Disclaimer: I dont own any Naruto characters, but my friends owns herself! aka. Kizu
I be Tobi and Hidan
Kizu being herself, Deidara, Zetsu, Itachi
Kizu: -picks up phone and dials Tobi's number-
Sasuke: -picks his cell phone-
Kizu: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! Oh-oh shit. Sorry wrong number! -hangs up-
-dials TOBI'S number-
Tobi: Helloo.??? -picks up his phone-
Kizu: TESTICLES!!!!! 3
Tobi: Wha-wha-what?????
Kizu: BALLZ!!!
Tobi: WHAT IN THE NAME OF PIZZA???? KIZU!!!!
Kizu: cough cough I meant.. How's manwoman? Has he/she reached his/her menstrual cycle yet?
Tobi: Oh, you mean Deidara-Senpai?
Kizu: No I mean the king of monkey testicles.. OF COURSE I'm talking about Dei-chan!
Tobi: Whats a menesicalax cickle?
Kizu: Tobi tobi tobi... A menstrual cycle is when a girl starts biting off people's heads for no apparent reason at all and starts having cramps in her stomache as if she's gonna die:)
Tobi: Well... Senpai blows people up and tries to blow me up for no reason, so yes,, I guess he has. D
Kizu: (O O) THE TIME HAS COME!!!!!! I'LL BE RIGHT OVER!!! -hangs up on Tobi-
Tobi: Uhh... ookkay... -puts his phone away and stands motionless-
Kizu: Tobiiiii!!! How's my best bud?? -hugs Tobi- PENISS!!! cough cough Where's Sempai?
Tobi: I donno... but I have a question...
Kizu: What is it?
Tobi: -looks at Kizu with his one eye, and tilts his head to one side slightly- Has Tobi been a good boy...?
Deidara: -stomps out the front door with nothing but a towel on- YOU FUTHERMUCKER!! YOU USED MY SHAMPOO!!! I'M ALMOST OUT!!
Tobi: -looks at his half naked Senpai and blushes slightly:- What??? The flowery smelling one? -Tobi holds back laughter then looks back at Kizu, still expecting an answer from his earlier question-
Deidara: No Tobi, the stuff that smells like Konan's ASS!! Yes, MY BERRY SMOOTHIE!!!
Kizu: -in small voice- What do you think Konan's ass DOES smell like, hmm..? -eyes Deidara suspiciously- He-loooo, Mr. Smexy.
Tobi: -looks at Deidara and notices him getting red with what looked to be blushing and anger- WAAA!!!! -Tobi jumps off of the stairs and takes off down the road, shouting- "DONT HURT TOBI!! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!!!!"
Deidara: Like I would ever bother un.. Dumbass.. -stomps off back into the house-
Kizu: Now what is THIS treatment?!?! I aint done nothin'! ...I want some ramen!
Tobi: -Sneaks around to the back of the house, crawls on the roof, and angles himself so he is lined with Kizu He pounces off the roof, tackling Kizu shouting- "SNEAK-A-BOO NO JUTSU!!!"
Kizu: UUAAAHHH!! -pauses and snickers as Deidara's voice can be heard from inside the house-
Deidara: DAMN SONOFA MONKEY SCHMUCKIN'!!!!!
Kizu: Hehe.. He burned himself with the straightener..(ish completely oblivious to Tobi on top of her:))
Tobi: -Snuggles Kizu and gives her big hugs. Laughing all the same-
Kizu: Tobi is a good boy...I guess.
Deidara: Kizu! Would it kill ya to help me straighten my hair?!?! God! I swear un!
Hidan out of nowhere: Nowone curses his name except for me!!! PRAISE THE MUFFINZZ!!!!
Kizu: Well Ex CUSE ME, Mr. All People Must Bow Down to My Transvestite Sexiness! You hadn't ASKED The first time! -fangirl sences tingling, reallizing the oppertunity to be near Deidara, Kizu jumps up and trots inside-
Tobi: -Stares at Hidan, and walks over to him-
Hidan: Looks down at Tobi- What do you want? you swirly fuck?
Tobi: -holds his arms up toward Hidan, like a child wating to be picked up.- Hug?
Hidan: ... fuck you... -walks past Tobi, leaving him still in the arms up posistion. Practically froze in disheartedness-
Kizu: -has just finished straightening Deidara's hair- You know.. You're not supposed to burn YOURSELF. That's EMO SASUKE'S thing.
Deidara: It's not like I did it on purpose un.
Kizu: ...Have you been getting any pain in your lower abdomen lately?
Deidara: A little.. Why you ask such a stupid question?
Kizu: You have a really bad attitude problem too.
Deidara: I thought I was always like that.-gets theory in his head for Kizu's questions are all about- Just WHAT are you getting at..?
Kizu: I think you're on your period!
Deidara: HOW IN KAMISAMA's NAME IS THAT EVEN REMOTELY POSSIBLE?!?!?!?!!?!! That CAN'T be it!!
Kizu: (all smiles) Dunno
Kizu and Deidara: -Walk into the kitchen where Zetsu is making a sandwhich-
Tobi: -stares at the ground, talking to his dark self.(Madara)- "He doesnt care..." "Tobi likes PIE!!!!" " Err... sigh wake me up when I'm needed." "Sure thing."
Zetsu's White Side: Hi, wanna sammich?
Zetsu's Black side: Fggoff these'reminebitches!!
Tobi: -walks in and jumps on Zetsu's shoulders- HI ZETSU-SAN!!
Both of Zetsu's sides: Get offa me!!
Deidara: Honestly, Tobi, must you glomp everything that moves?
Tobi: umm,... Yes.
Deidara: -shrugs- I got nothin'...
Kizu: Sooooooooo..-five minutes later-.. Oooooooooooo
Tobi????? Why you sayin "Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"
Kizu: -ish busy poking a very disturbed Dei-chan- Cuz I wanna
Tobi: -walks up to DeiDei ad moves his mask to the side, so only Dei can see his face and KISSES him-
Deidara!?!?!? The FUCK, TOBI?!?!! -tries to get horrible bubblegum taste out of his mouth-
Tobi: You were in lala land. -slides mask back on right- And you tried doing that a few days ago. But I was a sleepin...
Deidara: -glares at Tobi- NOT a word..! You said you wouldn't! -tackles Tobi to the ground knocking his mask off-
Hidan: -walks in through the front door just in time to see Deidara on top of Tobi in a... quite questioning position- What in Jashin-Sama's Name???? I didnt know you had it in you Dei Dei Chan... You really should convert.
Zetsu Both sides: -walk out of the room quite disturbed and mumbling to eachother-.
Deidara: -immediately jumps up and flips off Hidan- Oh fuck you! Why don't you just go decapitate yourself, Reaping Rapist!
Tobi: SEE KIZU-SAN!! DEIDARA SENPAI TRIED IT AGAIN!!!!!
Kizu: . . .O O Wow... Nyaaaaa!!! It really IS TRUE Deidara DOES have feelings for Tobi!!
Hidan: Woa... Holy fuckin Jashin Sama! You are a gay rapist!!!! You REALLY need to convert!!!!
Deidara: CONVERT TO THIS!!!!! -punches Hidan in the face but Hidan's head goes off flying, smacking Zetsu in the back of the head while he's trying to leave-.
Hidan: FFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tobi: Wow... -jumps up and hides behind Kizu, whimpering and giving the big puppy eye.-
Kizu: What do you want me to do about it?
Tobi: S-save meh!
Kizu: From who-- or better yet WHAT?
Tobi: From that blond MICHELE JACKSON!!!
Kizu: No...You...Didn't..!! -clasps hand over Tobi's mouth before he could start babbling incoherently again, Notices Deidara glaring daggers in their direction- Now you've done it..! -Silently sidles away, leaving Tobi to protect himself against the blond's wrath-
Tobi: -Tobi's knees shake and knock against eachother and he puts his hands in front of his face, as if trying shield himself from any blows he might recieve-
Deidara: (An EVIL MUTHAFUCKA D) TOBIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -grabs him by the collar and is ready to strike Tobi right in the face-
Tobi: -quivers and shakes, whimpering and chibi crying. He moves his hands away to show a glistening, wide and fearful eye staring at Deidara, pleading for mercy.- D-dont hurt meh Senpai.. T-tobi is a good boy..
Deidara: Sempai knows Tobi is a good boy. -puts on innocent act-
Hidan: Holy fuck! I'm missing the god damn fight! Move my head over there you over grown sized plant! FUCK!
Zetsu's white side: Th-that's not very nice (
Zetsu's black side: Well FUHDAT! -swallows hidan's head in one gulp JASHIN BELCH- Mmmm.. -Is suddenly feeling sick and barfs, sending Hidan's head flying across the room again.-
-Hidan's Head Meraculaously lands back on Hidan's shoulders- Shit head...
Tobi: A-are, d-do you really mean it Senpai? -stares, his eye still wide and fearful-.
Deidara: Of COURSE. -still smiling innocently suddenly picks up Tobi bridal style, and is about to kiss him, but prolonging the moment-
Tobi: -thinks Deidara is about to kiss him and ponders- Why are you holding Tobi and are REALLY close??
Deidara: Because... I love you... -moves in for the kiss, eyes closed-
Tobi: S-senpai? Really??
Deidara: Yeah.
Tobi: Really Really?
Deidara: -eyes shoot open and a smirk plays across his face- Dream on, dumbass. -Drops Tobi on the ground and stomps off to his room-
Tobi: -sits and chibi cries-
Hidan: HA! Better luck next year you dumbass. Ahhnnn... I gotta go do a ritual. I'll need a virgin. Tobi, come on! -picks up his scyth and points it at Tobi.-
Kizu: -NINJA POOF- WAIT!!! Who said Tobi was a VIRGIN!! I've got some pretty naughty pics of him with Dei-chan! -holds up gay porno pics- They're really quite revealing... -holds photos at arms length-
Tobi: -stares at the pix and yells- MADARA!!!!!!!!!
Kizu: -allofasudden takes on a snake form and slithers away- You didn't see anything.
Hidan: Tobi still looks innocent. Come on, we'll just see if you are a virgin. And if your not, oh well. I'll be sure to get my kicks.
Tobi: But you get your kicks with all the dead people in the basement?
Hidan: But I need to start with a live one. And thats the second part of teh ritual, dumb-shit.
Tobi: -his eyehole glows red, and the mengekyu sharingan forms.- Your fucked now, bitch.
Kizu: -ANOTHER NINJA POOF- Hey hey hey. It's FAAT ALBERT! -runs into Itachi's room where many different streams of obscenities come soon after-
Itachi: GTFO, YOU RETARD!!!
Kizu: NUUUUUUZZ!!!!! -chibi sob, clinging to Itachi's legs-
Tobi: -Looks into Hidan's eyes and Hidan's mind is sent to Tsukiyomi.- You will now suffer for 96 hours.
Hidan: Ha! I love pain.
Tobi: Hoho! But this is a different kind of pain. -raises his arms up and gospel music starts playing-
Hidan: No, no, noo!!! THIS IS NOT MY GOD! JASHIN SAMA! HELP ME!!!
Tobi: -Laughs evily time skip- Tobi's back!!!!! -his sharingan fades away looks over at Hidan, who is on the floor KOed.-
Deidara: Soo.. Hidan dissed your alter ego, eh? -steps out from the doorway, arms folded-
Tobi: He did wha--? He sure to fucking hell did! And you try any shit you'll get it too!
Deidara: Back off, you damned Uchiha! I'm NOT in the mood! I was merely talking to your host. -stomps over to Tobi/Madara- So BUTT OUT!!
Tobi: -Tobi takes over and sends Madara back to the shadow realm(OOOOOO!!! YUGIOH!!!)- How is Senpai now?
Deidara: ...Never better! -cough- sarcasm -cough-
Tobi: Uhh... Senpai???
Deidara: Whaaaatt??
Tobi: Do you hate Tobi?
Deidara: -feeling the need to be honest for a change- Sometimes... But that happens with everyone. Havn't you ever hated someone for something they did- or been really mad?
Tobi: Umm... I get mad sometimes, but not for long.
Deidara: See, I knew you weren't that du-- DID YOU JUST SAY "I"?! -freaked out stance-
Tobi: Yeah, I did. -pushes mask to the side, showing half his face smiling-
Deidara: That's a first!
Tobi: Tobi is glad Senpai! -pushes mask back and glomps Deidara-
Deidara: -falls to the floor- ACK! -Looks up and notices Kizu in the farthest corner of the ceiling, getting ready to pounce on a spider- WHAT THE FRENCH, YOU STALKER?! -angery again, he picks up Tobi by the collar and gets ready to throw him at her-
Tobi: Senpai???
Deidara: Too late!! -Throws Tobi-
Tobi: -goes flying and knocks Kizu off the ceiling. They both come crashing down, Kizu on top-
Tobi: Senpai! -crawls from under Kizu, anime crying-
Hidan: -wakes up- WHAT IN THE NAME OF JASHIN SAMA THE MUFFIN KING WAS THAT?!?!?!
Deidara: I threw Tobi at Kizu because of her stalkful nature.
Hidan: Oh... well... fuck. -gets up and walks out of house- I need to get started on my ritual. See ya.
Kizu: -In a 'what the hell?!' voice- What the french, Toast?!?! You can't say fuck without saying WHAT it is!!!
Deidara: Stupid random bitch...-walks to the fridge-
Tobi: -stands up and brushes himself off.-
Deidara: -Had been examining the fridge looking for something and gets a very shocked expression- Where's my RUM!?!?!
END PART 1:D