Dragonball Z – A Tale of Two Rivals
Heavy, grey clouds lazily moved in during the morning, blocking out the shining sun. As the huge shadow, caused by the clouds, extended its reach over the rocky landscape, Goku – the champion of earth, one of the mighty Z fighters, a Super Saiyan – relaxed his body, still glistening with sweat from his morning routine, on a large, flat rock while waiting for the Prince of all Saiyans, Vegeta.
Seconds passed. Minutes passed. An hour passed, yet Vegeta, a very loyal husband, fell victim to Bulma's screams of anger. Sorry Kakarot, my "human" wife is going to make me late.
"VEEEEGEEEETAAAA!!! How could you leave Trunks all alone on the table!? What if fell!? What kind of irresponsible person are you?!" As she screamed at the top of her lungs, Bulma's forehead appeared to pulsate as her veins throbbed with the unholy fury of a Saiyan's wife. "All you ever want to do is train with Goku! Why don't you train yourself at being a better father! How does Chi Chi even put up with that husband of hers!?" Bulma proceeded to call Vegeta many, many names, none of which were befitting of Saiyan royalty.
"…." And once again, the mighty Vegeta hesitated to answer his wife, not out of fear, oh no, he had a backbone unlike that hopeless Kakarot. He just didn't want to listen to anymore nagging. "Our son has my blood; a little fall cannot hurt him." he replied with quiet anger. "I'm going out, woman. You better have my breakfast ready when I return." He slammed the door shut right as Bulma threw a glass, aimed perfectly at his head, with the strength of a woman scorned. Vegeta heard the fragile cup shatter as he gathered up his chi and launched himself far into the sky, leaving behind a visible trail of blue chi. Without closing his eyes, he detected Kakarot's energy and made a beeline right for his waiting, and very bored, opponent. "Kakarot, this time… this time I'll…." the Prince left the sentence unfinished and refocused himself on flying faster. In a big burst of blue chi, he sped across the buildings of West City until he caught sight of all the rocks and more importantly, Kakarot, the one man who always upstaged him with his unmatched power and incredible accomplishments.
Bulma stared at the closed door for a long time while cradling and comforting her crying son. "I'm sorry Trunks…." she said softly. "I wish I knew where you've been going all this time. Why do you continue to leave us alone…?" She sat down with Trunks nestled safely in her arms as angry, bitter tears made their way down her face.
"What's taking him so long?" Goku asked no one in particular. "He knows I can't do this alone…." The usually jovial and energetic Saiyan could not help feeling abandoned by his once former enemy. "Darn it, Vegeta!" shouted at the cloudy sky. He stood up and searched the heavens for a sign of his companion; suddenly, he felt a familiar energy. That must be him! Finally! He turned to face the huge ball of blue chi speeding towards him and braced himself for impact.
Upon sighting Kakarot, Vegeta descended back down to Earth like a shooting star entering the atmosphere. He landed with almost no damage to the ground beneath him and as the dust settled, he met Goku's cheerful gaze with his own, cold and fierce. "Kakarot… I have arrived."
Goku, filled with joy, greeted his frowning friend, "Hey! Vegeta, it's good to see you. Ha ha ha!" Goku laughed that carefree and joyous laughed he had ever since he became a citizen of the planet Earth.
Annoyed by the sound of Kakarot's voice and ever more so when he heard that irritating laugh of his, Vegeta responded with his usual cold tone, "Stop wasting time with laughter, Kakarot. We have to start right away…. I angered Bulma again."
"Oh man, Vegeta! She's almost as scary as Chi Chi when she's mad, but my wife hits a lot harder." Goku winced as he rubbed a sore spot on the back of his head: the result for having "kidnapped" their child, Gohan, from his important school studies to train hard for the upcoming Cell Games. Come on Chi Chi, what's more important, the world or his books? Sheesh!
"Shut up, Kakarot! At least I'm not some bumbling fool like you who obeys his woman like a pathetic dog." Vegeta's clenched his jaw tightly, causing his well developed jaw muscles to become clearly visible to the naked eye.
"Ouch, Vegeta…. There's no need to be so mean. Lighten up! Do you wanna start with a quick warm-up?" Goku's cheerful tone would not fall victim to Vegeta's negative energy. He stood up, dawned in his traditional red gi, and walked over to a clear, spacious area in between the plentiful pillars of rocks and natural formations. "Alright! Let's do this! HAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
Vegeta watched as the small rocks and pebbles rose from the ground as Kakarot gathered his chi. Wasting no time, Vegeta charged himself up to his maximum power level in his natural, black-haired form. "Karakot, I will prove once and for all who the stronger Saiyan is. I will surpass you!" Vegeta dashed towards Kakarot with the intention of landing a heavy chop to the neck.
Goku playfully dodged Vegeta's angry attack and countered the misaimed chop with one punch to the Prince's solar plexus. "You're too slow, Vegeta." teased Goku. He laughed as he waited for Vegeta to pick himself up from off the ground.
How humiliating! You still taunt –me-, the Prince of all Saiyans, Kakarot? I'll destroy you! Slowly and painfully, Vegeta stood up, fighting back the urge to spill the contents of his stomach on the ground. After wiping off the spittle around the edges of his mouth, Vegeta decided to no longer hold back against his most hated opponent: the bane of his existence, the source of all his pain and anguish, Kakarot. Vegeta's chi started to fluctuate as he channeled his energies. His chi aura grew wider and taller until, for a moment, no trace of his blue aura could be seen. "Kakarot! HAAAAAH!!!" A golden chi aura burst forth from Vegeta and engulfed his body in a glowing, powerful, and quite Saiyan rage. His green eyes focused on his surprised adversary.
"Vegeta! Control yourself. We don't want to accidentally destroy the planet!" Goku exclaimed.
"Be quiet, peasant, and transform into a Super Saiyan. I wouldn't want to finish you off too early." said Vegeta.
"B-But--!" Goku stammered. When – did you
Vegeta cut him off with his impatience, "Stop delaying the inevitable. If you don't turn into a Super Saiyan, I'm prepared to strike you with my fists until you do. You better not hold out on me Kakarot or I'll tell your wife, Chi Chi, what you've been doing these past few days. Ahahahaha!" Vegeta laughed his haughty laugh since knew he won this round; he always used Chi Chi as his trump card for when he wanted to "persuade" Kakarot into going along with his diabolical plans. There's no way he can refuse to fight me at full strength now.
"Darn it, Vegeta. I wish you would play fair. You never play fair…." whined Earth's hero, Goku. He easily slipped in Super Saiyan mode as easily as one would put on his skin each morning. By this time, entering the golden-haired state was as natural as breathing and came with such ease that he unknowingly made Vegeta a little bit more jealous of his obvious mastery over the powerful transformation – previously thought to only be a legend about a Saiyan who went mad with the sudden increase in power and wreaked havoc on his people over a thousand years ago, a somber story so deeply embedded into Saiyan culture that the battle-hardened people constantly dreamed of acquiring such an incredible amount of strength and the glory that would undoubtedly accompany it. Other Saiyans, such as Broly – an extremely powerful opponent known as the Legendary Super Saiyan that the Z-Fighters struggled to defeat recently on the new planet Vegeta which turned out to be nothing more than a giant rock headed towards oblivion – would go mad with their newfound power.
Both Saiyans, enveloped in their golden chi, stared each other down – Vegeta, with an angry frown growing on his face and Goku, his eyes opened almost as wide as his smile. In an instant they both disappeared, leaving only wisps of brown dust in their place. Distant explosions could be heard all around as the very earth shook every time the two Saiyan juggernauts clashed in the sky. Ancient pillars of rock that have stood in place since time immemorial, crumbled and collapsed with the sheer force of each blow; not even they could withstand the might and fury being displayed right before them.
Vegeta had the early advantage, by using his mind and experience, he landed precise blow into Kakarot's stomach, the area of flesh below the sternum. "There will be more pain, Kakarot!" yelled Vegeta.
Goku fully recovered from Vegeta's punch after taking a couple breaths, "Good one, Vegeta! You really got me on that one. Haha." Goku raised his arm and place his index and middle finger on his forehead with a smirk on his face. He vanished into thin air, but the truth is not that Goku vanished, but moved so quickly through physical space that he left no afterimage behind.
Vegeta could not even follow his movements; he could not even sense Kakarot's presence until he felt a knee press into his back, sending him onto a direct course into a conveniently placed mound of rocks, purely by coincidence, since the two fighters hardly paid much attention to the terrain they were using as a battleground. After the dust settled, only a deep crater and Vegeta's shaking figure were left; his body destroyed everything else upon impact. "I…" Vegeta coughed, "I hate Instant Transmission!" Vegeta raised his arm towards the sky where Kakarot hovered and fired off a small, fast chi blast aimed at the chest. Kakarot used Instant Transmission again and materialized in front of the now prepared Vegeta who used his other hand still on the ground to fire an unseen chi blast to raise the dust and lower the visibility to virtually nothing. During Kakarot's initial confusion, Vegeta quickly dashed forward, and with no wasted time or effort, he sent a vicious elbow deep into his opponent's stomach. With his nemesis nearly doubled over, the Prince grabbed the peasant Saiyan's head and unleashed merciless hell into the unprotected face with his knee. "Die, Kakarot!"
Goku's head snapped back from the amount of force that his face had to endure; his body followed suit and stumbled backwards until he fell down with his back to the ground. Goku wiped the blood from his nose and the spittle from the sides of his mouth. Vegeta really has improved from last time. As Goku waited for his eyes to correct the double vision he currently had, he said to Vegeta with concerned tone, "Oh come on, you don't really mean that, do you, Vegeta?"
"How can you be so sure that I don't, Kakarot?" Vegeta replied. His essentially permanent frown decorated his forehead and brows as he spoke. A keen and witty observer might have made a remark about Vegeta wearing a crown of many frowns before being blasted into nothingness by the anger prone Saiyan.
"Because we're friends." said Goku confidently.
"You… You disgust me, Kakarot. Stop wasting time babbling about friendship and fight, fool! Not even you, with your upbringing on this pitiful planet can deny your Saiyan heritage. Your Saiyan blood cries for battle. You were born for battle and now you will–"
Goku cut him off, "Okay, okay! I get it, Vegeta. Let's continue." Goku's sight fully restored itself during Vegeta's longwinded speech about the Saiyan's natural thirst for carnage and bloodshed. "Kaaaa…."
Vegeta knew instantly what technique Kakarot would use. He still remembered that day when his Garlic Gun was defeated by Kakarot's overwhelming mixture of two techniques: the Kaio-ken and the "Turtle Striking Wave" more commonly known as the Kamehameha. As Kakarot recited the name of his renowned chi blast, Vegeta quickly jumped backwards and focused his chi to keep him afloat in the sky as he prepared to fire off his improved Garlic Gun, a technique thought to have been abandoned by him since its defeat.
Goku reached the second "me" of his chant as he poured his chi into his hands and noticed Vegeta's aura taking on a purple tint, I think I remember that move… he thought.
Both fighters continued to gather chi, and for a rare moment, if a person could manage to ignore the incessant screaming and yelling of the two martial artists, there was an unsettling feeling of peace, a sort of stillness in the world around them that foreshadowed a much darker, louder future just over the horizon. The Prince of Vegeta and planet Earth's champion made eye contact before unleashing their torrents of energy. Two gigantic energy rays of purple and blue clashed in the now occupied space between Vegeta and Goku, an image easily burned into the eyes of any normal person who dared to witness such an awesome sight.
Vegeta poured more and more chi into his Garlic Gun in an effort to redeem himself for his past mistakes and prove that once and for all that he was the superior fighter.
Goku matched Vegeta's Garlic Gun with his loyal Kamehameha and continued to apply more pressure to his energy beam. He could see Vegeta beginning to struggle as his blue ray of chi continued to push Vegeta's Garlic Gun farther back. Goku decided to end this beam battle and yelled out, "TIMES THREE!" The Kamehameha wave widened considerably and consumed Vegeta's energy ray and body.
Times three!? No! WAIT!!! I can't handle that much — "Kakarooooot!" shouted Vegeta, right before being completely buried in Kakarot's hot, delicious chi. Like a shooting star, Vegeta, plummeted towards the earth and left another crater on the planet's surface. His still smoking body bounced on the ground a couple times before coming to a complete stop atop a wide, flat rock before reverting back into his normal form. He could not move his body because an incredible amount of pain prevented him from even opening his eyelids, but he could still manage to speak, "This is absurd… I am the Prince of all Saiyans…."
"I guess I overdid it, again. Vegeta, are you okay? I'm coming!" Goku flew over to Vegeta's seemingly lifeless body and took out a brown pouch full of Senzu beans, the mystical beans that Korin, an immortal cat, grew in his tower. Korin's Senzu beans were capable of bringing anyone back to full power within a matter of seconds and their healing properties were what Goku had in mind for Vegeta. He tossed the pouch to the side, just out of reach of the immobile Vegeta and asked, "Are you able to move? If you can't reach those Senzu beans, you know what's coming Vegeeetaaaa." Goku made sure to use a sing-song voice when he said Vegeta's name as a way to tease the physically-challenged Z-Fighter.
Vegeta mumbled something inaudible while struggling to reach for the brown pouch that he knew to be filled with hope, for when a Saiyan warrior returned from the brink of death, he would be harder, faster, better, stronger and have a drastically improved power level.
Goku dropped his gi bottoms down to his ankle and watched Vegeta manage to open his eyes in horror. "Bottoms up! Hahaha." Goku pulled Vegeta's tattered pants down far enough to completely expose the Saiyan's rear end. Knowing he could not be stopped, Goku gently placed his erect member against Vegeta's anus and slowly inched his way inside the Prince's tight opening. "Aah… Vegeta, I see you've been increasing the difficulty of your gravity training again…. Aah…. Uuh…."
Vegeta had his eyes squeezed shut and gritted his teeth every time Kakarot thrusted him in a caring, but forceful manner. "Agh…!" Aah…!" He knew he had to bear with the pain until he could create an opportunity to grab one of the Senzu beans. Just a little longer, a little while longer and I'll be able to return the favour.
After fifteen seconds passed, Goku felt his body approaching climax and could not control himself. His golden chi aura grew wider and taller with electricity starting to crackle all around him. His hair stood straighter on his head while he has his eyes closed as he prepared to finish the dirty deed. "GAAAAH!!" Goku had his head tilted back with his mouth wide open as he reached the moment of release and stood there as a warm breeze passed over the two, silent Saiyans. He was still gushing inside Vegeta a little bit when he encountered some difficulty in pulling out due to post-climax spasms .
Vegeta gasped when he felt a shooting pain in his midsection, but managed to kick the clueless Kakarot in the gut and grab the brown pouch. As Kakarot fell to the ground, Vegeta consumed a Senzu bean in a hurried fashion. He felt all his power return to his body and stared at his hands when he let out a huge burst of chi all around him. He looked at Kakarot, who reverted back to a regular Super Saiyan after pouring his "chi" into Vegeta, and smiled as he powered up to become Super Vegeta. With his increased muscle mass and intimidating scowl, he stood in front of Kakarot, smiling. He no longer cared about carrying Kakarot's Saiyan seed deep within his bowels because soon, Vegeta would make him taste his salty revenge.
"Uh… Vegeta, the battle is over. I won. I even entered you from behind and —"
"Shut up, Kakarot. I do not remember saying, 'I give up.' to you. Pull up your pants; you're going to be taught a lesson." Vegeta waited for Kakarot to do as he commanded.
With his energy already spent, Goku had no choice but to do as the Prince commanded. He knew he could not reach the Senzu beans in time in his current state because Vegeta blocked his path with his heavily-muscled body. "But you just did, Vegeta. Come on, let's call it a day. There's always next time. I'm pretty sure Bul— "
"Final Flash!" yelled Prince Vegeta as he pulled down the front of his pants. An explosion of golden chi more radiant than the Solar Flare technique emanated from his pelvic region, effectively blinding his kneeling opponent.
"I can't see!" exclaimed Goku in a state of panic, for if any normal man were in his position, that man would wrought with fear, unless that man happens to be Chuck Norris.
"Do not speak about my wife, Kakarot!" Vegeta paused as if to consider his next move against the blind warrior. "Big Bang Attack!" Vegeta screamed at the top of his lungs as he thrusted his engorged member into Kakarot's mouth. He penetrated the moist orifice until he felt the bumps of Kakarot's tongue rub against the throbbing shaft of his Saiyanhood. Vegeta grabbed Kakarot's hair and kept pushing further in until he could feel the back of his opponent's throat.
Goku found himself to be in quite the pre-dick-ament as he felt his consciousness slowly slipping away. He focused his chi into his mouth to prevent himself from gagging and suffocating from the vicious onslaught of Vegeta's quest to conquer the inside of mouth. He felt his power slipping away as his eyes rolled up to the back of his head.
"What's wrong, Kakarot? Can you taste the superiority of my royal bloodline? Do you finally understand why I call myself the Prince of all Saiyans? Ahahahahaha!" Vegeta cackled with insane glee as he continued to punish Kakarot's oral cavity over and over again without even showing an inch or two of mercy. "I will give you no quarter, you Earth Saiyan. This planet has made you soft, oh so very soft, Kakarot. Uh… Aah!"
Goku suffered for ten minutes, unable to do anything except to let Vegeta take advantage of his lips. He took some of the time to think about Chi Chi and wondered how Gohan was handling his Super Saiyan training. Man, Vegeta stop taking so long! Goku thought, for he knew that talking with your mouth full was wrong. Goku thought this horror would never end for him until he felt the Saiyan Prince erupt in his mouth.
"Hahahaha!" Vegeta held Kakarot's jaw shut, forcing him to swallow everything. When he saw that not a drop was wasted, he pushed the other Saiyan back and cleaned himself off.
"You were always too cocky, Vegeta." Goku was panting and trying to catch his breath after nearly gagging to death just moments before.
"Shut up, Kakarot, you were always too merciful to your enemies. That's how I managed to grab the Senzu beans and take back the advantage in this battle, you foolish Saiyan."
Goku, about to make a retort, heard a strange sort of explosion. It sounded near and far at the same time. He looked up to Vegeta to confirm that he heard it too and saw him staring in the direction of where the sound came from. Both Saiyans looked at each other before flying up in the sky to locate the source of the explosion. They both spotted a complicated looking machine and landed nearby to investigate. They both saw the man that open the hatch and stepped down onto the dirt with a certain kind of deadly elegance. As the man made his way all the way down, the two Z-Fighters saw that he wore no shirt. He only donned a black, wide-brimmed hat, pants with a black belt and a golden buckle, and very expensive look books. His chest fur seemed to be more impenetrable than any fortress. His manly beard emitted a sense of hopelessness. The same sort of despair a mere human or Saiyan would feel if he tried to stop the passing of time. His hands were balled up into fists, the same hands that have taken more lives than any plague or manmade contraption. The two Saiyans found themselves staring into the eyes of death incarnate: Chuck Norris.
"His power, it's enormous! Uh… Aaaah…!" Vegeta exclaimed in horror.
"Calm down, Vegeta. Maybe… Maybe he comes in peace. Hi there, I'm Goku. What's your name? How did you get here? Are you a time traveler?" the friendly Saiyan asked.
"Time waits for no man, unless that man is Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris then looked at Vegeta and told him, "Two seconds 'til."
Vegeta quickly asked in a suspicious tone, "Two seconds 'til what?"
Chuck Norris immediately roundhouse kicked Vegeta so hard in the face that he spun around as he hit the ground unconscious. "Never question Chuck Norris."
Goku immediately dashed forward, eager to avenge his fallen comrade, and made an unknowingly futile effort to grab Chuck Norris' beard. Instead, he found himself lying face down in the ground, hearing the chirping of birds he knew that were not there.
"There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist." said Chuck Norris somberly. When Chuck Norris saw Goku stand up, rubbing his chin, he said, "The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain." Chuck Norris then proceeded to perform a full circle roundhouse kick that slammed into Goku's face with such a force that the Saiyan's body completely disappeared off the face of the earth. "Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum." said Chuck Norris with a look of sadness in his eyes. Maybe Chuck Norris didn't enjoy killing. Who's to say that Chuck Norris could not be a baker instead? Chuck Norris loves baked pastries, but for some unknown reason, Chuck Norris has an uncontrollable urge to kill. All Chuck Norris ever wanted was to be loved, but Chuck Norris knew Chuck Norris would never be able to experience a warm, filled pastry, unless it was a pastry of death. Chuck Norris could not stop Chuck Norris from shedding one lone tear that landed on the body of the unconscious Vegeta. "Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried?" He decided to lie down next to Vegeta and closed his eyes.
Five minutes later, Vegeta, the Prince of all Saiyans and the former planet Vegeta, woke up and saw Chuck Norris sleeping soundly. "Where's… I… Didn't I come here with another person?" Prince Vegeta stood up and checked his surroundings. "I better return home, my wife is waiting for me. And very angry." Vegeta focused his chi and readied himself to take flight when he felt something warm flowing down his chest. He gazed down to see Chuck Norris holding his still beating heart in his hand.
"Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits." whispered Chuck Norris into Vegeta's ear before pulling back his hand through the last pureblood Saiyan. Chuck Norris stared up at sky and said to himself, "Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of you. The only difference is, then he kills people."
The End
Disclaimer: Dragonball Z and all its characters are owned/copyrighted/trademarked by Akira Toriyama, Viz Media and probably Shonen Jump. I claim nothing except the story, plot and jokes/clever references, as I did write them. Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger belongs to Daft Punk. Furthermore, Chuck Norris is owned by Chuck Norris because only Chuck Norris is courageous enough to copyright Chuck Norris. Fear his trademarked roundhouse kick.