Never-Said Apology
A Get Backers fanfic by Rabid Lola
A/N: I don't own the characters or the situation. Well, the latter, not really.
I look at you and remember what you used to be; I look and wish you could have stayed the same.
You don't smile anymore. Not like you used to, back then. You weren't carefree, but damn, you were happy. I was happy. He was happy. I'm happier now, yes. But you aren't. And is that the price you pay, for…what?
I'm not saying I'd give up everything now for how it was before. Because I wouldn't. Not because I'm selfish, but because I don't think I could have. Can have. Whatever. The Get Backers were fated to be. Ginji and I were fated to meet, to battle, to become friends, and then…to cause havoc in the world? To change it and make it a better place, like he believes? Maybe. I don't know. I don't believe in fate, per se. I do believe in choice and in taking what life throws at you. And for some odd reason I know that even if it hadn't happened, I would have somehow separated from you and your brother, and life would have thrown Ginji at me anyway. The only time fate decided—decides to mess with me.
Even if it hadn't happened—something else would have. It might have resulted in something much worse.
Maybe…
I had to do it, you know? If I hadn't, who knows where you would be? Where we would be? Maybe we'd be dead, killed by the mirror of your brother. Maybe you'd be dead. Maybe you'd be dead, and he'd be dead, and I would be left alone to mourn not the death of one friend, but two.
Yes, I mourned. You never saw it. Well, you didn't really give me a chance to stick around and show it.
I'm sorry, you know that? Sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry I killed your brother. In the back of my mind, even if I was fighting his mirror, I knew what would happen. I knew the results. Hell, my grandmother made me study curses and the way they work, what do you expect? I knew, subconsciously. And that made me not want to do it. But I did it, anyway. And I'm sorry.
Children of Fate. Ha. Haha. Hahaha. That's a damn sad name to call you two.
And me. I was dragged into that too, somehow.
I'm sorry. What I did to him, and to you. You grew up too fast and too wrong: your eyes are too flat and your manner too professional, but damn it I've known you too long. I see the storm churning inside you, all bitter and belligerent and hurt. Not only because of me, but because of the world. I wanted you to be tough, and so did Yamato, but not like this. Not in this way.
Something's changing, a little. You're beginning to talk to me again. To be a bit of my friend again. Good. I missed—You need to stay out of trouble, and I'll be able to make sure of that. But you're still too hard for your age, too embittered and lonely.
I'm sorry. For everything. You're not going to know any of this, of course. Probably. Maybe. I don't tell my reasons, after all. They're never important. What's important is that things go well, and things go the way they should.
No, not fate.
I'm sorry. Know that, somehow.
But I can't…and I won't, take anything back.
…--EnD--…
A/N: Not meant to be pairing-wise.