Irony is White and Green

It was the same old ritual, waking up, going through the session of assuring my mother that I was going to be fine, I left to get the train to the town centre. It was the day of my interview, for a place at college, and so my mother was going through the usual unnecessary but welcome level of concern. The walk was pretty short, and in no time I was waiting on the platform for my train.

I thought to myself "I hope I can put on a macho act when I get there, else they might laugh". I did have a point, often people would laugh at how effeminate I am, and it could even influence my chances of getting a placement, if the ones interviewing me were as morally bankrupt as I had predicted…

My chain of thought was broken as I felt a hand on my shoulder, I nearly jumped out of my skin, and looked round… it was a man in a large, concealing coat and a hat, without wasting any time he reached into his pocket and pulled out a can.

"Hey, need a drink" he asked, looking side-to-side a little… Under any normal circumstance, I would not accept this 'gift', but seeing as it was an un-opened can, there couldn't be anything wrong with it, right? And I was thirsty…

I took the can from him and opened it… it didn't seem very carbonated, almost as if it had lost it's 'fizz', but I was unperturbed, as I began to drink.

Something about it wasn't right, it had an almost savoury hint to it, like someone had poured salt into it, so I resigned from drinking any more, as I put it down, the man greedily snatched it up, stuffed it into his pocket, and walked off…

As the train pulled up, I chose to forget about what had just happened and carry on with my day, for it was far more important than some gone-off can of soda. I took a seat opposite a guy; he looked at me with a slight smirk, and nodded knowingly… I have no idea why.

Judging by his belt and its contents, he was a Pokémon trainer, I myself had never really taken an interest in the profession, as I was put off when my friend broke his leg in a battle-related accident. Eventually, he broke the silence and began to speak "So… why are you going to the town centre?"

"An interview, for a place in college" I mumbled, trying to rudely shake him off. "Oh, good, education is the key… yeah". As if my loathing for his attention weren't enough already, I was beginning feel strange… like a strange clawing at the bottom of my stomach… it must have been the drink that man gave to me… what a day to have this happen.

"C… can you keep an eye on my bag?" I asked him, a twinge of what must have been illness in my voice. "Eh? What?... oh, sure" he said, as I shakily got up… but it was already too late.

Only one or two footsteps and I keeled over onto the ground, I felt weak and hardly able to move, he asked me if I was okay, and then rushed to m side, helping me up. "You alright?" he asked, a hint of worry in his voice as he carried me to the on-board toilets.

"I… I don't know… thanks for the help" I groaned as I propped myself up against wall. "What's wrong? You have an illness or something?" "no… no… it's just… this guy offered me a drink… it was in an unopened can, so I thought it'd be okay… but it tasted like salt water… was horrible"

He froze on the spot; a look of worry overcame him, as I he knew what was going on… as if he had some experience of this… "Wait… did he tell you his name?" I looked up at him, with a raised eyebrow "not at all…" "What did he look like?" "Uhh… he was wearing a big coat and a hat, couldn't see his… face…" I moaned, desperately trying to fight the strange feeling I had been overcome by.

"Oh my god… did you hear about that boy called Sareh on the news?" he said, a sense of urgency pervading his every word. "Yeah… he's the kid that was transformed by that gang… why's that important?" I asked, attempting to remember what I had seen on the TV about it.

"He described the man who did it to him in the same way, and he also said he had imbibed a liquid that tasted like salt water before it happened! Oh… my… good… lord…" he said, almost sounding exited…

It took me about fifteen seconds to fully grasp what he was saying… "No… no way… you can't be serious… it's not… not possible… no!" I protested, refusing to believe what was about to happen to me, but I looked down, and saw that my skin was turning pale… but not just pale… bleached white… what in the world was happening?

He just stood there, staring at me, completely shocked. "Why me? I… I had a goddamn interview today! What'll they think now?!?" I yelled out in protest… suddenly, I was silenced, as with a bizarre crunch, my body seemed o decompress until I was not even half the width I was before… "What are you going to become?" he asked, shaking in fear… "How am I supposed to know?!?" I shouted back, my voice noticeably higher.

I thought I had begun to bleed, but it was actually a bizarre red shape growing from the centre of my chest, and a similar thing was appearing on my back… I couldn't help but wonder… what exactly was I going to become?

My limbs had become spindly and simple-looking, and had turned green … out the side of my left hip, a large, billowing sheet of what I can only imagine was skin or something sprung fourth, stretching all the way down to the floor and resembling half of a skirt…

All of a sudden, it seemed to finish, and I fell to my knees, panting. "Wh… what the hell… am I exactly?" I asked him, looking up with a tear in my eye… "I… I think… uhhmm… I have no idea… hold on…" he said, still wide-eyed, and rummaged around in his bag, eventually drawing a small red object…

"My 'Dex' say's you're a… a… can you pronounce that?" he asked, handing me the book-like object.

It had a screen, like a computer, with some text and an image… I began to read.

'Gardevoir, possesses incredible shielding ability'… and the rest was all information about habitats… upon seeing just what I had become, for a brief second, I didn't know what to think… all I said was "There goes whatever masculinity I had left", but then it suddenly dawned on me…

I liked it! Every child dreams of this happening to them, but I had subconsciously held on to that dream, and now it was fulfilled… I was completely elated.

Despite my radically changed appearance the others on the train, who had gathered around outside the toilets, recognised me, and began to mumble and talk excitedly between each other… they had probably heard the stories about the other people transformed in this manner, but they had witnessed mine almost first hand.

"Wait… this may sound stupid… sir, but where you sitting there just a second ago?" a rather confused looking woman asked me.

"Yeah… and before you ask, yes, I did transform into this… I don't know how though… can I please sit down now?" I was lying as to not overcomplicate things, I knew full well it was that suspicious-looking man who did this to me, in fact, I felt that I had to thank him for doing me such a favour.

The transport announcer's voice rang out through the loud-speaker system, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we are only two stops from town centre; please make sure to not leave any unattended luggage on the train, thank you". I sat back a little and relaxed, luckily, the seat was on just the right level not to interfere with the large red 'fin' or whatever it was on my back.

I nearly jumped out of a skin when I felt a hand on my shoulder… "Hey Mr. Funny tall person… I'm lost… can you help me?" I was relieved to find it was only a ten year old… who was surprisingly un-perturbed about the fact I wasn't at all human anymore… "Sure… where are you from then? Why are you lost?" I asked, knowing that it couldn't be far. "We were going to the town centre; my mother caught the train before this one, but accidentally left me behind… I got on this one, but I don't know where I can find her… but you're all bright and colourful, so if you're with me, I'm sure she'll see us!"

I didn't know whether to take it as an insult or a compliment, so I simply nodded, "Good thinking, I have an appointment at four, but I'm willing to do it another time if needs be… so, what's you name?" I asked, still in the process of getting used to my new body… "I'm Alex, who are you?" he asked in a simple fashion. "I'm Stephan… nice to meet you". I don't know why, but there was something about this boy that I respected, and for once that whole morning, I actually felt a little warmth and empathy, maybe this whole new body lark was actually a good thing after all.

We pulled up at the Town Centre station, and disembarked, I was taken a back at amount of grace I now had, while before my walk had been an average shuffle, I now seemed to glide more than walk, taking delicate footsteps… it's no wonder the kid thought I stood out… and I loved every second of it. Eventually, we reached a plaza near the station, no doubt that his mother would look here first.

Alex and I stood on the highest part, a fair few people looked round at me, but I can only imagine they presumed that Alex was my trainer… However, like some kind of ravaging disease, knowledge of what happened to me and who I was spread, and soon enough, a whole crowd of people gathered around, asking me questions… this was just the opportunity I was looking for.

"What's your mother's name, Alex?" I asked him, smiling at the thought of my ingenious plan… "Oh… she's called Sally… why?" Without answering his question, I turned to the crowd and shouted out "Is there anyone here called Sally? Who has a son called Alex?" No sooner had I done so, than a young-looking woman came up to me, she then saw Alex and rushed to him, embracing him as they met.

It was pretty satisfying, watching them reunited, and it was almost entirely my doing as well… I stood smiling for a while… until I remembered just why I was here in the first place. "Oh no, the interview!" I shouted, and began to rune to the college, I had no idea of the time, but it wasn't worth risking anything.

Eventually, I made it to the building, it was pretty large, and I had a feeling this would reflect in the number of people interviewing me… I passed the revolving door and began to make my way up to the third floor, where they told me I would meet them. Just what were they going to say though?

I slowly opened the door, there were a panel of three men in suits, the first looked up from his papers and stared at me in amazement, the second simply nodded knowingly, and the third held out her arm so as to shake my hand. "We heard about this morning, Stephan, sorry for what happened to you" I shook her hand and smiled "It's alright, I like it".

A little confused at my statement, she sat down and pointed with her hand, telling me to do the same. Still a little confused at the prospect of interviewing a Pokémon, they proceeded to ask their questions. "Stephan… what subjects did you come here to take?" I relaxed a little and answered "Art, English, and Movie studies". The large man on the right looked at me with a stare suggesting "you useless slacker…", but proceeded to nod, and ask "what previous experience of these subjects do you have?" "I have a B grade in English, a C in Media, and an A in Art" he nodded again, then glanced to the woman next to him, who looked at me with a slight smile.

"Do you require any form of aid in your studies? Such as a scribe?" she asked, hinting at the fact I could have some physical disadvantage. "As far as I know, I can still walk, write and listen, so I guess not" she shuffled her papers, looking me up and down, and asked "do you plan to wear clothes in the future?" for a second, I had no idea what she meant, but it soon dawned on me that in the process of my transformation, my clothes had been destroyed, and I hadn't replaced them, all I had to retain my dignity was the long white sheet coming from my side… I began to plush profusely "uhhmm… I guess not… does it matter?" she laughed and said "I guess not, if you're so physically different, then it doesn't matter" I sighed with relief as she went on to say "that's our questions, do you have any to ask?

"Yes… am I going to be judged for what I am? And are there any others with situations similar to mine?" she thought it over for a few seconds, then said "I don't think this college has ever taught a Pokémon, but we'll try to give you as normal a time as possible here… sides, it could be worse, you could have no hands or something…" something was itching at the back of my mind, and I don't know why I said it, but I went on to ask "no offence, but this interview seems very unprofessional…" they all looked me in the eye, the fat man looked mortified, but then the woman smiled and said "as I said earlier, we've never had a Pokémon before, it's unusual talking to one about their future prospects as a student" I chuckled a little, then asked "okay then… how long 'til I find out if I have a place or not?", "should be about a month, you were clever enough to have your interview early, I'd be surprised if you don't get a place here".

I left the building with a certain feeling of satisfaction, even though I had got up early, fell violently ill, and had been transformed into a Pokémon, things were really picking up… safe to say it was one of the best things that had happened to me, but it would easily have gone so horribly wrong…

I stopped dwelling on that and turned my attention to matters closer to the time, my mother had arranged for our family to go on a trip… but hold on a second… I hadn't even shown my mother what had happened to me! An hour later, I stood outside my door, almost straight after pressing the electronic doorbell, the door swung open and my mother and father stood before me. "Stephan, my son… are you okay?" "Yes dad, I'm fine, don't fuss about it, this is great" I said, showing off my new body. "I… can't believe it… my boy is a Pokémon! He's cute again!" I could barely manage a "what?!?!" before she threw herself at me, hugging me just below the red extrusions on my upper body… and squeezing a fair bit.

"Mum… are… nggg… you still… up for that… trip… to the lodge?" I grunted as she slowly loosened her grip. "Oh… I guess so… if it's what you want" she looked me up and down again, and just when I thought she had gotten used to it, she screamed "Oh my go! You won't be wearing clothes anymore will you?!?", I said to her "calm… down… yes, I don't need clothes anymore, but don't give me ear-ache over it…"

She glared at, I had been just that little bit too rude… she grabbed hold of the ear-like-things I now had on the sides of my head and dragged me inside… man, what a day.