This one hasn't been beta'd yet. But whenever I get it back from JEN-SVU I'll edit it again (:

Summary; just a little look on Olivia thoughts about the past 5 years. It's just a short one-shot, but it popped into my head and wouldn't leave. It invited itself into my word document.

Time period; it play's about 5 years from the current time the show is in.

Disclaimer; *sight* if we could just get Dick Wolf to…. Hmmm, naah to aggressive it wouldn't work, well we could also... *scratches head* well while thinking of a none violent and completely legally way to claim Law and order SVU and all it's characters, you just got to handle the 'I just borrowed them for a little while' way.

AU. and slight E/O at the end.

Darkness. It had been a long time since Olivia Benson had felt calm without the feeling of suffocating being present while being in a dark room.

She watched her hands while they stroked the little girls dark brown curly hair. Olivia had felt the need to walk in to the light purple girls room, every night she'd caught herself checking up on her, just to know for sure the girl would still be breathing. Today, the 20th of July 2015, it had been exactly 4 years and 8 and a halve months since she'd gotten pregnant. And she still remembered how it'd all happened.

As in many situations it had been a one night stand, a situation you hear of many people but never expect to happen on you. Olivia had never been a person of one night stands, but that night she had wanted to forget, forget about everything. And she had gotten pregnant. In first she was terrified, terrified that she would lose herself, terrified that she would be like her mother and unable to handle her child. But she also had been out of words on how extremely happy she was. She'd finally get the chance to start a family on her own. She'd told the man in person that she'd gotten pregnant (after pulling some strings and finally finding the man of which she had only had a first name) and told him she wanted to keep the baby. He had laughed at her, telling her she would never manage it on her own. He, like many other mans, had walked out on her.

On the other hand, she'd gotten so much support of her colleges, more than she had expected. Of course she'd told Elliot first, he was, and still is, her best friend and she knew he would support her in whatever she did. But to her surprise all her colleges, and friends, had supported her in every way they could. She'd chose colours for the baby room, bought baby clothes (although she didn't knew the sex yet) and chosen a crib with Casey and Alex. Fin and (to her big surprise) Cragen had painted the whole room and Elliot had been to every doctors appointment with her. After hearing a lot of 'yada yada' from Munch he'd taken her for ice cream every Thursday evening during the whole pregnancy, which was a big plus for Olivia since her appetite had grown largely.

She remembered the horrible case during her pregnancy and how she'd gotten trough it because of her, now known, daughter. Giles Hankel had gotten into their life's and destroyed pretty much all that they loved. It was the crucial case in which Elliot had lost his wife. Olivia had been 4 months pregnant and remembered thinking that the baby inside of her was the only thing Hankel would never be able to hurt. After Hankel had killed Kathy Elliot had gone through a dark period, but no matter how depressed he had been, he'd never stopped taking Olivia to her doctors appointments. He wasn't as much as a support anymore as he had been before what had happened, but Olivia understood that completely and knew he needed some time to le tit all sink in. but after a while he'd become more 'smileyer'(even if that isn't a word) and he'd been happier.

After she found out the sex of her child (when she'd been about 3 months pregnant) she remembered thinking 'with Elliot, Fin , Munch and Cragen as fathers, this girl would never had a fair chance on dating!'. But she decided she wasn't gonna think about that yet for, let's say, about 16 years. When she's gotten home from her appointment her whole apartment had been filled with her colleges all eager to know if their little family would be complemented with a little boy or girl. Ava Paityn Benson.

After birth she'd taken some time of, and hadn't been really thrilled to go back to work, not wanting to leave her little girl with a stranger. But it had gotten much easier when Elliot had gotten Ava in with Eli's old babysitter.

And than there had been the relationship between her and Elliot which had become more romantically and intimate since Ava had been born.

And now, exactly 4 years and 8 and a halve months later she felt relieved, relieved that she had that one night stand, relieved that she hadn't committed abortion, relieved that she'd gotten Ava. Just as she felt two arms, belonging to the still sleepily Elliot Stabler, slip around her waist from behind she saw the eyes of the little girl in front of her fluttering and slightly slip open.

"happy birthday little girl" she smiled "5 years already…"

FIN.

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