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"Life isn't fair."
That's the phrase I hate the most.
You know why?
Because it's so true.
The last bell of the day had just rung and all of Alice Academy's students were filing out of the classrooms into an already crowded hallway.
Well, all except me.
I was still at my desk, slowly packing my schoolbooks. I didn't have to go anywhere or do anything, so really, what was the point of getting run over by people who did have to go somewhere or do something? It was common sense.
As I was slipping the last heavy textbook into my bag, I heard footsteps running toward me.
"Mikan!" A familiar voice called out.
I turned around and saw Anna, her pink hair flying, followed closely behind by her dark-haired twin, Nonoko. At the sight of them my heart suddenly felt as if a giant hand were squeezing it. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves.
"Hey, Anna, what's up?" I smiled. If only it were a real smile.
"Mikan! Mikan! Mikan!" She was jumping up and down like she'd just had four cups of coffee. "Guess what? Guess what?"
Nonoko laughed. "Chill, Anna, chill! You're freaking her out."
I laughed along, silently crumbling inside.
Anna ignored Nonoko and continued to act like she was high.
"A new store just opened in the mall!" she squealed. "And guess who it's dedicated to?" Seriously, the girl looked like she was going to explode. She didn't even wait for me to answer before blurting out, "The pop singer Sakura!"
I felt the blood drain from my face at the mention of her.
Anna stopped bouncing around.
"What's wrong, Mikan? You look a bit pale," she frowned in concern.
I immediately put on that fake smile again and forced the color to return to my face.
"Really? I'm totally fine, don't worry!" I reassured her.
She stared at me for a moment, then finally said, "Okay...if you say so."
I breathed a sigh of relief.
"So, how about it?" Anna asked, her face lit up once again.
"Huh?"
"Us three. Check out the new store." Her eyes were practically sparkling.
I, on the other hand, felt as if my stomach were being twisted into knots and frantically searched my mind for a good excuse.
"W-Well, I don't know...I'm not really a big fan of Sakura..." I stuttered uncertainly.
Anna's jaw dropped.
"How can you not like Sakura? The whole school is practically gaga over her. She is like, the best pop singer we have had in years—no, make that decades!"
She's not really that great, Anna. If only you knew.
"Aren't you exaggerating a little too much? I don't really see what's so good about her," I said, mostly to see what Anna's reaction would be.
Anna's jaw dropped again. I was tempted to take out a tape measurer.
"You, Sakura Mikan," she pointed at me in disbelief, "are probably the only person in this whole country of Japan who does not like Sakura! And you even have the same last name as her! You don't know how many girls wish they were you! And you don't even support the idol yourself! Shame on you!"
I raised my eyebrows. "Seriously? It's just a name."
"Just a name? You're impossible, Mikan." Anna threw her hands up in the air in frustration. I hoped she would just leave at that and go to the store without me, but when had things ever went the way I wanted it to?
Being the nice girl that she was, Anna just sighed and grabbed my arm playfully. "Okay, how about this? Let's forget about Sakura for now. Nonoko and I just want to hang out with you today. It's been so long since all three of us were together. I want to go back to the old times."
The old times...
The inner me broke down right there, crying. The outer me didn't cry, but knew that she would soon if she didn't get away fast. All at once in one awkward movement, I pushed Anna away and blurted, "I'm so sorry but I really have to get somewhere right now. Maybe next time, Anna, Nonoko." Without looking at them, I slung my pack over my shoulder and hurried to the door. There, I dared myself to glance back. Anna stood unmoving where I had left her, her head bowed. Nonoko was comforting her, patting her back reassuringly. A sharp pain stabbed my heart. My hand flew to my mouth and my tears went flying as I made a run for it.
I'm so sorry, Anna, Nonoko.
When I finally stopped to catch my breath, I realized my legs had taken me to the old sakura tree on the campus, a place that I often went to whenever I needed some time to myself. I climbed to the highest branch, my favorite spot, and closed my eyes. My thoughts drifted to what Anna had said. "And you even have the same last name as her!" I sighed. If only it were that simple. But the Mikan Sakura that she knew and the pop singer Sakura had much, much more in common.
That was my secret.
It was a horrible secret, one that I never wanted. I was split between two drastically different worlds, and because of this I had to push away all of my friends. Yes, I was scared that my secret might be exposed, but even more than that I was afraid that Yuka might do something awful to the people that associated with me.
Yuka, my alcoholic, abusive mom.
She was the one who forced this secret onto me. And she had no mercy for those that angered her. There was no way I could let my friends be on that list. They were welcome to think whatever they wanted of me, as long as they were safe.
I suddenly clenched my fist. That damn Yuka, making my life like this. I hated her. She was the one who made me become a star just so I could pay off all of her debts and still leave her a handful of money for booze. A star, of all things, because my voice was better than average. I didn't mind at first, thinking that it would only be a temporary thing, but stupid little me fell right into the trap and now I'm stuck as a star until my mom finally comes to her senses and lets me off the hook. Which will never happen. She's my manager and she gets big money from my night performances so why would she call it quits? She's not the one suffering anyway. Nope, no hard work for her while my whole world is collapsing, and she doesn't give a crap about me.
All these thoughts were going through my head when I realized that I shouldn't be thinking about these things. So, being the smart girl I was, I banged my head against the tree trunk in attempt to take my mind off of them. Well, it worked, but not the way I wanted. As I cursed and clutched my forehead in pain, the wind picked up slightly and sent baby pink sakura petals dancing through the air. The agony in my head was completely forgotten as I stared in wonder at the beautiful blossoms swirling in wisps around the tree. If only I could be free like them. But the flowers still inspired me, and I closed my eyes and began to sing.
Yes, I forgot how much I loved singing, all by myself, letting my emotions flow out into my voice. Not onstage, not with hundreds of fans screaming below me. No, just all alone, when no one else was listening, deep in my own world, where I could—even if it was only for a moment—escape the cage that held me down and spread my eager wings. My song was one without words, just a sweet, enchanting melody that danced with the fluttering sakura petals and flew with the wind.
But I was too engrossed in my singing to notice anyone coming, not until the classic twig snapped under the person's foot. My voice caught in my throat and I felt a wave of panic wash over me.
Someone heard me.
I instinctively jumped up, forgetting that I was on a tree, and being the clumsy idiot I was, my foot slipped and I started falling. As I plummeted toward the ground, I squeezed my eyes shut and braced myself for the impact.
I'm going to die.
But to my confusion and surprise, there was no pain. The ground was not hard as I had expected but unusually soft...and warm? My eyes flew open and I turned around to see what I had landed on.
I saw nothing but a pair of startlingly red eyes.
Finally the boy spoke.
"What are you doing?"
Well, did you like it? I bet everyone knows who the boy with the crimson eyes is.
I'm planning to make this fanfic really long, but I don't know if it will actually turn out that way. And don't worry, for those that are waiting for updates on my fanfic "Held by Darkness," I have not dropped it and will update ASAP.
:) Remember to review!