"Finding Out the Truth"
Pairing: Jason/Nate
Genre: Romance
Rating: T
Summary: What exactly where Jason and Nate up to while Shane was at Camp Rock?
Warning: This is slash folks. Like all of my fics, this will be the only warning you get. If you read, then its all on you. Also, depending on how you look at it, this could be considered incest, or Jonascest. You have been warned!!
The first thing you should know about Jason was that he was no where as dumb as he let everyone believe. It was just easier for him to let everyone think he was the stupid one. Less pressure on him to be perfect. He'd leave that to Nate and Shane.
His band mates and best friends. He couldn't remember a time before they were all together. They'd met at Camp Rock three years ago and had been inseparable ever since.
They had all just clicked. Shane's voice went great with the lyrics Nate wrote and the music Jason played. It was like they were all meant to be together.
But this summer was different. This summer it was just himself and Nate. Shane had been sent to Camp Rock. The label had said he needed an attitude adjustment and said he had no say in the matter.
Personally, Jason thought he should have every say in it. But, being the dumb one he kept his mouth shut and never said a word. Shane and Camp was a whole other story and Jason had his own problems to deal with. He didn't have time to worry about whether or not Shane was making it through Camp.
Being the dumb one also meant he was the quiet one. He was never one to start a conversation, not even with Nate or Shane. He knew he could trust them with his problems but he honestly didn't want to bother them.
That's where his problem came into play. You see, Jason had a secret. Something no one knew. Not his parents and not his best friends. And certainly not the record label.
Jason's secret was that he was gay. And in the world today you couldn't be gay and a Rock Star all at the same time. So he never mentioned it, not to anyone.
He'd been keeping it a secret his whole life. He had never felt comfortable enough with anyone to tell them the truth. He'd seen how others were treated once they'd come out and he didn't think he was strong enough to handle it.
So that's why Jason was now in the position he was in. He was in love. He had been for almost two years and it was killing him.
He was almost positive love wasn't supposed to hurt like this. The reason it was hurting so bad was that he couldn't tell said person he loved them. Said person being his best friend and band mate, Nate.
Jason was pulled from his thoughts by a knock on his door. Glancing at the door, he spoke…
"Its open." He said, turning his attention back to the notebook in his lap.
"Dude, what are you doing up here? Its like, an awesome day outside." Nate said as he walked into the room.
Jason's breath caught in his throat. Nate was standing there with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.
"Uh, oh, well, I was just, um writing. Yeah, I was writing." He said, quickly looking away.
"Cool man, can I see?" Nate asked, reaching for the notebook.
"No!" Jason exclaimed, jerking it back.
"Whoa, sorry dude." Nate said.
"Um, I just mean, its not finished yet."
"Oh well, maybe later then. Now, how about you grab some swim trunks and let's hit the pool. Its like a hundred degrees outside, perfect pool weather." Nate smiled at Jason as he spoke.
It literally took Jason's breath away.
"Yeah, sure. I'll be down in a few." Jason said, watching Nate leave the room.
Sighing to himself, he placed his notebook under his mattress, knowing no one would ever think to look there for it.
It wouldn't be such a big deal if it were just song lyrics in his notebook. But there was more, so much more written there that he never wanted anyone to see. All of his secrets, his personal thoughts, his feeling for Nate were in that book and he'd be damned if he'd ever let someone read them. In all honesty, he was scared. Scared of Nate's and everyone else's reactions. He didn't think he'd be able to handle loosing everyone and he knew he would if they ever found out. So, he wrote it all down and hid it away.
Snapping out of his own thoughts, he grabbed his shorts and walked into his bathroom. Changing into his trunks, he made his way downstairs.
Slipping back into his 'oh I love birds' mode, Jason dropped down into a chair next to the pool.
"Sup?" He said, glancing over at Nate. He was sitting in a chair opposite him with a guitar in his lap.
"Huh? Oh, nothing really. Just trying out a few different things." Nate said, not really paying much attention to Jason.
Catching on, Jason turned his attention away from Nate to his blackberry.
"If he's going to ignore me, I might as well find something to distract myself with." Jason thought to himself.
When he knew Jason wasn't look, Nate glanced over at him. There was something going on with Jason and Nate was eager to know just what it was. It wasn't like his best friend to keep secrets from him, but he knew he was. It was obvious from the way he'd reacted when Nate had tried to see his notebook.
"His notebook. Maybe there's something in there that will help me out." Nate thought.
"Hey, Jase. You think we should call Shane and check on him?"
Looking up at Nate, Jason answered.
"Oh yeah! Maybe he'd made me a birdhouse already!" Jason exclaimed, causing Nate to roll his eyes.
Shaking his head, Nate pulled out his cell and dialed Shane's number.
Fifteen minutes later and Nate closed his cell phone.
"Well, he actually sounds ok." Nate stated.
"Yeah, I guess." Jason said, not paying any attention.
Noticing this, Nate figured now was as good a time as any to sneak into Jason's room and look at his notebook.
"Hey, Jase, uh you want anything from the kitchen? I'm gonna go grab a soda."
"Na, man. Thanks anyway." Jason said, never looking up from his cell phone.
"K. Be back in a few." He said. Making his way into the house, he bypassed the kitchen and went up the stairs and into Jason's room.
Closing the door behind him, Nate started looking around for the notebook he'd seen in Jason's hands earlier.
Opening the desk drawers, he lifted up papers and moved things around. He checked in the bathroom, thinking Jason may be odd enough to hide it there.
"Guess not." He thought, making his way back into Jason's room.
Not even stopping to consider how Jason would feel if he knew what Nate was doing, he continued looking.
Dropping down onto the bed, he leaned back and sighed.
"The bed." Jumping up, he lifted the mattress up just enough to feel under it. Grinning, he pulled Jason's notebook out a few seconds later.
Sitting back down on the bed, he flipped open to the first page.
June 5th, 2006
Today I met the coolest guy. I actually bumped right into him before I ever saw him. Great way to start off at Camp.
Nate recognized the date from their first day at Camp Rock. He smiled a little.
"He must be talking about Shane."
After apologizing like crazy, he just smiled at me and stuck his hand out. He said his name was Nate.
"He's talking about me?!" Nate was slightly shocked.
I knew from that moment we were going to be friends. We just clicked.
Skipping to the middle of the book, he started to read more.
October 2nd, 2006
Why can't I just tell them the truth? They're my friends, my family...they have to understand. They'd still love me even if they knew the truth, right?
"What in the world is he talking about?" Nate asked himself.
Skipping a few more pages back, he read some more.
October 15th, 2007
I almost told them today. Almost. I was so close and then Shane had to open his big mouth and shoot it all to hell. I'm so tired of pretending to be stupid. Its not me. Why can't everyone just take me serious for once. I tried to tell them. I had the words on the tip of my tongue and Shane called me and 'idiot' and told me to shut up. He's not the same person he was when we met 2 years ago. I just don't understand him anymore.
"What's he talking about? 'Pretending'?"
Nate knew he should stop, but the more he tried the harder he found it to look away from the words. This was not the Jason he knew. His Jason was a shy, goof ball who only spoke up when he was trying to be funny. The person's words he was reading seemed so much different. Like he hardly knew them.
March 9th, 2008
DAMNIT!
Was as far as Nate got. He was shocked. He'd never heard Jason cuss before, even if it was written down.
I'M SICK AND TIRED OF PLAYING DUMB. I'M 20 YEARS OLD FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.
-deep breath-
Ok, I think I've calmed down enough to write now. I'm just over it. Over everything. My life, my family, my friends, the band.
So, today I get a call from my mom and she's freaking out. Turns out, she got a call from her sister who informed her that her daughter, Kacy, just came out to them. Turns out she'd bi and has a girlfriend. Kacy would be my older cousin. She's 22 and lives in TN. Mom was hysterical. And mad. They were all do mad. That's when I knew. I could never tell them the truth. It would kill them.
I guess this is one secret that dies with me. Dear Diary, my name's Jason and I'm gay.
Nate was so shocked he dropped the book.
"What?" He said out loud. "Gay? Jason's gay? Wait, what?" Nate was beyond confused.
Reaching down he picked the notebook back up and opened to a new date. Today's date.
September 4th, 2008
He's perfect and he'll never know it. I see the way he looks at himself when he doesn't think anyone is looking. He's young, I know, but he's perfect. Why can't he see it?
Nate's hands started to shake.
He's outside right now, probably working on a new hit song. I wish I could tell him. I want him to know. I want to tell him so I can finally breath easy again. I know love isn't supposed to feel this way. Love is supposed to be what makes the world go 'round.
I love him. God, it actually feels good to write it down. I've wanted to tell him so many times over the past 2 years but every time I try I always stop myself. I'm scared. He'll hate me when he finds out. I just know he will.
How am I supposed to keep acting like this, knowing how much I love him. How much he means to me. He's still so young. I feel so old when I look at him. I know being 21, almost 22 isn't that old, but when I see him, him and his 17 years of life, I know I could never tell him. He has so much potential and I would only get in his way.
All I want is for him to be happy. He deserves it. As long as he's happy, then I guess I should be too. At least I have this notebook to write it all down in.
So, here it is, one last time...I'm in love with Nate Black. Too bad I'll never tell him.
There was more, but Nate never got a chance to read it. Before he even had time to try and hide the book, the door to Jason's room swung open.
There was Jason, eye's huge, mouth hung open in shock. Nate could see him start to shake.
"Na...Nate? What are you doing?" Jason stumbled slightly over his words.
Dropping the notebook once more, Nate jumped up from the bed, almost like he'd been burned.
"Jason, uh, I was just...um..." Nate had no clue what to say. He knew he was caught and there was no use trying to lie. He didn't want to lie to Jason anyway, not after what he'd just read.
"Nate, no. Please, tell me you didn't." Jason pleaded. He saw his notebook lying on the bed where Nate had just been sitting.
He felt sick to his stomach.
"God, please don't let him have read it all." He silently prayed.
"Jason, I'm sorry. I just..."
"You just what, Nate? Thought you could come into my room and read my private thoughts?" Jason was angry, Nate could tell.
"Jase, listen, you have every right to be mad at me, but just hear me out, please."
"Why? Why should I? You, you were just reading my, well, my diary. How can you have an excuse for that?"
"No. No, I don't have an excuse. I was just curious. I wanted to see what you were hiding before."
"So, you sneak up here and look at it behind my back? Nate, how could you?"
"Jason, I'm sorry, but please, let me explain."
Pushing past Nate, Jason picked up his notebook. Seeing the page it was opened to, he gasped.
"No." He whispered. Turning to face Nate, his voice trembling, Jason spoke.
"Please, Nate, tell me you didn't read today's date. Tell me you read every other page in here, just not today's." Jason begged, already knowing his answer.
"I...Jason, I..." That was all Jason needed to hear. Without saying a word, he walked over to his closet and pulled out his overnight bag.
Nate was stunned.
"Jason, what are you doing?" He asked.
"I'm leaving." He said, while throwing his clothes into the bag.
"What? Why? Listen, Jason, I'm sorry but you can't leave. We have to talk about this." He said.
"No. We don't and we aren't. You read it. What else is there to talk about? Now you know. Its not like there's anything to be done about it.
I'll make this a lot easier on all of us. I'll just leave. Its my life and my problem. Not yours and not Shane's. Being gay is my problem. I'm sorry." Jason said, zipping his bag closed. He turned to make his way out of the room when Nate's hand on his arm stopped him.
"Jason, you can't just leave! We have to talk about this." He said.
"There's nothing to talk about. You know it all. Now, please, just let me go so I can..." Jason never got the chance to finish his sentence. Nate's lips on his silenced them both.
Shocked beyond anything, Jason stood frozen to his spot while Nate continued to kiss him. Melting into the feeling of Nate's lips, Jason dropped his bag to the floor. Grabbing Nate by the back of his neck, he smashed his lips harder down onto Nate's.
Nate's hands moved up Jason's chest and around his neck. The more they kissed, the more the both became lost in each other. It was like nothing neither boy had ever felt before.
Not having a choice, they finally broke apart, both gasping for breath.
Jason leaned his forehead down onto Nate's, still trying to catch his breath.
"Nate, what the hell was that?" He asked, still slightly gasping.
"That was a kiss, Jason. There's no need to play dumb anymore." He smiled.
Jason just rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, Nate, I got that it was a kiss. What I meant was, why did you kiss me?"
"Because its something I've wanted to do for a very long time." Nate pulled back and smiled at Jason. He saw the shock on his friends face at hearing those words.
"No. What? You're joking."
Nate laughed.
"Nope. I'm afraid not. I've wanted to kiss you for a while now. I just never thought you'd want to kiss me back. Imagine my shock at reading your words. They matched how I felt almost exactly."
"Nate, please, I'm a little confused here. Since when are you even gay?" He asked.
"I'm not. I'm bi. Have been my whole life. Just never thought it was important enough to tell. My parents know and that's about it. They're fine with it. Its just not something I dwell on." He said, matter of factly.
"But how can you not?" Jason asked.
"Simple. Its not that big a deal. I just wish you could have trusted me enough to tell me your secret. Believe me when I say, I would have understood."
"But..." Jason started. Nate interrupted.
"No, Jason, no buts. Let me make this perfectly clear for you..." He started before reaching up and placing a much softer kiss on Jason's lips.
"...I'm in love with you, Jason. I have been for a while now. Never, in all my years did I think you would return my feelings. Is what you wrote true? Are you in love with me?" Nate asked, never breaking eye contact.
Taking a deep breath, Jason answered.
"Yes. Its true. God, Nate, I love you. I'm in love with you." Jason finally said, the world's biggest grin plastered on his face.
"Good. Because I love you too and nothing is going to keep us apart now."
"What are you saying?" Jason asked.
"Jase, I'm asking you to be my boyfriend." Nate smiled his million dollar smile and Jason knew he'd never be able to deny him anything.
"You're serious?" He asked.
"I never been more serious about anything in my life. I know labels are cheesy and girly, but I really don't care. Now that I know how you feel, I'm not letting you get away. So, how about it?"
Looking down at Nate, Jason could only smile.
"I've never wanted anything more. So yes, I'll be your boyfriend."
Instead of saying more, Nate reached up and pulled Jason into another kiss. This one just as passionate as their first. Smiling into the kiss, Jason pulled back.
"What? What are you smiling about, Jase?" Nate asked.
"Just imagining how Shane's gonna react when he finds out."
Grinning, Nate pulled Jason's lips back to his. Both boys lost in each other. Neither caring about anything or anyone else. They finally had each other.
Seems finding out the truth wasn't as bad as they'd thought.
A/N: Yes, I know. Parts of this, if not the whole thing, is very cheesy. Everyone's entitled at least one cheesy piece of fiction, right?! -grin- If you want, leave a review. Whether you loved it, hated it, whatever. Just review. :)