Disclaimer: I do not Own Twilight or any of the characters; they all belong to Stephanie Meyer. I do not own the song or lyrics to 'Valentine's Day' either, that belongs to Linkin Park.
They say that when you die your entire life flashes before your eyes, but that wasn't the case for me. I didn't see any of it; I was completely consumed by darkness.
Perhaps you need a longer and more drawn out death to see your life go by so quickly, maybe that's why it didn't happen to me; I was out cold as soon as I hit the truck.
I remember seeing the light a few times, not the kind that would lead me to heaven but a more illuminated and realistic glow. I could faintly hear voices and people rushing around me, yelling demands I didn't understand.
"1…2…3…CLEAR!" That voice was the one I remember most, because shortly after there was a tug on my heart and I felt like it was being pulled upwards. It reminded me of the time I ran into the electric fence on my uncle's farm only that was less painful.
"Charging…" Called another voice
"1…2…3…CLEAR!" called the same voice as before and there was another tug on my heart. I wanted it stop, I wanted to close off my mind and go back to the darkness again…but they wouldn't let me.
"…Charging…" said the other voice again.
"Come on Bella…" the first voice whispered again before another countdown.
"1…2…3…CLEAR!" they called and that did it, my eyes flew open and I gasped, taking in as much oxygen as I could. I vaguely remember seeing people in white and the relieved face of a middle aged man looking down on me before I was consumed by darkness once more.
This wasn't the same darkness as before, there was pain in this darkness and there was noise…too much noise. I could hear someone whispering next to me, but the words were all slurred together. I could hear an annoying beeping sound, and more people murmuring on my other side.
No, this wasn't the comforting and peaceful darkness from before, there were no sounds there and there was definitely no pain.
"…Bella…" that one word broke through the dark, followed by more jumbled sounds.
"Please...wake…your eyes…please Bella" I remember thinking, 'why do they want me to wake my eyes?' before they sounded again and this time there was something resting on my cheek.
"Please open your eyes…for me?" the voice pleaded.
And how could I not comply? They sounded so desperate and broken, knowing I had caused someone this much pain made me sick.
So I did as I was asked and slowly cacked my eyelids open. Everything was a blur at first, there was that same luminous glow as before and as my eyes started to focus properly I realized I was staring at the ceiling.
"Bella!" the voice exclaimed in relief.
I looked to my left and saw my brother, Emmett, sitting in a plastic chair next to me.
"Bella?" an unfamiliar voice called, I looked to my right.
There was the same middle aged man I saw before the darkness, he saw I was awake and smiled.
"Bella, do you know where you are?" he asked.
I glanced around the room quickly, and took a guess.
"Hospital?" it sounded more like a question.
"And can you tell me your birth date?"
"September 13th" I replied without missing a beat.
"And what is today's date?" I paused for a second.
"Depends on how long I was out" I replied and resisted the urge to roll my eyes.
The doctor smiled, and wrote something on his chart.
"It's January the 4th 2010, you were only out overnight…" he paused for a moment "Miss Swan…do you remember the accident?" he asked gently.
"A-accident?" I stuttered trying to think.
"Yes, you were in a car accident on the highway…" his voice trailed off as I remembered the events of early yesterday morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~January 3rd 2010 9:00am~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Mmm, Edward let go" I complained half-heartedly as I struggled to get out of bed.
"No," he grumbled.
"Edward," I sighed "your sister is gonna kill us if we don't get to her house on time" I tried getting up again but he just rolled us over so he was hovering over me.
"Forget Alice, lets just stay here and hide out" he suggested as he began kissing his way from my shoulder to my neck.
"As tempting as that sounds, I think Alice would just come here and drag us over herself" I laughed, as he continued to kiss blow my ear.
"We could always lock the doors and windows" he mused.
"Edward" I said warningly.
"Okay," he sighed and rolled off me.
"I'm gonna go get dressed" I said as I quickly grabbed some clothes and ran to the shower, locking the door behind me so Edward couldn't get in.
Once I was finished I walked out to find Edward sitting on the bed glaring at me.
"You locked the door!" he accused, I just giggled and went over to sit on his knee.
"I figured you'd want to join me but I knew if you did we'd be late" I said as I kissed his cheek "now, go get ready and I'll make breakfast" I said as I skipped off to the kitchen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 10:30am ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Argh, I hate driving to your sister's house it takes so long!" I complained as we drove along the highway.
"Well at least we didn't take your truck, or we'd never get there on time" Edward teased from the driver's seat. I just rolled my eyes and nudged him playfully.
I got bored listening to the radio so I started looking in the glove compartment for a CD.
"What are you looking for?" Edward questioned as he stared at me curiously.
"Hey, eyes on the road" I snapped playfully, "and if you must know I am looking for my CD" I stated.
"Oh, it's here" Edward said as he reached down next to the cup holders and pulled it out.
"EDWARD, LOOK OUT!" I shouted as I looked up and saw the car in the next lane swerve in front of us.
But it was too late, we ran into the back of the car causing us to spin around on the highway, Edward tried to slam on the breaks but as we spun we slammed into the back of a truck; and that's all I could remember before I was consumed by darkness for the first time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present Time ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Where's Edward?" I asked anxiously.
Emmett and the doctor shared a concerned glance; I knew they weren't telling me something.
"Where is Edward? I need to see him!" I yelled at them.
"Bella, honey…" Emmett whispered as he trailed off.
"Emmett, is he okay?" I croaked "tell me he is okay!" I demanded as I grabbed his shirt tightly in my fists.
"He didn't make it," he whispered "he died on impact, Bella, there's nothing anyone could have done" a single tear fell from his cheek.
"You're lying" I whispered
"You're lying!" I yelled as I let go of his shirt and tried to scramble out of the bed.
Emmett quickly grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back on the bed as I punched and cursed at him. The doctor quickly came over and stuck me with a needle; it wasn't long before I was asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~May 23rd 2008 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Okay Bella, you can open your eyes now," Edward whispered in my ear.
I opened them and gasped as I took in my surroundings. We were in a beautiful meadow, placed in the middle was a picnic blanket with a bucket of ice for the wine and candles lit all around. Edward pulled me over and sat down pulling me into his side. He pulled open a picnic basket and pulled out some mushroom ravioli; my absolute favourite. Then he poured the wine and handed me a glass. I took a sip and then raised an eyebrow at him.
"This is wine from your cellar, isn't?" I asked.
"Yes, of course" he smiled.
"It's the oldest too, right?" I asked after inspecting the label, he simply nodded.
"What's the occasion then?"
"I don't know what you mean" he replied too quickly.
"You wouldn't bring out your oldest wine unless it was an important occasion" I explained. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair; I knew he was nervous about something.
"What's wrong?" I asked softly. He took a deep breath and began to reach into his pocket when suddenly; there was a burst of thunder. I jumped at the sound and we both looked up as it bean to rain.
"Shit!" Edward muttered under his breath.
We began to blow out the candles and pack up the food and rug and then ran back to the car. Edward loaded everything into the boot and then quickly hopped into the driver's side.
"Shit, I'm so sorry" Edward apologised.
"What are you sorry for? You don't control the weather, and besides, I like the rain" I smiled and wiped a drop from his nose. He chuckled and reached into his pocket again.
"There was a reason I brought you out here today and why I got my best wine…" he trailed off as he pulled a small black box out of his pocket. I gasped.
"Isabella Marie Swan, I love so much, more than life itself. I have loved you since you first spoke to me, since I first saw you in the coffee shop that day. I promise to love you for the rest of my life and longer…will you marry me?" he asked flipping open the box to reveal a stunning diamond ring.
I must have been quiet for too long because he started to ramble.
"Is it too soon? I knew I should have waited, damn…I should have booked a restaurant too then we wouldn't be in a car when I ask you the most important question of you li-" I cut him off by putting my finger to his lips.
"Yes. Yes, yes, yes 1 million time yes!" I exclaimed as I latched my lips onto his, we both pulled away for air after a few minutes of lip locking.
"You don't mind me proposing in the car, do you?" he asked.
"I think it's one of the most unique and creative ways anyone has ever proposed" I laughed as I pulled his lips back to mine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present Time ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was now January 6th and I was leaving the hospital. They only needed to keep me for two nights to make sure I had no internal bleeding, but apart from that and a few scratches I was fine.
I didn't say anything as Emmett walked me to his jeep, and I didn't say anything as we drove to his place either. I just sat and stared out the windshield, not moving, not speaking, I was just…thinking.
Thinking of a better time, a time when I was happy…when we were happy. It hurt to say his name now, it hurt to even think it. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't realise the car had stopped or that Alice and Rose were wrenching open my car door.
"Oh god Bella" Alice cried as she clung to me.
I just hugged her back as she cried into my shoulder; I didn't even shed a tear.
I couldn't believe that he was dead, that he would leave me here like this, not when he had made a vow to stay by my side forever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~December 12th 2008 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I ran up to the front desk of the hospital with Alice and Rose right behind me.
"We are here to see Edward Cullen" I told her in a rush.
"What relation are you?" she queried.
"I am his wife and these are his sisters" she didn't really need to know that Rose was actually his sister-in-law.
"Mr. Cullen is in 303" she smiled politely.
"Thanks!" I called back and dashed off towards the elevators.
I quickly made it to the room and found Edward in a hospital bed with a bandage wrapped around his head, Emmett was sitting at the foot of his bed on the other side and Jasper was in a recliner in the corner.
"Oh, Edward, thank god you're okay!" I sighed in relief as I sat on the bed nearer to his head.
"What happened?" I demanded looking at Emmett.
"Why does everyone always look at me?" he asked putting his hands up in surrender.
"Because it's normally your ideas that get everyone into trouble," Alice snapped from Jasper's lap.
"It's okay love, it was an accident. We were playing baseball and…well, let's just say Emmett shouldn't throw the bat" Edward chuckled. I gasped and glared at Emmett.
"You threw the bat? What the hell were you thinking!?" I yelled.
"Relax Bells, it was an accident and it barley even hit him he's okay." I just continued to glare at him.
"Why don't we go to the cafeteria and get some lunch?" Rose asked.
Everyone left the room quietly and said they would be back soon.
"I was so worried," I whispered "I got a phone call and all they said was that you were in the hospital and you were injured and…and…I was so scared, I thought I'd lost you." I cried out as I threw my arms around him.
"Shh, it's okay love, I'm okay." He whispered soothingly and rubbed my back.
"You haven't lost me, I promise I will stay by your side forever" he whispered as I continued to sob into his chest.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present Time ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had been staying at Edward's parents for a while now, to help plan the funeral, I wanted to go home but everyone agreed that it was easier if I didn't have to commute everyday. I knew the real reason though; they thought if I went back alone I would have a break down of some sort. They were all worried about me because I hadn't cried yet; I hadn't let my emotions out, but they didn't understand that I had accepted it, that I had done my grieving in the hospital and I was fine now.
Absolutely fine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~April 7th 2007 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was 9:00am and I was on my way to work, as usual, dressed in my pin-stripped suit, as usual and uptight and professional, as usual. Nothing really changed for me.
I stopped at the star bucks on the way to work and ordered my usual, coffee.
Everyday I had the same routine, and everyday I hoped for something more. I was bored with my life, my job and the world, I wanted adventure and I wanted change, and I wanted it now.
I sighed and tuned to walk away from the counter after receiving my drink but being me I managed to walk straight into some poor, unaware civilian.
"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!" I exclaimed as I grabbed a napkin and tried desperately to dry the person off.
"It's okay," said a warm velvety voice "I should watch where I am standing."
I looked up into the most beautiful pair of emerald green eyes I had ever seen, the most beautiful pair of eyes ever known to man.
He had beautiful messy, bronze hair and he was muscled nicely and his smile…there were no words to describe it.
"I am sorry, here let me buy you another drink" he offered.
"Oh, no I couldn't possibly-"
"No, I insist" he interrupted me, I just nodded.
After he got both our drinks he turned to give me mine.
"Here you are," he smiled politely.
"You have beautiful eyes" I blurted out and then smacked a hand over my mouth.
"Thank you," he chuckled "I think your eyes are absolutely stunning" he complimented.
Well, that made it less awkward, note the sarcasm.
I looked at his shirt again and felt instantly guilty.
"I'm so sorry about your shirt, how can I make it up to you?" I asked sincerely.
"Go out with me?" he questioned.
"W-hat?" I queried softly.
"Go out with me some time?"
"But I don't even know your name"
"Sorry, how foolish of me, my name is Edward Cullen" he smiled extending his hand to me.
"Swan, Bella Swan" I shook his hand.
"Well, Swan, Bella Swan, what do you say, will you give a guy a chance?" he asked hopefully.
"Umm…sure okay" I said spontaneously.
"Great, I'll pick you up tomorrow at 7, just call me and tell me the address. Until then Miss Swan" He kissed my hand and walked away smiling.
"Hey, wait! I don't have your number!" I shouted to him.
"The cup!" was all he yelled back.
I looked on the bottom of the cup and sure enough, there was his name and number. I smiled to myself how the heck did he manage that?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present Time ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My insides all turned to ash, so slow
and blew away as I collapsed, so cold
a black wind took them away, from sight
and held the darkness over day, that night
I stared at the Coffee cup remembering, remembering that day we met, remembering our first date, just remembering him.
The funeral was in two hours and Alice had come in to give me clothes 25 minutes ago, they said I didn't have to make a eulogy but I had written one anyway, just in case I felt up to it.
I barley remember getting in the Jeep or ending up at the cemetery but I remember seeing everyone's face as I walked up to take my seat. Rose was sitting next to Emmett weeping softly while he rubbed her back and shed few tears himself.
Alice was sobbing in Jasper's arms as he whispered reassuring words in her ear and tried to calm her down.
Esme was the worst though, she was a blubbering mess in Carlisle's arms, but then again, why wouldn't she be?
She just lost her son, the boy she had given birth to, the boy she had raised for 31 years, and the boy she had loved for 31 years.
And the clouds above move closer
Looking so dissatisfied
but the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing
And that's when it really dawned on me, I had lost my husband, my lover, my protector, my friend and my soul mate…I had lost my Edward and he was never coming back.
It hadn't seemed real until now; everything had been like a dream, like a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from; but this…this…Edward's funeral made it so real.
I thought that I had grieved and was okay with it, but I was wrong, terribly, terribly wrong.
I used to be my own protection, but not now
'Cause my path had lost direction, somehow
a black wind took you away, from sight
and held the darkness over day, that night
I finally broke down and let all my emotions show through.
All of the anger and regret I felt at myself and all of my sorrows just hit me so hard that I couldn't control it; I just collapsed in a crying heap on the ground.
Charlie came and picked me up off the ground and placed me in the chair next to him and tried to comfort me as I cried.
Carlisle and Esme were the first to make their eulogy's, followed by Alice and even Emmett, I had calmed down by now and decided I wanted to make mine. I knew Edward would heave wanted that.
I stood up and took my place at the podium and laid out my piece of paper, I stared at it and it felt wrong. I shouldn't need to read from a bit of paper at my husband's funeral. I should be reading from my heart.
And the clouds above move closer
Looking so dissatisfied
I sighed and looked up at all the guests, all the people who loved Edward and had come to say goodbye and I smiled; I smiled for the first time in three weeks.
All of these people loved Edward as much as I did and it made me happy to know that he had affected enough of these people's lives to make them want to say goodbye.
"Edward Cullen was my husband, as you all know, and I loved him very, very much. Looking back now I realize how much of a difference…how much of an impact he has made on my life.
Before I met Edward my life was dull and boring, I had the same routine, get up, get coffee, go to work, go home, eat dinner and sleep.
But when I spilt my coffee all over Edward at star bucks that day, I knew things were going to change.
I will never forget our first date, he took me to the zoo, of all place" I laughed and noticed some other people did too.
"But, that's Edward for you, he was always doing the opposite of what was expected, and that was one of the things I loved most about him, he was thoughtful and caring and kind and very spontaneous.
He taught me how to live and he showed how to see the world differently but most importantly…he taught me how to love, and I will always be thankful for that."
I turned to his coffin and gently placed the letter that concealed my wedding vows along with a single red rose on top.
"I love you Edward Cullen"
And the ground below grew colder
as they put you down inside
But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing
I watched as they lowered him into the ground and whispered,
"Always and forever"
So now you're gone, and I was wrong
I never knew what it was like, to be alone…
On a Valentine's Day
The End