A/N: I really miss Jorja Fox and im guessing so does George Eads, so I wrote this. This is my first Song fic, Review please.
Spoilers: Goodbye & Good Luck
Song: Paramore- Never Let this Go
Maybe if my heart stops beating
It won't hurt this much
And never will I have to answer
Again to anyone
It had been a week since he heard about it. How was he ment to take the news that one of his closest friends has left and didn't say goodbye. He got angry.
It was bad enough that she had a secret relationship with their boss and didn't tell him but to leave without saying goodbye. To tell you the truth it hurt. Hurt like hell that the one person you trusted with your life didn't trust you enough to let you in and understand what was going on with their life.
So when Grissom had sat them down and told them about her leaving, he acted out. He shouted at everyone, asking them why, where did she go, when and any and every question he could think of. Suprisingly everyone was calm at his outburst and could understand what he was going through.
He started to yell foul words and kicked a chair before storming out towards the lockeroom.
Please don't get me wrong
He had never hurt so much in his life before. He had always loved her and when he heard about her relationship with Grissom, he wanted nothing more then to die; so that's why it hurts so much more that she left without saying goodbye. But don't think he didn't know what she was going through, to come to work every night and turn up at a scene whether it was a grissly murder with blood everywhere to a simple B it was always horrible.
When you start this job its always sickening to think about what other people do to each other, you always care sometimes and your always wanting to find justice for the victim and the victim's family but when you do this job to long and you start to care to much, you burn out.
And when you realise one day that you expect hurt from other people and that this job seems to normal to them, you know you can't keep doing this and you know you don't, can't, care anymore.
Because I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you
I don't want to be alone
But now I feel like I don't know you
It was like she was completely different person, leading a completely different life and they had no idea who each other was.
He knew that people had their secrets, I mean sure he had his but from her he'd never expect.
All he wanted to do now was forget. Forget that she ever existed, forget that she hurt him, forget that she left, forget that she lied and worst of all forget that he ever loved her.
He went to a quiet, run down bar hoping to drink to forget.
Drink after drink, he slowly forgot about her, forgot the memories he dreaded to think about.
One day you'll get sick of
saying that everything's alright
And by then I'm sure I'll be pretending
Just like I am tonight
He stumbled out of the bar, no memories to remember, no sight.
He called for a taxi and jumped in after giving him his address. The journey was short. He pulled out his keys and tripped onto his doorway. He thought he saw the door open and a women stand over him with a frown but he was pissed and out of his mind, of course this was real. His eye sight was blurry but he was pretty sure this petite, brunette looked a lot like Sara. She helped him up and walked him over to the sofa where he collapsed onto it.
He Blinked a couple of times before realising that Sara Sidle was stood in his front room, the same Sara Sidle that was ment to be miles away, the same Sara Sidle that he was ment to forget and the same Sara Sidle that he should hate right now.
"Sara? What are you doing here?"
She smiled at him while tearing up. "You think I would leave without saying goodbye to my best friend?"
Please don't get me wrong
Because I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you
I don't want to be alone
But now I feel like I don't know you
He smiled before frowning again. "Why are going?"
She knew this answer would come up and she knew she had to tell him, like she did Grissom.
"I can't do this anymore. I have been running my whole life with ghosts on my tail. When I was buried under that car, it was as if they were with me and I realised I have to bury those ghosts. I can't stand being alone and even though i'm not truly alone, it's worse to know that they are my only friends. My friends need to be buried Nick! And I can't do that here."
She had tears streaming down her face and he grimaced.
"Sara, I know you, you are a strong, dedicated women and you are capable of anything. You can bury those ghosts here with me. I'm your friend." He didn't realise he had been crying until she kneeled down infront of him and wiped away the tears.
Let this go, let this go
"Nick, listen to me. You have to let this go, you have to let me go." Her hands were still on his face stroking away invisible tears. "No I can't." He choked out a sob. "I love you." She stopped moving, shocked. When he realised he had infact told her he love her, he didn't tell her again, he kissed her. It was soft, gentle and tender. His soft lips moving against hers.
When he pulled back her eyes were still closed and he rested his head against hers; wanting to know what was going through her head.
She opened her eyes, unshed tears filled them when she saw the pain and fear written on his face.
"I love you too." They both smiled at that but when she frowned again so did he. She looked down not wanting to see the look on his face when she said this. "And that's why I have to leave."
She started to pull away, his hands struggled to keep her there. "No Sara! You can't leave me!" More tears.
She stood up, him straight after her, still trying to get a grasp of her but she just kept pulling away. She just kept whispering 'I'm Sorry' and made her way towards the door, more and more tears falling. Her heart breaking.
But I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you
I don't want to be alone
But now I feel like I don't know you
And before she could even blink, she was gone. He closed the door and kept kicking it until his foot went numb. He slid to the floor, leaning against the closed door, holding his head as if he was in serious pain.
She couldn't do this to him, she couldn't leave and after telling him she loved him.
He stumbled to his feet, walked into his bedroom and fell onto his bed. How did she expect him to live without her?
And I'll never let this go
I can't find the words to tell you
That now I feel like I don't know you
How did he expect him to live? The question haunted him throughout the night, never leaving his mind.
How did she expect him to live?
How did she expect him to live?
How did she expect him to live?
He finally got up, pulled out a notepad and pen.
Dear Sara,
This has got to be the hardest thing I ever do. To have to say goodbye to you, and I doubt
it was easy for you but this is it.
I feel as though I do not need to exist anymore, as no-one needs me
because if anyone truly needed me they would stay with me, tell me they
needed me.
And you left, you told me to let you go as if I would never see you again,
and I can't let you go. You are my hope, my joy, my sunshine and without
you there is only darkness. Know that I loved you and will always, but
imagining a life without you is like imagining a life without laughter and love.
Sara I love you, this is my final goodbye.
You are my true love and I will miss you until the sun stops brightening up
your life.
Goodbye
Her hands shook as she read the letter. "The sun will never be enough to brighten up my life without you, Nick."
She cried silently to herself watching over his grave.
"Goodbye Nick." She placed a rose over his grave and walked away.
She thought she buried all of her ghosts but she left some behind.
Goodbye Nick. Goodbye Sara.