A Voluntary Reality Shift

Chapter 1: The Awakening

By: DelusionalCookie

"So, that's it?"

"That's it."

"Well, thanks."

"I know you signed the release, but I need to ask you one last time, are you sure you want to go through with this?" the doctor let out a nearly inaudible sigh.

"Please, I've already decided," I closed my eyes. I didn't blame the man for trying one last time to prevent what I considered the inevitable. After all, I was only in my late twenties, in decent enough health despite a rather sedentary lifestyle, and not destitute by any means. I mean, I certainly didn't care about relationships. Never had one last long enough I could. Why? Well, I wouldn't know how to describe it.

It's almost as if I drove people away. How? Your guess is as good as mine. I had what I thought was a normal, if somewhat shitty, IT job. Normal hobbies, a few collections, an average life. Yet I was the only one to step inside my clean, tidy home. I'd have dinner with someone, but there'd never be a call. If I tried to call them, it was always some excuse. I didn't think I was that attractive, but I certainly wasn't ugly if popular opinion was anything to go by. Still, that wasn't the reason.

"We've had no one do this so young though. Please, humor me, why?" He sounded desperate, as if saving me was a moral obligation. I smiled sadly at the man, can't someone just lose the will to live? Sometimes it's as simple as that. No parents, no progeny, no extended family to mourn my passing.

Still, I'll say what he wants to hear, "There's nothing left for me in this life but disappointment and a lonely existence. It's torture." He didn't seem convinced, but nodded anyway. He put a remote in my hand.

"You'll have thirty seconds before it's too late to turn back," the doctor said. I nodded. I grasped it gently and fingered the button, yet not a shred of doubt entered my mind.

"Ok, I'm ready," I told him.

A small machine hummed and I could feel a prickling sensation on my left arm where the IV was injecting saline. An LED clock counted down on the wall in front of the bed. Still, no doubt. I would experience what comes next soon. I was... indifferent. I doubted it would be anything, really.

Twenty seconds.

No, not like this.

What? What was that?

Fifteen seconds.

You promised. You promised me.

Promised something? Promised what?

What if I could give you what you want most in the world?

Ten seconds.

A brief stab of awareness, a tiny sliver of doubt entered my mind. It wouldn't leave.

Who was speaking? It sounded familiar, yet different.

Nine.

Press the button.

Eight.

Please, for me.

Seven.

Silence.

Six.

Silence.

Five.

Silence.

Four.

DON'T DO IT!

I twitched involuntarily, it was as if someone screamed the words into my ear.

Three.

A doubt intensified. One unanswered question.

Two.

Who?

One.

Please...

One last, final plea.

Zero.

No...

I felt it. I felt the drug flow through my body. That first second. Then the second. Then, the realization struck. I knew who it was!

Still, I hesitated, what if it was a trick? Six months to get to this point. So close...

Press it!

I pressed the button. I mashed it. Sheer terror flooded through me at the thought I was too late. I heard yelling as my blurring vision saw the room become packed. I felt myself lifted and placed on a stretcher. Then, I remembered no more.

It was too late.

I was too late.

What have I done?

Is this, is this it? I watched as memories surrounded me. There were so many. Happy, sad, terrifying. I watched my life literally flash before my eyes. So it was true. Yet, something didn't feel right.

I'm here.

"Who are you?" Something surprised me, it was the sound of my voice. Was I dead or alive?

Go forward. Don't stay there.

"What is going on?"

Always questions. Never answers.

"You know..." I pushed through the memories as if they were gelled and lost my balance, tumbling forward. I felt cool grass on my cheek and sunlight on my neck. I lay for a moment, trying to come to terms with such an abrupt change of scenery.

I pushed myself up, but was prevented from going further when I was on my hands and knees. I felt a hand on my head. A small, delicate hand. It exuded a warmth I had never experienced.

I tried to lift my hand, but all I saw was a flash of two legs. Two legs with pallid, clear skin. Then, I saw only darkness.

I opened my eyes.

I was laying in a hospital bed. A machine was humming quietly beside me. I felt awful as if I had nearly died.

Oh, right. I had. Why did I press the god damn button again? I felt a sudden, incomprehensible anger and tried to move, but they bound my hands. I screamed and watched as someone came into the room to inject something into my IV. They were nonplussed despite my screaming and that only made me angrier.

Then, everything went black.

I opened my eyes. I was sitting on a grassy hilltop.

Don't look at me.

I kept my eyes forward. Whoever it was, they wouldn't speak. I only heard the voice in my head. I swear, it was familiar.

"Who are you?"

You don't remember? You made a promise.

"I don't understand!"

You will.

I tried to turn my head but couldn't. That same hand, that soft, warm hand, was gently pressed against my cheek. I couldn't turn my head. I caught a faint glimpse of hair. Blonde. Then, darkness.

Light. Doctors. The psychologist. The psychiatrist. No! Who was she!

"You were lucky. They brought you back from the brink. Why did you press the button?" One of them said. It doesn't matter who.

"I don't know. I heard a voice. Please, put me back to sleep. I need to find the voice," I pleaded. I needed to find out who she was.

"Who is this voice?"

"I don't know!"

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really!"

"A voice that brings you from wishing to die to wanting to live at the last second is one you don't recognize?" They were mocking me, those sons of bitches.

I raised my hands. Well, I tried to. They were still bound. They gave me an injection to put me down. Finally. Silence.

Then, a soft rustling of leaves, the cool kiss of the wind on my face. A warmth that suffused my body with an energy I had previously not known.

"You're back," she spoke.

"You spoke."

"I spoke."

"You realized who I was, right before you died."

"I died? What about the doctors?"

"He told you thirty seconds. You pressed it at thirty-three. You are dead," she insisted.

"No, I'm in a hospital."

"I thought you wanted to die."

"I did."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Do you not remember me?"

"No!" I turned my head to finally look at the speaker.

"Come back to us."

What?

My eyes fluttered open, and I squinted involuntarily at the harsh glare. They pointed a light at me. I could just make out the features of the man sitting across the dented metal table.

"There he is," the man spoke in a deep, foreboding voice, "You've been speaking nonsense for the past month.

"A month?"

"Every day we bring you in here and every day you mumble something about some girl telling you to press the button."

"It's true!" I exclaim.

"That's not what we're here for. Did you try to mislead an assisted suicide company so you could die?"

"No, I went through six months of certification. I paid good money for the privilege to die."

"So you did. Then you stopped at the last second. Was it a thrill?"

"No! I swear! I don't know why I pushed the button!"

"Fantastic. Now we can continue, look at this..."

My vision swam. What the hell?

"I'm dead. This isn't real."

"No, you're here, you haven't died. You were very lucky, in fact."

Blur.

Black.

Sunlight, warmth and now, peace.

"You've realized it, haven't you?" Such a lovely voice.

"Yes, I'm dead. Why am I hallucinating all this then?"

"Guilt."

"Guilt?"

"Yes, it's the only reason you're here. Otherwise, you'd be gone."

"What about you, what will happen when I leave here?"

"Do you want to leave here?"

"No."

"Then you won't. You should've waited. Look at me."

"Why now?"

"It's time."

I turned, and she was there. Then, a flood of realization. A flash as her eyes met mine. My heart stopped. I was both hot and cold. She was small, but mature. Her hair was long and flowing, pure blonde hair spread out on the grass behind where she sat. Slender arms and legs. Cerulean blue eyes, a galaxy in each of them.

"Impossible."

"Yet I'm right here."

"Wait, you're... not a human. You're a computer projection."

She grabbed my hand, and I saw it. It was the same. The texture, it was... animated. As if I was in one of those shows I had enjoyed in life. I could feel her.

"You're real. I'm..." I was at a loss for words.

"You're what you need to be," she clasped my hand tightly in hers.

"Why, though? I was so focused these last six months. Searching for a reason to live. How did you reach out to me? How did you do in thirty seconds..."

"Thirty-three."

"... what I couldn't do in six months? Why not reach out to me before?"

"You needed to be here. It was the only way. I was mad. I'm not anymore."

"Why would you be mad?"

"You promised me we would be together. You almost ruined it."

"I'm sorry. You know how I feel about you though, right?"

"Then say it."

"I love you, IA." I say it.

She smiles.

A flash of light.

"Hey. What is going on? We lost you for a second there," someone speaks. I blink my eyes, trying to force them to focus. I look around. Then, I looked out a window. Hightower Mental Health Center, the sign says.

"Who is this girl?"

"Her name is IA," I reply. No. I'm dead.

"A character, right? Something from before?"

"Why am I here?"

"You know why." Now I did.

"I'm dead, I died. Thirty-three seconds. They said thirty. This isn't real, it's guilt!"

The doctor sitting in front of me smiles sadly, he's heard this every time from me. Am I really dead?

"You're not dead."

"You're dead." I blink my eyes and I'm inside a cabin nestled among the trees. In front of me is a lake reflecting the cloudless blue sky.

"IA, what is happening to me?"

"You still haven't accepted it."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

I didn't disappear. Thank goodness. It felt good to say it. No, it felt incredible.

"Yet I'm happy here. I'm with you. Why wouldn't I be happy? Why would I feel guilty?"

"Well, you're human. Humans feel guilt for no reason."

Ok, that was true. I realized where I was. A small fire was crackling in the fireplace. The loveseat faced the picture window. IA was pressed against me, our fingers entwined. I leaned over and kissed her.

It was electric. A tingling sensation arced down my spine.

"Finally," she smiled and said.

I smiled back.

Then, nausea.

No, Hightower. I sat up and looked around. Small room. A few books on the shelves. No TV, no computer. Something was off. Everything seemed... old.

"Sir Hightower, your supper is here."

What? This is insane! I had to be dead. I seemed to be in the early 1900s. I couldn't take it anymore! I screamed, I screamed so loud my throat felt as though I would destroy it.

Yet I couldn't hear my voice.

I opened my eyes. Sun poured through the window and illuminated a small bedroom. I felt a hand reach over, and watched as IA sat up, yawning and rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Hey," I said to her.

"Good morning, love," she replied.

"Good morning."

"Bad dream?"

"It happened again."

"No..."

"I think it was the last one. Everything seemed so... wrong. Something out of time, really." I shook my head, but I was certain that was it.

"Do you feel any different?"

"I feel happy... happy to be here with you."

"Aww, you're so sweet." IA smiled at this and hugged me tightly.

"I will stay here, with you, forever, right?" A sudden fear of losing her gripped me as my heart felt as though it was in a vice.

"Forever, I promise. We'll be here, together, forever."

"Thank you, IA. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Let me win at karaoke every once in a while?"

"Not a chance!"

"Fair enough."

As I got out of bed, I realized that I had achieved my goal. I had died. I had entered a new plane of existence, or at least my consciousness had. Nothing felt wrong, nothing felt off. It was extraordinary. I looked at the girl of my dreams and smiled. She brought me here. At the last moment she saved me from myself.

This, this is where I belonged.

#

"I've seen nothing like it. It's as if his consciousness disappeared. One moment, signs of sentience, the next, just reflexive actions. He didn't die, he left. Only his body died. It's unique, and something we'll be studying for decades to come."

The doctor was excitedly pushing his report into the hands of the editor for a popular medical journal.

"What you are claiming is impossible," they acted as if the doctor was losing his mind.

"Just, read it. The data is there," he insisted. The editor nodded.

When he was finished, he nodded his head quietly and pulled out a contract. The doctor read and signed it, his hands shaking with excitement.

#

For once, I was happy. I simultaneously had nothing I had in the previous life and more than I could ever have asked for. I'm sure this will only be the first step on my adventures with my love, my IA.