Blind Swordsman

Emiya Shirou isn't sure if he should regret it or not. Even though he promised himself he would not regret any of his choices he can't help but wonder if there wasn't another way. Like this he can't keep his promise. The oath he made to Kiritsugu is now forever unreachable to him. That isn't what makes his heart ache the most. At the very least, Shirou knows Kiritsugu would understand. No, what makes him so unbelievably sad is that he may never get to see her face again.

He may never see her blush, her smile, or any expression or gesture she makes ever again. Emiya Shirou may never see Tohsaka Rin ever again. Not because she's gone but because he's blind. Not completely. It is almost like having tunnel vision. The corners are all blurry so only by paying close attention in the centre can he make anything out. Even then, it isn't remotely clear. That is the price he has to pay for overusing his Magic Circuit.

With time, if he's lucky, he might get some of his vision back. It won't ever be like it was before but the centre of his vision might clear up. However, this is if he never uses his magic again. Shirou cannot say that is appealing to him but it isn't as though he can fight like this anyway. No, giving up magic isn't a terribly difficult thing for him. That fact surprises even Shirou himself. It is true that Shirou cannot ignore someone in trouble but it is also true that such situations will be rare if he isn't looking for people to save.

Shirou prays for that situation to never come just as he prays for his eyes to heal. If he can only see Rin's smiling face, that would be enough. None of these things are running through Shirou's head right now though. He lost his vision a year ago, he's already accepted his situation. Rin cried for him that day and it broke his heart more than anything else. Because of that, he swore to make the best of it and not get depressed. Well, not getting depressed at all was impossible but it was manageable and he never let it get the better of him. He is sure that makes Rin happy.

Right now, Shirou is trying to figure out what he should do. He wants to continue training, to learn how to fight even though he's blind. When he told Rin this she got pissed at him. She yelled at him about how stupid he is to still intend to use his powers and help people when he's ended up like this. Shirou tried to tell her that isn't the case, and it really isn't, but Rin doesn't believe him. Shirou honestly only wants to learn how to fight while blind so that being blind doesn't leave him so defenseless.

No, he knows that a part of him wants to learn so he can continue to help people but not the way Rin thinks he does. Rin believes that Shirou will continue to look for trouble. What worries her the most is that continuing to use his magic will only destroy him more. She could live with him still fighting because she can be there to help and protect him but she cannot save him from the price of his power.

Shirou admits that if it weren't for Rin he would be doing exactly what she thinks he will. Even now, he doesn't value his life much. However, as long as he has Rin he cannot imagine destroying himself like that. Just the thought of how much it would hurt Rin is enough to stab his heart. Shirou does his best not to be reckless or take on more than he can handle because he loves her. He just wishes Rin would understand that.

Yes, Emiya Shirou cannot ignore someone in front of him in trouble. If someone right in front of him might die in the next instant he cannot stand by and do nothing. However, he will not go looking for people to save. He will not use his powers recklessly, further destroying his body if there is another way. If that was too much for Rin to handle, she wouldn't be with him right now because it is something that will never change. No, what has Rin so angry with him right now is the thought that he will continue on as he had before.

Unfortunately, Shirou has no way to prove that she is wrong. That isn't entirely true. He does have options. Shirou could ignore her protests and learn to fight as he wants to and prove it to her by not doing as she expects him to. The thought makes him sick, knowing how hurt, worried, and upset it would make Rin. His other option, the one he has every intention to follow, is to deny his wishes if she cannot approve of them. Now, all that's left is to figure out where she ran off to and tell her that.

Shirou looks throughout the house for her with no signs of her anywhere. He frowns in confusion. He doesn't think she's left so where could she be? Shirou decides to check the dojo next even though he finds it unlikely. It's no surprise then when he doesn't find her there. Shirou sighs in mild annoyance and thinks of where he hasn't looked. Then he realizes that he hasn't checked the shed. Shirou goes there and low and behold, there she is.

"It's always the last place I think of." Shirou smiles a little.

Rin says nothing and although Shirou cannot see it he can feel the glare she is sending him. Shirou smiles weakly as he walks up next to her. He can tell that her eyes haven't left him. Shirou looks at the same old shed with a feeling of nostalgia. It used to be so messy from his training but now it is tidy. He hasn't trained in here since he lost his sight and all the things laid all over the place became a hazard to his health so it was cleaned up. Sometimes he would look over with longing but he hasn't stepped inside here for a year now.

"...I didn't think you would be here." Shirou turns back to Rin.

"Hmph." Rin looks away and crosses her arms.

"Rin..." Shirou sighs softly and offers his hand to her.

Before he would reach out for her and take her hand but he can't do that anymore. Shirou cannot see well enough to deduce where her hand is. He could attempt to grab it and he does have a fair chance at being right but it would only become sad when his aim was wrong. So instead he extends his hand to her, silently asking her to take his hand. Of course, even when Rin is annoyed, upset, mad or anything else at him she cannot bring herself to deny him when he does that.

When Shirou feels Rin's hand close over his a smile lights up his face. Rin huffs and looks away in embarrassment. The feeling of his hand in hers and the happy smile he gives her calms her down. Her frustrations disappear but will return in an instant if he tries to tell her that he isn't going to go looking for trouble again. Rin's brows furrow at the thought and a worried look comes over her. Shirou is stubborn and she suspects he will insist on training as a blind swordsman.

The thought of Shirou going off to fight as he is now scares her. It won't scare her any less if he trains for 10 years and becomes a better fighter than he ever was before. Shirou's body will continue to be destroyed from the inside if things continue as they are and that scares her more than anything. If that happens Rin doesn't know what she will do. Tears brim in her eyes but she doesn't say anything.

"Rin, I'm sorry." Shirou says with a determined expression.

Rin closes her eyes and clenches her teeth in preparation for what she knows will come next. Without realizing it, her hand squeezes Shirou's tightly to comfort herself. Shirou frowns from the sensation and squeezes back and Rin still doesn't notice. He steps closer and caresses her cheek.

"I love you, Rin. I don't want to hurt you." Shirou says firmly yet softly. "I don't want you to worry. Or to cry. I don't want to be the cause of such things and I won't. So... If you say me finding a new way to fight is too much then I simply won't look for one."

"Shirou...!" Rin looks up in surprise.

Rin stares into the serious face of the man she loves and smiles. She leans into the touch of his hand on her cheek, her eyes closing again, and places her hand gently over his. She holds it there and looks into his eyes again. Shirou still has the same determined look in his eyes and she believes him. Rin believes that if she tells him not to look then he won't.

"I don't want you to look, Shirou." Rin whispers.

"Then-" Shirou says.

"But I'll let you because I trust you." Rin says. "If I'm going to believe that you're going to accept things as they are then I have no right to say that you'll go running off to save the world."

"...Are you sure?" Shirou asks with a worried expression.

"I'm not going to say that I won't worry about you." Rin says. "But that's just a part of loving you. If I didn't worry about you a little my love would be a lie."

Shirou smiles a little at that and he relaxes, the worried look disappearing. Then he hugs Rin and murmurs that he loves her. Even though he knows it won't change anything, he tells her not to worry. Shirou promises her that he'll be okay and won't do anything stupid or reckless. Rin hugs him back and a smirk curls her lips.

"Oh, I doubt that." Rin says. "Being reckless and stupid is too ingrained in your nature."

"Wha...?!" Shirou protests.

"Don't worry. I'll be there to keep you in check." Rin says. "And to laugh, to tease, and crush any small amount of pride that you have."

"What are you saying?! Rin!" Shirou yells with concern.

Rin chuckles as she pulls away and heads back towards the house, a defeated Shirou trailing behind her.