Disclaimer: I don't own Junjō Romantica. Le sigh.
A/N: This will be just a series of moments focusing on the Egoist pairing. I looked up a list of random words and I will base a moment around each one of them. They're completely random and unrelated, no chronological order, and some will contain mature themes so I will warn for them at the beginning of each chapter.
Warning(s): Um. Excessive use of alcohol? Maybe some heavy petting and mild language.
Drunk
He's not sure how it happens, one moment they're tired and wanting to sleep, and the next moment they have bottles of cheap beer on the table in front of them.
It wasn't that they had never done this before; Nowaki remembers clearly the last time they had gotten drunk even if Hiroki does not. It had been that time Hiroki had expressed his respect and admiration for Miyagi and Akihiko, it had been the day Nowaki had decided to follow his dreams and study abroad to catch up to the professor. Getting drunk was not a common occurrence in the apartment they shared; there was always too much work, too many papers to grade, too messy, and always a grumpy Hiroki that never wanted to do something to relax for the night.
When morning comes and Hiroki is suffering from a hangover and complaining about why that is the reason he never drinks, that is when Nowaki will feel bad about this. It's really pathetic when he thinks about it so he tries not to dwell on it for the moment, and it's easy to distract himself from his dark thoughts when he has the professor sitting across from him on the floor. Dressed in sweatpants and a simple white t-shirt Hiroki has never looked so attractive to Nowaki as he does in that moment; his disheveled hair and the slight flush across his cheeks make the tall man's chest hurt with the intensity of his emotions. All he's able to think is-
That man is mine.
It's a ridiculous thought but he can't help it, he's always been extremely possessive of the professor. Maybe it's because of all his insecurities, maybe it's because he had grown up without anything being truly his, or maybe it's just because he had entered this relationship competing against someone who would always be on the same level as the professor. Akihiko. Some days he really hates that name, he hates the way the man drops unexpected to the apartment and touches his Hiroki's hair, and most of all he hates that his lover never does anything to stop it.
So much for not dwelling on dark thoughts, he thinks to himself as he finishes his beer. He takes another can, the professor already on his way to finish his eight or maybe ninth beer of the night, and he wonders if he should stop him. While he's just feeling the buzz of the alcohol he's aware that his lover is a lightweight; Hiroki had started slurring his words just after his fourth beer, and had burst into song after his seventh. But it's been a rough week full of exams to grade for the professor and late night shifts for him at the hospital so he doesn't say anything, if this helps the professor relax for the night he'll do his best to take care of his lover in the morning.
He takes another drink of his beer when he notices Hiroki is looking at him as if expecting an answer, and he wonders if he missed part of the conversation. Maybe he wasn't paying enough attention and the professor said something and he didn't hear it. He's about to ask him to please repeat what he said when the professor starts to laugh. Now, it's not like Nowaki has never heard Hiroki laugh, it had happened a few times during their relationship but it had never been like this. He had heard the laugh full of sarcasm or the snort of laughter that expressed the professor's incredulity of whatever romantic aspect they were discussing about a film. The laugh he hears now is nothing like that, it's pure and beautiful, and again his chest hurts because he has never seen or heard anything so beautiful.
Hiroki is smiling.
It doesn't matter that a moment later the professor calls him stupid, it doesn't matter that when Hiroki tries to take another drink he spills half of it because his coordination is horrible at the moment. It doesn't matter that Hiroki blames the can of beer for moving without his permission, it doesn't matter that the front of his shirt is now wet and that it will reek of beer later, it doesn't matter because he's beautiful. Always beautiful in Nowaki's eyes.
"Um...was I saying something? I think I was," Hiroki says and he squints as he looks down at his beer.
"Are you happy with me Hiro-san?" He doesn't know why he asks that or maybe he does but he doesn't want to think about it for now.
"Hmm? That's- what? That's a very, very silly question. I don't want to answer that. No, no, no, I don't want to say it," the professor answers as he wags his fingers in front of him.
"Why not?"
"Becauseee…because. That's why."
Nowaki smiles, "You're so cute, Hiro-san."
"No, I am not but…but I think I believe you really think that," he squints again, "I think you really mean it when you say that stuff to me. You really think I'm cute and you don't lie to me…I like that. I like you don't lie to me. It makes me feel safe. I really like it. You know what else I like?"
"What, Hiro-san?"
"I like the rice balls you make with the bunny ears made of carrots," Hiroki says before breaking into a fit of giggles. "Balls, I just said balls."
Nowaki laughs softly, completely enamored with the sound of the professor's laughter. This is another reason why the professor doesn't like to drink; he tends to talk a lot and it's always things he would never dare say out loud while sober. Nowaki knows that tomorrow morning when Hiroki asks if he did or say anything inappropriate he will answer with a simple- Do you really want to know, Hiro-san? The professor will say no and deny anything he could have said, adding that alcohol makes people say stupid things. Part of him wishes the professor could be this open to him while sober; the thought of him laughing and being playful during the day seems almost impossible. The thought immediately makes him feel guilty because he had fallen in love with the surly professor and it was unfair to want him to change, but still a tiny part of his heart yearns for it. Not a complete change, of course, because he still wants to see that angry scowl and the bad moods are sometimes endearing, but just a few glimpses of this Hiroki would be nice. Playful and relaxed.
Hiroki sets his now empty can on the table before crawling his way around it to Nowaki. The professor makes a soft sound as he moves to straddle the wide eyed Nowaki, his hands settling on his shoulders. The tall man stays with his arms at his sides, afraid of moving, of doing anything that will make his lover angry and move away.
"You always ask silly questions. Silly, silly, questions. Do you love me, Hiro-san? Do I make you happy, Hiro-san? Silly questions all of them," Hiroki says, and it takes a moment for Nowaki to understand the words through the slurred speech.
"I'm sorry, Hiro-san."
"Why are you apologizing? See? Silly, you're so silly," the professor answers before leaning forward to capture Nowaki's lips in a kiss. It's sloppy and wet, and Nowaki finally moves his hands to Hiroki's hips. Hiroki tastes like cheap beer but his lips are soft and warm and perfect. A moment later the professor breaks the kiss, and he tangles his hands in Nowaki's hair to pull his head back so he's able to look directly into his eyes.
"Yes," he says and Nowaki is confused.
"Yes?"
"Stupid. Are you not paying attention to me? Yes! To your silly questions."
Nowaki doesn't reply, he doesn't even know if he should. The alcohol in his blood has slowed down his brain but not enough to forget that anything he says can make his volatile lover angry. He also doesn't reply because Hiroki is straddling his lap and kissing him again. He does his best to respond to the kiss, the feel of a warm tongue pushing against his lips makes him lightheaded and his grip on Hiroki's hips tightens.
"You're so silly," Hiroki says again when he breaks the kiss, and he continues to speak as if the pauses in between had not happened. "You make me happy. You make me happy even when you make me angry. You make me happy when you kiss me after a bad day. You make me happy when you make the rice balls I like," here he pauses again to giggle before continuing. "You make me happy when I tell you I'm cold and you hold me during the night. You make me happy on Mondays, and Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, and Thursdays, and Fridays, and Saturdays, and also on Sundays. That's like…every day. And and…you also make me happy when you look at me. But shhh, you can't tell anyone this because it's a secret. Promise me you won't tell anyone."
Nowaki swallows and there's that feeling in his chest again. How does Hiroki manage to do that? How does the professor manage to always drive all the dark thoughts away in such an endearing way?
"Come on, promise me or I won't tell you more secrets."
"I promise, Hiro-san," Nowaki says and he doesn't move, he barely allows himself to breathe because he doesn't want anything to end this moment.
"Weeeell…what happened to my drink?" Hiroki asks all of a sudden as he turns halfway in the direction of the table. "I didn't finish my drink, someone else did because I don't drink that much. Nooo, I don't. It's bad."
Nowaki lets out the breath he's been holding, slightly disappointed but he pushes it aside. Hiroki looks adorable as he scratches the back of his head as he tries to figure out why his can of beer is empty. He doesn't say anything; instead he watches the professor, his eyes, his nose, the elegant line of his jaw, and the perfect shape of his lips. Squinting, Hiroki turns back to him and his hands are again in Nowaki's hair. The touch is gentle, as if he's trying to feel the texture as he runs his fingers through the silky hair. Nowaki stares back, wanting to say something, anything, but any thought that had been forming in his mind is pushed away because Hiroki is kissing him. Again. The professor rarely initiated any contact between them, it was always him who had to push and ask and almost beg for any intimacy. It wasn't only the sex; it was everything between a simple kiss and holding hands to their bodies tangled together.
"I am," Hiroki says and he makes an exasperated sound when Nowaki looks back at him confused. "You're not paying attention to me! You asked me a silly question and I'm answering you. I am happy. And before you ask more silly questions, yes I love you even if you're stupid and silly."
Anything Nowaki could have answered is swallowed by another kiss, his lover's tongue pushing into his mouth as warm hands cup his face. "I love you," the professor whispers as he brushes his lips down the tall man's cheek. "So very, very much. A stupid amount."
There's that feeling again and Nowaki wonders if it's his heart wanting to burst out of his chest with love for this man. He's happy, so happy. He knows the alcohol is making Hiroki talk but he also knows Hiroki says what he really thinks when he's drunk, and maybe he's also drunk himself, but Hiroki is kissing him and whispering against his ear, and everything else doesn't matter. Nowaki shivers because Hiroki's lips are parted as they move down the side of his throat, and he finally moans softly when the professor sucks on that sensitive spot bellow his ear.
"You know what else I love?" the professor whispers against his ear but he doesn't give Nowaki enough time to reply, "I love you like this. I can feel it, you're getting hard." The words are followed with a half laugh half moan from Hiroki as the professor starts to move in his lap.
"Hiro-san…"
"I love it when you call me that when we're having sex. I also hate it because it makes me come faster. I love your voice, I love it when you tell me I feel good," Hiroki moans, moving faster against him.
"Hiro-san," Nowaki moans but he's trying to stop the other man from moving. "Maybe you should eat some toast-" he's cut off by another kiss.
"I don't want any toast, I want you," Hiroki says as he tries to take the other man's shirt before giving up because it's too difficult. He whines but his sadness over not mastering the art of taking off a shirt is forgotten as he begins to move his hands over the fabric. He's able to feel the tight muscles beneath Nowaki's shirt before moving to the waistband of his lover's pants. It takes him a moment but he's able to get the button and zipper undone as he moves to stand on his knees to give himself enough space to move his hand. His fingers curl around Nowaki's cock, and both men groan at the sensation; Nowaki because he hadn't been expecting that, and Hiroki because he rarely allowed himself to touch his lover.
Nowaki bites his lip before looking up at the professor, "Hiro-san we shouldn't-"
"I want you," Hiroki whispers again, "I want this inside me," he adds as he squeezes and begins to stroke him.
"Fuck," Nowaki is panting and wondering how this turned into one of his fantasies.
"Yes, let's fuck," Hiroki says and then breaks into another fit of giggles at his own words. It's because of that Nowaki manages to catch the professor's wrist to stop its movements. He doesn't want him to stop, all he wants is to touch and taste Hiroki but not like this, not when the professor is this drunk. He moves his lover's hand out of his pants and despite the desire he feels he can't help but smile at the pout on Hiroki's lips.
"We can do it tomorrow," he offers but Hiroki shakes his head and continues to pout.
"But I want it now, I want your mouth on me." Nowaki swallows as Hiroki moves one of his own hands down his chest and beneath the waistband of his pants to touch himself. "I want your mouth here." Hiroki closes his eyes and it's almost like he forgets Nowaki is there as he begins to move his hand up and down his length, throwing his head back and moaning his name. Nowaki closes his eyes for a moment but then he's trying to stop his lover, Hiroki pouting again as he rests his head on his shoulder.
"Why not?" the professor asks and Nowaki almost smiles at how the words come out in a whine. Almost, because Hiroki just can't stop moving on his lap and the friction is not helping. "Why don't you want me?"
"I do, I want you so much," Nowaki answers, his voice thick with desire. "But I want you to be able to remember every time we're together."
"I will remember," Hiroki insists but his words are slurred even more as the movements of his hips slow down. "I always remember out times together…you're always good…"
Nowaki smiles, "You're a cute drunk, Hiro-san."
"I'm not drunk, silly. I didn't even drink that much…you, sir, are totally drunk."
"Whatever you say, Hiro-san," Nowaki smiles again, knowing the professor won't remember any of this tomorrow. Part of him wishes he did, he wishes Hiroki could do all this without the alcohol being involved but he knows it won't happen. Some days, the bad days, he thinks it's because Hiroki doesn't love him as much as he loves him. On the good days he thinks it's because Hiroki is just shy and quiet about what he feels. After the drunken confession he's inclined to believe it's just the latter so he's happy, even if his body is protesting at the lack of attention.
"I speak the truth…you won't even deny it…I…" Hiroki's arms rest at his sides and Nowaki feels him begin to slump down on top of him.
"Hiro-san?"
He only receives a soft sound in reply, and he smiles as he holds the professor close. A moment later he hears soft snoring and his smile widens. "Very cute, Hiro-san."
Some minutes later he manages to get Hiroki on his feet to help him into the room they share. He brings some toast for the professor to eat so that the alcohol goes easier on his stomach, and while it takes a lot of prodding and a small struggle he also manages to make Hiroki eat it.
He considers cleaning the living room but he knows he'll wake up earlier than the professor so he slips between the covers beside Hiroki. The professor doesn't open his eyes but when Nowaki moves him closer he doesn't struggle, just curling up on his side against him. Nowaki smiles when Hiroki mumbles and he's almost sure it's the word 'stupid'. Maybe he is stupid for not letting Hiroki continue earlier but he would never forgive himself if he took advantage of his lover like that. A slight buzz would have been okay but he didn't want Hiroki to not remember anything the next day. Hiroki had said he made him feel safe and he doesn't want anything to change that.
Pressing a soft kiss against Hiroki's forehead he closes his eyes, already wanting to tell the professor all about this to watch him blush and stammer and be his adorable self as he tries to deny everything. "I'm not going to let you, Hiro-san," he whispers to the snoring man in his arms. "Not this time."