smile grow across her face. "You healed me?"
Regina nodded her head in a jerky, uncertain manner and tried to pull her hand from Emma's. That didn't seem like a great idea to the blond though because it was clear that Regina was going to try and get up next, and from the gentle tremble in her entire body and the pallor that even her makeup couldn't hide, it was clear that Regina was not ready for that. So Emma gripped her hand tighter and tried to settle her friend. "You know that's awesome right? I thought you could only fix cuts and scrapes and stuff."
Regina sucked in a shaky breath. When she spoke, her voice was rough with emotion. "Dark Magic is powerful, but it isn't a healing magic. So I wasn't a healer." Regina took another deep breath and the let it out slowly. "Now... I am."
She said that last sentence like it was no big deal which confused Emma to no end. "Just like that… no big deal. You're kidding, right?" Emma lifted her leg up off the ground and rotated her ankle around five or six times, then stamped her foot on the floor for good measure. "From where I'm sitting it's a pretty big fucking deal!" She smiled broadly at Regina, willing her to let go of whatever it was that was stopping her from being happy about this.
Regina flinched at the vulgarity, but didn't correct Emma as she would normally. She just tilted her head in a way that managed to convey that she was just as surprised as Emma was by the last few minutes. Then she tugged at the hand still gripping hers. "Come on, I need you to get up and make sure everything works."
Emma gave her an appraising look and reluctantly agreed. The trembling had stopped and, though she still had a pallor about her, it wasn't quite so bad as before. But mostly she knew Regina was going to try it anyway, whether she was on board or not.
So Emma got on board. And they did manage to get almost fully up before Regina swayed dangerously to the side and Emma had to grab her around the waist.
Regina's hands came up automatically and gripped Emma's upper arms even as her head dropped down on the blonde's shoulder heavily. Emma had been expecting her to be a little unsteady but nothing like this and a giant flicker of worry exploded in her gut. "Jesus Regina. Are you ok?" Emma suddenly realized she didn't know shit about magical healing.
Regina pulled in an irregular breath against Emma's shoulder. "Sorry," she mumbled. "I'll be ok in a second."
"Regina..." The word came out as a worried rumble and managed to convey, somehow, almost everything that Emma was feeling. "Did I hurt you? Did healing me hurt you?"
Emma felt another breath against her shoulder, still shaky. "No. Not that. Just adrenaline."
Emma's brain informed her that this seemed a bit much for a tumble down the stairs and she sensed that Regina was feeding her half truths. But her assurance that the healing magic hadn't harmed her seemed true, and for that Emma was grateful. Still, Regina was back to trembling in her arms and she needed to get her to sit down and recover. Then she'd get to the bottom of this. "Come on, lets get you to the couch."
Regina hesitated. "Your injuries…"
Emma scoffed slightly before she could stop herself. Regina was the oddest combination of self assurance and self doubt that she had ever encountered. "You're kidding, right? I don't even have the papercut I got this morning. Come on."
Emma shifted Regina slightly so that they were side by side, but never loosened her grip on the Mayor's waist; it was pretty clear that Emma was the only reason Regina was still upright. The positioning was a bit awkward for sure but they finally made it back to the living room and Regina leaned heavily against the couch back as soon as she was sitting, tilting her head back and closing her eyes.
Emma's frown deepened as she leaned over and patted Regina's shoulder gently. "Let me get you some water."
Regina's hand reached out with unerring accuracy and grabbed Emma's wrist before the blonde had a chance to move. "Just stay for a minute?"
Emma sighed her worry and dropped down next to the Mayor, so close that their knees touched. This was more than some adrenaline crash. "Please, what's wrong? Are you sure healing me didn't break you?" Emma eyes swept over Regina again. "Because you look broken."
Emma heard real worry in her voice and wished, not for the first time, that she could school herself the way Regina could. But hiding her emotions had never been in her wheelhouse and when Regina tilted her head and their eyes met, she could tell that the brunette had heard the same thing.
"I am unharmed. It's just..." Regina faltered abruptly as a tear escaped the corner of her eye. She swiped at it angrily and Emma held her breath, waiting to see if she would continue.
"Oh God, I can't do this." The words left Regina in rush and she simply deflated into a ball of emotion and silent tears. Emma had her in an embrace a moment later and, for the first time in their entire history together, Regina didn't tense.
"Emma, I have to let you go."
Emma felt a familiar icy chill move across her. Her spidey sense was well honed and always a pretty sure bet and right now it had her on high alert. "Let me go? What are you talking about? You try to push me away almost every single day. You're not keeping me here. I'm choosing to stay."
Regina swallowed thickly and pulled gently out of the embrace to make eye contact. "That's not safe for you. Sooner or later, I ruin everything good in my life and you have become as necessary to me as air. And when I saw you on the floor I thought you were dead and of all the emotions I felt, I wasn't the slightest bit surprised."
Another traitorous tear tracked across Regina's cheek. "Please, you have to take Henry and go far away from here."
Emma shook her head forcefully and grabbed Regina's hands from her lap and gripped them tightly in her own. "I'm not running. That's not who I am anymore."
"Emma, I'll destroy you!" Regina's eyes held more than a hint of panic and Emma made very sure that she didn't reflect it back. Not even a little. Instead, she shrugged.
"You just saved me." She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I'm not the only one who's changed."
Regina only stared at her in response, then shook her head dumbly. "I have to let you go."
It was nothing more than a whisper and Emma knew that Regina was faltering. So Emma pressed, just a little. "Ok. You did. You let me go. But that doesn't mean I'm leaving."
The silence stretched between them. Regina eyes tracked back and forth across Emma's face over and over again and Emma watched the brunette work through almost every emotion in the book.
When she finally spoke, hands still cradled in Emma's reassuring grip, she sounded less broken than before, but completely terrified. "What if I can't protect you next time? What if I'm not strong enough?"
Emma squeezed the hands in her own. "We've always been strongest together."
End Notes:
So, this is where I usually apologize for "not being a writer". But, I keep posting these damn things, so I guess that isn't super true any more. Who knew? Also, thank you all for your kind words. They really are the only reason I can get up the nerve to post these things.