"Dude! We've really gotta get a better code word nmph-"
Ted's words are cut of by the tongue in his mouth, which he's not exactly going to protest, but the fact that there are two hands on the waistband of his jeans really isn't conducive to a cogent argument. The bathroom stall bounces and shakes under his weight as he's pushed against the partition, and for a minute he worries that they're going to go crashing through into the next one.
Barney's really enthusiastic about restroom sex.
And it's not even a new thing. They've been doing this since the moment they first met, literally, and no one knows. Not their closest friends, not the bar staff, nobody.
Ted's weirdly proud of this.
Of they've almost been caught so many times that they've got it down to an art form.
There was a that time when Barney was down on his knees and Doug burst in looking under each stall for a guy who'd insulted his hair/sat in the wrong booth/paid for his drink (delete as appropriate). Barney had made retching noises until Doug had gone away, then looked up at Ted with a devious grin and licked his lips.
There was the time when they'd managed to get a good rhythm going despite the cramped confines and Marshall and Lily had crept in, giggling, and they'd had to freeze in silence while they listened to the two of them go at it, shaking the next stall. Still inside him, Barney had taken to kissing the back of Ted's hand without a word, sliding his tongue between each finger, licking and sucking.
And then there was the time when the pigeon had somehow gotten into the bar and Barney had sworn that it was one of the ones that tormented him at GNB and Ted had to keep kissing him until he'd stopped freaking out.
This time, they're undisturbed. Sure, they met at a urinal, but it didn't take them long to graduate to the privacy of a locked stall. And with Barney's fingers sliding across his stomach, sending tiny, shivering sensations all the way down into his groin, Ted's pretty happy with the arrangement. "If you can think of something better than strip club..." Ted tries again, in the seconds that Barney's mouth moves down over his jaw line.
"How about 'awesome'?" Barney mumbles against his throat.
Ted laughs. "We'd be doing it, like, all the time," he protests.
"And your problem is?" Barney moves back and quirks an eyebrow.
Ted shrugs. "Fair point."
Barney grins, the blue-eyed devil. "Awesome..." he drawls, pulling Ted's pants down around his hips.
"Already here, man," Ted points out.
"Wow, then I guess we'll have to do it twice," Barney counters. "Dibs I go first!"
Ted grins. That's one he doesn't mind conceding to his Bro.