There was no point in going on anymore. He was gone. The person most important to him, the person he loved with every bit of his heart, was dead and gone. The whole situation was more than he could take and Feliciano was surprised to find that he wasn't already breaking mentally from the stress and trauma. It was all of Ludwig's training, he guessed, and the many time loops he'd been through. Maybe it had made his mind stronger as well as his body. He thought about thanking him for being a part of it when they got out but stopped himself. He wasn't going to get out. Even though everything was going so well, he had to rewind time. He couldn't go on with him dead, not because he was the other half of Italy but because he was Lovino. He was his big brother. He was irreplaceable, not that he would ever replace him in the event that he could. Feliciano loved him too much. Going on without him… It was just wrong in so many ways.
He looked down at the peaceful face of his brother and brushed his knuckles against his cheek. It smeared his light olive face with blood but it didn't matter. He wasn't even sure if it was his or Lovino's, though it was the same either way. There was something wrong about him looking so serene when he died somewhere like this. He wasn't even supposed to be a part of this. He should have been safe outside of the house but because Feliciano was here, Lovino had come. If only he could handle all of the memories, he thought. If he could handle all of the memories then maybe he would have stayed away and he'd be alive. He would be safe with Antonio, arguing over some silly problem or thing one of them said like always. He would be able to wake up the next day and go to work. He wouldn't have tried to save him from the monster that always tried to eat him.
Feliciano stared down at the drops of water that fell onto Lovino's face. "When did I start to cry?" he asked aloud. There was no answer. They were in an empty room after all. Lovino had thought he could protect him on his own and made a very convincing argument to it. He hadn't been wrong but he'd never said that he would die in the process either.
Unable to bottle his feelings anymore, he let out a sob and held tight to the limp body of his brother. He hadn't cried like this in so long. Not since the first time they came into this house. This was the final straw, his true breaking point. After this there was no returning to normal. He was never going to be alright once they got out. He would always worry that one of his friends was going to die or that the monster would suddenly show up and take one of them away. He'd always think somebody was going to die because he needed protected.
He would always think he was going to be alone.
Reluctantly, Feliciano set down Lovino's body and wiped his tear away. Now wasn't the time to be a baby, now was the time to fix everything. He drew his brother's eyelids down, muttering a prayer for him even though when he rewound time he would be alright again. He stood on his feet, shaking more than he should have been, and started forward to the grandfather clock.
"To the future me who will never hear this…" he reached forward, touching the wood of the clock. The journal in his hand flipped open, pages turning back on its own. Lights flickered around him, slowly at first then at a rapid speed. Beneath his feet a clock's face glowed and the hands slowly began to move.
"I'm sorry to make you go through this again. But he's our one and only brother and I can't let him die. To everybody else, please don't die again."