IT'S DONE. IT'S FINALLY DONE.
You guys have NO idea how relieved I am right now.
In the last days, I have written nothing else than this story.
I always wanted to write something like this, but the motivation didn't come until the beginning of this week.
And now it's done.
IT'S DONE. IT'S ALIVE. IT'S ALIVE, DOCTOR. THE SURGERY WAS SUCCESSFUL. IT. IS. ALIVE.
*harrumph*
This story is a (more or less) little feature for my (hopefully) nice "Next"-Universe. But this doesn't mean that you won't understand anything without reading "Next" before. It's just kind of a "After Story" for "Psycho-Pass - Season 1" after all.
And now: Read, read. Not vomitting. Hopefully crying (a bit). And reviewing. Reviewing will be fine too.
But what matters the most: Enjoying. (And patiently ignoring the many, many mistakes I've done. (No beta-read))
Part 1:
Mending Letters
"Green will mend our broken hearts"
"I walk with my head up, say I´m fine but that´s a lie
Your face will always haunt me"
April 2113
The office was empty.
Four months ago, Funahara Yuki died. Three months ago, Kagari Shusei died. Three weeks ago, Masaoka Tomomi died. And three weeks ago, Kogami Shinya had become a murderer because he had killed Makishima Shogo and had to flee because of the Sibyl System.
Five months ago, Tsunemori Akane had joined the Ministry of Welfare´s Public Safety Bureau and had already lost so many beloved ones. She wondered how many would add up in the next days, weeks, months, years ‒ decades. She wondered if she was able to stand all this.
But, then, her psycho-pass had always been incredibly healthy.
When she had started, the Criminal Investigation Department´s Division One had consisted of Ginoza Nobuchika, Kagari, Masaoka, Kogami and Kunizuka Yayoi. With Kagari and Masaoka being dead and Kogami on the run, there were only Kunizuka, Ginoza and herself left. One Inspector and two Enforcers as Ginoza had been demoted to one just one week ago.
In June they would get a new Inspector because they couldn´t possibly let handle Akane everything by herself. And in August they would get one or more new Enforcers, hopefully. But right now, Division One consisted of only three people and felt as empty as zero people.
Kunizuka wasn´t quite talkative and Ginoza was still grieving for his father and his lost friend and Akane was grieving too and didn´t have the courage to say anything to them in this strained time. Of course, things were calm right now, but the events of the past still clung to them.
With Kagari the office times had always been fun. He had been the jokester of them and every time nobody had spoken for a long period, he had come up with a joke or a silly comment to wake everyone up. Masaoka had been the eldest of them and tried to keep them away from every bad thought and cheered them up with an invitation to go drinking with him. And Kogami...
Akane withdraw her attention from the empty office and returned it to the monitor. She shouldn´t think about all those things. She shouldn´t think about Kagari, Masaoka, Yuki ‒ who had been her best friend and sister in mind ‒ or... Kogami Shinya.
She shook her head and then stared at her monitor. She should tip a report right now about how she and Ginoza had brought a little girl back to her mother after she had got lost in the city. But every time she tried to think about work and how she could write the report, her thoughts drifted back to Masaoka, Yuki, Kagari and Kogami.
When it became late and it was time to go home, Akane hadn´t still written one single sentence, so she promised herself to begin with it right away tomorrow. And hopefully, she could think properly tomorrow again.
Akane walked home and imagined Kunizuka and Ginoza returning to their respective Enforcer-apartments in the Enforcer´s residence of the MWPSB´s Tower. What would they do if they had arrived? Normal things like eating, reading a book, hearing music? Or would they cry or grieve even more because no one was watching anymore?
She shook her head again. No thinking about those things, she scolded herself on the way back home and tried to think about trivial things about how lovely the April weather was or...
... or how Kagari had promised her to make her a birthday cake for her twenty-first.
She stopped in the middle of the street and tears glittered in her eyes at the thought. Akane could clearly remember the day Kagari and she had been off duty and he had invited her to come to his flat to chat. He had asked her when her birthday was and when she had told him, he had decided to make her a birthday cake with real ingredients. Not the usual Hyper Oats stuff. But he had died at the beginning of the year and four days ago on her birthday ‒ April 1 ‒ she hadn´t been able to do anything. She had always celebrated her birthday with her family and her friends but this time Akane wasn´t able to celebrate.
On the one hand, it would be the first birthday without Yuki after years, on the other hand too many others died or left. Too many bad things had happened in the last few months. With them on her shoulders, she hadn´t been able to celebrate with Minase Kaori, her other friend to whom she hadn´t spoken much after Yuki´s death, and her family. Her parents and her grandmother had been sad that she hadn´t wanted a party or just a small celebration or even presents. On her birthday, Akane had taken the day off and laid on her bed all the day. Candy, her house hologram, had been quite worried because of her.
Akane whipped away her tears with the back of her hand and started running towards her apartment. She didn´t want to think about Kagari, cakes, birthdays or anything. She just wanted to arrive at her apartment and immediately go to bed.
On the way back home she bumped against a lot of people but she didn´t mind. If the tears hadn´t clouded her mind, she would have mind. But now she didn´t.
She didn´t.
Arriving, she leaned back at her entrance door after closing it being her. She let her bag fall and then sunk down. Akane took a deep breath and tried to calm down. But the tears kept floating and she couldn´t do anything to stop them. In the end, she stopped fighting them and let them flow down her cheeks freely.
She heard Yuki´s cries for help before Makishima Shogo had stopped them.
She saw Kagari´s smiling face right before they had separated at the NONA Tower.
She saw Masaoka´s worried face when he had asked her if Kogami´s escape had distressed her more than she wanted to admit.
She saw Kogami´s face when he had promised her to always be a detective. She remembered his handwriting on the letter he had left her before he had gone to break his promise and kill Makishima. She could still feel his hands on her body when he had carried her to the empty street. She could hear him refilling the gun. She could hear her own cries when he had hurried after Makishima.
And the sound of the bullet killing Makishima was still fresh in her mind.
Akane cried and cried. Candy went by and asked her what was wrong but she commanded her to go away and went on crying again. She didn´t want to talk. She just wanted to cry. Even Inspector were able to cry. Even Inspectors should cry. And so she did until she nearly dehydrated.
With shaking legs Akane stood up and went to her bedroom. She let herself fall onto a chair. Her head hurt, her eyes burned and she felt miserable. Her gaze wandered around the room and when she saw her pin board with photos, notes, sayings and letters, she could feel the tears come back. Kaori and Yuki had bought her the pin board two years ago. After that she had filled it with so many things. So many thing which reminded her of them. And of her colleagues: She had pinned a self-made recipe Kagari had given her there and some quote Masaoka told her. Notes from Kunizuka. A picture of Ginoza and his dog, Dime. And...
... and the "farewell" letter of Kogami.
Before she had pinned the letter onto the board Akane had fought with herself because of it for a long time. Of all the things, the letter probably hurt the most. Because she had no idea that Kagari would die after giving her the recipe or Masaoka after this special advice. They hadn´t given them to her because they knew they wouldn´t see each other again. But Kogami had written this letter because he had thought, they wouldn´t meet again. Of course, he had been wrong, but still this letter was one of the few things which Kogami had left. And it was the only thing he had left her just for her.
Akane stood up, her legs still shacking, and picked up the letter from the board.
"I´m sorry. I couldn´t keep my promise. I wanted to go into a line of work where I could protect people. That´s why I became a detective. But Makishima changed everything. That man will continue to kill people. And yet, the law can´t judge him. As long as I´m a detective, I can´t touch him. This case made me aware that the law can´t protect people. In that case, my only option is to step outside the law. Tsunemori Akane... There is no doubt that your way of living is correct. Don´t lose sight of that just because I betrayed you. I selfishly chose a different path solely in order to get my own way. I´m aware that this is a mistake. But I know I can only come to terms with my old self by taking the wrong path. I won´t say forgive me. The next time we meet, you´ll be in a position to judge me. When that time comes, fulfill your duty with no mercy. Don´t turn your back on your beliefs. Although it was only for a short time, I feel fortunate that I was able to work under you. Thank you."
She set it down, her hands shacking. Again, she wondered what he had thought while writing this, what he had felt. Or if he had meant everything he had written into the letter or if he had just written these things because he thought that he would owe her such a letter? After all he had betrayed her. This was a fact. But even if he had, this wouldn´t necessarily lead into him writing her such a letter. If he had betrayed her, wouldn´t this mean that he had never actually cared about her? But why had he written her this letter, then? Because of pity or because of true care?
This was so confusing. And it was even more confusing if you counted the fact that he hadn´t written a letter to Karanomori Shion, the analyst he seemed to be friends with, or Kunizuka, with whom he went along pretty well and who he had even recruited by himself, or Masaoka, who had not been his friend but also the father of his best friend, or Ginoza ‒ his very best friend? Why her? A girl he knew for around five months?
However, this letter reminded Akane of something... her grandmother had told her as a little girl to write down everything why she was upset or sad because writing down things could help dealing with it. Because if you kept all your worries and doubts or everything which depressed oneself by yourself this wouldn´t just affect your psycho-pass sooner or later but also your psyche. Writing it down or talking about it, however, helped dealing with it and kind of cleared oneself from the pressure.
And probably this had been the reason why Kogami had written her this letter in the first place.
Akane took a deep breath and then returned to her desk, lying the letter next to her. After her grandmother had told her this, she had eagerly began to write a diary but this seemed as ages ago and now she didn´t have a diary. But she didn´t need one. She had a better idea.
She grabbed paper and a pen and then began to write.
"I had to learn the hard way
That salvation has its price
But I'll never forgive myself
That you were the sacrifice"
"Hi. It´s me. Akane. Do you remember the first time we have met? It was in middle school. I was new because I have just moved to Tokyo with my family. Everyone else knew each other but I knew nobody and was pretty nervous. At this time you and Kaori has already been friends. Not best friends, but fairly good ones. I clearly remember that I nearly died because of my nervousness. I have been so nervous before. And when you came by my desk and spoke to me, I nearly got a headache because I would have never imagined anyone to speak to me. I wondered what you would say to me and when you said that my hair looks like a mushroom, I couldn´t believe it because I didn´t imagine something like that. I remember telling you that I cut my hair this short since I was eleven because with eleven I has ruined my hair due to me falling into a mix of ashes and mud and something else which didn´t let himself remove from my hair. And because I liked it how it was cut, I´ve kept it. You laughed, I remember it. You laughed and asked me how my name was. I told you and you told me your name. And during lunch break you sat yourself next to me because you has seen that I was sitting all alone and you has remembered that I was the mushroom girl. Then we started to talk more and more and then we became friends and later even best friends.
"I like it to call back those old memories. Back then, things hasn´t been that much complicated like right now. Like as adults. Back then we laughed and chatted all day, played games and talked about stuff like the newest music or the prettiest clothes. Even if we can´t actually say that a country lead by Sibyl can be labeled as a free country, we were free at this time. We were free and incredibly happy. And I like it to think about those times when we has been truly happy. And I wonder if you thought about those times when you has been alive too
"But of course, these memories make me sad too. Now, I don´t have contact with Kaori anymore. In fact, I haven´t seen her after your funeral. She didn´t phone me after it and I wasn´t able to do it too. I know that I shouldn´t do it. I know that I should phone her, talk with her and refresh our friendship. But I can´t. After all what happened, I can´t. I don´t want to lose another friend. And Kaori has always been as innocent as you were, Yuki.
"I´m so incredibly sorry what has happened. I never wanted you to be kidnapped because of me, because of my work. And I never wanted you to be killed because of me, because of my work. Kogami-san has done so much to bring you to safety, but then I came and made everything worse. I was the one who couldn´t save you. I´m so incredibly sorry. I could have shot Makishima Shogo back then... but I couldn´t too. It didn´t feel right to shoot him. And because of this he was able to kill you. I´m so sorry. But of course, apologising won´t help. Apologising won´t justify anything I did ‒ or did not. But I want you to know that if there had been another way to save you, I would have gladly taken it. But there weren´t one. The only one I had, was to kill Makishima. But I couldn´t. For me, killing him wasn´t right. For me it was right to capture him and bring him to the MWPSB. And also, I was confused because the Dominator hasn´t allowed me to kill him, even if he was about to kill you. I was confused and my way of thinking has always been... strange, hasn´t it? I know, you can´t follow me. Nobody ever had. But I want to you know that if I had been able to switch places with you, I would have gladly taken the opportunity.
I don´t know if you had forgiven me, if you would have had the chance. I mean... think about forgiving after the things I´ve done or not done is... weird, isn´t it? But, even you won´t forgive me, I really hope that you can take my apologise as I´ve never meant anything as serious as this. You were my best friend, my sister in mind, and you will always be, Yuki"
"I´m so sorry that I couldn´t save you
I gladly would have taken your place"
After Akane finished writing her first letter, she leaned back. She knew that it was a bit mazily but she just couldn´t think properly when she thought of Yuki. After all, she had been the one letting her die. After all, she had been able to avert her death. After all, she hadn´t. After all, she had seen Yuki being murdered right in front of her eyes. She hadn´t seen Kagari´s death or Masaoka´s or how Kogami turned into a murderer. But she had seen Yuki´s death. The death of her very best friend.
Makishima Shogo had held her captive, so Akane would contact Kogami to help her find Yuki. But he hadn´t wanted to test her in the first place, but Kogami. He had calculated that Kogami and not Akane would be the one going after Yuki. The one who would be lured to this deathly game of his.
Yuki had never had anything to do with all those things. She had just happened to be Akane´s best friend. And in the end, this had meant her death.
After Kogami had finished Makishima´s task he had came and taken Yuki away, because Kogami had been injured. Until today Akane wondered if he had killed her too, wouldn´t she have gone after him. Of course, he would, a little voice in her head said. He would have killed her anyway. But when he saw you, he saw his chance to test you too.
Tears filled her eyes and Akane whipped them away. Other than Kogami she had failed his test. And because he had failed he had killed Yuki right in front of her eyes. If she hadn´t, she would still be alive. And Makishima would have died earlier.
But Akane had failed, not because she hadn´t wanted to kill Makishima, but because hadn´t been able to. And probably, she hadn´t failed his test after all: He had told her to kill him with the will to kill. And when she hadn´t, he had been disappointed. But, in the end, she had had the will to kill him, but she had decided to do over wise. Even if she had wanted to kill him back then for dragging Yuki into everything, she had realised in the right moment that she wasn´t a murderer. Akane never wanted to kill anyone ‒ not even someone like Makishima Shogo. And, even if she had had the will to kill back then, she also had had the will to make her own decision in not killing him because she didn´t kill people. She wasn´t a killer. At the top of the NONA Tower she had had the chance to kill Makishima again. And when she had seen him all vulnerable she had thought about Yuki, how lovely she had been and how violent her death had been. And with all those thoughts coming back and Kogami commanding her to kill Makishima, Akane had wanted to kill him for a moment ‒ only for a moment. But killing Makishima would have meant to throw away all her beliefs. But killing him would mean that she would turn into a murderer. And Yuki would have never wanted her to turn into a murderer. Not even Kogami had wanted this, even if it had been his command to kill. But at the top of the tower his mind had been clouded by their fight and of the recurring memories of Sasayama.
"I don´t wanna be in a situation where you have to fire the Dominator" ‒ "It´s me who kills a person, not the Dominator"
Kogami would have never wanted her to kill. Neither would have Yuki. So Akane hadn´t. She didn´t solely act for herself but also for her best friend and her colleague. Yuki had hated weapons and Kogami had told her that he would fight for it that she would never have to fire the Dominator in Lethal Eliminator mode, because, even it was the judgement of Sibyl, it was still you who pulled the trigger, you who killed.
Makishima had been wrong. She hadn´t killed him because she had relied to Sibyl´s judgement, she hadn´t killed him because of her very own beliefs. She hadn´t had the will to kill him after all.
However, she certainly felt sad and horrible when she thought about it that just because of her Yuki had died. But now, she couldn´t change it anymore. Yuki was already dead, as Makishima was.
And then Makishima hadn´t killed her too on the Hyper Oats field...
This was something she had never understood. But now she would never get an answer ‒ Makishima was dead and with him the possibility to get to know his reason.
In the end, he hadn´t been able to kill me himself...
Akane shook her head, freeing herself from this thought. Enough, she scolded herself and then picked up a new piece of paper.
"Some days the guilt inside
Becomes too much to bear
I stopped seeking redemption
I can´t bring myself to care"
"Can you remember the day you asked me about my birthday? You told me that you wanted to make me a real birthday cake as I have never eaten one. And now, my birthday have been four days ago, and you have never had the opportunity to do what you had wanted to.
"Thank you for all, Kagari-kun. It´s a pity that our friendship didn´t last long, but I enjoyed every moment I spent with you. The days we played games together, the days we walked through the city and raided every shop selling natural food. The days you taught me how to cook. The days I nearly killed you with my cooking. I can clearly remember our laughter, our happy chats. And even if our time together didn´t last long, it´s precious to me. Every single day, every single minute. Like Kunizuka-san, Masaoka-san and Kogami-san, you have never been just an Enforcer for me. You were my friend. You were one of my best friends. And I´m really glad that I had the chance to meet you. The chance to be your friend.
"But you weren´t just my friend, my colleague. You were my brother. You were the brother, I never had. And I would never have. I know you didn´t have a crush on me, I know you only liked me as a friend. And I hope you also saw me as some kind of little sister, like I saw you as some kind of older brother.
"You taught me so many things. When I came to the MWPSB I was a little, naive girl, believing of the System and of destiny. You showed me that something like destiny doesn´t exist. You were one of the factors which opened my eyes and helped me freeing myself from my false believes. I now know what I have to believe in. I now know what I can and who I am and what I have to do. Without you, I would be still the little, naive girl who got assigned to the CID as an Inspector in November 2112. Thank you.
"I can clearly remember the day of the Helmet Riots. The day our paths separated at the NONA Tower. If I had known what would happen to you in the underground, I would have never given you the permission to go there. But, then, nobody knows what awaits oneself. There isn´t something as destiny as in 'Destiny shapes humans', but I think there is some kind of destiny as in 'Humans shape destines'. And all the things which has happened in the last days before your dead, all those things humans has shaped, led to your death. Those things shaped your destiny into your death.
"I know what has really happened to you, Kagari-kun. I know about Sibyl´s true form and that the Sibyl itself has killed you. I know those things. I´m the only one except the System itself who knows. But one is better as no one. Because, even if I´m just one person, there is one person who knows what happens and can grieve for you in the right way.
"You never ran away. You stayed and tried to save something you didn´t even liked. You stayed to protect but then the thing you wanted to protect turned back to you and killed you. But still, you´re a hero, Kagari Shusei. For me you are a hero.
"And I wished I could have had the opportunity to see you one more time before you died to say you all those things. But then, all the things which happened have shaped my destiny into a destiny where I wouldn´t see you again, Shusei"
"Because you can´t call a doctor and just tell him where it hurts
you weigh the choice to live or die and don´t know which is worse
stumbling through the darkness, grasping for a shred of light
wrestling your demons til you reach the other side"
Akane put the piece of paper away, a shudder moving through her body. Writing those letters really helped her to lower the pressure on her soul. It was good to write away the things she thought and couldn´t tell anyone. It freed her.
Kagari... while Yuki´s letter had been kind of a mess because Akane still had no idea what had exactly happened on this day, Kagari´s letter had been easier to write. Not because she couldn´t think of anything to write but because his death wasn´t entangled with a failed test, the shock that Sibyl wasn´t able to judge someone and mazy thoughts. But this didn´t mean that Kagari´s death hadn´t been important or complex. His death had showed her the System´s true face. And Akane wished that they could have been another way for her to get all those things into her mind. A way without corpses and lost friends all around. But then, the world was cruel. Especially, the world she lived in.
Akane took a deep breath. Kagari had only been one year ahead of her. He had become a latent criminal at the age of five and never had a proper childhood. Because of that he had grown into a jokester and a man-child. But that didn´t mean that he couldn´t be serious. When he had wanted, he could be really serious. Kagari had such a terrible background... because of that it hadn´t been surprising that he would have get angry when she had began to talk about "destinies." But, something Akane had always admired Kagari for, was the fact that he could still smile and make jokes and never lost his personal joy of life after all those things which had happened to him. After all those chances which had been taken away from him.
In a world without the Sibyl System, he could have been her superior in school and a great cook. But of course, this was only just a dream.
She had loved Kagari so much. Not romantically, but as a friend. And probably even as a big brother. Akane had always wanted siblings but her mother had had problems to get children. For Sibyl Tojo Najika had never been someone who could help growing the population. But when she had married Tsunemori Shoichi and became Tsunemori Najika she had wanted nothing more than children. Unfortunately, the System had been right with the fact that it wouldn´t end well when she would get pregnant. However, Akane´s mother was a fighter and in the end gave birth to a little girl. And then some years later she had tried to get another child. But this time things hadn´t been on her side and...
Akane hated to think about it. Because, when she thought about it, she could see the pain and the sorrow of her mother´s face right in front of her inner eye. Due to this Akane had been raised very sheltered and didn´t have any siblings. Also, her parents had been opposed to the fact that she had wanted to join the MWPSB of all things because of this.
Yuki was her sister in mind. And Kagari her brother in mind. And with those as siblings she hadn´t been sad about the fact that she was a only child anymore. She had liked the fact that she had a somewhat sister with whom she could always talk about everything and a somewhat older brother who taught her new things and protected her from other people ‒ once they had gone to the city because of lunch break and some men badgered Akane a bit, luckily, Kagari had been around.
But then, her siblings tend to die.
She took another deep breath before she moved to write the next letter.
"Standing in silence we look out at the water
Amazed how much the world has changed"
"'I dream my painting and I paint my dream'. It´s from van Gogh. I can remember the day I asked you what you´re greatest wish was. You told me that it was to have grandchildren one day. Back then, I didn´t know that Ginoza-san was your son. Even more it hurts that he´s now an Enforcer and would probably get the opportunity to fulfill your wish. But I think that this has never been your only wish, hasn´t it? You didn´t just want grandchildren, you wanted to get on good terms with your only and beloved son again. And, in the end this wish of yours was granted. Even, because of such a sad reason. And I know that Ginoza-san wishes he would have forgiven you ages ago. He misses you so much. We all miss you so much, Masaoka-san. We do. We really do.
"Without you, the heart of our Division is missing. You gave us all advice and looked after us. And when we were being stupid, you told us this immediately. Or you did mostly. You held us together, you were our heart. And without you, it seems as we have lost some part of us.
"You taught me how to be a good, traditional detective. For example, you told me that detectives of the old time always ate red bean buns and drunk milk on stakeouts. However, when I bought them for a stakeout with Kogami-san, Kunizuka-san and Ginoza-san, they weren´t really happy about it. And this even escalated into a conflict between Ginoza-san and Kogami-san which ended in Kogami-san running away, because our suspect has appeared, and rising the area stress with walking around the rain without wearing something on his upper body... However, Iliked the red bean buns and the milk.
"You were like a second father to me or more like some kind of grandfather. I have lost my grandfather at the age of two. My mother´s parents have died when she has been a teenager, so I grew up with just a grandmother I love. But your kindness, your lessons, your advice have let me feel the feeling of having a grandfather. Not that I want you to feel old, but this is the way I felt about you and continue to feel. And with me thinking of you as a grandfather, I think you kind of got the grandchild you ever wanted. Kind of.
"On days like today I think about you much. I miss your friendly pieces of advice and your elderly wisdom. Of course, I could go with my problems to my grandmother or to my parents but I don´t want them to worry about me too much. I don´t want them to know about how terrible my job is. But also, I don´t to replace you with someone.
"Yesterday has been your funeral. It was raining and I thought of the rain as the tears of the sky, grieving over you too. As not only Kunizuka-san, Karanomori-san, Ginoza-san and me were grieving, but the whole universe. I took them with me and even got the permission to take Karanomori-san too. First of all, we were only four but then Aoyanagi Risa of Division Two and the rest came too and then Division Three under Suzuki Moe and Domoto Shuichiro. I cried when they showed up to pay your last respects, but I think no one noticed because my face has been already wet because of the rain. I told them about the funeral and, of course, they knew because we all work in the same department, but still I would have never imagined them all to show up. I know that Aoyanagi-san is friends with Ginoza-san and her Enforcers like him and that you have been once an Enforcer of Division Three, still they emersion surprised me. I hope you know that they are so many people who love you and grieve for you, spearheading your beloved and loving son"
"When hope was gone you resurrected my spirit
Brought me from darkness into light"
She put away her pen and took a deep breath, leaning back.
Masaoka Tomomi... He had been loved by the whole Criminal Investigation Department. The survivors of Division One, Division Two, Division Three. Every member of the CID loved him and grieved for him. Akane, who had known him for only a short period of time, mourned for him as much as they did. But no one mourned as much as Ginoza Nobuchika.
Akane felt incredibly sorry for her former superior. His father had died to save his only son. Because his love for him had overwhelmed his sense for the duty of a detective. Makishima could have run away, but Masaoka hadn´t been sad because of it, because he had saved his son.
But his death had caused his son to become an Enforcer.
Ginoza had told Akane that his psycho-pass had worsened in the past months because he had began to doubt the System with every case they had solved since November 2112. But all those things had raised his psycho-pass only a bit, his father´s death, however, had taken his psycho-pass from 80 to over 130. This drastically rise caused into Ginoza becoming an Enforcer. And because he had already been an Inspector and the MWPSB needed personal, he had been released from the medical facility just after two weeks.
Akane had lost a good friend when Masaoka died, but Ginoza had not only lost a friend but a father ‒ his father. She couldn´t imagine how much pain Masaoka´s death caused him, as it was impossible to imagine the pain of the death of family. Of course, you knew that it would be a terrible pain, but you wouldn´t know how terrible it actually was until someone actually died. Akane´s grandfather died when she had been a little child, but she hadn´t felt much pain as she barely knew him. But Ginoza had known his father and even if there had always been a tension between them because of Masaoka´s status as an Enforcer, they had still cared and loved each other.
Masaoka had been the one who had read him stories before Ginoza had fallen asleep. He had been the one who had bought him his very first dog ‒ Ginoza had told her ‒, he had been the one who taught him how to ride a bike and the one who had shot the scene when he had gone his first steps. He had been the one telling him not to cry when he felt and the one Ginoza had clung to when he needed comfort. Masaoka had been the one who had always listened to him and his problems and helped him as best as he could. He had been the one helping him with school and getting over the loss of his first dog.
Masaoka Tomomi had been Ginoza Nobuchika´s father and not even Sibyl could have changed it. Not even could have changed it. Masaoka was Ginoza´s father and they loved each other in a special way only father and son could.
Imagining Ginoza crying over his father´s paintings in his new Enforcer-apartment which had once been his father, nearly broke Akane´s heart. She didn´t know if he actually cried, but she thought he did. Because know he didn´t have to worry about his psycho-pass anymore. Everything he needed to worry about now was how to he should live without his father and without his best friend.
Akane closed her eyes for a moment and collected her thoughts. It was time to write the last letter. And this letter would be the hardest do write, she already knew.
And when she opened her eyes again, her hands already shook.
"Deep within your twisted truth
You´ve made yourself a home
But it´s a place where I can´t follow you
Don´t leave me on my own
I can´t do this on my own"
When she was done, she immediately whipped the tears away. She had cried through the whole letter, but hopefully her tears had fallen onto her clothes and not onto the piece of paper.
Tears started to fill her eyes again and Akane whipped them away and stood up when she was done. Of all letters she had written today, this one ‒ the one to Kogami Shinya ‒ had been far the hardest to write. Her whole body shook and her heart felt miserable as she collected the four letters and folded them neatly. Akane took a picture of herself, Kaori and Yuki, pulled it out of the frame and put the letters into the frame before putting the picture back and closing everything. With shaking hands she placed it back onto her desk and then left her bedroom.
It was dark outside, but she didn´t want to spend a night in her bedroom with those letters, hidden behind the picture. Akane looked out of the window, seeing the dark, dark city shining under her in fake lights. The people walking on the streets of Tokyo were so happy and free of demons ‒ she nearly felt jealous.
Akane looked out for a few minutes, before she turned away from the window and searched for a blanket before she rolled herself up onto her couch, the holograms breaking apart around her and the apartment as empty as she felt.
And for the first time for weeks, she didn´t dream of anything.
"I know I should be stronger
Because I think that's what you´d want
You´d be so ashamed if you
could see the nothing I´ve become"
Powder blue. When Candy had told her what her "lucky colour" for day was, she nearly thought that her artificial intelligence had some kind of malfunction. Her hue had to cloud after such a depressing day, after all. But then, her hue had never clouded. It had been always of a clear blue colour.
Blue, the colour of tranquility.
Akane walked through the corridors towards the office of her Division One. Today, she was the only one on duty, so she should be able to write the report without distractions or interruption. Also, there wouldn´t be anyone whose presence would pressurise her. But, when she walked into the office, she wasn´t surprisingly alone.
Ginoza Nobuchika, Kunizuka Yayoi and Karanomori Shion were standing together around Akane´s desk and just turned around when she came in.
Akane frowned.
"Kunizuka-san, Ginoza-san, I thought you two were off duty today. And... Karanomori-san... why are you here?", Akane said, not having a clue what was going on.
They two Enforcers and the analyst changed gazes before looking back to their Sheperd.
"We know that", Kunizuka said to Akane´s surprise.
Confused, she looked from Ginoza to the two ladies and back. "I don´t understand... "
Ginoza stepped forward.
"Inspector", he said, his eyes serious. His hair was too long and usually hung before his face, but today it was pushed to his sides. "We know what you go through now. Around half a year ago, you was the newbie ‒ the freshly assigned Inspector. And now you´re the lead Inspector of Division One. In the past half year you lost your best friend, other friends ‒ colleagues. I know that you were fond of my dad and you shared a close relationship with Kagari. Their deaths were horrible for you, we all know that. But while those deaths broke you, the betrayal and departure of Kogami killed you. Even if your hue is still clear as the sky and your psycho-pass incredibly low, we know that you aren´t as calm inside as you are outside. We understand why you push your emotions away from you when you´re at work. Because of that we want you to know that, only because you´re the Inspector, you don´t need to shoulder everything yourself. You´re just a human after all"
Akane stared at her former co-Inspector with wide eyes. "Ginoza-san... ", she began but he lifted his artificial left hand and cut her off.
"Also, we know that you have had birthday five days ago", Karanomori said, a smile on her face. "In fact, one day Ginoza came to my analyst lab when Yayoi was with me eating something for lunch. He was completely hysterical because he totally forgot about your birthday because of the funeral and told us to help him making a little birthday party for you"
"I wasn´t hysterical", Ginoza replied, scowling.
"Of course you were, Ginoza. You totally went bananas and waved about your arms like a maniac. However, as latent criminals we don´t have much we could do because of it so... " Karanomori paused for a moment before speaking further. Probably because of the dramatic. "... so the best we could do was baking a cake"
"I baked the cake", Ginoza replied, again with a scowl on his face.
"I´m sorry. Our lovely ex-Inspector here baked the cake all alone as he didn´t want us to mess up"
Ginoza glared at the female analyst before turning to Akane, his expression shy. "I remembered you talking with Kagari about birthdays. And during your conversation, he promised you to bake you a cake, a chocolate cake. And because Kagari isn´t anymore... I took the challenge"
Kunizuka lifted something off Akane´s desk and then turned back to the young Inspector. On a big plate was a gigantic chocolate cake which surprisingly looked incredibly delicious. Akane didn´t know that Ginoza was a good cook too.
"I hope this is fine, Inspector", Kunizuka said.
Akane looked at her friend and colleagues and for the first time in weeks she felt warmth running for her body, reawakening her life and pushing away the numbness. She felt tears in her eyes but now they weren´t tears of sorrow, they were tears of joy.
"Thank you so much, guys... ", she said, tears running down her cheeks and framing her very first smile after weeks.
"And it chills me to the bone
Even when you´re gone I´m not alone
I´m never alone"
I know, it's a bit mazy. Or really, really, really mazy. But I still hope that everything is understandable.
I know, I know. You all want to kill me right now, because I didn't include Akane's letter to Shinya. I fought with myself for a long, long time to include it or not. But because of the spoilery and because I'm a chaotic neutral fella (I was tested), I decided not to include it. But that doesn't mean that you won't get to read Akane's letter. :)
The quotes between the passages are taken from various songs of the great Beth Crowley (check her out): "Skin and Bones", "This Goodbye", "2007" and "How It Ends". Every song except "2007" is a song based on a book, but I think those fragments still fit. And I hope those quotes are not as random as I'm afraid they are.
The first quote, however, is taken from the "Shadowhunter Children's Rhyme" I memorised during literature class. "Saffron lights our victory march,/Green will mend our broken hearts."
This little story here is the first part of three. The second one will come... when I'm ready for it and have time, but it will come before the end of "Next". And the third part, however, will come after "Next" ends, because of the spoilery.
And now, I want to thank you all for reading this.
Thank you all.
Momo
- working on chapters for "Criminally Asymptomatic" and "Next" again