Slip of the Tongue
Arthur accidentally gives away a secret and there is no way Merlin is going to let it go. Magic Reveal. For the prompt: "Can we pretend I didn't just say that?"
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Written for Alessariel on tumblr.
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If Merlin had proven anything in the many years he'd been employed in the castle, it was that when he messed up, he really messed up. Entire meals had been replaced, injuries inflicted, clothing ruined, and Arthur's general ire had been aroused. Granted, a lot of the time when Merlin made a mistake, any injury or ill effect was to himself, and he always apologized profusely and genuinely whenever someone else was involved, so no one could hold it against him for long. But still, mistakes. Merlin made them. Big ones.
Arthur wasn't used to making big mistakes.
He'd made plenty of mistakes as a child, but Uther's strict discipline and swift punishment ensured Arthur knew the plan for every outcome before he ever made a move. Sure, he still made mistakes, no one was perfect, but they were usually small mistakes that were easily fixed or overlooked.
"W...what did you say?"
This was not something easily overlooked.
"What?" Arthur asked in return, trying to play dumb.
Merlin's eyes were wide and his face was paler than usual when Arthur looked up from soaking in his bath. Arthur had put that fear there, and he cursed his inattention for causing it.
"You said." Merlin cleared his throat. "Just use...magic, Merlin," he said, trying to imitate Arthur but too nervous to pull it off.
Yes, Arthur had said that, hadn't he? It wasn't like it was his fault. Merlin was so obvious with his magic, more and more so as time went by. Arthur had spent years imagining all the things they could do together once Merlin revealed his magic - the adventure and glory, the good for the people and the kingdom, the lazy mornings and sleepy evenings. The number of imaginary conversations he'd held with his manservant on the subject of magic was probably ranging on worrisome.
And today they'd faced a hydra. Arthur had lost count of how many heads there were by the time he and Merlin had finally managed to kill it - Merlin by using a (not very) discreet spell and Arthur with his sword. All Arthur knew was that he was tired and sore and it was cold outside. Merlin had fumbled in taking off Arthur's armor, then dropped it in the corner with a tired huff. The bathwater Arthur had ordered brought up had cooled by the time he was ready to actually get in and Merlin was taking forever lighting the fire because his hands were shaking. And the statement had just...slipped out.
"Arthur?" Merlin let out, his voice weak with worry.
"Can we pretend I didn't just say that?" Arthur replied, looking down into the tub once more.
Merlin dropped what he was doing and hurried, though obviously still cautious, over to the tub. "Can we-? No. Arthur, why did you say that?"
Arthur held up the cloth from the side of the tub. "Are you going to bathe me or do I have to do it myself?" he asked, giving Merlin his best imperious look.
For several seconds, many emotions warred on Merlin's face. He was angry, frightened, curious, tired, and maybe hopeful. Then Arthur's manservant grabbed the towel from Arthur's hand, dipped it in the water, and moved around to scrub Arthur's back. Arthur allowed himself a moment to sigh in relief that Merlin was apparently going to let it go.
"How long have you known?"
Of course he wouldn't let it go. Damn it.
Arthur let out another sigh and dragged his fingers through the water. If he wasn't naked in the bath he could just walk out and avoid Merlin until this blew over. But he was so he couldn't.
"How long until you planned to tell me?" he countered.
Merlin had finished cleaning Arthur's back and had moved on to his left arm before he answered. "I don't know," he admitted. "Every day I tell myself it's the day I'll tell you. But then I see you and...I can't."
"You don't trust me," Arthur said, and felt it hurt in his chest. Merlin was the only person in the world he felt he could trust with absolutely everything, but it wasn't the same for Merlin.
Merlin shook his head. "No. No I do. I just...You were right," he said, glancing up into Arthur's eyes. "I'm a coward. I was scared."
For several minutes, the conversation lagged. Arthur's right arm quickly followed his left, losing the dirt of the day to the bath water and Merlin's deft strokes. When the cloth touched Arthur's chest, he reached up and grabbed Merlin's wrist. Blue eyes met blue.
"I was scared too," Arthur admitted. Merlin's eyes widened. "I knew about your gifts but part of me thought that if I revealed that to you, that you would change from...well from you, into someone I didn't know."
Arthur felt Merlin's arm tense in his grip, then fall slack. Merlin nodded with a pensive expression.
"No matter what happens, Arthur, I'll always be here for you. I swear, I'm still the same person."
Arthur couldn't look away from Merlin's gaze. There was a surety in those eyes, a strength greater than a hundred knights, a promise of forever. Even a king with a magic sword was utterly helpless in the face of it. Who else could make him feel like he was the most important person ever to exist while also keeping his feet firmly planted on the ground?
"I love you."
Now Merlin's entire body stiffened and Arthur inwardly cursed. Shit. He hadn't meant to say that allowed either! What was wrong with him tonight?
"Can we pretend I didn't just say that, too?" Arthur said, more than asked, releasing Merlin's wrist and facing the fireplace instead of his manservant.
Revealing he knew about the magic hadn't ruined anything, but this confession was bigger than that. If anything tore Merlin away from his side, it would be this. And what sort of man would Arthur be when he was gone, sitting in his own feelings of regret as surely as he sat in his murky bathwater.
The fire leapt to life before his very eyes and Arthur couldn't help but gasp. Then Merlin's fingers gently but firmly grabbed his chin, turning the king's face toward him once more. Merlin was still tense, Arthur could read it in every line of his body, but his eyes were just as intense as before.
The wizard gave a single shake of his head, never letting his eyes leave the king's. "No. We can't."
Then he leaned forward and pressed their lips together, and shock made Arthur freeze. All his life his mistakes had caused more harm than good. Surely this wretched evening of mistakes could not turn out so perfectly?
Merlin pulled away, looking sheepish. "I've loved you for years," he muttered, his cheeks aflame. "I just didn't know how to tell you. I thought you wanted someone else. I saw you with Gwen and I-"
"Merlin," Arthur interrupted. It felt like every nerve ending on his body was waking up and he tingled with want. When he knew he had every ounce of Merlin's attention, he said, "Shut up."
It was Arthur's turn to lean in, feeling the cooling water around him warm impossibly, and seal their lips together. Arthur hated making mistakes, but he could no longer see either slip of the tongue tonight as a mistake. Not when they gave him this. And with every kiss, something like ecstasy shot through them both.
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fin.