I sighed and lifted my forehead to rest apon my knees. I seemed to spend a lot of time curled up in that position lately, welcoming the misery that crept apon me.
I knew where I wanted to be, and as soon as the vision flashed through Alice's head, she was at my side with my head pressed firmly into her chest.
She looked up at me with longing sadness and smiled a faint smile. "Say hi to Bella for me, okay?" I merely nodded, as I swept away as fast as I could.
I walked up the all too familiar path, wishing how I never had to take this journey. The sky was gray, as always in Forks but it didn't matter to me anymore. Nothing did.
I had a bouquet of flowers in my hand. Red roses, like the blush that crept apon her cheeks. Blue freesias, and cream lillies, her scent and the colours I found oh so lovely on her.
I sat down apon the murky grass and placed the flowers infront of me. My hands absentmindedly traced the name carved into the hard stone.
Isabella Marie Swan-Cullen
1988-2006
A friend, a wife, a selfless soul.
The words carried on, but I couldn't bear to look at them, just coming here everyday could drive me craZY. Actually, I'm surprised I haven't gone loopy yet.
I squeezed my eyes, taking an unnecissary breath before I continued. "Bella, my love. How are you today? The sky is gray as always, and each night feels like an eclipse to me without you"
My dead heart that was already shattered, started breaking even more.
"I miss you, more and more everyday. I keep wishing I could bring you back, never have to walk this path again. Its unbearable for me, to be without you. To walk this earth without your chocolate brown eyes staring into mine."
The rain started to pour apon me, but I could care less. I only took it as a sign that she was listening, that she missed me too. If I could cry, I would be in hysterics as I remembered that day.
"I seen it in Alice's vision Bella. You were going to get better, the cancer was going to go away. You were going to survive, be with me forever." My fingers pinched the bridge of my nose as I remember the day Alice's vision changed.
flashback.
Sitting faithfully by Bella's side, like I did mostly every night, I watched her pale face struggle and breathe through the tubes.
She squeezed my hand, and looked me deeply in the eyes. "When I'm gone, you need to move on. For your family, for me, for you." She panted to me.
I drew back in shock, and my voice came out a little harsher then I ment it to. "Bella, Alice sees you getting better. I've SEEN it, me and you in a few years, happier then possible"
I kissed her gently, but as passionately as possible without hurting her. Her weak but beautiful laughter filled the room, a sound I only longed for.
I watched as a faint, light blush appeared apon her cheeks. "Still my Bella." I breathed. She smiled a slight smile, but she went serious again.
"I'm going to die, I can feel it. I never thought I'd come to the day where I bet against Alice, but it has arrived." She chuckled.
I stared at her incrediously, but before I could speak, something happened.
Alice's vision changed.
end flashback.
"Today is better then most I guess. I can talk to you without losing control, thats a good sign." I sucked in another deep breath. "I need you Bella, I'm so broken and incomplete without you"
Then for the first time in almost a year, I felt emotion. I broke out in tearless sobs, gasping for air. "Sometimes, I think I can feel you. Smell your scent. It breaks me even more, knowing your somewhere without me"
I leaned my head against the cool, stone grave as I spoke slowly. "You were the best part of my existence. Your memories run through me like the wind. I try to see something else, but all i can see is you, and it hurts"
My voice broke at the last word, and I smiled. For the first time since I lost her, I actually smiled. I remember the first time I fell in love with her.
flashback.
Bella shifted in her seat, she looked awfully uncomfortable with that vile Mike standing so close to her. I could see her desperate plea for help coming out of her eye towards me.
I dont know what it was about her that drew me in, but I got up and crossed the cafeteria, taking Bella's hand in mine. She was so soft, her scent trickled down my throat like a hot iron. But I didn't care.
"Sorry Mike, but Bella's going out with me tonight. Therefore she is unavailibe to take up your offer." Then I quickly swept her across the floor before he could rope her into something else.
She looked at me, with her big grateful, trusting brown eyes. "Thanks a million, I owe you for life." She whispered, and then she smiled and walked away to go to her locker.
"So I'll pick you up at eight?" I called casually over my shoulder. I watched as she froze and turned to me. Staring at me with a look so in shock, I had to nod my head before she believed me.
I laughed as I watched the gorgeous blush wash apon her face. She stumbled with her words, "Uh-u, ah-yeah-hh." And ran off to class.
I smiled to myself, thinking how cute she was when she studdered. Then I froze, and I turned to Alice to face the truth, who was grinning superiorly at me.
I was in love, with Isabella Swan.
end flashback.
I chuckled quietly. "Don't you remember that night? You thought you were dreaming. I'll never forget the day that you accidently told me you loved me"
Then the wind washed over me, and so did a wave of sadness. Knowing I would never watch the love of my existence flush crimson red, or tell me she loved me ever again.
I thought of her musical voice, her smile, her eyes, the feeling of her warmth. I found it was bearable now, remembering her. Knowing I had a little piece of her wherever I went, was the only thing I could hope for.
"You're my best friend Bella, the only person I have and ever will love. Don't ever forget that, wherever you are"
I then found myself spilling out my favourite moment of the two of us, without realizing it.
flashback.
I watched as my own personal angel raised her head from her dreamless slumber, and her face turned into a brilliant grin as her eyes found me. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into me. My whole word, lying on my chest.
She seemed to watch me with facination, tracing her arms around evey muscle and shape that my body had. She crushed her face into my neck, murmuring something so muffled I couldn't understand her.
I lifted her chin with my fingers, my voice came out smooth. "What was that, love?" The brilliant blush came over her, and she turned away quickly and mumbled, "Nothing." I stared her down.
Exhasperated, she cried out, "Fine! I was thinking how much I want you, need you, and I just want to taste you." With that, her embarrased state returned. That's when I did something I didn't think I could do.
I leaned down and kissed her, gently and full of love. Her tongue brushed my lips, and then invaded my mouth. I returned the gesture eagerly, but when I clutched her closer, I realised I was going too far.
I released her and gazed into her eyes, and they melted into mine. "I love you." She said simply. I chuckled, "As do I'
end flashback.
"I miss that, you. But I try to be good for my family. We're all broken, and most of them are avoiding me. Except Alice, who gives me a few glimpses of the future, and some encouraging words."
I decided I should end this visit on a happier note, then the bone crushing goodbyes of every other day.
"Alice told me to say hello, she really misses you. Playing Bella Barbie was one of her favourite games." I chuckled to myself. "She's now officially got Jasper to take your place, and even a few times Emmett"
I touched the carving. "I guess you can only imagine Emmett in a hot pink cocktail dress and black heels. Funny thing is, he actually likes it. And he would kill me if I told anyone but you"
I looked at the grave one last time for the day, my eyes lingering on the wonderful name enscripted into it once more. I smiled, and stood up slowly after kissing the rock gently.
"Goodbye for now Bella, i'll see you tomorrow my love." With that I closed my eyes and sped off into the forest. When I arrived home, I did something I have never done. I rushed into Esme's open arms, and tore down all my walls.