I WISH I DID OWN AN HETALIA UNIT...
Based in lollidictator´s manuals and Latin Hetalia manuals, someone had to make a Mexico manual.
MEXICO (JUAN PEDRO SANTIAGO CUAHUTEMOC OSWALDO MICTLAN MARIA DE LA CONCEPCIÓN SÁNCHEZ DE LA TORRE Y GARCIA DE VELASCO LÓPEZ HERNANDEZ) : User Guide and Manual
CONGRATULATIONS! You've just purchased a " JUAN PEDRO SANTIAGO CUAHUTEMOC OSWALDO MICTLAN MARIA DE LA CONCEPCIÓN SÁNCHEZ DE LA TORRE Y GARCIA DE VELASCO LÓPEZ HERNANDEZ" unit of your very own! .To ensure that you use your new buy to the very best of his abilities and that you avoid painful, completely unexpected brushes with death (or worse), we've provided you with this manual.
Name: JUAN PEDRO SANTIAGO CUAHUTEMOC OSWALDO MICTLAN MARIA DE LA CONCEPCIÓN SÁNCHEZ DE LA TORRE Y GARCIA DE VELASCO LÓPEZ HERNANDEZ (From now on referes only as " MEXICO") .respond to "México" , "Estados Unidos Mexicanos", "Mex", "Furia Azteca" , "guey" and very agressively to "cabrón" and "beaner".
Age: 20
Place of Manufacture: Mexico city, México
Height: 177 cm
Weight: N/A
Length: he´s a "Latin lover" after all.
Your MEXICO unit comes with the following accessories:
One (1) military uniform
Two (2) bottles of chile powder
One (1) pair of standard jeans and the t-shirt. Of the Mexican football selection
One (1) mariachi suit and randomly 1 violin or 1 trumpet.
Five (5) bottles of Tequila
Six (6) beer bottles
Programming
Your MEXICO unit is equipped with the following traits :
Atlet: He's right along with the other Latin Hetalia units when it comes to his rhythm , dancing moves and love for football, and its one of the football trio along with Brazil and Argentina units (he can soemtimes win against Brazil but mot likely will lose against Argentina), on a side note he is also proficient in other sports as long as they are individual sports like Boxing but he sucks at team playing (or team working of any kind).
Traficant ,dealer and Double agent,: Need something hard to get or need to dispose of something fishy? Perhaps trespass somewhere forbidden? No problem, this unit is an expert at that ,he can get whatever you want no matter what it is, be it information or items, and as he can slip past any security system you´re in for a very good money income if you don´t mind minor (and mayor) law breaking as he has no regards towards laws whats-over, don´t worry about getting him weapons he´s perfectly capable of getting them himself.
Engineer and Mr. fix-it: He is very imaginative and very good at inventing and learning things although he is somewhat lazy. He has a special affinity with machines and technology of any kind and time period that lets him fix anything, sometimes magically with just a small "technical hit". You can get him a job at practically anything .
Chef: Hungry?, your Mexico unit is an excellent chef of world class, he can cook anything you ask and we guarantee that it will be delicious, however he prefers spicy and hot stuff and he will laugh at anyone that can´t take chiles but he will not add them if asked nicely or will make it even hotter and more spicy if asked not nicely or if he´s criticized.
Removal of your MEXICO unit from Packaging:
MEXICO is a wild card and while he generally stops to analyze to situations to see if it benefits him, one never knows, so we urge you to take extreme caution when trying to reprogram or unpack him; to avoid any unfortunate injuries, we have compiled a list of ways to wake your unit up.
1. Play the Mexican anthem, or any Mariachi or latin music loudly by the box. He will wake happily, break free of the box and ask you to dance with him and will dance with you regardless of what you answer.
2. Cook Mexican food , he will get out of the box and while he eats, you can reprogram him, but be sure that it is real mexican food and not Tex-Mex or anything invented or served in USA as that will make him go into a rampage.
3. Have an ALFRED F. JONES, USA or MATTEW WILLIAMS, CANADA units to scream "Hey beaner" or something of the like and Mexico will come out in a roaring rampage screaming obscenities in spanish, luckily for you there will be the an ALFRED F. JONES or MATTEW WILLIAMS unit to stop him, you can try to do this yourself but we do not take responsibility for any damage, torture, injuries, death or whatever comes.
4. Turn on an soccer game and put the volume loud enough for you to hear it down the street , to avoid any injuries caused by the box breaking open as MEXICO dashes to watch the game and drink beer keep yourself at distance.
Reprogramming
After successfully waking your unit, you may reprogram him to any of the following settings:
Corrupt (default)
Friendly and easy going (default)
Drunk
Latin Lover
Guerrilla fighter/ revolutionary / indepedencia
Prehispanic (locked)
Porfiriato era (locked)
MEXICO comes by default, in Friendly and easy going along with the corrupt mode which we don't even know if its possible to deactivate. These modes entail that you will have a great buddy to party along wildly and cause mischief or simply have a good time and someone that can move thru any bureaucracy, beware that if your country is above 6.5 points in the trusting perceived scale of the international survey he may suffer from cultural shock in which case you will have to try to teach how to do things legally or risk him corrupting your area.
Drunk is both easy and hard to unlocked , you only need to give him as much alcohol , mainly tequila, as needed which is easy, the hard part is actually getting enough alcohol for him to get drunk since he has a very high tolerance to any liquor from his extreme drinking habits, this mode can actually initiate any other modes at the same time, so beware, if this happens a RUSSIA, SCOTLAND AND/OR IRELAND units will be the only ones able to calm him down while a USA or other Latin units will join him for a wild party.
Latin Lover, MEXICO is the only Latin unit that does not have this mode activated by default, but once he enter it you will discover that he is as sweet as passionate as any other Latin unit. He can randomly enter this mode while in the Drunk mode, by asking him "what does latin lover means?" and from making advances on him.
Guerrilla fighter is a dangerous and a somewhat normal mode for MEXICO, he only needs to be dared, provoked, mocked or Drunk to enter this mode, and with his Traficant ,dealer and Double agent, Engineer and Mr. fix-it and Chef traits he can be a very successful mercenary if you manage to get him a job at that, he will excel at sabotage, urban and rural combat , bomb and explosives, however he sucks at direct combat. To get him out of it get an ALFRED F. JONES (USA) or MATTEW WILLIAMS (CANADA) unit and they will force him to behave , that or just tell him that he wont get any profit and he will snap out of it and complain about money. This mode is also known as the "revolutionary mode" or "indepedencia mode", the only difference being the clothes he wears.
SPECIAL NOTE: To enforce o deactivate one of the modes mentioned above you can alternatively say his full name in a very strict and angry tone and then treat to tell another units his full name.
Prehispanic mode is locked for very good reasons, in this mode his prehispanic blood (mainly Aztec and Maya) will surface and he will remmeber the glory of those days, if the Aztec side is active he will fight and try to capture anyone close enough to rip out their still beating hearts from their chests or utterly kill everyone not worshipping his greatness. If the Maya side is the active one he will be a mathematical genius but with an occultist thing and will be able to predict whatever as long as its about bad things and will try to summon creatures from the underworld/hell/death realm/etc. as the prehispanic mode will make him even more prone to necromancy. To get him out of this mode get a SPAIN, ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit in conquistador mode asap and they will fight to the death (again were not responsible for it) or try to inmovilize him and remmind him that we are in modern times.
The last mode is Porfiriato era. This is also locked, while in this mode he will take no orders from anyone and will speak in a very patronizing but cold voice abd is actually as strong as USA unit ALFRED F. JONES, he´s quite the magnificent bastard and is completely ruthless , efficient , merciless, and a very good administrator making him the embodiment of the "legal evil" alignment, in this mode he can take over companies and political parties, it is not clear how he enters this mode, however it does start with a Guerrilla fighter/ revolutionary mode taken to extremes. To get him out of this mode its necessary to make him re-enter the Guerrilla fighter/ revolutionary mode and then get him with other units in their WW2 modes.
NOTE: We seriously advise you to NOT MENTION MEXICAN HISTORY (more concretely the " conquista" or any foreing interventions) in front or near this unit as this will inmediatly start the Guerrilla fighter/ revolutionary / indepedencia in an extreme way or disrrupt the programming you set earlier.
Relationships with Other Units
MEXICO will immediately get along with any other units except for the USA, ALFRED F. JONES unit, however he will generally pretend to like him in the change that said friendship (or any other) may benefit him in the future. Take in consideration that he does not trust anyone, not even himself and tends to take things very personal, if betrayed or mistreated he will keep the grudge forever or until the offender apologizes and gives him a significant present (except for USA unit ALFRED F. JONES, SPAIN unit ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO, and possibly France unit FRANCIS BONNEFOY).
USA: ALFRED F. JONES will hinder, use and abuse him (intentionally or not), expect USA unit calling or visiting to have Mexico help him with whatever necessity he has, they will become best friends that are not really best friends and will ultimately keep a businesslike Love/Hate relationship like no other, they will rely on each other more than they will realize or admit. However if you leave then alone drunken things might happen... we do not take responsibility for whatever happens when they sober up.
CANADA: MEXICO likes this peaceful unit and will actually notice and remember MATTEW WILLIAMS, they will become friends immediately however their friendship will probably be ruined by any USA units close by or CANADA himself taking any mistreating action against MEXICO (even if accidentally). If you manage to keep USA units away then their friendship may go farther than expected.
FRANCE: FRANCIS BONNEFOIS would be delighted with MEXICO for his usual reason but will not think much of him otherwise while MEXICO secretly likes him a bit, if they get into a fight MEXICO will win battles but will lose in the long run which may lead to situations were you can take advantage by setting cameras and leaving them locked up in a room.
SPAIN: ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO, nothing to worry about this two units unless they are in prehispanic and conquistador mode respectively, they will avoid each other and if they are forced to interact they will pretend good will in the most Hypocrite way.
RUSSIA: IVAN BRAGINSKI , MEXICO likes him a lot but does not says so aloud that often because other units dislike IVAN BRAGINSKI, if asked the infamous question he will respond with yes and things will go all the way unless or until a USA unit interferes (USA unit will then proceed to drag away MEXICO and abuse/rape/lecture him himself)
GERMANY: LUDWIG BWILSCHMIDT, exactly the same as with RUSSIA unit, MEXICO likes and admires him, however it will take longer for them to establish first a friendship and then a relationship, MEXICO also don't mind ITALY that much but will feel left out unless italy is paired with someone else already. If things go right you can have the change to tape (or even participate) the most hardcore porn as both secretly are kinky sadists. If you want this to happen the fist step in their friedship is to leave them together alone with as much beer as you can buy.
LATIN HETALIA UNITS: MEXICO will immediately acknowledge them as family and will develop a rivalry with BRAZIL and Argentina units over football, if you get them drunk together after playing a game they may end up in a threesome and if they see you it will become foursome.
Cleaning
Your MEXICO unit can clean himself perfectly fine, and won't mind if you bathe with him, he might even join you in future occasions without being asked but he is too proud to ask you first otherwise.
Feeding
MEXICO as stated earlier is a great cook, guaranteed that you will fall in love with tacos. Another thing about this unit its that he can quickstand and digest anything as long as it is slightly edible, he is probably the only unit with a change of surviving UK unit´s food , however don´t take changes with this.
Rest
Your unit will sleep in a strange pattern, he may pass days without sleep partying and having fun or sleeping a lot and taking naps, however he is NOT an early person at all, so don't try to wake him for it may cause him to enter any mode randomly, even the locked ones.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: MY UNIT DISAPPEARED!
A: Don't worry, he's probably drinking or celebrating something somewhere, he will eventually return. You can´t avoid him going out but if you tell him to take you with him next time he will. If you can´t find him in local bars, pubs, cantinas, niight clubs or liquor stores then he is in the local cementery.
Q: My unit keeps making very hot and spicy food!
A: Just tell him that you are a pussy and can´t really compete with his awesome iron stomach, he will laught at you but will stop adding so much chile to the food, that or give bribe him with a tequila bottle.
Q: My unit is putting Mexican flags everywhere and screaming VIVA MEXICO! All the time!
A: Then its probably September, don't worry, he is just celebrating Mexico´s independence day, prepare for a big party the days 15 -16 and a bigger hangover the 17, it shall end after that.
Q: A skeleton dress up with an victorian elegant dress and hat keep appearing and I think my house has become haunted since I got my MEXICO unit!
A: The skeleton is "the catrina" death itself ( and the best and only real friend MEXICO has) and its just visiting him, don´t worry, MEXICO is a high level necromancer, you can ask him to call on your death love ones to have a chat or bribe him with a tequila bottle to not do so.
Troubleshooting
Problem: Your unit bursts into manic laughter randomly or is not being loud, a drunkard or happy and its scaring the crap out of you, and whenever he sees anyone he looks murderous!
Solution: Congrats! You've unlocked the Cracked mode! Something happened and he was driven over the edge making his Guerrilla fighter, prehispanic and porfiriato modes mix and surface (This is not a programming error and we believe that this might actually be his real personality) the default and Latin lover modes have been deactivated, he looks murderous because he is probably planing to murder you and any other nearby units and plotting world domination. He is likely to end up in a relationship with a Postal ALFRED F. JONES in order to kill him, IVAN BRAGINSKI or any unit in a war mode (but ultimately will try to murder them, except for the Russia, Prussia and Scotland units). Get him drunk asap and try to make him enter Latin lover more, that is the only more or less safe way to reprogram him.
General Solution: Most problems can be fixed bribing him with tequila.
End Notes
With enough care, love, and patience, you'll find MEXICO " JUAN PEDRO SANTIAGO CUAHUTEMOC OSWALDO MICTLAN MARIA DE LA CONCEPCIÓN SÁNCHEZ DE LA TORRE Y GARCIA DE VELASCO LÓPEZ HERNANDEZ" to be a wonderful companion! We wish you luck and hope you have a good time with him!