The End of our Freakout Libes!
Hola! My name is Carminia De Los Apostoles Cobadonga Contreras but my amigos yust call me Charmaine! This fanfictiona is sort of how I imagine it if the Walking Muertos came to my casa (caraban) in Mehico.
So let's begin! (Though I guess we already habe hahaha are we agree?)
AN: I am much better at spicing espagbol (whoops I mean to type speaking not spicing I don't spend ALL my time adding spices to food haha but almost jajajajajaja! actually I much prefer enchiladas with a lot of hot sauce.
'¿Qué tal que tubiera una base plana?' I asked.
We were looking at the taco fall ober, ober and and ober, and were ober it!
'We're ober it!' I mispronounced. I was standing with my gringo lober Yoe Yonas who I had yust married. We were celebrating Mexican style at the location where we had first met: the Border.
I remember the day we first met bery clearly. Yoe Yonas (or Yoyo as I call him) was wearing some kind of clothing. I can't remember bery well because the Salbation Army were gibing out free kidney beans at the same time so it is all bery hazy. The three Yonas brothers (actually I think it was yust two of them because the curly gringo one was too afraid to come to the border in case we stole his insulin jajajaja we don't eben HAbE houses to insulate!) had come to the border to perform a benefit concert a bit like the time Dabid Hasslehoff peed his pants but had sang on the Berlin wall years earlier.
I still remember the lyrics oh so clearly:
La cu-ca-ra-CHA! La cu-ca-ra-CHA! La cu-ca-ra-CHA! La cu-ca-ra-CHA! La cu-ca-ra-CHA! La cu-ca-ra-CHA!
And we all stamped our feet like CRRRAZZYYY gringoes. Unfortunately there was an earthquake which started and Mehico started to slip away from gringo land. As we split, my sexy now husbnad JoJo started to do the splits himself because one foot was caught on both parts of land. The other Yonas brother tried to drag him back onto gringo land but suddenly a plume of ash came our of the crater between his legs and cobered my Yoyo. In response, a marine raised his hi-tech blasting wand and aimed it at him. JAJAJA he thought that with all the dirt and black hair that he was one of us! A little poopoo also fell between his legs and what with the smell and the dirt, he was turfed ober to our land.
Later that day ,as Yoyo lay sobbing, and it was we used the telescope we had stolen to spy across the new chasm onto one of our 'neighbours' telebision sets which showed the news that Mehico had indeed separated from Gringo land. I wiped the poopoo from between his legs with my tongue cloth. Jajajaja no that is not a cloth I use on my tongue but my tongue which is also a cloth. I guess you could say from that day forth we were unofficially married.
20 fiesta's later, it was our actual wedding day. Under my dress I feel my penis swell in delight. Is what Joyo is thinking. He was wearing traditional Mehican wedding clothes. We also wanted to tell great grandmother and grandfather about what happened. Now don't be racist! I bet you're thinking JAJAJAJA mexican families habe children so early of COURSE my great grand father and mother are still alibe. Well you are wrong. They died from chicken pox 2 months ago.
We went to the grabejard to say HOLA and walked past a few open grabes (there had been a bad case of cold sores in the past few weeks).
'Dear greatgrandmamacita! I sooooo happy today and meet my husband Yoyo are we agree he is soooooooo handsome?! NO CHUT UP HE IS NOT A BURRITO MUNCHER I whispered to my grandmother's ghost.
Oh I forgot to mention I can see ghosts. That's why I was not scared when the terrible looking ghost dead man came up to us but then suddenly he bit Yoyo!
I screamed and ran away, getting my period at the same time. It was lucky that my mamma had also gotten her period in this dress on her wedding day and it was also lucky we had neber washed the dress so no one could really tell I had gotten my period.
I knew deep in my heart that I had now lost the ability to see ghosts. But now why weere they all suddenly appearing eberywhere? The dead were walking! It was impossible.
I quickly gathered my dress and gathered my belongings and gathered my relatibes but then dropped eberything. Where were we supposed to go?! There was no way to get back to gringo land but it seemed that eberything was coming from the south of the land. Something (sorry I don't know what the english word for it was) told me NOT to go south. Sometimes (sorry I don't know the english word for this specific time) you yust habe to trust your gut eben if it is only slightly north of your bleeding bagina.
To get some energy I quickly made some tacos out of the wild meat bushes that were nearby. One of the meat bushes was mobing so I used the spear that uptight bitch Mischa Barton has up her gringo ass to spear it. I borrowed my mammacita's emergency tampon kit and squeezed one of them onto the taco (jajayjaa I had yokingly soaked all of mammacita's tampons in hot sauce). The taco was delicious but I had to eat it in secret. I did not want any of my relatibes to think I was a 'taco eater' especially now that my husband 'mysteriously died' on our wedding day.
Suddenly my husband Yoyo appeared again! But something was wrong. For one thing he was missing an ear. And by ear I don't mean ear of corn! JAJAJA though that is our national symbol, I think. A-maize-ingly enough he was missing a flesh ear because it had been eaten and his eyes were white. I was so disgusted and turned off by his whiteness that I didn't want to go near him. Not eben to stop him from attacking all of my family.
As I sat on the train that I stole to took me away from all this horror I thought with horror:
THIS IS THE END OF OUR FREAKOUT LIBES!