Real or not Real?

It was Prim, she was calling to me. We were standing in the meadow she looked so beautiful. The sun was shining on her face. She was smiling as her blonde hair was flowing in the wind. I noticed something though. It was a small silver parachute floating down from the sky. I screamed for her not to touch it. "Prim stop it's dangerous! Prim NO!" I was too late. The meadow was now the capitol. Her body burning into ash. I could do nothing, I was frozen in place as I watched my sister die before me.

"Katniss! Katniss! Wake up." A familiar voice shouted at me. My eyes shot open as I seen Greasy Sae standing before me. " My dear, I thought someone was up here trying to kill you with the way you were screaming. Are you alright?"

"y-yes I'm fine." I choked out with a sob. She knew I was lying but she just let it be.

"Okay. Well how about you go and take a shower you are sweating like a pig and I will go downstairs and make you something for lunch."

'Lunch? It's already noon?' I thought to myself.

I walked over to the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I looked into the mirror for the first time since I have been home from the war in the Capitol. Some "Mocking jay" I told myself as I was looking at the pink scars on my body from the explosion.

I hopped into the shower and started scrubbing my body until there was hardly any skin left to scrub. After I rinsed my hair I got out of the shower. Rapped a towel around myself and walked out of the bathroom across the hall back into my bedroom. I went to my closet and picked out a pair of pants and a green sweat shirt somewhat similar to the

one I wore on the first day on the train headed to the Capital for the first Hunger Games. I also took out the pearl Peeta gave me on the beach. It made me think he was here with me to tell me it was okay. I missed that. I miss him.

I walked downstairs when I heard another familiar voice. It was loud and drunk. Haymitch. "Hey s-s-sweetheart, I've missed you." He said as he took another swig of the bottle.

"Oh, but I haven't missed you."

"Liar." He smiled. He was right, I was lying. I have missed that old drunken bastard.

"How have you been Haymitch?"

"The question is how have you been?" He said.

"I have been alright. How has he been?" I couldn't bare to say his name I have already hurt him to much.

"Who Peeta? He is just, well haven't seen him. He still brings me bread in the morning, but I am never up to notice.

"Oh, I was just wondering."

"Mmhmm. I bet." Haymitch laughed.

"Shut up!" I punched him in the arm, grabbed my sandwich and left.

On my way to the woods I noticed Peeta standing outside of his bakery hanging up signs. He looked like my same old Peeta.

He turns around and sees me. I stop dead in my tracks. He just smiles and walks inside. I stand there a moment, remembering it was that same kind of smile that he gave me when I found him in the mud nearly dead. It was that weak kind of smile.

I finally made my way to the woods. It was peaceful. The monckingjay's were chirping a song. They made me think of Rue and about her family. I wonder if they made it alive? I'm sure they did they were smart people.

I shot three rabbits, one squirrel, and picked a few blue berries. I decided to sit by a tree for a while. I took the pearl out of my pocket and examined it. It was the prettiest thing I have ever laid my eyes on. By the time I was finished it was almost dark. I decided to get this home and cleaned before it started to stink.

On my way home I passed his Bakery again, he was locking up for the night.

"Katniss!" I heard him shout behind me. I was thinking about going on and act like I didn't notice him. The last time I have spoken to him was when he was planting the Prim Rose outside of my house. He made me so angry for having to make me see the beautiful thing my sister was named after everyday. In a way I knew he was trying to help me.

I stopped and waited for him to catch up.

"Hey, I was on my way home can I walk with you?" His gorgeous blue eyes staring down at me.

"Uh, yeah sure." I replied, trying not to look at him.

There wasn't really any real conversation. Just a bit small talk here and there. It wasn't until we got to the door when he said something that caught my attention.

"Katniss, I have missed talking to you. Seeing you as a matter of fact " He looked away from me as if he said to much.

"I have missed it too." I murmured softly.

Chapter 2

I see Peeta a lot more now. We have been spending alot more time together as well. He teaches my how to bake. I am getting pretty good if i do say so myself. There was only one time when I almost caught the house on fire. Also in return for Peeta teaching me cooking, I teach him about the woods, what berries to pick and what not to. He is to nosie to take hunting. So we just stick with the berries.

I only had one nightmare last night. It was of Peeta. We were in the arena and the pack of wild mutts mauled at him. I awoke sobbing in a cold sweat. "It was only a dream." I told myself. "Just a dream." Just to be sure I went over the window I seen Peeta outside walking over to Haymitch's house to give him some bread. I wiped my forehead in relief.

I got into the shower cleaned my body and washed my hair quicker than ever before. I got out, went over to my closet and picked out a pair of dark jeans and a red tea-shirt. I put my hair in its usual style, a braid.

I hurried outside to catch Peeta. "Mind if I join you?"

"Wouldn't mind it a bit." He said. We walked into Haymitch's house. He was in the living room trying to find the stash Hazel has hidden from him. "Hello Haymitch." Peeta yells as we enter the living room. "Haven't you heard of a thing called knocking?" Haymitch is drunk and angry. "Just dropping off some bread. We will be out in no time. I promise." Peeta tries to calm him down.

"Have you checked the liquor cabinet?" I say laughing.

Haymitch quickly goes over and finds some vodka. "Thank God!" He says as he kisses the bottle.

On our way out Peeta asks me if I want to come over to his house for a bit. I do.

As we walk in I notice how his home is so, well homie. He has beautiful paintings everywhere that goes great with the smell of fresh baked goods. "You are really good." I say to him as I am admiring one of this paintings, which I already knew. He was amazing. "Thanks." it's one of my favorites. A Sunset. "It has your favorite color in it." I smile at him. "Yes, I remember you telling me that." He winks at me.

As I was looking at his paintings I didn't notice him leave. I just waited in the chair in his kitchen until he got back. "Here, I have something I want to give you." He hands me the book that we wrote together. It had all the plants that are edible and the ones you should stay away from. Just then I turned to a page with the poisons black berries that we almost killed ourselves with. Peeta was looking over my shoulder. He started to grip the back of the chair tighter and tighter. He was having a flash back.

"Did you try to kill me with those berries!" Peeta shouted. "Real or not Real!"

"NOT REAL! Peeta I would never hurt you!" I pleaded. I ran to him, wrapping my arms tight around him so that he knows nothing can hurt him.

He eventually calms down. His arms are now around my waist hugging me even closer to him. I look up to see him. He is smiling and I smile back. Now he is leaning down a bit. I was about to back away when his lips met mine. They were so warm and soft I just wanted this moment to freeze, so that I could be here forever with him.

He grabs me and pulls me down onto the table. He was on top of me, kissing like we have never kissed before. This moment was so exciting I couldn't help but want to see more of him. I rip off his shirt as he does the same to mine. I have never exposed myself to anyone. Well except the prep team, but that's a different story. Nothing like this. We are breathing heavily. He slides down and unbuttons my pants. His hands were so soft and careful. He looks up at me as if asking for my permission, I nod and he thrust into me sending shocks all up my body. He pulls my hands above my head holding them against the table. My legs are wrapped around his body now. I moan louder and louder as we go. His blonde hair dripping with sweat. He picks me up and we move over into the living room where he lays me down on the couch. It was nothing I ever felt before. Pain, pleasure, excitement all at the same time. Finally he rests his body on mine. " I love you Katniss." Peetas blue eyes looking straight into mine.

I didn't know what to say.

Then without thinking i said the three words i told myself I never would.

"I love you."

As we are putting our clothes back on I look at him, his body so muscular. "Peeta, I'm sorry."

"For what?" He is serious now.

"For being such an idiot."

"Uh, Katniss what are you talking about?"

"That wasn't me back there."

"Then who was back there?" Peeta is confused now.

"The girl i told myself I would never be." I said as i got up and left the room.

A month has passed since that night in his kitchen. I haven't spoken to Peeta since. I was to scared to. I was scared that I might hurt him even more than I already have.

I force myself out of bed. Its been days since i have left my room. I walk downstairs to find Greasy Sae. She is dusting off the window seal in the living room.

"Hello, nice to see you have finialy made it out of your room. She smiles at me.

I stare at her for a minute and then just walk into the kitchen. I grab a apple and go to the closet where my father's hunting jacket and my hunting boots were. As i was putting them on i heard a knock at the door. I wander who that is? I get up and answer it. I opened the door it's Peeta. I stare at him, his face was sad and hollow. There wasn't that light to it anymore.

"Uh, Hi." Is the only thing i say to him.

"I was wandering if Greasy Sae was here, I have something for her." I look down he is holding a bag of bread.

"She is in the livingroom."

He walks into the livingroom. I follow him, but i do not enter. I slide behind the door so no one could notice I was there.

"How are you doing, Peeta" Greasy Sae asks.

"Not so good to tell you the truth."

"I'm sorry, maybe she will come around."

Could they be talking about me? Of course they were.

"Yeah, but she doesnt know how much I care for her. She is my light through the darkness. It's like she still thinks this is an act." Peeta's voice is cracky, like he could break down at any minute.

All I could think at the moment was how much of a terrible person I was. I was think about going in and tell him how sorry I am and plead for him to forgive me. I knew it wouldn't help the pain he was feeling.

Just as I was about to walk away the door fies open and knocks me to the ground. Next thing I knew Peeta's hand were under me, he had picked me up and put me on the couch in the livingroom.

"Why were you behind the door?" He asks in confuson.

"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't of been listening. Peeta I really am." I pleaded to him.

" Katniss, It is not that big of deal."

"Peeta, I am so very sorry for that night." I said without even thinking.

"Forget it. I'm fine. It doesn't matter anymore, you already showed me how you felt. You don't feel the same way, I get it." Hes voice was kind of angry now. He had every right to be.

"Peeta, its not like that. I just don't know what my feelings are anymore. I have lost so much."

"I have lost just as much as you. All of my family. The one person I love."

I am pretty sure he was refering to me when he said that, but he hasn't lost me. If only I could tell him that.