Title: Our Little Secret
Author: Addie May
Word Count: 1,718
Fandom: Fruits Basket
Rating - T: For language and violence
Summary: Yuki has just moved into Shigure's house, but his mind is still with Akito. On a snowy, quiet day, he has no choice but to remember the secrets that he and Akito share.
A/N: Before I begin, I'm going to take the heat now. For those who have read my other works, you're all probably staring at me like, "Really, a Furuba fanfiction? Really?" And yes, really. Avatar just hasn't been in my head lately, and I've recently rewatched/ read Fruits Basket, and thought I'd give it a shot. Well, enough blabbering. Have fun - well, not really - reading!
"How has my Little Rat been?" The terrifyingly sweet voice whispered. I shuddered horribly in fear, hiding my face from the oppressive force. Even though the term 'little' may have seemed affectionate to an outsider, it was really just another way to prove the inferiority of my trembling form to that of my cousin.
Shigure-san's voice snaps me from my reverie. "Yuki-kun, I'm back with the take-out. Hungry?" He asks, leaning against my doorframe. I glance from where I sit at my window.
"No, thank you. I'm not hungry," I say quietly, still deep in thought. Reminiscing never holds promising effects when he is in memory.
"Well, alright," Shigure-san sighs melodramatically, "I'll just have to eat alone, then..." He winks as he leaves the room, shutting the door on his way out. I roll my eyes and turn back to the window.
It's snowing outside. He had always told me I was like the snow; pretty from afar, but cold and unappealing to the touch - something seeming to be loveable, but hated as soon as it was close.
"Everyone would hate you," he would say, his eyes shining with glee even in the dark of the room.
That room; dark, cold, and forever burned into my memory. So many awful words, painful bruises and cuts... He called them games. I called them nightmares.
"I love you; that's why I do this. So you'll remember the only one who will ever love you," his voice echoes in my head. I had curled into a ball in the corner of the room, but he had still caught my ankles with the edge of his blade. "Fear is the heart of love, Little Rat. Do you love me how I love you?" He had come closer, and I could feel his form next to me. I whimpered pathetically, too afraid to speak. "So, you hate me then?" He asked, wrapping a hand around my wrist, his grip bruising my skin. I shook my head.
"N-No," I said, my throat burning with the word; the lie of a terrified child.
"Then, you love me?" He asked again.
"Yes," I said quietly, my voice quivering. He leaned closer.
"Say it," he demanded, pulling out his favourite instrument. The blade bit ferociously into the skin of my wrist. "Now."
"'I love you," I replied softly. A tear I had strived to keep in fell down my cheek and onto the sleeve of his robes.
"Again," he pressed the blade deeper against me, and I felt the all too familiar stream of blood trickling down my arm.
"I love you," the words were rewarded with a strike across my face. I winced, but didn't dare to protest.
"With my name, Little Rat," he grinned wildly, knowing he was asking me to voice to only word I couldn't say.
"I love you," I paused, bracing myself as my breath staggered. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I saw his hand raise and curl into a fist, and the word came out quickly. "...Akito."
I raise my eyes to glance out of the window again. The snow was resting on the ground peacefully, all flurries having ceased. I'm tired of remembering, but it's only been a month since I've moved in with Shigure-san. I'll be doing nothing but remembering until high school starts up again.
"I want to give you a parting gift, Little Rat," he smiled sickeningly as he slid the door closed behind him. "Something for you to remember me by." He had just approved my moving in with Shigure-san, and had come to tell me. I, having been told by Hatsuharu-kun, already knew, and was actually excited for once in my life. Despite that, I knew he would come to ruin it. I should have expected it to come crashing down how everything always did. "I found us a new game to play for your last day with me. You should be thankful of how thoughtful I am," he smirked, inching painfully slowly towards me. "Aren't you thankful to have me?"
"Yes," I replied quietly, my face once again hidden behind my hair. He reached out and ran his fingers tenderly through my hair, and then yanked my head back forcefully.
"No, you're not!" He yelled, his eyes alight with rage. "You're a liar! You say you're thankful, but you're still leaving me!" He tightened his grip on my scalp, and bent down to look me in the eyes. "What makes you so damn special? Why do you get to defy me and leave? What's so perfect about a little, insolent, worthless, RAT?!" He screamed. He slammed my face into the cold ground, and I felt a sting of pain shoot through me.
"Please," I whimpered, my voice muffled by the floor. "I"m sorry."
"No, shut the hell up, you liar!" He kicked me sharply in my ribs and I rolled onto my back in agony. More than one bone was surely cracked, and I could feel the blood staining my clothes. I moaned in pain, and when my eyes opened, I could see the relish in his eyes. He was enjoying himself too much. "You'll remember me, Little Rat. You'll always remember. I will make you remember," his hand grasped the back of my neck and he pulled me to my knees.
"Please, stop," I begged in a hoarse and defeated voice. He replied with a kick to my stomach, and I lurched backward, cringing. My breathing quickened, and my throat began to close.
No, not here! I'll die! I thought. I was having an asthma attack in front of him. And he was going to let me die.
I started coughing, desperate to open my airways. "Ah, shut up!" He yelled, his eyes wide with a newfound motivation. "I hate your stupid coughing! It's annoying, stop!" He released me and I crawled pathetically out of his reach.
My breath slowly returned, but my body was weakened and my thoughts muddled. As I gasped for air, he slowly made his way to where I lay, sprawled out and only half-conscious. "Only those truly pathetic could be so openly weak. You, Little Rat, are nothing. Nothing but a waste of air. If I wasn't here to love you, you'd have no purpose, and would have been dead a long time ago. You are unneeded and worthless, and I am the only reason you have any existence. Remember that, Yuki. Remember me; always."
And with those cold words, he left me dying and alone in the dark room.
I look up, and my face is wet. I'm crying? I think. I haven't done that since then. I sigh heavily and stretch out my tired arms. My entire body is exhausted from remembering.
My stomach growls and I wipe at my eyes. "I wonder if Shigure-san still has take-out left," I say to myself as I walk to the stairwell. He pushed me down a flight of stairs once, I think. Once I reach the bottom of the stairs, I turn to walk through the kitchen door. He's slammed my head in a few doors, runs through my mind. As I walked to the refrigerator, I note various cooking utensils. I've been cut with that, burned with that, bruised extensively with that... One thought after another passes through me, until I end up on my knees, trembling.
"Yuki-kun," Shigure-san's voice breaks through my thoughts. His face is gentle when I look up. "You're thinking of him again, aren't you?" He asks knowingly. It was an unspoken rule between us to never mention his name in the house.
I cringe and turn my head away. I am still kneeling stupidly on the floor. "I can't forget. Everything I do, he's there, in my mind. Everything reminds me of him; it doesn't matter who I'm with or how I feel - he'll always be there," I choke out. Tears well in my eyes. Shigure-san doesn't move closer.
"I'm worthless," I continue. "He made that clear. I will never be rid of stupid words in my ears. He'll never leave me alone; it's pathetic! I can't ever be normal! I'll always be his toy, his playmate, his stupid rat!" I exclaim. "And the worst part of it all," I look up at Shigure-san, "is that no one will ever acknowledge the origin of my pain, no matter how much they see me suffer. Not you, not Hatori-san, not nii-san, or even Haru-kun. Everyone will pretend like it isn't real, or they just will dismiss it altogether. You know what he told me?" I tense and begin to shake. "He always said that no one would know. That it would be 'our little secret.' I finally understand what he means," I start to sob worthlessly, my body convulsing disgustingly. Shigure-san said nothing, and didn't move to comfort me. But that's alright; I don't want anyone's sympathy. I don't want to held and told that I'll be alright. Because I won't. I'll never be alright; he made sure of that.
I will never tell anyone, however.
Because it's our little secret.
A/N: Aaand... Hate on me all you want. Yuki's all sad inside again... :/ Oh well. Now, I understand that this is a bit short - I intended it to be longer - so, if I get the desired response, I'll consider continuing this and making this happier! No promises, of course, because all of those Yuki fangirls probably want to punch my face for making him go through so much pain... Oh well. Hope you enjoyed, and please review! Thanks!
- Addie May