Simmons tried not to squirm under Sarge's stern gaze, "You wanted to talk to me, sir?"

"Simmons, it has come to my attention that you might be in the need of semi-parental advice."

The maroon soldier frowned and assessed if there was any possibly escape from this conversation, "I need what?"

"There comes a time in every man's life when he feels the urge to settle down. Paint the fence white so to speak."

"I don't think I follow you, Sarge."

"Don't beat around the bush, soldier! Did you really think I'd never figure out what you and Grif were doing during your 'patrols'?"

"…Donut told you?"

Sarge seemed momentarily taken back but he quickly regained his senses, "…yes…but that's not important! The important thing is that there will be no hanky-panky at the base."

"Um…", this conversation was beginning to get uncomfortable. And Sarge looked more and more frustrated, "An' for gods' sake! Grif? Come on, I'm sure you can do better than that. Think about the babies you'll have."

"Sarge? I don't think that's possible…"

"They'll be like small gremlin cyborg demons! No offence to you, Simmons."

Simmons desperately banished the images of said gremlin cyborg demons from his mind, "Look, Sarge. I see you're upset. Grif may be a dumbass-"

"Damn straight he is!"

"-sometimes…and…uh…he's…we really…the thing is…", Simmons' voice faltered, "Okay, Sarge, to be honest with you, I have no idea why I like him.", he finally concluded.

"Ah this is hopeless! A lost cause. Get out of my sight! Why are you even still standing here!", Sarge growled and glared at his right hand man.

"This…this is my room…"

Sarge rushed past Simmons and went off to yell obscenities at the warthog. Grif glanced at the departing officer and then poked his head through the doorway to look at a still puzzled Simmons.

"What was all that about?", he asked.

Simmons rubbed his temple, "You know what? I think I just got relationship advice from Sarge."

Grif nodded like he knew all about it, "You too? I for one think gremlin cyborg demons would be awesome."

"I could do with some patrolling right now.", muttered Simmons and retrieved his rifle.

"Yeah, let's totally go and try making gremlin cyborg demons. Think they'll have superpowers? That'd be neat."

"Yes…", Simmons rolled his eyes, "Gremlin cyborg demons with the power to shoot laser beams from their eyes."

"You really think so?"

"Yes. Yes I do."

"Awesome."