I Love You
By Atheniandream
Notes: Props to AnonymousDH for the awesome Fic that helped me understand how to finish this and where Darvey could go in the future seasons.
Summary: Donna Paulsen knows, that in real life, there are no happy endings.
Donna Paulsen knows,
That in real life,
There are no happy endings.
Only levity, perhaps, bestowed on a singular tangible moment.
An understanding.
Now.
She understands much.
About how the world is. How the world has to be. How they have to be.
She's lived on the precipice of deciding if she truly can live with it or not.
Living in that held detachment. Of being a metre away and a second in front and yet still lacking the permission to feel anything that bares a connection within the same moment.
Sometimes, it makes her scream and cry and want to claw the walls down just so the world can see her, for the caged person she truly is.
But then he would see it. And likely probably shut it out just as quickly as it should appear before him.
He is cruel sometimes. Most times. She wonders if he knows it. If it ever eats him up inside amidst a darkness of his own making. But once she finally gathers herself enough to look beyond those dark expressions, beyond those pensive stares that seep into a mire of thought, she pauses enough to catch a truth of sorts.
He is an enigma. And she is terrified of the real truth.
So, she plays at open. At lofty and effervescent. But only fools look at the surface. And inside, she is cold and tired and wearing with every waking disaster.
Sitting back at her old desk feels...different, today.
Mike gone.
Rachel disjointed.
Jessica removed.
Louis on point.
And Harvey…
Harvey is staring out of the window. Between tasks, and grey thought muddling up his mind. She watches as his hand slides up to his head, his fingers assaulting his hair.
He is glass covered and seemingly unreachable.
And for the first time in such a long time her heart yearns to touch him. To feel skin upon skin in the purest of forms.
To tell him that everything is going to be okay.
That Mike will Return. That glory will be restored. That his Kingdom will once again stand strong and victorious, and that for every moment she will stand by him and proudly so.
He straightens for a moment, catching her attention, his neck tilting slightly, most likely in an effort to relieve the kinks and tension. She feels the tension grow in her own shoulders, rolling them as her fingers continue to work against her distracted moment.
There is something poetic and tragic and otherworldly about what they do here. This two person dance that they subconsciously submit to. How they allow it to exist as it lies in the semi-foundations of some long since developed truth.
Before she has time to decide her own action, he cranes his neck, his eyes directing themselves over his shoulder and straight at her. She swallows, suddenly unable to give him what she knows he needs.
Because her needs are changing now.
All whilst his stubbornly stay the same.
She watches as he collects her expression, a half frown forming on his face before he turns slowly away, the model of stoicism.
She straightens, breathing out in a level breath as her eyes focus on the screen in front of her.
After a moment, she stands, drawing the breath out of her like the inevitable gavel coming down around them.
She glides to his office, her purse suspended between fingertips with a numbness.
"Hey. I'm...off, now." She says matter of factly, a flatness to her tone.
He blinks, looking up in a reserved shock. "You're….sure." He nods, his question dispersing into the air around them as she watches him collect the information, swallowing only to cover the ambiguity of his change in thought.
He always was bad at hiding that leak of feeling.
~ I have to leave early tomorrow.
Early?
Yes. Early.
Because…
Because it's….personal.
Right.
So...I'll be leaving early tomorrow.
Right. Of course. ~
He straightens then, finally awash with a recollection of past events that seemed to have creeped up on him.
But the sadness. The potent sadness is...new. Uncharted. Unexplored. And it etches his face like it will remain there. Raw and unanswered for.
She straightens, a heavy swallow pressing her throat together.
"I should…"
He nods, oddly silent for a man so often steeped in such colourful words.
It's comforting in the most unnatural way.
His voice ripples before she can turn the corner of his office.
"Have a...nice time, Donna."
She halts her exit, her neck turning at it's length as her eyes connect with his.
She wants to drop to her knees at his expression. This tearing of feeling. Sorrow, mixed with deftness and remorse
Her mouth opens, watching this man that feels like he is sailing further and further as he holds a picture that has only started to form in front of him.
"Goodnight….Harvey." She replies, her legs drawing her forward with a fear.
Whatever I feel for you,
You only seem to care about you.
Is there any chance you could see me too?
Coz I love you
Is there anything I could do
Just to get some attention from you
And the waves I've lost every trace of you,
Where are you?
She doesn't hear his reply.
As always please feed the kitty! Harvey 4Eva xAx