Discovery Of Love

by l-xFaTaLx-l

Lily's heart has been broken by James Potter and she's so upset she can't think straight. She can't even hear right. Not even the howl of a wereworlf coming her way. One Shot!

Title: Discovery of Love

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters, names, etc. are property of J.K. Rowling, all publishers concerned and Warner Brothers. The only things owned by the author are the plot and any names not featured in the official Harry Potter books or movies. No money is being made from this, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Sitting here under an oak tree by the edge of the Forbidden Forest is a great get away. I only wish there could be a place where no one would find me that' s located inside the castle. It's the end of December and it's been snowing continuously. The temperature however, is the least of my problems.

I've got a secret. I've got have many secrets. I'm full of secrets. Let me introduce myself. I'm Lily Evans. I'm what you'd believe me to be a normal seventeen-year-old witch attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I'm not though. Sure, I've got friends and my grades are good. I achieved high O.W.L. scores in my fifth year and Professor Mc.Gonagall says I'll do just fine in the N.E.W.Ts.

That's not my problem though. I just don't see the point of living. I've had some hardships in my life – in the muggle world. I had no friends due to Petunia's insistence. Petunia is a very cruel person. She takes advantage of being older than me at every possible opportunity. But of course my parents adore me. They always have, I think. I mean to say, I remember all those times that mum lost her temper with me and hit me, but she still loves me.

It's those times, when she used to hit me that I thought maybe I should just leave. Run away. Die. Mum had good reasons for hitting and yelling at me. I always made her worry sick. One time I'd been roaming around and I didn't bother with the time so obviously I was late getting home. My mother was so vicious that day. I don't like making mum worry. She'd hit me whenever something odd happened. Of course, now I know why it happened.

I just feel like a burden on my mum's shoulder. Sure, dad's still there, but he's not there, there. He got a job in Italy, so he's in Rome and has been for a while now. And dad doesn't worry about me as much as mum does, and I sometimes wonder if he loves me…

Love. There's something that makes me wake up every morning. I believe my friends all love me, but I don't feel that they care about me. My mother loves me however. I know she does, and sometimes I feel guilty.

My life is a jumble of thoughts and feelings I can't let James Potter know about. I fear he already knows. He always looks at me oddly these days. He stares at me so determinedly and dares me to look away, which I eventually do, for fear he might see through me. I've never been a very good liar. Perhaps because I've never had footprints to cover up.

Well, James has been acting strangely this year. We actually talk. He's very polite to me one moment, but then suddenly he's that rude arrogant b a s t a r d I've always known.

I fear him. I really do. I meet him after his Quidditch games and practices or any other time when I feel like I need someone to hold me and he obliges. I don't understand him. He's a friend. We're certainly not an item. I know he likes me though. He has ever since he laid eyes on me. I can remember the first time I ever met him as if it were yesterday.

Eleanor, Esperanza, and I were going through the train to find a compartment, and it was just our luck that we found four boys in the last one. The one with inky black hair, and hazel eyes stood up along with the other one who also had dark hair and dark eyes.

"I'm James Potter, pleased to meet you," The hazel-eyed boy had stretched out his right hand and I'd looked at it suspiciously before shaking it with my own right hand, while informing them softly of my identity.

"And I am Sirius Black." The other boy who'd gotten up with James introduced himself. "That over there with blonde hair is Peter Pettigrew. The other one with the book covering his face is Remus."

I'd looked around and as my eyes had traveled over to Remus I'd caught the title of the muggle book he was clutching. "That's a wonderful book!"

Remus had looked up and smiled. He had appeared to look sick, but his face had shone brightly with the smile all the same. "You've read it?"

Before I could have reply, Sirius cut in. "Don't tell me you like reading Evans! Our Remus already reads too much. He doesn't need to be interrupted by your useless questions. He'll probably read more if you keep discussing those useless muggle books with him."

I'd regarded Mr. Black with repulsion and swiftly left the compartment, not caring if it was the last one.

Eleanor and Esperanza had seemed taken aback about Sirius' comment too, but they'd come after me, trying to convince me to go back to the compartment and not stay out in the corridor. They'd tried to make me see sense. They'd said I'd get in trouble before I even got to Hogwarts. I'd stood my ground. I'd expected them to stay with me, but instead they marched off towards the last compartment, leaving me all alone in my depressing world.

Two clear streaks had dove down the side of my cheeks. Life wasn't the same. During the summer when I'd gotten my Hogwarts letter, I'd thought of it as an escape from my world. The letter in itself had opened a world of opportunity to me. I'd spent nights dreaming about what Hogwarts was like. I'd imagined myself to have the best of friends. Clearly, Eleanor and Esperanza weren't the best of friends. They were friends, but they weren't the kind of people one could depend on.

A cascade of tears had flown down the side of my cheeks as I'd shred tear after tear, thinking about the life I'd never have. A dream that I'd dreamt for so long now. A dream to go places in the world that I'd never been to. A dream to help all those in need. A dream to adopt a little girl with dark hair and crystal blue eyes. A dream to live in a place where no one would hurt my little angel.

My dreams would stay dreams, I'd known that, but still, I couldn't help but be hopeful. I'd froze and stiffened as I'd felt something on my shoulder. I'd turned around, and through my blurred vision I'd seen James, looking at me with concern.

"I'm sorry about what my friend said. He didn't mean to upset you." James had said calmly. I think I'd made him feel awkward when tears escaped my eyes yet again. How was he to know I wasn't crying because of his friend?

I hadn't answered him so minutes later he'd spoken once again, " Look-I'm really sorry! Sirius is just a goofball. Don't listen to him."

I'd ignored him. My mind hadn't been absorbing anything. James had mumbled some more things that I had failed to comprehend and soon afterwards, he had just been holding me, and I suppose he'd been waiting for me to stop crying.

I eventually had stop crying. When it had become hard to breathe, the tears had stopped flowing and I'd wiped the remnants off of my cheeks using my sleeve. I had felt hot air on top of my head. I'd looked up to realize James had been looking at me very nervously. To calm him down a bit, I'd spoke lies.

"I'm alright, really. No problem." I'd put on a wide smile, but when I had seen him frown I'd realized he must have seen through it.

"Tell me what's wrong."

It hadn't been a request. I hadn't felt like being bossed around.

"That is none of your business, Mr. Potter." my tone had become more sophisticated. "If you'd like to go back to your comrades, you may do so. I, however, wish to stay here."

"I'll stay with you then." He'd whispered softly into my ear and I'd noticed he was still holding me in a brotherly fashion.

We'd remained quite through the journey, but later on when he'd rose the question once again about my conditions I'd lost my temper. It was none of his damn business.

I'd broken away from him, and retreated to the corner where I had been earlier, resuming my cries. I guess he must have thought he upset me again, which he had. He'd come up to me and held me close and the world had felt safe again. Despite the calmness in his touch, I couldn't help but think he was doing this out of pity for me. I hadn't questioned him though. I'd caught his eye earlier and I'd seen something different. And I'd known from that moment on that James must have feelings for me, whether it be a little boy crush or something more.

I hadn't said anything though, preferring to stay in his arms.

After a while, he'd asked me a question, which had only confirmed my thoughts. " Lily, there's a village here. Hogsmeade, you know. We could go there sometime. I know first years aren't allowed to go, so if you don't want to sneak out, we could just go by the Hogwarts Lake. What do you say?"

He hadn't stuttered one bit. It had surprised quite me a bit. James was obviously an outgoing and a risk taking person. He was also sweet and kind. I hadn't known him well enough though and I had been too young. "James, I'm really sorry, but I hardly think this is the time for me to get into a relationship. I'm too young and I'm just about to start at Hogwarts. I'd like to focus on my studies first. Thank you though. I'm sure plenty of other girls will be delighted to accompany you in a date, judging by your charm." I'd added in to make him a bit more cheerful. I hadn't very successful.

The announcer had come on then, loud and clear, announcing the arrival of Hogwarts in ten minutes.

"Well, I better go," he'd said, drawing himself up and away from me. "I need to go change. See you later."

And that had been the first time I'd met James. I have a feeling he saw through me, or least thought there was something in me that wasn't in others. For the past couple of years though, James had indeed gotten quite a few dates. He'd been pleased with himself, but I swear on the holy bible that he wasn't the same person on that train ride, and he never had been.

The moment he'd met Severus Snape, his blood had turned cold. He was cruel towards Severus and anyone else who bothered him and his pals. And me. For some odd reason, he always cared about me. Still does, I suppose.

I thought and thought about his actions of earlier in the afternoon and I recalled the memory.

In the empty Gryffindor Common Room, James had been sitting in the squishy armchair, working on his Charms essay. I'd taken a seat by him and started a conversation.

"James, where do you disappear off to every month?" I'd asked him casually. His figure had tensed though.

"Nowhere. I go to bed." He replied keeping his voice casual.

"Don't lie to me James. We're friends, right? I see you disappear once a night every month and the next morning you've always looked tired and worn out. Friends are supposed to tell each other things."

"You don't tell me everything about yourself, so I don't see why I should." He'd cut in coolly.

I'd tried to ignore his comment, but it got to me. "I tell you things."

"No, you don't Lily. You just sit there and cry and cry. I want to know what makes you so sad. I want to make the pain go away. But you don't tell me anything!"

"James, either you tell me where you go or you and I are back on Sir name terms." I replied sharply.

"You wouldn't do that Lily."

"Wouldn't I?"

"You're nothing without me! You have no control over my life!"

It had hurt so bad. James was a bloody git! Without another word, I'd fled from the common room and ran around the whole castle to find a place where I could be alone. After long hours of search, I turned to my last option. The Hogwarts grounds.

My eyes filled with tears as I remembered the event. It was rather rude of him to say that, but it was James. I looked around my surroundings and noticed the darkening sky. I'd have to go into the castle now, but I had no desire to and I remained there, under the oak tree, crying my heart out.

I straightened myself up as I heard a rustle behind me. I wiped off my face, and prepared myself to face James or worse the Headmaster. What I heard however were not footsteps. Acting on my curiosity, I poked my head around and saw a great, black shaggy dog running along side a white, silver stag. I gasped. It was quite a site. I'd never seen a real life stag before. They seemed to be running towards the forest, about ten feet away from where I was at the moment.

I looked deep into their eyes and they held a worried look in them. They'd stopped their trot and were staring upwards. I turned my head up to a beautiful sight. The stars were sparkling in the dark sky like diamonds and a little patch of gray clouds hid the silvery moon.

Minutes passed by and the dog and the stag kept on staring fixedly on the moon. I was getting boring and I was starting to wonder what they were waiting for. The reply came not a moment late. As the sky cleared, I heard a large howl of sound coming from the forest and before I had time to think, I noticed the dog and the stag running at break-neck speed towards the forest.

I was faced with a dilemma right then. I chose to follow the animals. I was gasping for hair within minutes as I tried to keep up with them. It seemed they were following the howls of pain. The forest grew denser and the sleeves of my cloak ripped, but I didn't bother with them. I was intent on discovering where these animals were going. Strange as it was, the animals seemed to be acting much like humans.

After a few more minutes of running, it became silent and I slowly edged closer to the clearing where the stag and the dog were. Peeking around from behind a tree, I had a clear view of the happenings in the clearing.

I looked carefully, and I saw, to my horror a werewolf howling like mad. The stag and the dog were biting it incessantly and soon the howling stopped and as I watched, the animals seemed to be enjoying their time with the werewolf. I edged closer to the clearing, but suddenly I was in horrified as the werewolf set eyes on me. I vaguely noticed the dog and the stag exchanging somewhat panic stricken glances.

I screamed as loud as I could and started running. It was no use though. The werewolf was after me and I heard its hooves approaching closer to me. I stole a glance behind me and the monster was barely five feet away from me. I started to run again, but tripped over a twig. The trees swooped around me and my knees buckled and light exploded in my head like stars.

The next morning, I woke up to find myself in my four-poster bed. I wondered how I'd gotten there, but didn't ponder on it any more as my head began to hurt. I groaned and turned over, trying to make sleep come once again.

I wasn't lucky. I pushed myself up from the bed and realized I wasn't in my bed. I was in the boys dormitories. My lord! What was I doing in the boys dormitories? I looked down and saw to my relief that I was still dressed in my clothes, including my ragged cloak.

Memories came flooding back in as I went through all the rips in my cloak. My eyes darkened as I considered the possibility. Had I been bitten? And suddenly, a dozen other questions burst through my head.

I stepped out of the bed and headed towards the door. The sky outside was gloomy and gray. The door creaked as I pushed it open. I stepped out and headed down to the common room. It was empty besides the Marauders. It was just what I needed. To face James, but I did want to know how I'd gotten where I'd gotten.

I saw Sirius give an audible sigh as I approached. I looked around and saw Remus sitting on the squishy armchair, covering his face with a book. A wondered where Peter was or for that matter-where the rest of the Gryffindors were before I remembered it was still the holidays.

"How did I get up there?" I asked all three of them. I saw Remus put his book down and he looked so pale, and ready to throw up that I was just about to suggest him to go up to the Hospital Wing when he abruptly left. "How did I get up there?" I repeated myself.

"Lily," Sirius started with a smile. "I see you're up already. I'll just be going now. Handle this mate."

I turned to look at James who seemed like his nightmares had come to life.

"Padfoot-" but he was cut off as Sirius said loud and clear. "Handle it. It's your business."

When Sirius had exited the common room, I turned to James, my stare icy and cold. "So…"

James motioned for me to site down and I obeyed. "Before you attack me with questions, just hear me out."

And he started talking. It was hard to keep up with him since he talked so fast like he just wanted to get it over with. When he mentioned the part about Sirius and him being Animagus, I gasped. No wonder the animals had acted humane. He continued on with his story and I breathed a sigh of relief as I heard that the werewolf hadn't succeeded in having me join him on his monthly escapade.

Thankfully, James and Sirius had been there to pull it off at the right moment. Then, they'd left me there and spent their time with the werewolf until the sun had come up when they had safely transformed back into themselves and had brought me up to the boys' dormitories.

When he finished his tale, I questioned him. "Who was the werewolf?"

"That I cannot tell you Lily. It is between my and my buddies." He replied seriously. I had half a mind to argue, but then I suddenly realized I'd be breaking up our friendship again within twenty-four hours.

So instead I stepped closer and gave him a hug. I leaned into him and thanked him. We sat there together on the armchair for a while. I was still pondering thoughts about my life, myself, my family, school, and what James had said. Was I a nobody?

"You're a wonderful person Lily, and you could survive by yourself for eternity." I smiled as I felt the confidence come back to me again. I realized James didn't share everything with me; he didn't even eat with me. He talked with his friends and I talked to my own so-called friends. We came to each other when we were in need and a week from now, he'd probably start badgering me about my secrets, but at least he'd care.

And for the first time in my life, I'd felt like I'd found someone I could spend the rest of my life with. I'd felt like I had truly found out how it was to be in love.

Finis