Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist!

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She's My Wife!

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Colonel Roy Mustang grumbled to himself from his seat at the bar, leaning forward to rest his head on his hand as he listened to one of his companions – Maes Hughes – ramble off about his family to his side. The green-eyed man was flailing his arms about in a drunken stupor, making comments about how his precious daughter Elicia had just recently said her first words.

Roy simply nodded at his friend each time he stopped to look at the raven-haired man for acknowledgement, wanting him to stop talking about something he had no true concept of but not having the heart to put a damper on his lively friend's mood.

Yawning slightly and peering down at what little alcohol was still left in his glass, the Colonel swirled it around and then downed it quickly, before waving down the bartender and requesting another round. He heard the woman from beside him sigh and in his peripheral vision saw her shake her head minutely in disapproval, but noted he didn't quite care what she thought of his alcohol consumption. This was one of the few times of the week he wasn't constantly on duty, and he planned on acting as irresponsibly as Riza would allow him to get away with without reprimanding him.

He flashed a fond smile at her before receiving his drink and taking yet another swig. It was then that Hughes pulled out a picture of Gracia and Elicia, and Roy knew that if he was going to get through a few more hours of listening to such nonsense spill from his friend's mouth, then he was going to have to be a little more heavily drunk than he was in that moment.

Pretending to provide Maes with an attentive ear, he instead let his thoughts wander a bit. With so much talk about family and kids and wives entering and exiting his ears, it was natural that such information would float its way into his hazy mind. It wasn't that Roy Mustang didn't want a family sometime in the future – he was still young, and how could he not pass on such prize-winning military genes? – but more so the fact that he never knew when it would happen, if it would happen.

Everywhere the young Colonel looked, it seemed, his officers were up and having families. Someone was always either off getting engaged or married or trying for a child, in his mind. And while he was happy for them – he really was – he couldn't help but wonder when it might be his turn, if ever. The fact that he might never find someone permanent never really bothered him when he was a cocky newly-appointed State Alchemist, because back then, women had been crawling on him and he actually had time to worry about things like that. But as he progressed in his job, jumping up through the ranks, he found that he could never hold a relationship for long. Women heard of what his career in the military entailed – never being home, being put in constant danger – and like most, came to the obvious conclusion that those were not ideal qualities in which to start a family or raise a child under. Roy had to admit to himself, though, that having such short relationships was his own fault, too – no women he was ever with really held his attention for long, certainly not enough to consider marrying her.

The Colonel's mind continued to wander as he turned his head and spotted Riza Hawkeye, sipping at her mild drink. He smirked a bit – she hadn't got hard liquor like him or Maes, claiming that she had to be the responsible of the three and so couldn't get as drunk as she pleased. The thought amused Roy – she could be such a stick in the mud, but he also knew that it was that same careful attitude of hers that had saved his sorry ass multiple times.

Taking another large gulp of his drink, he felt head grow heavier and his mind foggier. His mind then began to fill with things better left unspoken the more intoxicated he became – what about Riza? He had considered her a few times, but never made a move out of pure respect for the woman. She was not someone to be used and dumped, and yet he would never allow for another man to put his hands on her. More than once, he could recall, they had shared moments, but they had never amounted to anything, much to his dismay. And though he wanted something there, he was not willing to cross boundaries unless indicated he could.

Suddenly put off and in an even dumpier mood than before, his thoughts became more negative than before, Hughes still babbling frantically in his ear. Hearing about Elesia's fantastic development from her proud daddy made the usually overly-confident Colonel doubt himself – he felt he could do nearly anything, but be a sufficient father for a child, despite how much he wanted to be. Not having the best childhood left Roy feeling as though he couldn't provide for a baby as he wished he could – because what other military wives feared could so easily become a reality. One day, if he did have a child, the young man that was Roy Mustang might never come home and greet that kid again – and the thought of leaving his child alone like that was sometimes so sickening it was enough to almost completely quell his secret want for a family at times.

Roy groaned then, shaking his head and finishing off his glass again. His head ached from all the thinking his drunken mind had been doing. So much for a fun night out... he thought to himself sarcastically. Instead of a relaxing evening, he simply ended up mulling over the same things he thought about deep into the night.

He was brought out of his self-induced wave of grouchiness when Riza placed her hand on his arm and gave him a look. "Are you all right?" she asked, eyebrows upturned in concern.

Roy blinked at the blonde women before waving down the bartender again. He knew she would probably try to scold him about his intake of alcohol, and so he ordered before she could object. Smiling at the frown on her face, he was about to open his mouth to answer when Maes spoke before him.

"So, do you have a wife yet, eh, Roy?" Hughes drunkenly slurred out to his commanding officer, throwing his arm around his shoulders. Sober Maes knew perfectly well that Roy wasn't married and loved to tease the man about it, but inebriated Maes was none the wiser. He blinked at him through his glasses, waiting patiently with a goofy grin for an answer.

However, as he was about to speak again to tell him for the hundredth time that, no, he didn't, dammit!, Riza cut him off. Grabbing his hand in hers and turning to Maes, she announced matter-of-factly, "Yes. Me, you buffoon."

Hughes jumped back at the statement, eyes narrowed from behind his spectacles as he tried to discern whether her reveal was true or not. Even Roy recoiled, turning and blinking bewilderedly at their hands and her. Riza simply stood her ground, not fazed by either man's reaction.

Maes continued to stare them down, and placing a hand on his chin with sloppy aim, he asked Roy, "Is this true?"

Looking around, sobered up from the shock, he eyed everywhere from Riza and his newly-filled glass to a painting across the room, searching his mind for a quick answer if only to make the situation end. But before the man knew what he was saying, he was nodding his head. "Why wouldn't it be?" he responded, pulling Riza a bit closer to him. Looking over at her, he could see that she looked a little out of it and easily realized that she was lightly intoxicated and that that was why she had given Maes such an answer to his question. She looked surprised by his reply, but accepted it without complaint – she was the one who had gotten them into the mess! But both knew that the opportunity to mess with Hughes was much too great to pass up.

Maes continued to analyze the pair, sipping idly at his glass as he did so. When he placed it down on the counter, empty, both Roy and Riza thought they were off the hook, but with a wicked smile directed at them then, he said simply, "Then prove it."

Riza was the first the catch his meaning and she glared at him. "What?" Roy did a few seconds later, and simply sputtered at the notion, once again shocked sober.

"You heard me," he snorted, "prove it, lovebirds! All it takes is a little kissy-kissy – shouldn't be too hard for a couple like you, eh?" He crossed his arms and gave them an amused look, and it occurred to Roy for the first time that night that Hughes may not be as drunk as he let on.

Hawkeye was about to protest again when Roy, emboldened by the dare of it and the alcohol in his system, pulled the woman forward and placed his lips against hers. Riza stood ramrod straight at first, but when Roy pressed his lips to hers a little more fervently, she gave in, tangling her arms around his neck. The Colonel was pleased with her reaction and proceeded to deepen the kiss, hoping that his skills weren't lacking with his drunkenness. Riza's mind spun at the occurrence but did not deny it, instead relishing in the way his hands held her against him.

The pair parted only when air became essential, both blinking at each other and inhaling quickly. Roy flattened out his mussed up hair and Riza fixed her ruffled clothes, an embarrassed flush crossing her cheeks.

Maes stared from his place beside them, his suspicions having cleared and his eyes disbelieving to the sight he had just witnessed. Grinning widely then, he stood up and grabbed Roy's shoulder, shaking it. "Congrats, sir!" he cheered, "I don't know when this happened – but... well, damn, I don't know what to say!" He turned to a confused Riza then and took her hand. "You, too! This is... so sudden! But great! Finally! It's about time ol' Roy Mustang got himself a wife!" The drunken man that was Maes Hughes then flopped back into his seat, laughing the entire way, throwing back his drink in celebration. Both hoped he'd be drunk enough that he wouldn't remember any of what happened the next morning.

Another hour full of drinks and careful eye contact avoidance between Roy and Riza commenced, but when Maes began to argue with the bartender, Hawkeye decided that it was finally time for the father to call it a night. Standing up and paying for the round of drinks, she walked over to Hughes and took him by the collar.

Roy, realizing that she was leaving, tugged on her sleeve with little hesitation. "Where are you going?" he whispered, his voice urgent, suddenly saddened by the fact that she wasn't going to be around him any longer. The idea of being left all by his lonesome that night did not appeal to the Colonel, and so he intended on keeping her by his side for as long as possible.

"I'm just going to take this idiot home," she motioned to Maes, who looked like he was ready to pass out. Roy's scowl deepened then, and she gave him a crooked smile. "And then I'll be back for you, I promise." When her commanding officer gave her a doubtful look, his eyebrow upturned, she leaned forward and uncharacteristically pressed a kiss to it. Riza mentally justified the action by saying the alcohol had clouded her judgement and caused her to perform it, but even she knew that she was lying to herself at that part.

Roy blinked up at the woman, just as surprised by the action as she was, but he didn't oppose it, instead smiling smugly to himself. "Your place or mine?" he asked smartly then, only receiving an unimpressed look in response.

"Neither, hotshot," she answered as she took Hughes by the arm. Flashing him a cheeky grin, she continued, "You should be more focussed on not being hung over for your assessment tomorrow than getting lucky, with all due respect, sir." And at that, she left, barely holding back a chuckle at the shock that crossed the Colonel's features at being reminded of his impending reassessment by Fuhrer Bradley.

So Colonel Roy Mustang was left sitting there, staring at the bar's counter blankly, completely having forgotten about his full glass of alcohol in front of him and instead completely concentrated on the unfortunate fact that he had decided to get drunk the night before an assessment.

And then it occurred to him... why hadn't Riza told him sooner?

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Author's Notes: I freaking love Hughes! XD How can you not?

Okay, to be completely honest, I'm only 20 episodes into FMA. But I still ship Roy and Riza like burning (along with Winry/Ed)! But Royai is totally my OTP for the show. And even though I'm not quite as immersed in it yet as I normally would be, I just couldn't put off this idea once it popped into my head! XD

I mean, Maes wants Roy to get a wife already! ...so why not Riza?