Welcome to another new short story! Short Story Month is great for new short stories.

Legal: I own nothing but the idea. This story is for entertainment purposes only. In no way do I condone suicide, self-harm, harming others or drug use they are purely for story purposes.

WARNINGS: This story contains trigger warnings (see above) and begins with a major character death. Please read with caution. And if you are a fan of Zig this is not the fic for you.

Important things to know before reading:

*This is A/U and some people are ooc to fit the story.

*Begins just after the start of Clare's senior year.

*Clare did have cancer but Adam did not die he is alive and well and broke up with Becky over the summer.

*The Bakers moved back to Florida

*Owen is going to York and has an apartment with Johnny. Owen also works at DeGrassi part time as an assistant football coach.

*There was never a Paris trip so Alli never met Leo and is dating Dallas already.

*Drianca is still together.

*Zig got kicked out by his parents and Maya is dating Miles. Zig already lives with Vince and Tiny.

*Imogen graduated and there is no such thing as Zoe.

Okay that should do it the rest is in the fic. There's a bit of pov jumping in this first chapter.

Ch. 1 Left with a Deep Dark Hole

(CLARE)

"We have extra funds and…" Drew stops talking when my phone buzzes on the table. Eli's picture appears on the phone and I hit ignore.

"Go on," I tell Drew.

"I was thinking a Thanksgiving feast for needy families, we could do it Sunday so no one misses the holiday with their family," Drew tells me and during the time he was speaking I ignored four more of Eli's calls. "Are you going to talk to him?"

"No I'm going to turn off my phone," I respond and turn it off. "I think the dinner is a great idea, Thanksgiving is three weeks away we'll need to begin planning. It's a holiday weekend maybe Bianca can come help?"

"Yeah I'm sure she'd be happy to," Drew says as his phone begins ringing and he pulls it from his pocket. He looks at it and hands it to me, it's Eli he called Drew's phone because mine is off.

I take the phone and hit accept, "I'm not speaking to you Eli. Stop calling me!" I hang up the phone and give it back to Drew.

"Adam said you guys were on the rocks again," Drew comments.

"No we are broken up, he was cheating on me and I broke up with him. He's been cheating on me for the last month. Practically since he got to NYU, he came home to take care of me while I battled cancer and when I went into remission he goes home and he cheats on me. The minute I don't need him anymore he finds someone else!" I stop ranting to take a breath and realize Drew is looking at me with his eyebrows raised. "Sorry, didn't mean to clamor on about it, guess it's been pent up."

"That's okay. Sucks about you and Eli, you guys are good together. I'm surprised he cheated though, he always seemed kind of obsessed with you."

"Yeah," I nod sadly thinking about Eli and spinning my phone on the table.

"Let's go get you something chocolate from The Dot and finish up," Drew says getting up and I give him a small but grateful smile. I bring a notebook and we go to The Dot, I get some chocolate cake and coffee, Drew gets a burger but I'm sure he'll still be hungry for dinner when he gets home. We finish the meeting and have several new agenda issues to discuss at tomorrow's student council. "You want a ride home?" Drew offers as we leave The Dot.

"Sure, thanks."

"Clare," Eli says stepping out from behind the bus stop and blocking our path. "Just let me explain," Eli pleads but I ignore him stepping into the street and walking around me ex. "WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME?" Eli yells when I step back on the side walk and I look back at him narrowing my eyes.

"Because you cheated on me, you've been cheating on me practically since the moment you got back to New York! I don't care what you have to say Eli there is nothing you can say that would fix what you did. You made your choice go back to Lenore and leave me ALONE," I snap at him and continue walking with Drew following me. I take a few steps and then Eli speaks again.

"FINE," he screams, "you want me to leave you alone I'll leave you alone forever. Just remember I will always love you Clare."

I take two more angry steps, and then I hear a blasting horn and screeching brakes! I whirl around on my heel. My hair whips in front of my face and falls into place just as Eli is hit by a delivery truck! He gets knocked down on the pavement. Eli crumples, there's blood all I see is blood and I scream. Drew turns me to him and holds me tight to hide this terrible vision from me. I hear people yelling and hollering, talking quickly and I'm shaking. I hear sirens screaming in the distance and I begin sobbing on Drew's chest. I feel like I can't stand or breathe and then Drew picks me up, he carries me down the street and sets me on the curb. We're behind some cars so I can't see the scene, Drew stands in front me and the sirens are closer now. I just curl up into a ball, shaking and sobbing, the brief image of Eli lying mangled in the street won't leave my mind.

"Should I take you home?" Drew asks but I can't respond.

"Drew did you…." Officer Turner begins and then he sees me. "You did see what happened. We'll need statements from you both but I don't think Clare's in any shape to give a statement. I think you should get her home I'll get in touch with you both later to get statements."

"No," I exclaim standing up quickly, "no I can't get home I need to talk to Eli."

I turn and run, all I can think is to get to Eli and talk to him like he wanted, somehow if I can talk to him this will never have happened. It makes perfect sense in my head. I just need to talk to him and it will all be better.

"Clare stop," Drew says catching me and turning me to him. "You can't talk to Eli, he's gone Clare."

"No! No he's not gone," I scream into Drew's chest.

"Come on I'm taking you to my house," Drew says picking me up. I feel ill. Ill and overwhelmed by so much emotion and thought I can't take it all. I start to withdraw into my head, barely aware that Drew has put me in his car.

(DREW)

I park at my house and look at Clare. She's not crying anymore; she's not doing anything but staring at the window with a blank stare. I get out of the car and Clare doesn't move, she's in shock, at least I hope she's in shock and didn't have a mental breakdown. I open her door and pull her out of the car, when I push her to walk she does but it's like controlling a puppet. I walk her to the basement door and open it walking her in.

"What's with her?" Dallas asks.

"We heard someone got hit…" Adam begins to say and I cover Clare's ears with my hands shaking my head and Adam shuts up.

"Clare you want something to drink?" I ask her but she doesn't move, or speak or even blink.

"Clare what's wrong?" Adam questions standing up to look at her.

All of a sudden she snaps, I'm not sure if it's Adam standing in front of her or that she suddenly realizes she's at my place. First she begins breathing shallow and fast like it's hard for her to get air in and then she starts to shake as her eyes flood with tears.

"No he was here, I see him here, I need to talk to him," she begins to babble. I'm afraid she's going to hyperventilate and pass out

"Clare he's not…"

"No I have to go, I have to go," she says over me and her voice gets tighter and smaller. I'm afraid she's going to just pass out so I pick her up again and start walking to the stairs with her. She's still babbling about talking to Eli and it's sort of incoherent but she does at least put her arms around my neck.

"What is going on? Where are you taking her?" Adam demands but he's very worried.

"I'm taking her to my room, he was never in my room," I reply.

"Who was never in your room?" Adam questions but still runs ahead to open the basement door to upstairs for me.

"Andrew what on earth?" Mom questions when she sees us.

"I'm putting Clare in my room to rest and then I'll explain."

I take the stairs two at a time and set Clare on my bed. I'd tell her we'll be right downstairs if she needs us but I don't think she'd really hear me anyway; she's too far gone right now. So I put her on my bed and close my door going down to the kitchen where Dallas is now waiting.

"Okay what the hell happened?" Adam questions.

"Eli kept calling her while we were in our meeting and she turned off her phone and told me he'd been cheating on her."

"Yeah that's why I haven't spoken to him since I found out," Adam comments.

"Neither had she and he was very determined to talk to her. When she turned off her phone he called me and she hung up on him. We went to The Dot and finished the meeting and when we were walking back to school Eli was there and trying to talk to her. She told him to leave her alone and we kept walking. Then he tells her he'll always love her and…" I pause and draw in a breath looking at my brother, Eli is his other best friend, "he jumped in front of an oncoming delivery truck. He was…it didn't look good. Clare started freaking out and I brought her here."

"Eli," Adam swallows hard on his friend's name and sinks down against the sofa.

"I'll call Cece and see how they're doing and how Eli is and then I'll call Helen and tell her that Clare is here," Mom comments walking outside.

"Well no wonder Clare freaked out," Dallas comments.

"I'm going to go check on her," Adam says before going upstairs.

"Are you okay?" Dallas asks when Adam is upstairs.

"I'm not really sure honestly. We both saw him get hit, he is…or was important to Adam and Clare but I really never knew Eli that well. I knew he had problems and he's gone to extremes in the past but to take his life? I don't think it was planned, it was like she wouldn't talk to him and he imploded," I reply and Mom comes back in.

"Eli's in critical condition, unconscious with multiple internal injuries. They don't expect him to survive the night but he's in surgery and they're doing all they can. Helen said she'd come and get Clare," Mom informs us.

"I'll go talk to Adam and Clare, give them the news about Eli."

"I'm going to call Alli and tell her," Dallas says as I begin walking upstairs.

I open my bedroom door and find Clare lying on my bed, fingering the sash on my bathrobe that was on my bed. Adam sits on the edge with a hand on her arm, he looks sad and worried. She looks broken.

"Eli's in critical condition they don't think he'll make it through the night," I tell them.

"Can we see him?" Adam questions.

"I'm not sure, I'll take you down there but I think Clare's mom is coming to get her."

I'm not even sure Clare heard me, she's still staring into nothingness and fingering my bathrobe sash. Adam looks at her, brushing some hair back from her face and she doesn't even move.

"I want to go but Clare should probably go home," Adam replies.

"I'll go tell Mom." I leave my room and go back downstairs, Dallas isn't up here so I'm assuming he's still on the phone with Alli. "Adam wants to go see Eli if he can and I told him I'd take him. Clare isn't in any shape to do anything; she didn't say she wanted to see Eli but I don't think she should be at the hospital. It's probably best if she just goes home," I tell Mom and Adam comes downstairs.

"I told Clare I'd let her know how he is and that I'd call her later but I don't think she heard me. I'm ready to go," Adam sighs.

Mom doesn't say anything just nods and Adam and I leave. I take us to the hospital and through the emergency entrance. It takes a few minutes but we finally find out Eli is in surgery and where we can find his parents.

"Adam," Eli's mom smiles a little upon seeing my brother and hugs him. "Where's Clare? I thought she'd be here."

"She and I saw him jump in front of the truck and she…she's not in any state to be here right now," I tell them.

"I thought he was doing better, he seemed so happy in New York," Eli's dad comments.

I tell them about Eli cheating on Clare and how she was upset and everything else that happened this afternoon. I also tell them I don't think Eli came with intentions of killing himself.

"Maybe that wasn't his intention at all, maybe he didn't see that it was a delivery truck or didn't think it would hit him so hard. He's intentionally hurt himself to get Clare's attention before, maybe he just wanted her attention and…" Adam's sentence trails off and we fall into silence.

We sit there for a while and no one says anything, the longer we sit in silence the sadder and more worried everyone becomes. Eli's parents watch the clock, the second hand ticking away seems almost to memorize them. At least until a doctor comes in, she's removed her mask but she's still wearing one of those surgery apron things.

"Mr. and Mrs. Goldsworthy," she says quietly and Eli's parents get up. They walk to the hall but we can see them through the doorway. The doctor says something and Eli's mom collapses, she's crying and shaking and we just know.

"He's dead," Adam whispers before he begins crying. I hold my brother as he cries on my shoulder. All I can think about is the moment Eli ran out into the street and wonder if Clare's mind will survive hearing the news or if she'll snap like Eli did?

(CLARE)

"Come Clare let's get you home," Mom says. I hear her and yet I don't hear her. Like hearing the TV from the other room, I hear the words I know what she says yet they don't sink in because they are not part of my reality at the moment.

"She's welcome to sleep here I'm sure Drew wouldn't mind sleeping on the sofa in the basement for the night," Audra offers. Again I hear the words and know what they're saying and yet it's like they're in a different plane of existence.

"No the best thing is for her to be at home," Mom insists and comes over pulling at my hand. I sit up and let her pull me, let her bring me to my feet, let her walk me down the stairs. My body makes the movements but my mind only sees Eli in the road surrounded by blood and his body twisted.

Mom gets me down to the car and says something to Audra and then we begin driving. Mom continues talking as she drives but I don't really hear her anymore, I hear that she's talking but the words aren't distinguishable any longer. Then she stops at the intersection where The Dot is and the road that leads to the school. She's at the stop sign and still talking but all I see is the blood on the road and the tire marks. I start shaking, my nails dig into my palms and I feel like I can't breathe. I unbuckle my seatbelt and jump out of the car, I take off running.

"CLARE," Mom yells but I don't care I just don't want to be here and my instinct says to run so I run.

I keep running, down the street and into the ravine and keep running until I can no longer breathe. My lungs burn, I stop running holding a tree trunk and take deep breaths, then I sink down into the dirt. I sit there for a while looking at the dirt around my shoes. I'm not sure how long I sit there; I'm so lost in my head that it doesn't feel like any time at all. I start to hear voices not too far from me and it occurs to me that I'm near the spot that the kids hang out. I get up and walk toward the voices, I thought I heard Dallas and Owen, but I'm too far away to hear the voices clearly it's hard to tell. I see the fire in the fire pit and can distinguish conversations now, but no longer hear Owen or Dallas so maybe I didn't hear them at all. I walk over and sit down in lawn chair near the fire pit.

"Clare?" I know the voice, recognize it but I can't place who it belongs to and can't seem to turn my head to see who it is. "What're you doing here? Are you okay? You don't look like you feel well," he says and I realize the voice belongs to Zig.

"I feel like my world has collapsed. I don't want to feel this way. I want to feel…nothing."

"I'll get you something to make you feel better," Zig tells me. He gets up and walks to some other kids, most of whom I recognize from school. Zig comes back and hands me a plastic cup with some clear liquid and I drink from it. I drink the whole thing in one gulp, at first I feel nothing and then I feel…floaty. Floaty and light, not quite happy but I don't feel like I'm lost in darkness anymore and finally the vision of Eli getting hit and lying in the road leaves my head. "Feeling better?" Zig asks taking the empty cup.

"Yes can I have more? I like this feeling."

"I don't think you should have anymore right now," Zig says.

I don't even know what he gave me, I don't care right now. All I care about is that I don't feel anything. I'm numb and I'm not thinking about Eli on the pavement. I sit looking at the fire for a few minutes and then I shiver feeling a sudden rush of cold.

"He's dead," I whisper, "I killed him! I should have talked to him. I don't want to feel this way."

"I can make you feel good," Zig whispers brushing a strand of hair out of my face, "come with me."

(DALLAS)

"Hang on something's going on upstairs maybe Drew and Adam are back," I tell Alli and go upstairs with the phone still in my hand. Instead of Drew and Adam I find Clare's mom.

"Helen she's not here," Audra says.

"You heard from Clare?" I ask Alli hanging out on the staircase to hear the conversation without being seen by Helen.

"No, nothing what's going on?" Alli questions worried about her friend.

"I think Clare is missing."

"Jenna and I will go look for her, call you later," Alli tells me before hanging up.

"She ran out of the car near The Dot. She didn't go home," Helen says and she sounds frustrated more than concerned really.

"Well she didn't come back here you would have seen her while driving," Audra replies and the doorbell rings. I'm closest so I come up from the steps and open the front door.

"Officer Turner," I nod to him letting him in.

"Hi Dallas, hello Audra, Helen," he greets them. "I came to get statements from Drew and Clare because they were involved."

"Drew took Adam to the hospital to check on Eli and Clare i…"

"Clare ran, she was in my car and she ran out when we in front of The Dot."

"I'll speak with them tomorrow. I'm sure Clare's upset and just needs some time," Officer Turner tries telling Helen.

"Alli and Jenna are out looking for Clare I'll go look for her too," I tell Helen.

"Thank you Dallas," Audra says.

I nod and turn going downstairs to get my shoes. I get them on and leave the basement, if she ran out near The Dot then she can't be too far and it only takes a few moments for me to get to The Dot. I see a lot of kids, a few cops still and evidence of an accident.

"Hey Dallas what's going on?" Owen says coming over with a blonde guy I've never seen before. "Did something happen here?"

"Yeah Eli stepped in front of truck when Clare wouldn't talk to him. He's in critical at the hospital and Drew took Adam to go see him. Clare was here when it happened she kind of snapped. She was at our place but Helen came to get her and she ran out of the car. So now she's missing, Alli and Jenna are out looking and I said I'd look too since it was better than sitting at our place and listening to Helen bitch."

"Clare Edwards?" The blonde one asks.

"Yeah you missed her epic romance with Eli. We'll look for her too maybe she ran to the school or something. Johnny, Dallas, Dallas Johnny," Owen introduces us and I nod to him.

"Helen said she jumped out at this intersection but she didn't come back to our place and I doubt she went home."

"We'll look with you," Johnny tells me.

"Cool," I nod.

We look in The Dot first but Clare's not here, then we walk down to the school, the school is locked up and the janitor says he hasn't seen anyone inside. Doesn't necessarily mean she's not in the school as there are lots of places to hide but the janitor won't let us in to look even though Owen works there now. Owen and Johnny lead the way through the ravine since they know it better. We don't see Clare but we see some kids that go to DeGrassi hanging out around a fire.

"Anyone seen Clare Edwards?" Johnny asks.

"Nope," Zig shakes his head.

"If she comes by let us know," I tell them but no one really says anything.

"Come on let's walk to her house," I comment and we leave the kids.

We take the ravine most of the way figuring Clare is as far away from people as she can get. We don't see her though and she's not at her house. Johnny even breaks in through the back to make sure but no one's home. We start walking back to The Dot and I hear my message alert sound. I find a text from Drew when I pull my phone out of my pocket, it's not good news.

"Eli's dead, Drew and Adam are on their way home."

"Eli's dead and Clare is missing," Owen sighs, "why do I get the feeling this is not going to turn out well?"

Since it's short story month you only have to wait a few days to find out what happened to Clare. The update on Tuesday the 19th will begin in either Clare or Zig's pov.