Title: Sometimes
Author: Pup-Ashbless
Fandom: Pandora Hearts
Disclaimer: I don't own Pandora Hearts
Summary: Gil, Oz, and Alice and their sometimes. Three-Shot
Warnings: Slight spoilers concerning the pasts and (manga) presents of the characters. It's been awhile since I overviewed the series as a whole so I'm hoping to get everyone IC.
~Gilbert~
Gil does not always allow himself to be the oldest of the trio.
Oz, despite appearances, is technically one year older than Gil and has always carried the authority of a sly King to the subjects that Gil can not find a match in his life – both this era and the last he's lived.
Alice is older, very much older actually. Even coming from the same era she's always been older. Alice is possibly the oldest thing Gil knows.
Maybe that's why Gil can not fathom her; Alice is like a relic that should turn to dust if not for the fact the elements around her can fathom her as much as Gil can.
Gil is still stuck – not that he's alone. They're all stuck in a way. Oz for his bravado is still battling the mentality of a small child who clings to a fading Father while Alice has the understanding of dog as far as Gil is concerned. She likes what she likes and hates what she hates, always barking and biting when on the defense and merely growling softly when her pack is settled down alright. There is no gray, black, or white…simply instincts to rule those who oppose her.
Off with his head, off with her head.~
Alice has never said that, not that he's put it past her, but somehow it seems not as correct for her when she'd rather do the deed herself.
Anyway, Gil was getting carried away; he's like that a lot. Always getting carried away with something and forgetting moderation when it concerned the things that held up his world in ways he couldn't help but think over daily.
Gil's prone to nightmares in fairy tale realms when all is foggy and likely to feel the pressure of expectations from no one more than himself when control is as close as life feels like it will never be the same without a certain piece on the board.
The black haired male argues with Alice and clings to Oz's hand.
Like a child, Gil can think if he just does away with something that can cause harm than what he protects will be fine.
Like a child, Gil can love unconditionally - taking and taking, trying not to dwell on the deal that should be made no matter the scar that deepens in his soul to the point where he can not see it.
Gil does not always allow himself to be the oldest of the trio.
But, there are times when Gil knows he can be.
Patting Oz's head and not saying anything else.
Not saying things he could to Alice's face as the days go by.
Being the oldest in knowing things he hates about himself.
But somehow, keep going.
Keep trying.
Gilbert is getting to know that being the eldest is not just being useful. But being there whether or not his presence is even needed.
Gilbert will protect Oz from enemies and Alice from himself while letting Alice protect Oz who in turn protects Gil.
It's a circle that's as endless as the tears they all shed in their hearts when they think no one is looking.
Gil doesn't have a Father who is indifferent, a thing worse than hate, to him. Gil doesn't have a time limit. Gil doesn't have an existence that has swallowed him up for decades inside the abyss.
Gil has himself, himself to blame and save.
In the end, Gil will have to be the one who stands fearless before or behind Oz and Alice as the two hold each others hands; because his hands will be busy grabbing at any rose thorn that will try to force itself deeply inside their skin.
Gil does not know if he can do that, but he does know however things turn out he does value himself enough as someone who will take life one step at a time. Even if he manages to make mistakes left and right, he's… okay. Gil can not change over night, should not change overnight, he will just walk one step at a time at whatever pace he can.
Because being the oldest can means he can be the one to take whatever steps at whatever pace as he decides what is best for him and how that affects the two of his trio.
Because Gil has himself, himself to save or blame; Gil will either rise above like a raven in flight or symbolize his own black death.
Gil is an adult, adults must stop being forced to jump from the nest and take matters into their own hands by taking that first leap of faith that mastering your wings is always worth the risk than stay huddled and scared in that dirt nest just waiting for your eventual slow decay.
Gil doesn't always allow himself to be seen as the adult.
But sometimes, he knows he can be.
Someday, sometimes just might be always.
Notes*
I'm so happy about finally writing a Pandora Hearts fic, it's such a cool manga series, definitely one of my top favorites.