Anime Gone Horribly Wrong
*WARNING* - Due to the horrible wrongness of some of the content in this spamfic, we're allowing a greater amount of dead space so people can think it over.
Reading the fanfic, that is.
Are you sure you wanna?
Are you ABOSOLUTELY SURE? It's got a lot of wrongness in it.
I mean it. In fact, we're apologizing to Zen, RpM and Kun-chan next.
Huge apologies to Zen, RpM and Kun-chan.
It's on your head.
Don't say we didn't warn you this time.
BEEEEEEDAH! :P
=======================
Ranma 1/2
Genma-Panda and P-chan were walking along one day when an alien vessel appeared above them and transported both aboard. A redneck alien grabbed P-chan while six others grabbed Genma-panda.
"Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.... SQUEAL LIKE A FAX MACHINE!" the redneck alien demanded.
P-chan did his best imitations of the squeaks and squeals of a fax machine.
"Hey, that's pretty good. All right, we'll treat you as a god and gang-probe the panda." The redneck alien began.
"Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh..." the redneck aliens laughed in unison.
"HA! You can't beat me!" Ranma taunted, having fully realized his Saiyan heirtage.
"Oh really? Power of Dios that sleeps within me... Heed your master and come forth..." Kodachi chanted.
"GRANT ME THE POWER TO BRING THE WORLD REVOLUTION!" Tatewaki declared, drawing the sword from Kodachi's bosom and copping a cheap feel. Church bells clanged to the ground in the distance, electrified.
Ryouga the werewolf chuckled to himself, "That won't do much."
"Perhaps, perhaps not." Mousse, the incubus from the Demon World, replied.
"SPATULA POWER, MAKE UP!" Ukyou cried, her henshin naginata flaring with energy, tearing away her clothes in burst of light to replace them with a Senshi Bio-Boosted Fuku.
"Hmph." Akane aka. Tabris-chan the Angel snorted. Her AT field shimmered as the light struck it just right.
"Aiyah! Shampoo in deep shit!" Shampoo said as she realized she was the only one without a power-up.
Daisuke the Hulk stood next to SuperHiroshi.
"Ancient Chinese Secret..." Daisuke began, green pectoral muscles flexing.
"Huh?" SuperHiroshi asked, cape billowing in the breeze as the sun shined off his shiny blue and red spandex and his spitcurl.
"Exactly." All Purpose Cultural Cat-Girl Yuka responded.
"Acknowledged, Nagis--er, sorry." Sayori-Iczelion said.
"Dat'cha." Nabiki, Oni Duchess, added.
"Yohko's going to be pissed when she finds out I'm in this body." Dark Kasumi Schneider muttered, examining her new body by squeezing her boobs.
Happosai looked at the field and asked the question that started the impending battle, "Does this mean I won't get any more panties from all of you pretty girls?"
"YES!" the girls yelled.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLIN' A GIRL?!" The males yelled.
The entire group charged. Happosai stuck his ring in his green recharging lantern.
"In bright of day, in dark of night, let no evil escape Green Lantern's sight..." Happosai intoned.
It was going to be a LOOOONG fight as Akane opened with a cross-shaped blast and Tatewaki found a new power of the Sword of Dios.
Fusion Idea
Cloud Strife as Ranma Saotome - "....." *SPLOOSH* "....."
Cid Highwind as Soun Tendo - "@#$%@#."
Barrett as Mousse - "Screw this 'Fist of the Stinky Swan'. Eat lead, coppa'!" *BLAM*
Aerith Gainsborough as Akane Tendo - "STRIFE NO BAKA!" *CLANG**ZAP*
Yuffie Kisaragi as Shampoo - "Yuffie Kisaragi... IS HERE!" *POSE*
Tifa Lockheart as Ukyou Kuonji - "Bounce, bounce, bounce, lemme hear you, bounce, bounce, bounce..."
Scarlet as Kodachi Kuno - "OHohoHOHohOHOhOHohOhOhOHOHOhOhOhOHOHOHOHO!"
Palmer as Principal Kuno - "ALOHA! Got any poi? I love it with extra lard."
Rufus Shinra as Mikado Sanzenin - "Kiss me, my sweet..." *FIXES HAIR* *GETS SLAPPED* *FIXES HAIR*
Genma Saotome as Genma Saotome - (no one else wanted the part) "HEY!"
Tseng as Tatewaki Kuno - "She will be mine. Oh yes. She _will_ be mine."
Reno as Hikaru Gosunkugi - "Once I've completed this Voodoo Midgar Zolom, I'll finally beat that fool Cloud Strife!"
Rude as Ryouga Hibiki - "..... This isn't funny. ......"
Don Corneo as Happosai - "WHAT A HAUL! WHAT A HAUL!" *WHAP* *THUD* *GETS BEATEN UP*
Professor Hojo as Mojo Jojo (Powerpuff Girls villian) - "COOL! I've got a LAST NAME!"
Professor Gast as Professor Gast - "Uhh, what am I supposed to do again?"
Ilfana (sp?) as Miss Hinako Ninomiya - "YOU DELINQUENT! Oh, but you're so cuuuuute..." *CUDDLE*
Sephiroth as Prince Herb of the Musk Dynasty - "Hmph. I was cooler before." *THWAP*
Nanaki/Red XIII as Great-grandmother Cologne - "Someone will pay for this."
Vincent Price as the Water-ladling old woman - *SPLASH* *SPLASH* "NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The Midgar Serpent as Kasumi Tendo - *HISSES* *SPITS*
President Shinra as Daisuke - "Ha. Ha."
Dio as Hiroshi - "Come on, Strife! You've got enough babes! Let us have one!"
Dyne as Voodoo Doll #3 - "........"
Elena as Nabiki Tendo - "I'm not going to blather everything out THIS time... uh, you wanna know how I trick everyone? Okay."
Gold Chocobo as Nodoka Saotome - "WARK!"
Vincent Valentine as Doctor Tofu - "Hmmm, looks too serious. Guess I'll have to put the poor dumb animal out of it's misery..." "BUT IT'S JUST A PAPERCUT!" "Ask me if I care."
Reese as Principal Kuno - "WAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Cait Sith as Yuka - "WAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Chibi-Usa as the Dojo Destroyer - "WAAAAH! I'M STUCK UNDER ALL THESE SIGNS!"
Ranma 1/2: The Wedding of Ranma and Akane
The announcers, Hiroshi and Daisuke, sat in the far back left-most corner. According to their studies, this was the safest place to be. That wasn't saying much. Looking over the demonic, heavenly or Self-Inserted creatures, they began to sweatdrop.
"Ia! Ia Cthulu Ftaugn. Beer here!"
"AAAAaaaaahhhh... two here." sang Michael, who was sitting next to the Cthulu Triplets.
"Hey, can you move it?" Super-Human A-kun inquired of the person pressing their knee against his back. In actuality, the sharp blade that should've stabbed into Super-Human A-kun's back was bent, causing the person behind Super-Human A-kun to sweatdrop.
"Sorry. I just need to catch my peanuts." Bhaal, God of Assassins, responded. He grumbled to himself as he would not be able to get closer to the altar with this seat. He really hated the nosebleed section.
Ranma stood in the middle of the room, awaiting Akane.
"The Bride seems a tad late..." Hiroshi commented.
"But that may be because Shampoo and Kodachi were last seen walking towards her dressing room. No worries, though, Ukyou and Konatsu were both guarding her room closely with Nodoka and Genma. A lot of thought was put into _this_ wedding." Daisuke responded.
Suddenly, the Bridal March began playing. Akane began striding down the aisle. Suddenly, the song switched to the Imperial March.
"And it looks like the bride-to-be is marching straight towards the altar." Daisuke said.
"Um, is it just me or does she seem a bit fast paced?" Hiroshi inquired.
"Look at the gleam on those jack boots." TharzZzDunN said.
"And I've never seen a Light Saber so well-polished." Twist-something-or-other declared.
"You're right. It looks like she's running at the altar. Could it be she's after the organist?" Daisuke wondered lazily.
Suddenly, Akane leapt into the air.
"Uh, she's not close enough to hit the organist." Hiroshi decreed.
She slammed into Ranma with a double-foot crotch plant before headbutting him, running up his falling body (his eyes were squeezed shut in pain) to spring off his head and activate her Light Saber so she could hack the organist in half. She de-activated the Light Saber, spun and unleashed a Psycho Crusher into Ranma, setting his body ablaze with the ki attack. Ranma had barely recovered when Akane pulled out a lighter and set Ranma ablaze the old fashioned way.
"And it seems that pressure has driven the bride insane." Daisuke idly noted.
"STOP HER! SHE'LL RUIN THE ENTIRE FANFIC!" Super-Human A-kun declared, flaring with ki and diving at Akane.
Cherry, the priest, decided to get the hell out of there.
Demons and Angels alike began getting involved.
Higher demons and Angels were summoned.
Ten races of blood-thirsty aliens and over two thousand interdimensional madmen got involved.
The U.S. Military and the armies of seven other nations appeared to help out.
Six legions of super-heroes, two hundred and fifty-eight Author Avatars, seventy-four SI characters, all of the Ranma 1/2 regulars, both Giant Robos, Manzinger, five pantheons of Gods and Goddesses, the ENTIRE battalion of Sailor Senshi (with the Temp Sailor Corps and the Unusual Senshi Corps), two Guyvers, six brigades of military-class BU-8 Boomers, Pretty Sammy and Pixy Misa, eight psychotic giant war machines piloted by children with psychological malfunctions, the entire Power Ranger battalion and their Zords arrived.
And thus, the largest battle in the history of Earth (past, present AND future) began at, ironically, noon, February 14th, 1999.
(Editor's Note: We say 'battle' because it was pretty much continuous and the fact that it was all at the same site. That means that there was AT LEAST ten and a half months of continuous fighting.)
Ranma Fusion with Slayers
Nabiki Tendo as Lina Inverse (She gets teased about how she has a little too much bounce to the-AIIIIIEEEE! *CHARBROIL*)
Kodachi Kuno as Naga the White Serpent (She's got the laugh, people.)
Tatewaki Kuno as Gourry Gabriev (At least he'll be useful for once.)
Azusa Shiratori as Amelia wil Tesla Sailoon (Who else has the energy?)
Kasumi Tendo as Xelloss (How did she get the position? Sore wa... himitsu desu.)
Ryouga Hibiki as Zelgadis Greywiers (Goes from angst-ridden martial artist to angst-ridden sorceror. I think the change'll go over well.)
Principal Kuno as Thug #1 (He'll get beaten up a lot.)
Soun Tendo as Prince Philonel (The Hammer of Justice is from Soun? It would make sense.)
Akane Tendo as Eris (Bitchy attitude, superior sneer and an obsession over someone? Perfect.)
Pantyhose Tarou as Kopii Rezo (No comment.)
Herb as Goldias (Remember him from the Slayers: Dragon Slave OAV?)
Ranma Saotome as Galda (same as directly above)
Mikado Sanzenin as Jeffery (same as the two directly above)
Ukyou Kuonji as Sylpheel (A little more prone to beating up people, but otherwise fine.)
Hinako Ninomiya as Martina (YAY!)
Shampoo as Mimi and Nene from Slayers Next (Duh.)
Doctor Tofu as Mister Borden (We're Mister Borden's Boys. MISTER BORDEN BOYS-*BOOM*)
Genma Saotome as Valoon (The _great_ Valoon)
Nodoka Saotome as Firia (Phyria, Filia, whatever)
========================
Revolutionary Girl Utena
Anthy's Test Chants (Just to see what would happen):
"Power of Legos that sleeps within me... Heed your master and make him a Lego-Maniac..."
"Power of Eggos that sleeps within me... Heed your master and take my Eggo Waffle from that unworthy idiot..."
"Power of Tacos that sleeps within me... Heed your master and make a run for the border..."
"Power of Burritos that sleeps within me... Heed your master and break free..."
"Power of Otakus that sleeps within me... Heed your master and rend reality apart like an
egotistical SI character hell-bent on getting that stupid Ranma-Akane relationship to work..."
"Owner of a white Toyota hatchback that sleeps within me, you've left your headlights on..."
"Power of Otakus that sleeps within me... Heed your master and rend reality apart like an
egotistical SI character hell-bent on getting that Belldandy-Megumi relationship to work again..."
"Power of scrubbing bubbles that sleep within me..."
"Power of tax evasion..."
"Power of stain removal..."
"Susan Powter who sleeps with me..."
"Power of dry cleaning..."
"Power of babysitting..."
"Power of Happosai..."
"Power of Disney... Oh, wait. I don't want to corrupt my morals or this story..."
"Brother of Tad that sleeps with his amnesiac half-sister Laura..."
"Power of hair styling..."
"Power of the U.N. that sleeps within me..., oh wait that's useless without U.S. military participation."
Utena's Test Chants (Just to see what she could get):
"...Grant me the power to destroy sub-standard animation!"
"...Grant me the power to destroy Macek-infested animation!"
"...Grant me the power to stink up a storm!"
"...Grant me the power to virus-scan my disk!"
"...Grant me the power to eat an entire wedding cake in one sitting!"
"...Grant me the power to scratch my crotch like guys do!"
Saiyonji's Test Chants (he was hoping they'd work):
"...Grant me the power to bring down the swelling!"
"...Grant me the power to unclog my colon!"
"...Grant me the power to be a cooler guy!"
"...Grant me the power to dye my hair green!"
"...Grant me the power to make my pants dance with figs!"
"...Grant me the power to use Jedi Healing so I can put a beer-can crusher in a lightsaber."
"...Grant me the power to unclog this toilet!"
"Now it's time to show you my true power!" Saiyonji growled, before taking a deep breath and blowing it into Utena's face.
Utena nearly threw up at the smell.
"I forgot to warn you, Miss Utena. Saiyonji's hair isn't the only green thing on him." Anthy cried.
Utena looked at Saiyonji, who grinned, showing that he not only drank green beer, but he used green toothpaste, jelly, peanut butter and mouthwash as well.
"Are you f**king obsessed with green or what?" Utena asked.
"Both." Saiyonji answered.
"...she even managed to win the duel that won her a free pizza..." the purple-haired bishonen stripper leaning against the fishtank mused to himself before getting lost in the room full of half-naked purple-haired bishonen males.
"I can't lose!" Miki cried, before adding, "She's counting on me to save her big money at Menard's with my employee discount!"
Lines Anthy would not normally say (unless tanked or under mind-control):
"Great, now if only I can find a midget with some gin, I'll be in business."
"You know, I just can't stand you white people."
"What the hell is wrong with you freaks and your big hair?!"
"Hey, barkeep. Who's leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?"
"Um, Anthy, don't you think you've had enough?" Utena asked.
Anthy grabs an empty liquor bottle by the neck and smashed it on the bar's edge. Brandishing the jagged remained, she shrieks, "SHUT THE HELL UP, BITCH! I'LL DECIDE WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH! NOT SOME PINK-HAIRED BINT, YA HEAR?!"
"Jeez, thanks, Wakaba." Utena muttered as she backed away.
"Well, how was I supposed to know that she'd become addicted to anime so quickly, I just thought it would be a harmless way to check out guys at the mall. Honest!" Wakaba said, defending her idea.
The next three skits were inspired (heavily) by the Fox show "Family Guy":
Utena glared at Touga as he sat down next to her.
"Let's talk, shall we?" Touga asked, smiling charmingly.
"The only way you'll get me to talk is through slow, painful torture and frankly, I don't think you've got the GRAPES!" Utena snapped.
Saiyonji was being escorted off-campus by Touga.
"I'll give you anything! Wealth, power, men! ..... Women?" Saiyonji desperately offered the Student Council President.
Saiyonji was surprised that he was giving advice to Utena, but Touga was his enemy too. Utena pondered his advice.
"Indeed, your asinine, megalomaniac, homo-erotic words of advice stir a new emotion in me. Disgust! I can only hope my words of thanks can keep you warm as you spend the next ten years, frozen in carbonite!" Utena cried, firing a gas-cartridge gun at Saiyonji, sealing him in a solid block of carbonite and leaving him with a stupid look on his face and his pants and underwear half-way to the floor.
Possible names for Utena Lemons:
Juri's Usual Evening
Saturdays at Saiyonji's
Afternoons at Anthy's
Tuesdays at Touga's
Mondays at Miki's
Sundays at Saiyonji's
Thursdays at TharzZzDunN's Thirty-Thousandth Sexaterium
Mornings at Miki's
Wednesdays at Wakaba's
Uberschnitzel Fest at Utena's
New Years at Nanami's
Noon at Nanami's
=========================
Ah! Megami-sama!
AH! Megami-sama! fusion with Final Fantasy 7
Keichii Morisato as Cloud Strife (AAAAAGH! THIS IS WORSE!)
Ootaki as Barrett (TAKE THIS, SUCKA!)
Tamiya-sempai as Cid Highwind (@$#%@#$@#$. Oooh, this is gonna be #$@*& sweeeet....)
Aoshima as Reno/Rufus (Crap.)
Belldandy as Aerith Gainsborough (WHADDYA MEAN I GET KILLED?!) *
Urd as Tifa Lockheart (At least now I get to keep my cool martial art skills.)
Skuld as Yuffie Kisaragi (*POSE* I SHALL STEAL ALL THE LUGNUTS OF THE WORLD! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
Megumi Morisato as Elena (Naive? Who's naive?)
Peorth as Scarlet (OHOHOHOHO-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-HOOO! I've seen bigger budgets in a 70s Porno movie! Hey, wait a minute... what do mean this is my costume? It's a piece of dental floss... literally! Uh-oh.)
Sayoko as Vincent Valentine (Eh. Maybe she can pull it off, maybe she can't.)
Banpei as Don Corneo/Cait Sith (O_O)
Marller as Sephiroth (Eh. Only silver-haired freak-er, person left.)
Senbei as Jenova (Watch him do his happy dance!)
* - Sorry to Belldandy fans, but she fits so well!
=========================
Slayers
(PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THIS IS A PARODY! PLEEEEEAAAAAASEEEEEE!)
"Jinkies!" Gourry exclaimed.
Lina took charge (thank you captain exposition), "That's right gang, we're dealing with one sick sonovabitch."
Amelia noted something unusual, "But from the positioning of the peanut butter on Kei's body it clearly had to be Yuri, Shasti and Zen who are resposible for this outrageous (and expensive) sexual activity."
"Dammit, it looks like the videocamera shut off only moments before the live broadcast was scheduled." Filia announced to the room.
Zelgadis was clearly shocked, "Then that means- "
Sylpheel picked up the train of thought, "Right, it could only be that jealous tramp Kun-chan, she had the motive, the opportunity, and as we all know an insatiable lust for peanut butter, extra-chunky style with chocolate chips and macadamia nuts."
"Well at least we don't have to clean up this mess, we've already got seventeen bids for the entire studio if we leave Kei just like she is." Xellos offered to cheer everyone up.
Kei disagreed, "F#(K that, get me out of this damn Soloflex machine before Michael Eisner wakes up!"
[This is TharzZzDunN's fault. Pure and simple. Blame him. Unless you like it, then it's mine - A-chan]
Gourry faced Sylpheel in the kitchen with a nervous expression on his face, "Sylpheel, I'm.... pregnant."
Sylpheel could only stare in shock. She fainted, knocking a box of cereal off the refridgerator which landed on her face as she hit the floor.
"Jingle Bells, Xelloss smells,
Firia laid an egg.
The Linamobile lost a wheel
And Shaburnidgo got away, HEY!"
Rezo sat on his throne as Lina Inverse, Gourry Gabriev, Zelgadis, Zolf and Rodamus raced into his chamber.
"Ah, Lina. I'm so glad you're here." Rezo said.
"Rezo!" Lina said.
"Can you hand me another roll of toilet paper? Some insensitive self-insertion cheese-head used the last of it when he was here to boink Amelia." Rezo muttered.
"EWWW!"
"Jingle Bells, Rezo smells,
Lina fried an egg.
The Gourrymobile lost a wheel
And the dessert cart got away, HEY!"
Rezo sat on his throne as Lina Inverse, Gourry Gabriev, Zelgadis, Zolf and Rodamus raced into his chamber.
"Ah, Lina. I'm so glad you're here." Rezo said.
"Rezo!" Lina said.
"Did you remember to pick up my copy of F^3?" Rezo inquired.
"Got it right here, Mr. Rezo." Gourry said.
"Jingle Bells, Zangulus smells,
Amelia laid an egg.
The Nagamobile lost a wheel
And the Villian of the Week (tm) got away, HEY!"
Rezo sat on his throne as Lina Inverse, Gourry Gabriev, Zelgadis, Zolf and Rodamus raced into his chamber.
"Ah, Lina. I'm so glad you're here." Rezo said.
"Rezo!" Lina said.
"OOOOOGGGHHH-OOOORRRRRGGGGHHHHH-AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Be with you in a moment." Rezo grunted as he turn the page on his magazine.
"OH MY GAWD!!!" Lina shrieked.
Lina ran out of the room as Gourry, Zelgadis, Zolf and Rodamus decided to "take a load off".
"You almost done?" Zelgadis asked, doing the pee-pee dance.
"One moment. Lina, can you close the stall door?" Rezo called out, before handing the magazine to Zelgadis.
"The articles on page 16 are really intriguing." Rezo said.
Gourry glanced at the title.
"I usually look at the pictures instead." Gourry commented.
"Jingle Bells, Gourry smells,
Sylpheel laid an egg.
The Ameliamobile lost a wheel
And Lawerence Welk got away, HEY!"
* - You can replace Lawerence Welk with Andy Roony.
Rezo sat on his throne as Lina Inverse, Gourry Gabriev, Zelgadis, Zolf and Rodamus raced into his chamber.
"Ah, Lina. I'm so glad you're here." Rezo said.
"Rezo!" Lina shouted.
"And while it's nice of you all to want to kill me so much that you'd come in, but if you could please close the damn door so I can concentrate?" Rezo inquired.
"Jingle Bells, Firia smells,
Xelloss laid an egg.
The Zelgadismobile lost a wheel
And Lord of Nightmares got away clean, HEY!"
Xelloss faced Sylpheel in the kitchen with a nervous grin on his face, "Now, Sylpheel, I'm about to tell you a secret.... I'm pregnant."
Filia could only stare in shock. She fainted, knocking a jug of milk off the counter which landed on her face as she hit the floor. It spilled it's ice-cold contents down her blouse.
Zelgadis faced Sylpheel in the kitchen with a severely nervous expression on his face, "Sylpheel, it's come to my attention that I may be.... pregnant."
Amelia could only stare in shock. She fainted, knocking a box of condoms out of the cabinet which landed on her face as she hit the floor. It spilled it's contents into her cleavage. Gourry walked in.
"Gawds, Amelia. Save some gum for the rest of us!" Gourry scolded.
Lina faced Prince Philonel in the kitchen with a nervously guilty expression on her face, "Dad, I'm pregnant, and it's Naga's, but it's not mine."
Rezo 3 could only stare in shock. She fainted, knocking a priceless crystal bedpan that was used by Shaburnigdo (but never cleaned) off the refridgerator which landed on her face as she hit the floor.
Sylpheel faced Naga in the kitchen with a nervous expression on his face, "Naga, I'm.... the one who got Amelia pregnant."
Naga could only stare in shock. She fainted, falling out of the tall tower. She was saved at the last minute and would sing about it in roughly three and a half minutes.
=========================
RpM's Pursuit of Happiness *_HUGE_ APOLOGIES TO RpM!*
Lines that you would never hear anywhere else (well, at least not unless/until RpM goes nuts (which may have already happened, we'll find out so we can keep you posted)):
"WAI! WAI! TENTACLE SEX!" - Kyoko
"WAI! WAI! MASTURBATION SCENE!" - Kyoko
"WAI! WAI! I GET A YAOI SCENE WITH RYOUGA!" - Ryo
"WAI! WAI! I GET A YAOI SCENE WITH RYOUGA!" - Ryoko *
"WAI! WAI! I GET A YAOI SCENE WITH MIDORIGAME!" - Megane
"Oh, I can't hide my rapture when I see you, dearest Tylor-sama." - Ryo
"Can't you tell that you're all the counseling I need, Attorney General Janet Reno?" - Megane
"IA! IA CTHULU F'TAUGN!" - Nabiki/Nodoka/whichever
* - It came to our attention (this maybe wrong, so don't quote us) that Yaoi stands for same-sex relationships, meaning Ryoko would be getting it on with Ryouga-chan if we're right. Otherwise, BLEAH!
=========================
Super Friends
"You know, Timmy, even Superheroes get that time of the month."
"What 'time of the month' do you mean, Superman?"
"You know, winkwink."
"No, I don't know."
"You know, WINKWINK."
"Well, if you're talking about THAT, I only have a dollar on me..."
This scene should never be continued. And with good cause too.
"Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman!"
"What is it, Meg?"
"They're low two strippers at the Jiggly Room!"
"Let's go! We'll take the Invisible Jet and get dressed in the parking lot!"
"Say, Aquaman."
"Yes, Marvin?"
"These girls were wondering if you could call up some dolphins...."
(Author and Editor's notes: EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW!)
"Wonder Woman! Tex Ruther is getting away in his helicopter!"
"Where's the Invisible Jet?"
*BANG* *THUD*
"Oh, it's over there."
(Author's Note: Ever wonder how she always found the Invisible Jet?)
"Timmy, do you like gladiator movies?"
"Um, I guess so Batman."
"When you watched your brothers taking a bath in a cool mountain stream, have you ever noticed how the moonlight glistened on their taut, supple buttocks?"
"Uh, I don't have any brothe-"
"Or how when your dad took showers with you-"
"Listen Batman, I've gotta go home to throw up, it's been fun talking with you!"
=========================
Neon Genesis Evangelion
Shinji's eyes widened at the sight. He covered his nose as he struggled to get his gas mask on. In it's cage, with coolant surrounding it, Evangelion Unit 01 was farting, making bubbles larger than tanks. The worst thing about this was the fact that both it and Kaworu were laughing like Beavis and Butthead.
Asuka screamed as the Fifteenth Angel attacked her mind, sending her mind into a metaphysical blender that was set on "Frappe`". Her Eva shook from a sudden impact. Then, it shook again. Then again. Asuka regained her senses and checked her monitor.
"REI! Why are you slapping my Eva?!" Asuka demanded.
"Eh. I felt like it." Rei responded, deadpanning the response across the sulky, yet attractive, wavelength.
Saber Marrionettes I
Shinji Ikari as Otaru
Rei Ayanami as Cherry
Misato Katsuragi as Lime
Asuka Langely Soryhu as Bloodberry
Ritsuko Akagi as Baiko and Tamasburo
Shigeru Aoba as Thug 1
Makoto Hyuuga as Thug 2
Kozo Fuyutsuki as Thug 3
Maya Ibuki as All of Faust's Saber Marrionettes
Ryoji Kaji as Faust/Fathead/Fat Bastard
Kaworu Nagisa as the Shogun
=========================
Final Fantasy 7
Final Fantasy 7: The Live-Action Movie
Val Kilmer as Cloud Strife - "Have you ever danced with the devil by the pale moonlight? LIT 3!"
Skeet Urich as Rufus Shinra - "You hijacked me with an empty gun?!" "Yeah." "When this is over, remind me to kick your lily ass!"
Baby Spice as Elena - "Like, wow! Is this the top-secret materia we're supposed to be guarding? Oops! I dropped it." *CRASH* *TINKLE**TINKLE*
LL Cool J as Reno - "Shinra said knock you out, I'm gonna knock you out!"
Jessie Ventura as Rude - "........ GET OUTTA MY FACE and buy my book."
Jennifer Aniston as Aerith Gainsborough - "I like how my hair tastes today."
Lucy Lawless as Tifa Lockheart - "AYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI-HEEEEEYAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"
Shania Twain as Yuffie Kisaragi - "That don't impress me much!" *SLASH*
Jackie Chan as Vincent Valentine - "Why are those guys after you?!"
Michael Dorn as Red XIII's voice - "Felines do _not_ like water or prune juice. Gimme a beer."
Brad Pitt as Sephiroth - "NOT IN THE FACE!"
The entire band 'Kiss' as Jenova - "I... WANNA ROCK AND ROLL ALL NIGHT! AND PARTY EVERY DAY!"
Anthony Perkins as Hojo - "The clones, Strife, the clones. Can you hear them screaming?"
John Travolta as Professor Gast - "I'm stayin' alive, stayin' alive, ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' ALIIIIIIIIII-HIIIII-HIIIIIVE!"
Stewart French as anonymous peasant who gets beheaded - "Oh booger."
Andy Roony as Palmer - "Tea's not really a meal. It's mostly water. Or in my case, lard."
Ed McMahon as Heidegger - "HOHOHOHOHOHO! YOU ARE CORRECT, SIR!"
Will Smith as Zack - "Gettin' jiggy wit' it! Oh you did NOT just shoot green shit at me! AAAACK!"
Ray Liotta as Tseng - "Crap. I've forgotten my lines."
Estelle Getty as Ilfana - "This a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world. So the question you gotta be asking yourself is: did she shoot all six rounds or only five? Do you feel lucky Rufus, DO YOU?!?!"
James Earl Jones as President Shinra - "This... is Shinra HQ."
Samuel L. Jackson as Barrett Wallace - "And the Lord did say, 'I shall bring DOWN my vengence upon thee'!" *BLAM**BLAM**BLAM**BLAM**BLAM**BLAM**BLAM**BLAM*
Martin Sheen as Cid Highwind - "Um, lessee, you *@%@#$%#%!#$%@#$%@$. Yeah, that's right."
Billy Crystal as Cait Sith - "Look, I've been with you for five minutes. You can't expect miracles!" "I still ain't got no pants."
Robert DeNiro as Reeve - "You talkin' ta me? YOU talkin' ta ME?!" "Oh yes, you do!"
George Clooney as Chocobo Bob - "Yeah it really satisfies you, long about noon when your hunger's pokin' at ya', pokin' at ya!"
Arnold Schwarzeneger as Dio - "You just know that when you punch Sephiroth in the gut, he pees a little." "On further inspection, these appear to be loafers."
Paula Poundstone as Scarlet - "Jeez, look at that fat spread itself out. That camera isn't getting a shot of _my_ butt, is it?"
====================
Saber Marrionettes J
"Ara? It sticks together!" - Lime, having found the Unified Field Theory
"Ara? It wiggles when I walk!" - Lime, having found Jell-o.
"I'll call her..... Fat Bastard." - Lime to Otaru, referring to Cherry.
"C'me 'ere, you little sloot!" - Lime to Otaru, having found the Sake.
"Araaa? It loooooks liiik' yesssssterererdaaaay's br'kfass....." - Lime, the morning after the Sake.
"Lime, where did this come from?" - Otaru
"A little from here, a little from there, a lot from there..." - Lime
;;;O_O;;; - Otaru, seeing the pictures.
"It's just a bunch of pictures." - Lime
"OTARU! MY MAGAZINES ARE GONE!" - Otaru's neighbors
====================
Fatal Fury
Laucorn: SUUUUULIIIIAAAAA! SUUUULIIIIIAAAAA! [Laucorn swirled his fencing sword in nice, tight circles in front of her heart.]
[Suddenly, Terry Bogard dropped down before Laucorn.]
Laucorn: Ah, Peter Pan. So, it comes to this... [dropping his old sword and drawing a new sword]
Terry: [gritting his teeth] MY NAME IS TERRY BOGARD!
Laucorn: Yes, yes, _TERRY_ _BOGARD_. We all know you're wearing tights _SOMEWHERE_, so let's just get this over with, you spandex-wearing freak.
Terry: [getting mad] Darkness beyond twilight, Crimson beyond blood that flows, buried within the stream of time is where your power grows. In thy great name I pledge myself to darkness! Those who oppose us will be destroyed by the power you and I possess... DRAGU SLAVE!
[Laucorn stand in his place, unimpressed, only moving his sword into a guard position.]
Laucorn: RUNIC BLADE!!
[The awesome power of darkness struck Laucorn's sword before he stabbed it into the ground. Suddenly, an explosion of energy shot up from the ground, spewing into the sky, annihilating Mir again. Laucorn continued to hold onto the blade even though he was being shook like a rag in the gale winds of a hurricane.]
Laucorn: DAMMIT IT ALL!! WE JUST HAD TO DO THIS IN STONEHENGE, DIDN'T WE?!
=======================================
Huge apologies to Kun-chan, Zen, Michael Eisner, Lawerence Welk, and everyone else who showed up in this thing. Really. We mean it. This was BAD. Then again, we did warn you earlier, so if you got disgusted, it's your own darn fault. We tried to warn you.
Everything you did like is the property of A-kun, C-chan, ????? or Huh?.
Everything you didn't like is the property of TharzZzDunN or A-chan. (no, really, they're going to claim everything you didn't like.)
*WARNING* - Due to the horrible wrongness of some of the content in this spamfic, we're allowing a greater amount of dead space so people can think it over.
Reading the fanfic, that is.
Are you sure you wanna?
Are you ABOSOLUTELY SURE? It's got a lot of wrongness in it.
I mean it. In fact, we're apologizing to Zen, RpM and Kun-chan next.
Huge apologies to Zen, RpM and Kun-chan.
It's on your head.
Don't say we didn't warn you this time.
BEEEEEEDAH! :P
=======================
Ranma 1/2
Genma-Panda and P-chan were walking along one day when an alien vessel appeared above them and transported both aboard. A redneck alien grabbed P-chan while six others grabbed Genma-panda.
"Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.... SQUEAL LIKE A FAX MACHINE!" the redneck alien demanded.
P-chan did his best imitations of the squeaks and squeals of a fax machine.
"Hey, that's pretty good. All right, we'll treat you as a god and gang-probe the panda." The redneck alien began.
"Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh..." the redneck aliens laughed in unison.
"HA! You can't beat me!" Ranma taunted, having fully realized his Saiyan heirtage.
"Oh really? Power of Dios that sleeps within me... Heed your master and come forth..." Kodachi chanted.
"GRANT ME THE POWER TO BRING THE WORLD REVOLUTION!" Tatewaki declared, drawing the sword from Kodachi's bosom and copping a cheap feel. Church bells clanged to the ground in the distance, electrified.
Ryouga the werewolf chuckled to himself, "That won't do much."
"Perhaps, perhaps not." Mousse, the incubus from the Demon World, replied.
"SPATULA POWER, MAKE UP!" Ukyou cried, her henshin naginata flaring with energy, tearing away her clothes in burst of light to replace them with a Senshi Bio-Boosted Fuku.
"Hmph." Akane aka. Tabris-chan the Angel snorted. Her AT field shimmered as the light struck it just right.
"Aiyah! Shampoo in deep shit!" Shampoo said as she realized she was the only one without a power-up.
Daisuke the Hulk stood next to SuperHiroshi.
"Ancient Chinese Secret..." Daisuke began, green pectoral muscles flexing.
"Huh?" SuperHiroshi asked, cape billowing in the breeze as the sun shined off his shiny blue and red spandex and his spitcurl.
"Exactly." All Purpose Cultural Cat-Girl Yuka responded.
"Acknowledged, Nagis--er, sorry." Sayori-Iczelion said.
"Dat'cha." Nabiki, Oni Duchess, added.
"Yohko's going to be pissed when she finds out I'm in this body." Dark Kasumi Schneider muttered, examining her new body by squeezing her boobs.
Happosai looked at the field and asked the question that started the impending battle, "Does this mean I won't get any more panties from all of you pretty girls?"
"YES!" the girls yelled.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLIN' A GIRL?!" The males yelled.
The entire group charged. Happosai stuck his ring in his green recharging lantern.
"In bright of day, in dark of night, let no evil escape Green Lantern's sight..." Happosai intoned.
It was going to be a LOOOONG fight as Akane opened with a cross-shaped blast and Tatewaki found a new power of the Sword of Dios.
Fusion Idea
Cloud Strife as Ranma Saotome - "....." *SPLOOSH* "....."
Cid Highwind as Soun Tendo - "@#$%@#."
Barrett as Mousse - "Screw this 'Fist of the Stinky Swan'. Eat lead, coppa'!" *BLAM*
Aerith Gainsborough as Akane Tendo - "STRIFE NO BAKA!" *CLANG**ZAP*
Yuffie Kisaragi as Shampoo - "Yuffie Kisaragi... IS HERE!" *POSE*
Tifa Lockheart as Ukyou Kuonji - "Bounce, bounce, bounce, lemme hear you, bounce, bounce, bounce..."
Scarlet as Kodachi Kuno - "OHohoHOHohOHOhOHohOhOhOHOHOhOhOhOHOHOHOHO!"
Palmer as Principal Kuno - "ALOHA! Got any poi? I love it with extra lard."
Rufus Shinra as Mikado Sanzenin - "Kiss me, my sweet..." *FIXES HAIR* *GETS SLAPPED* *FIXES HAIR*
Genma Saotome as Genma Saotome - (no one else wanted the part) "HEY!"
Tseng as Tatewaki Kuno - "She will be mine. Oh yes. She _will_ be mine."
Reno as Hikaru Gosunkugi - "Once I've completed this Voodoo Midgar Zolom, I'll finally beat that fool Cloud Strife!"
Rude as Ryouga Hibiki - "..... This isn't funny. ......"
Don Corneo as Happosai - "WHAT A HAUL! WHAT A HAUL!" *WHAP* *THUD* *GETS BEATEN UP*
Professor Hojo as Mojo Jojo (Powerpuff Girls villian) - "COOL! I've got a LAST NAME!"
Professor Gast as Professor Gast - "Uhh, what am I supposed to do again?"
Ilfana (sp?) as Miss Hinako Ninomiya - "YOU DELINQUENT! Oh, but you're so cuuuuute..." *CUDDLE*
Sephiroth as Prince Herb of the Musk Dynasty - "Hmph. I was cooler before." *THWAP*
Nanaki/Red XIII as Great-grandmother Cologne - "Someone will pay for this."
Vincent Price as the Water-ladling old woman - *SPLASH* *SPLASH* "NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The Midgar Serpent as Kasumi Tendo - *HISSES* *SPITS*
President Shinra as Daisuke - "Ha. Ha."
Dio as Hiroshi - "Come on, Strife! You've got enough babes! Let us have one!"
Dyne as Voodoo Doll #3 - "........"
Elena as Nabiki Tendo - "I'm not going to blather everything out THIS time... uh, you wanna know how I trick everyone? Okay."
Gold Chocobo as Nodoka Saotome - "WARK!"
Vincent Valentine as Doctor Tofu - "Hmmm, looks too serious. Guess I'll have to put the poor dumb animal out of it's misery..." "BUT IT'S JUST A PAPERCUT!" "Ask me if I care."
Reese as Principal Kuno - "WAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Cait Sith as Yuka - "WAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Chibi-Usa as the Dojo Destroyer - "WAAAAH! I'M STUCK UNDER ALL THESE SIGNS!"
Ranma 1/2: The Wedding of Ranma and Akane
The announcers, Hiroshi and Daisuke, sat in the far back left-most corner. According to their studies, this was the safest place to be. That wasn't saying much. Looking over the demonic, heavenly or Self-Inserted creatures, they began to sweatdrop.
"Ia! Ia Cthulu Ftaugn. Beer here!"
"AAAAaaaaahhhh... two here." sang Michael, who was sitting next to the Cthulu Triplets.
"Hey, can you move it?" Super-Human A-kun inquired of the person pressing their knee against his back. In actuality, the sharp blade that should've stabbed into Super-Human A-kun's back was bent, causing the person behind Super-Human A-kun to sweatdrop.
"Sorry. I just need to catch my peanuts." Bhaal, God of Assassins, responded. He grumbled to himself as he would not be able to get closer to the altar with this seat. He really hated the nosebleed section.
Ranma stood in the middle of the room, awaiting Akane.
"The Bride seems a tad late..." Hiroshi commented.
"But that may be because Shampoo and Kodachi were last seen walking towards her dressing room. No worries, though, Ukyou and Konatsu were both guarding her room closely with Nodoka and Genma. A lot of thought was put into _this_ wedding." Daisuke responded.
Suddenly, the Bridal March began playing. Akane began striding down the aisle. Suddenly, the song switched to the Imperial March.
"And it looks like the bride-to-be is marching straight towards the altar." Daisuke said.
"Um, is it just me or does she seem a bit fast paced?" Hiroshi inquired.
"Look at the gleam on those jack boots." TharzZzDunN said.
"And I've never seen a Light Saber so well-polished." Twist-something-or-other declared.
"You're right. It looks like she's running at the altar. Could it be she's after the organist?" Daisuke wondered lazily.
Suddenly, Akane leapt into the air.
"Uh, she's not close enough to hit the organist." Hiroshi decreed.
She slammed into Ranma with a double-foot crotch plant before headbutting him, running up his falling body (his eyes were squeezed shut in pain) to spring off his head and activate her Light Saber so she could hack the organist in half. She de-activated the Light Saber, spun and unleashed a Psycho Crusher into Ranma, setting his body ablaze with the ki attack. Ranma had barely recovered when Akane pulled out a lighter and set Ranma ablaze the old fashioned way.
"And it seems that pressure has driven the bride insane." Daisuke idly noted.
"STOP HER! SHE'LL RUIN THE ENTIRE FANFIC!" Super-Human A-kun declared, flaring with ki and diving at Akane.
Cherry, the priest, decided to get the hell out of there.
Demons and Angels alike began getting involved.
Higher demons and Angels were summoned.
Ten races of blood-thirsty aliens and over two thousand interdimensional madmen got involved.
The U.S. Military and the armies of seven other nations appeared to help out.
Six legions of super-heroes, two hundred and fifty-eight Author Avatars, seventy-four SI characters, all of the Ranma 1/2 regulars, both Giant Robos, Manzinger, five pantheons of Gods and Goddesses, the ENTIRE battalion of Sailor Senshi (with the Temp Sailor Corps and the Unusual Senshi Corps), two Guyvers, six brigades of military-class BU-8 Boomers, Pretty Sammy and Pixy Misa, eight psychotic giant war machines piloted by children with psychological malfunctions, the entire Power Ranger battalion and their Zords arrived.
And thus, the largest battle in the history of Earth (past, present AND future) began at, ironically, noon, February 14th, 1999.
(Editor's Note: We say 'battle' because it was pretty much continuous and the fact that it was all at the same site. That means that there was AT LEAST ten and a half months of continuous fighting.)
Ranma Fusion with Slayers
Nabiki Tendo as Lina Inverse (She gets teased about how she has a little too much bounce to the-AIIIIIEEEE! *CHARBROIL*)
Kodachi Kuno as Naga the White Serpent (She's got the laugh, people.)
Tatewaki Kuno as Gourry Gabriev (At least he'll be useful for once.)
Azusa Shiratori as Amelia wil Tesla Sailoon (Who else has the energy?)
Kasumi Tendo as Xelloss (How did she get the position? Sore wa... himitsu desu.)
Ryouga Hibiki as Zelgadis Greywiers (Goes from angst-ridden martial artist to angst-ridden sorceror. I think the change'll go over well.)
Principal Kuno as Thug #1 (He'll get beaten up a lot.)
Soun Tendo as Prince Philonel (The Hammer of Justice is from Soun? It would make sense.)
Akane Tendo as Eris (Bitchy attitude, superior sneer and an obsession over someone? Perfect.)
Pantyhose Tarou as Kopii Rezo (No comment.)
Herb as Goldias (Remember him from the Slayers: Dragon Slave OAV?)
Ranma Saotome as Galda (same as directly above)
Mikado Sanzenin as Jeffery (same as the two directly above)
Ukyou Kuonji as Sylpheel (A little more prone to beating up people, but otherwise fine.)
Hinako Ninomiya as Martina (YAY!)
Shampoo as Mimi and Nene from Slayers Next (Duh.)
Doctor Tofu as Mister Borden (We're Mister Borden's Boys. MISTER BORDEN BOYS-*BOOM*)
Genma Saotome as Valoon (The _great_ Valoon)
Nodoka Saotome as Firia (Phyria, Filia, whatever)
========================
Revolutionary Girl Utena
Anthy's Test Chants (Just to see what would happen):
"Power of Legos that sleeps within me... Heed your master and make him a Lego-Maniac..."
"Power of Eggos that sleeps within me... Heed your master and take my Eggo Waffle from that unworthy idiot..."
"Power of Tacos that sleeps within me... Heed your master and make a run for the border..."
"Power of Burritos that sleeps within me... Heed your master and break free..."
"Power of Otakus that sleeps within me... Heed your master and rend reality apart like an
egotistical SI character hell-bent on getting that stupid Ranma-Akane relationship to work..."
"Owner of a white Toyota hatchback that sleeps within me, you've left your headlights on..."
"Power of Otakus that sleeps within me... Heed your master and rend reality apart like an
egotistical SI character hell-bent on getting that Belldandy-Megumi relationship to work again..."
"Power of scrubbing bubbles that sleep within me..."
"Power of tax evasion..."
"Power of stain removal..."
"Susan Powter who sleeps with me..."
"Power of dry cleaning..."
"Power of babysitting..."
"Power of Happosai..."
"Power of Disney... Oh, wait. I don't want to corrupt my morals or this story..."
"Brother of Tad that sleeps with his amnesiac half-sister Laura..."
"Power of hair styling..."
"Power of the U.N. that sleeps within me..., oh wait that's useless without U.S. military participation."
Utena's Test Chants (Just to see what she could get):
"...Grant me the power to destroy sub-standard animation!"
"...Grant me the power to destroy Macek-infested animation!"
"...Grant me the power to stink up a storm!"
"...Grant me the power to virus-scan my disk!"
"...Grant me the power to eat an entire wedding cake in one sitting!"
"...Grant me the power to scratch my crotch like guys do!"
Saiyonji's Test Chants (he was hoping they'd work):
"...Grant me the power to bring down the swelling!"
"...Grant me the power to unclog my colon!"
"...Grant me the power to be a cooler guy!"
"...Grant me the power to dye my hair green!"
"...Grant me the power to make my pants dance with figs!"
"...Grant me the power to use Jedi Healing so I can put a beer-can crusher in a lightsaber."
"...Grant me the power to unclog this toilet!"
"Now it's time to show you my true power!" Saiyonji growled, before taking a deep breath and blowing it into Utena's face.
Utena nearly threw up at the smell.
"I forgot to warn you, Miss Utena. Saiyonji's hair isn't the only green thing on him." Anthy cried.
Utena looked at Saiyonji, who grinned, showing that he not only drank green beer, but he used green toothpaste, jelly, peanut butter and mouthwash as well.
"Are you f**king obsessed with green or what?" Utena asked.
"Both." Saiyonji answered.
"...she even managed to win the duel that won her a free pizza..." the purple-haired bishonen stripper leaning against the fishtank mused to himself before getting lost in the room full of half-naked purple-haired bishonen males.
"I can't lose!" Miki cried, before adding, "She's counting on me to save her big money at Menard's with my employee discount!"
Lines Anthy would not normally say (unless tanked or under mind-control):
"Great, now if only I can find a midget with some gin, I'll be in business."
"You know, I just can't stand you white people."
"What the hell is wrong with you freaks and your big hair?!"
"Hey, barkeep. Who's leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?"
"Um, Anthy, don't you think you've had enough?" Utena asked.
Anthy grabs an empty liquor bottle by the neck and smashed it on the bar's edge. Brandishing the jagged remained, she shrieks, "SHUT THE HELL UP, BITCH! I'LL DECIDE WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH! NOT SOME PINK-HAIRED BINT, YA HEAR?!"
"Jeez, thanks, Wakaba." Utena muttered as she backed away.
"Well, how was I supposed to know that she'd become addicted to anime so quickly, I just thought it would be a harmless way to check out guys at the mall. Honest!" Wakaba said, defending her idea.
The next three skits were inspired (heavily) by the Fox show "Family Guy":
Utena glared at Touga as he sat down next to her.
"Let's talk, shall we?" Touga asked, smiling charmingly.
"The only way you'll get me to talk is through slow, painful torture and frankly, I don't think you've got the GRAPES!" Utena snapped.
Saiyonji was being escorted off-campus by Touga.
"I'll give you anything! Wealth, power, men! ..... Women?" Saiyonji desperately offered the Student Council President.
Saiyonji was surprised that he was giving advice to Utena, but Touga was his enemy too. Utena pondered his advice.
"Indeed, your asinine, megalomaniac, homo-erotic words of advice stir a new emotion in me. Disgust! I can only hope my words of thanks can keep you warm as you spend the next ten years, frozen in carbonite!" Utena cried, firing a gas-cartridge gun at Saiyonji, sealing him in a solid block of carbonite and leaving him with a stupid look on his face and his pants and underwear half-way to the floor.
Possible names for Utena Lemons:
Juri's Usual Evening
Saturdays at Saiyonji's
Afternoons at Anthy's
Tuesdays at Touga's
Mondays at Miki's
Sundays at Saiyonji's
Thursdays at TharzZzDunN's Thirty-Thousandth Sexaterium
Mornings at Miki's
Wednesdays at Wakaba's
Uberschnitzel Fest at Utena's
New Years at Nanami's
Noon at Nanami's
=========================
Ah! Megami-sama!
AH! Megami-sama! fusion with Final Fantasy 7
Keichii Morisato as Cloud Strife (AAAAAGH! THIS IS WORSE!)
Ootaki as Barrett (TAKE THIS, SUCKA!)
Tamiya-sempai as Cid Highwind (@$#%@#$@#$. Oooh, this is gonna be #$@*& sweeeet....)
Aoshima as Reno/Rufus (Crap.)
Belldandy as Aerith Gainsborough (WHADDYA MEAN I GET KILLED?!) *
Urd as Tifa Lockheart (At least now I get to keep my cool martial art skills.)
Skuld as Yuffie Kisaragi (*POSE* I SHALL STEAL ALL THE LUGNUTS OF THE WORLD! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
Megumi Morisato as Elena (Naive? Who's naive?)
Peorth as Scarlet (OHOHOHOHO-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-HOOO! I've seen bigger budgets in a 70s Porno movie! Hey, wait a minute... what do mean this is my costume? It's a piece of dental floss... literally! Uh-oh.)
Sayoko as Vincent Valentine (Eh. Maybe she can pull it off, maybe she can't.)
Banpei as Don Corneo/Cait Sith (O_O)
Marller as Sephiroth (Eh. Only silver-haired freak-er, person left.)
Senbei as Jenova (Watch him do his happy dance!)
* - Sorry to Belldandy fans, but she fits so well!
=========================
Slayers
(PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THIS IS A PARODY! PLEEEEEAAAAAASEEEEEE!)
"Jinkies!" Gourry exclaimed.
Lina took charge (thank you captain exposition), "That's right gang, we're dealing with one sick sonovabitch."
Amelia noted something unusual, "But from the positioning of the peanut butter on Kei's body it clearly had to be Yuri, Shasti and Zen who are resposible for this outrageous (and expensive) sexual activity."
"Dammit, it looks like the videocamera shut off only moments before the live broadcast was scheduled." Filia announced to the room.
Zelgadis was clearly shocked, "Then that means- "
Sylpheel picked up the train of thought, "Right, it could only be that jealous tramp Kun-chan, she had the motive, the opportunity, and as we all know an insatiable lust for peanut butter, extra-chunky style with chocolate chips and macadamia nuts."
"Well at least we don't have to clean up this mess, we've already got seventeen bids for the entire studio if we leave Kei just like she is." Xellos offered to cheer everyone up.
Kei disagreed, "F#(K that, get me out of this damn Soloflex machine before Michael Eisner wakes up!"
[This is TharzZzDunN's fault. Pure and simple. Blame him. Unless you like it, then it's mine - A-chan]
Gourry faced Sylpheel in the kitchen with a nervous expression on his face, "Sylpheel, I'm.... pregnant."
Sylpheel could only stare in shock. She fainted, knocking a box of cereal off the refridgerator which landed on her face as she hit the floor.
"Jingle Bells, Xelloss smells,
Firia laid an egg.
The Linamobile lost a wheel
And Shaburnidgo got away, HEY!"
Rezo sat on his throne as Lina Inverse, Gourry Gabriev, Zelgadis, Zolf and Rodamus raced into his chamber.
"Ah, Lina. I'm so glad you're here." Rezo said.
"Rezo!" Lina said.
"Can you hand me another roll of toilet paper? Some insensitive self-insertion cheese-head used the last of it when he was here to boink Amelia." Rezo muttered.
"EWWW!"
"Jingle Bells, Rezo smells,
Lina fried an egg.
The Gourrymobile lost a wheel
And the dessert cart got away, HEY!"
Rezo sat on his throne as Lina Inverse, Gourry Gabriev, Zelgadis, Zolf and Rodamus raced into his chamber.
"Ah, Lina. I'm so glad you're here." Rezo said.
"Rezo!" Lina said.
"Did you remember to pick up my copy of F^3?" Rezo inquired.
"Got it right here, Mr. Rezo." Gourry said.
"Jingle Bells, Zangulus smells,
Amelia laid an egg.
The Nagamobile lost a wheel
And the Villian of the Week (tm) got away, HEY!"
Rezo sat on his throne as Lina Inverse, Gourry Gabriev, Zelgadis, Zolf and Rodamus raced into his chamber.
"Ah, Lina. I'm so glad you're here." Rezo said.
"Rezo!" Lina said.
"OOOOOGGGHHH-OOOORRRRRGGGGHHHHH-AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Be with you in a moment." Rezo grunted as he turn the page on his magazine.
"OH MY GAWD!!!" Lina shrieked.
Lina ran out of the room as Gourry, Zelgadis, Zolf and Rodamus decided to "take a load off".
"You almost done?" Zelgadis asked, doing the pee-pee dance.
"One moment. Lina, can you close the stall door?" Rezo called out, before handing the magazine to Zelgadis.
"The articles on page 16 are really intriguing." Rezo said.
Gourry glanced at the title.
"I usually look at the pictures instead." Gourry commented.
"Jingle Bells, Gourry smells,
Sylpheel laid an egg.
The Ameliamobile lost a wheel
And Lawerence Welk got away, HEY!"
* - You can replace Lawerence Welk with Andy Roony.
Rezo sat on his throne as Lina Inverse, Gourry Gabriev, Zelgadis, Zolf and Rodamus raced into his chamber.
"Ah, Lina. I'm so glad you're here." Rezo said.
"Rezo!" Lina shouted.
"And while it's nice of you all to want to kill me so much that you'd come in, but if you could please close the damn door so I can concentrate?" Rezo inquired.
"Jingle Bells, Firia smells,
Xelloss laid an egg.
The Zelgadismobile lost a wheel
And Lord of Nightmares got away clean, HEY!"
Xelloss faced Sylpheel in the kitchen with a nervous grin on his face, "Now, Sylpheel, I'm about to tell you a secret.... I'm pregnant."
Filia could only stare in shock. She fainted, knocking a jug of milk off the counter which landed on her face as she hit the floor. It spilled it's ice-cold contents down her blouse.
Zelgadis faced Sylpheel in the kitchen with a severely nervous expression on his face, "Sylpheel, it's come to my attention that I may be.... pregnant."
Amelia could only stare in shock. She fainted, knocking a box of condoms out of the cabinet which landed on her face as she hit the floor. It spilled it's contents into her cleavage. Gourry walked in.
"Gawds, Amelia. Save some gum for the rest of us!" Gourry scolded.
Lina faced Prince Philonel in the kitchen with a nervously guilty expression on her face, "Dad, I'm pregnant, and it's Naga's, but it's not mine."
Rezo 3 could only stare in shock. She fainted, knocking a priceless crystal bedpan that was used by Shaburnigdo (but never cleaned) off the refridgerator which landed on her face as she hit the floor.
Sylpheel faced Naga in the kitchen with a nervous expression on his face, "Naga, I'm.... the one who got Amelia pregnant."
Naga could only stare in shock. She fainted, falling out of the tall tower. She was saved at the last minute and would sing about it in roughly three and a half minutes.
=========================
RpM's Pursuit of Happiness *_HUGE_ APOLOGIES TO RpM!*
Lines that you would never hear anywhere else (well, at least not unless/until RpM goes nuts (which may have already happened, we'll find out so we can keep you posted)):
"WAI! WAI! TENTACLE SEX!" - Kyoko
"WAI! WAI! MASTURBATION SCENE!" - Kyoko
"WAI! WAI! I GET A YAOI SCENE WITH RYOUGA!" - Ryo
"WAI! WAI! I GET A YAOI SCENE WITH RYOUGA!" - Ryoko *
"WAI! WAI! I GET A YAOI SCENE WITH MIDORIGAME!" - Megane
"Oh, I can't hide my rapture when I see you, dearest Tylor-sama." - Ryo
"Can't you tell that you're all the counseling I need, Attorney General Janet Reno?" - Megane
"IA! IA CTHULU F'TAUGN!" - Nabiki/Nodoka/whichever
* - It came to our attention (this maybe wrong, so don't quote us) that Yaoi stands for same-sex relationships, meaning Ryoko would be getting it on with Ryouga-chan if we're right. Otherwise, BLEAH!
=========================
Super Friends
"You know, Timmy, even Superheroes get that time of the month."
"What 'time of the month' do you mean, Superman?"
"You know, winkwink."
"No, I don't know."
"You know, WINKWINK."
"Well, if you're talking about THAT, I only have a dollar on me..."
This scene should never be continued. And with good cause too.
"Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman!"
"What is it, Meg?"
"They're low two strippers at the Jiggly Room!"
"Let's go! We'll take the Invisible Jet and get dressed in the parking lot!"
"Say, Aquaman."
"Yes, Marvin?"
"These girls were wondering if you could call up some dolphins...."
(Author and Editor's notes: EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW!)
"Wonder Woman! Tex Ruther is getting away in his helicopter!"
"Where's the Invisible Jet?"
*BANG* *THUD*
"Oh, it's over there."
(Author's Note: Ever wonder how she always found the Invisible Jet?)
"Timmy, do you like gladiator movies?"
"Um, I guess so Batman."
"When you watched your brothers taking a bath in a cool mountain stream, have you ever noticed how the moonlight glistened on their taut, supple buttocks?"
"Uh, I don't have any brothe-"
"Or how when your dad took showers with you-"
"Listen Batman, I've gotta go home to throw up, it's been fun talking with you!"
=========================
Neon Genesis Evangelion
Shinji's eyes widened at the sight. He covered his nose as he struggled to get his gas mask on. In it's cage, with coolant surrounding it, Evangelion Unit 01 was farting, making bubbles larger than tanks. The worst thing about this was the fact that both it and Kaworu were laughing like Beavis and Butthead.
Asuka screamed as the Fifteenth Angel attacked her mind, sending her mind into a metaphysical blender that was set on "Frappe`". Her Eva shook from a sudden impact. Then, it shook again. Then again. Asuka regained her senses and checked her monitor.
"REI! Why are you slapping my Eva?!" Asuka demanded.
"Eh. I felt like it." Rei responded, deadpanning the response across the sulky, yet attractive, wavelength.
Saber Marrionettes I
Shinji Ikari as Otaru
Rei Ayanami as Cherry
Misato Katsuragi as Lime
Asuka Langely Soryhu as Bloodberry
Ritsuko Akagi as Baiko and Tamasburo
Shigeru Aoba as Thug 1
Makoto Hyuuga as Thug 2
Kozo Fuyutsuki as Thug 3
Maya Ibuki as All of Faust's Saber Marrionettes
Ryoji Kaji as Faust/Fathead/Fat Bastard
Kaworu Nagisa as the Shogun
=========================
Final Fantasy 7
Final Fantasy 7: The Live-Action Movie
Val Kilmer as Cloud Strife - "Have you ever danced with the devil by the pale moonlight? LIT 3!"
Skeet Urich as Rufus Shinra - "You hijacked me with an empty gun?!" "Yeah." "When this is over, remind me to kick your lily ass!"
Baby Spice as Elena - "Like, wow! Is this the top-secret materia we're supposed to be guarding? Oops! I dropped it." *CRASH* *TINKLE**TINKLE*
LL Cool J as Reno - "Shinra said knock you out, I'm gonna knock you out!"
Jessie Ventura as Rude - "........ GET OUTTA MY FACE and buy my book."
Jennifer Aniston as Aerith Gainsborough - "I like how my hair tastes today."
Lucy Lawless as Tifa Lockheart - "AYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI-HEEEEEYAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"
Shania Twain as Yuffie Kisaragi - "That don't impress me much!" *SLASH*
Jackie Chan as Vincent Valentine - "Why are those guys after you?!"
Michael Dorn as Red XIII's voice - "Felines do _not_ like water or prune juice. Gimme a beer."
Brad Pitt as Sephiroth - "NOT IN THE FACE!"
The entire band 'Kiss' as Jenova - "I... WANNA ROCK AND ROLL ALL NIGHT! AND PARTY EVERY DAY!"
Anthony Perkins as Hojo - "The clones, Strife, the clones. Can you hear them screaming?"
John Travolta as Professor Gast - "I'm stayin' alive, stayin' alive, ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' ALIIIIIIIIII-HIIIII-HIIIIIVE!"
Stewart French as anonymous peasant who gets beheaded - "Oh booger."
Andy Roony as Palmer - "Tea's not really a meal. It's mostly water. Or in my case, lard."
Ed McMahon as Heidegger - "HOHOHOHOHOHO! YOU ARE CORRECT, SIR!"
Will Smith as Zack - "Gettin' jiggy wit' it! Oh you did NOT just shoot green shit at me! AAAACK!"
Ray Liotta as Tseng - "Crap. I've forgotten my lines."
Estelle Getty as Ilfana - "This a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world. So the question you gotta be asking yourself is: did she shoot all six rounds or only five? Do you feel lucky Rufus, DO YOU?!?!"
James Earl Jones as President Shinra - "This... is Shinra HQ."
Samuel L. Jackson as Barrett Wallace - "And the Lord did say, 'I shall bring DOWN my vengence upon thee'!" *BLAM**BLAM**BLAM**BLAM**BLAM**BLAM**BLAM**BLAM*
Martin Sheen as Cid Highwind - "Um, lessee, you *@%@#$%#%!#$%@#$%@$. Yeah, that's right."
Billy Crystal as Cait Sith - "Look, I've been with you for five minutes. You can't expect miracles!" "I still ain't got no pants."
Robert DeNiro as Reeve - "You talkin' ta me? YOU talkin' ta ME?!" "Oh yes, you do!"
George Clooney as Chocobo Bob - "Yeah it really satisfies you, long about noon when your hunger's pokin' at ya', pokin' at ya!"
Arnold Schwarzeneger as Dio - "You just know that when you punch Sephiroth in the gut, he pees a little." "On further inspection, these appear to be loafers."
Paula Poundstone as Scarlet - "Jeez, look at that fat spread itself out. That camera isn't getting a shot of _my_ butt, is it?"
====================
Saber Marrionettes J
"Ara? It sticks together!" - Lime, having found the Unified Field Theory
"Ara? It wiggles when I walk!" - Lime, having found Jell-o.
"I'll call her..... Fat Bastard." - Lime to Otaru, referring to Cherry.
"C'me 'ere, you little sloot!" - Lime to Otaru, having found the Sake.
"Araaa? It loooooks liiik' yesssssterererdaaaay's br'kfass....." - Lime, the morning after the Sake.
"Lime, where did this come from?" - Otaru
"A little from here, a little from there, a lot from there..." - Lime
;;;O_O;;; - Otaru, seeing the pictures.
"It's just a bunch of pictures." - Lime
"OTARU! MY MAGAZINES ARE GONE!" - Otaru's neighbors
====================
Fatal Fury
Laucorn: SUUUUULIIIIAAAAA! SUUUULIIIIIAAAAA! [Laucorn swirled his fencing sword in nice, tight circles in front of her heart.]
[Suddenly, Terry Bogard dropped down before Laucorn.]
Laucorn: Ah, Peter Pan. So, it comes to this... [dropping his old sword and drawing a new sword]
Terry: [gritting his teeth] MY NAME IS TERRY BOGARD!
Laucorn: Yes, yes, _TERRY_ _BOGARD_. We all know you're wearing tights _SOMEWHERE_, so let's just get this over with, you spandex-wearing freak.
Terry: [getting mad] Darkness beyond twilight, Crimson beyond blood that flows, buried within the stream of time is where your power grows. In thy great name I pledge myself to darkness! Those who oppose us will be destroyed by the power you and I possess... DRAGU SLAVE!
[Laucorn stand in his place, unimpressed, only moving his sword into a guard position.]
Laucorn: RUNIC BLADE!!
[The awesome power of darkness struck Laucorn's sword before he stabbed it into the ground. Suddenly, an explosion of energy shot up from the ground, spewing into the sky, annihilating Mir again. Laucorn continued to hold onto the blade even though he was being shook like a rag in the gale winds of a hurricane.]
Laucorn: DAMMIT IT ALL!! WE JUST HAD TO DO THIS IN STONEHENGE, DIDN'T WE?!
=======================================
Huge apologies to Kun-chan, Zen, Michael Eisner, Lawerence Welk, and everyone else who showed up in this thing. Really. We mean it. This was BAD. Then again, we did warn you earlier, so if you got disgusted, it's your own darn fault. We tried to warn you.
Everything you did like is the property of A-kun, C-chan, ????? or Huh?.
Everything you didn't like is the property of TharzZzDunN or A-chan. (no, really, they're going to claim everything you didn't like.)