Between truth and lie

by Kassandra Luem

I wrote this for all those people who prefer to interpret people's actions and get themselves crazy doing so instead of simply talking to them. My dear friends, you do know that I'm talking 'bout you!

summary: Alex and Olivia are a couple and in love with each other, but then insecurities and fear get in their way. Can they overcome their troubles and become happy together again?

Please, read and review!

Alright, here we go...

Chapter one: The argument

Moonlight reflects on your hair, making it shine like a halo. You look so peaceful when you sleep. When there are no worries tugging on the corners of your mouth, no struggle to keep composure and no suspicion narrowing your eyes. It's just the two of us here in this room, laying snuggled closely to each other, moonlight shining on the scene through the open window, the wind blowing the curtains. I've never felt so content in my whole life.

It's been two months since the two of you got together. In retrospect it's a shame I never noticed anything. Now that I look back, I remember the glances flying between you, heating up the room's atmosphere. I knew you were gay, but somehow I couldn't imagine her to be. I also guess I just couldn't imagine you falling for the Ice Queen. You must have seen something in her we couldn't. But recently I got to know her better and now I think I understand. I saw her compassion, caught a glimpse of the woman beneath the ADA's mask.

However, when you first told me I was completely taken aback. You and Alex, it seemed so… unfitting. And yet, now I'm convinced that it works. I can see the love in her eyes when she looks at you and the love in your's when you return her gaze.

I always thought that you two must be the happiest people in the whole world, having found the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with. But then I'm wondering why none of you is walking around, grinning in a silly way from ear to ear. I'm wondering why you never take each other's hands when you meet at night at the precinct and it's only me in here, who know's already. I'm wondering why you don't seem happy at all.

I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have yelled at you. Although I can't hear you, I'm sure you're crying, safely locked in the bathroom. Guilt is snapping through my stomach, pressing the air out of my lungs. I don't know what came over me that I acted like this.

I came home, hearing you rummaging in the kitchen. At the sound of my key in the lock you came towards me, kissing me gently on the lips. You were smiling at me, telling me that you missed me, that you couldn't wait until I got home from work.

You're always so gentle. A deep felling of love washed over me, bringing with it a contentment I never experienced before. And it scared me. It scared me that I was so dependant on you, that you had such a power over me.

So when you began softly caressing my cheek, pressing your body close to mine, I backed away. You looked at me with that questionning look in your eyes. Those deep blue eyes, brimming with love. Suddenly I felt the urge to run away. I've never been confronted with something like this. Roughly I pushed your hand away, turning out of your embrace, creating a safe space between us.

,,Liv, are you alright?'', you asked me carefully.

,,Yeah, of course I am! I just need some room to breathe! You are crushing me with your constant kisses and embraces! I don't want to be so close all the time! I need my freedom, alright!''

God, that hurt look on your face will be haunting me till my last day. Firstly you just looked at me in shock, then your lip started to quiver. Still you managed to keep your voice bare of any emotion as you said

,,If this is what you want, then enjoy your free time right now. I won't be annoying you''

Turning around, a curtain of blonde hair covered your face, preventing me from catching a glimpse of your expression, as you made your way to the bathroom. The last thing I heard was the door closing and the key clicking in the lock.

And now I'm sitting here on our bed, asking myself what I've been thinking, yelling at you, telling you what I did. I never wanted to hurt you. I guess I'm just not ready for all of this. Sighing heavily, I roll onto my stomach, pulling a pillow over my head.

I'm crushing you. You don't want to be so close. Endlessly your words keep replaying in my mind. I don't give you room to breathe. I'm too close for you. I don't understand. It's like someone just turned the world upside down, leaving what had been certain unsure and what had been safe insecure.

What have I done wrong? Have I been so wrong in judging the situation, in judging your feelings for me? Questions over questions and I haven't got any answers.

I'm sitting here on the toilet, my mind going wild with thoughts, memories, fragments of conversations and scenes of you and me. I just don't know what I have done wrong to make you so angry. I don't know which mistake I made to lose your… to lose you. Because that's what I feel like. Like I'm losing you.

You said you just don't want to be so close. But what do you want then?

My mind is spinning, I can't think clearly. All I know is that I love you. And that's why I want to be with you as often as I possibly can. Why I want to hug and kiss you and never let go again. Liv, please, I want to spend my life with you, don't leave me.

I guess that's what you meant, isn't it?

Laughing bitterly, I realize that my voice is shaking and I can taste the salt of my own tears on my lips. Covering my face with my hands I bend over my knees and try to supress the sobs rocking my body.

I don't know how long I've been sitting like this, but when I finally emerge from the bathroom and enter our sleeping room, you're laying on the bed, sleeping. I look at you and there's just one thought in my mind. I can't lose you. I can't lose you, Liv. Whatever it takes, I'm going to do it, as long as it makes you stay. If you need your freedom, then go ahead with it. I won't complain, I promise. I won't be restricting you. Just stay.

A/N: Alright, what do you think? Wanna know how it continues? Well, just push that little button down on the left and tell me...