Chapter One: Reapings & Training
Warning: I like to get to the point, so this isn't going to be a door-stopper.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games or Super Smash Bros.
Mario was having a tea party with Princess Peach. The perpetually silent plumber was eating his cake when he suddenly felt a tugging sensation in his gut, as if he were tethered to another location. He looked out past the mountains of Rainbow Cruise that surrounded Peach's Castle. There was no hint of anything. Confused, Mario went back to drinking his tea, but then he randomly disappeared. Peach shouted his name, but Mario could no longer hear her.
Donkey Kong was lounging in his hut in the jungle, looking hungrily at his pile
of ripe bananas. He couldn't wait to dive into them as if they were one massive, yellow swimming pool. He was so hungry. Suddenly, there was a feeling that a string was tied around his intestines, pulling him towards somewhere ehhhhhlse. Wondering why he felt this way, given that he hadn't eaten any bananas, he thought maybe he should eat some bananas. He licked his lips, preparing to begin chowing down. And, suddenly, he was sucked into darkness.
It was early morning at Lon Lon Ranch, and Link was out doing some target practice. He shot straight through a target, straight through the bull's-eye. He was jubilant-this was his first center in a while-when his stomach started hurting. It wasn't like he was about to throw up. It felt more like diarrhea was about to come out. He turned to start running towards the bathroom, but, before he could do anything, he collapsed. Fully expecting to poop his pants, he braced himself for the inevitable wave of embarrassment. But it never came. Instead, he plunged into darkness.
Samus Aran was flying in her gunship above Brinstar. She looked down at the yellow acid rising up, glad she wasn't on the planet. Thinking about who she had to hunt next, she decided to go back to her home planet. Suddenly, her 6'3" body felt like she was attached to a point far away. Before she knew it, all 198 pounds of her plunged into darkness.
A green Yoshi was lounging in a beach chair on Yoshi's Island. He looked at Raphael's nest far away, wondering if he would need to enlist the old Raven's help again. He wondered when he would have to go on a quest again. Hopefully never, but you could never tell. He felt oddly bloated, as if he'd eaten too much fruit from the Super Happy Tree. No-it felt like something was tugging against his stomach. Before he knew it, he suddenly fell forward and lost consciousness.
Kirby was at the Fountain of Dreams, staring into the water of the crystalline fountain. He thought of making a wish there, but he decided to inhale instead. But before he could do this, he felt as though he was being compelled to go somewhere else. Soon, he disappeared into blackness.
It was a rainy day in Corneria, and Fox McCloud was in bed with Krystal. They were making love when Fox suddenly was in internal pain.
"Are you okay?", Krystal asked, seeing her husband grimacing.
"Ugggghh...yeah, I'm fine", Fox said. But he wasn't. He felt as though he were harnessed to a location far away. Before he could say anything further, he disappeared. Krystal screamed.
A Pikachu was doing battle at Pokemon Stadium. The crowd was going wild, and he could tell that he was winning. He was absolutely annihilating the Squirtle that was twenty feet in front of him. The dark night was above them, but it was very bright inside the arena. Suddenly, Pikachu felt a pressure inside his stomach. Before he could do anything, he sank into darkness.
The eight tributes slid into a large room. They slowly regained consciousness. Fox, who had been having sex at the time he was warped, was naked. He was very embarrassed, and started turning from light brown to crimson. A pair of indigo pants and an international orange shirt appeared before them, and Fox hastily put them on. He still looked embarrassed, but not as much so as before.
"So," said Master Hand, "you're probably wondering why you are here. Well, that's really quite a simple question to answer. You were chosen to compete in the 78th annual Hunger Games".
"Uh...what's that?", Fox asked, clearly still trying to recover from his embarrassment.
"I'll explain once the other sixteen tributes arrive. In the meantime, why don't you just speculate on your own?".
Ten minutes later, eight more Smashers appeared. These were Ness, Captain Falcon, Jigglypuff, Toon Link, Lucario, Marth, Falco Lombardi, and Luigi. This tugged on Mario's heartstrings. He didn't want to be here with his e brother, as he could already just sense that something bad was going to happen here. Would they be pitted against each other? He vaguely remembered a story in which teenagers were forced to kill each other in an arena. This did not look like fun. Master Hand told them the same thing about being involved in the 78th Hunger Games, and they seemed just as confused as the first group.
After another ten minutes, the third and final group of Smashers appeared. This consisted of Bowser, Snake, Sonic, Wolf O'Donnell, Pit, Mr. Game & Watch, Meta Knight, and Peach. There was a palpable aura of excitement around the cavernous room now. There sure was a lot of suspense now, at what Master Hand was about to say. He gave the standard briefing to the last eight tributes. Then, he dropped the bomb on the twenty-four Smashers.
"You will spend the next three days training for the games. At twelve o'clock noon, three days from now, you will be sent into an arena. You will kill each other off until only one remains. The victor will receive the ownership of this estate. Here, this is what the house looks like on the outside".
The house was a mansion by the sea. More specifically, it was on the edge of a twenty-foot cliff. It was absolutely beautiful. The Smashers were shown bedrooms with beautiful crimson hangings, a long dining table laden with all sorts of foods, beautiful fireplaces, tennis courts, and exercise rooms. They were just being pampered, like lambs to the slaughter. They'd only have three days to enjoy it. And then, all but one of them would die.
Lucario was using his aura to try to calm himself. Fox looked as if he was about to use Fire Fox to blast away. Luigi was shivering, and his brother attempted to calm him down.
Soon, they were allowed to proceed to the dining room.
Pit was walking into the dining room, and he was overjoyed at what he saw. The wooden table was laden with pizza, chicken fingers, hamburgers, hot dogs, salad, burritos, soup, and fries. There were also beverages; water, milk, apple juice, orange juice, cranberry juice, pineapple juice, Sprite, Fanta, root beer, grape juice, Diet Coke, and Monster. The sun was sinking above the water. It was probably about seven in the evening, and this was likely to be his fourth-to-last sunset outside of the arena. Unless he won.
Pikachu took a slice of Hawaiian pizza, tearing into the ham. He had cheese running down his yellow face. He wasn't one who would struggle with having to eat without being clean.
Kirby was inhaling fries. Meta Knight ate a burrito, looking at the other Smashers, all twenty-three of whom would have to die in order for him to survive.
Fox and Falco clinked their glasses of root beer together, looking very anxious. Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die. This was never true more than it was now, for them. They'd faced danger on their wars against Andross, the Aparoids, and the Anglars. But they would not see each other again after these Games were over.
It was a nervous meal, filled with tension. All twenty-four Smashers ate their fill. Then, they went to bed.
The next morning, these tributes threw themselves into their training. There were five Sandbags to practice on. Mario, Link, Kirby, Captain Falcon, Falco, and Pit practiced diving into the ocean without killing themselves. They ran on the treadmills. They practiced tennis. They lifted weights. Soon enough, the night before the Games came.
Before turning in, and after eating their dessert (ice cream, apple pie, donuts, doughy cookies, strawberry shortcake, etc.), the Smashers sat around the TV, looking for their training scores.
Bowser, for his strength and cunning, had scored an 8. His main weakness was how slow he was.
Captain Falcon had scored a 10. He had many of the same strengths as Bowser, but without the weakness of slowness. He had slightly lower survivability, though,
Donkey Kong scored a 6. He was very slow, but very strong.
Falco had scored a 7, because his blaster was very slow and he was not as good as Fox.
Fox got a score of 10. He was very fast and strong. He could also be stealthy. He would be a threat.
Jigglypuff scored a 4. She really only had one thing going for her: being able to float.
Kirby scored a 5. At least he could inhale.
Link scored a 7. He could use his bow and arrow well. He could be a bit faster.
Lucario scored a 5 for his aura ability, but he was weak until then.
Luigi only scored a 2. He was such a piece of shit!
Mario scored a 5. He could use his cape for good effect. But he still wasn't too fast.
Marth scored a 9. His speed and swordplay could be used to his advantage.
Meta Knight only scored a 6. That wasn't that bad, but it wasn't that good either.
Mr. Game & Watch scored a 3. That was how bad he was!
Ness scored a 5 for his PSI abilities and baseball bat.
Peach scored a 6, because of her parasol and turnips.
Pikachu scored a 7 for his electrical abilities and speed.
Pit scored a 6 due to his wings.
Samus only scored a 4. This was due to her suit. But she had a trick up her sleeve…
Snake scored a 9 for his military abilities.
Sonic scored a 5, but really just because of his speed.
Toon Link scored a 5 due to basically being a weaker version of Link.
Wolf scored a 5 due to his raspiness and shitty blaster.
Yoshi scored a 6 for his egg-throwing abilities and everything else.
That ended the training scores. On average, those who scored between seven and ten stood decent chances of winning. That really only meant eight of them had a good chance of survival.
The next morning, the tributes rode out in the Great Fox. Krystal had sold it to them for $120,000. According to the people who bought it, she had been cheating on Fox for the last six months. Fox was pretty devastated, but in the unlikely event that he won, he would file for divorce immediately upon his return to Corneria City. But he couldn't focus on the ensuing custody battle over his son Marcus now. Or maybe he should. After all, he would never see his son again unless he won.
Pretty soon, the Great Fox arrived at the arena. As Ness walked towards his launch pad, he was trembling in fear. He could be flat-out dead this time tomorrow. He just really wanted to survive the bloodbath at the Cornucopia. If he could do that, he could win. Just keep telling yourself that. The tributes were required to stand on their plates for a full minute before they could make a run for it, either to the Cornucopia or fleeing away from it.