Pick-Up Lines
Story Title: Pick-Up Lines
Story Summary: House uses pick up lines to get himself out of trouble with Cuddy.
Genre: Humor/Romance
Chapter Focus: #969 of 1000 Theme Challenge, "Worst Pick-Up Lines"
Chapter Rating: T
Word Count: 790+
Spoilers: None.
Author's Starting Notes: Going through the list as normal, I saw that one of them was "Worst Pick-Up Lines". Instantly, I thought of House and Cuddy, because it just felt like them. This was made as a joke, and I didn't make up any of the pick-up lines below. I hope you enjoy it, and if you do (even if you don't), I'd love to hear your comments.
Time Stamp: Posted 19th of January 2009 (Go Martin Luther King Jr.!)
(#969)
"House!"
"Poof! I'm here now. What are your other two wishes?"
"Smart doctors who don't waste my time?"
"I think that violates the guidelines. How about something sexier? Like, a night with the genie?"
"I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last man on Earth."
"But I'm a genie, remember?"
"House, I just saw the charges for your department last month. What were you thinking?"
"I don't know, Cuddy. I just got so distracted by what you were wearing. Is that top felt?"
"No, House."
"Would you like it to be?"
"Ha, very funny. Now, about these bills. Three hundred dollars on collect calls, nine hundred for bail money, three-thousand in law suits, twenty-two hundred on-"
"Damn, sugar, slow down! I'm diabetic."
"No, you're not. You're just an egotistical diagnostician with too much time on his hands."
"That's not the only thing in my hands."
"…"
"That didn't come out right."
"Oh, I'm sure that one came out fine, House."
"Don't call me that."
"Why not?"
"Not my name."
"Then what is your name?"
"Milk, 'cause I do a body good. No, no, take that again. I've got a better one."
"I'm not going to play this game with you, House."
"Oh, come on, please."
"What's your name, House?"
"Elmo. And, you can tickle me all you want!"
"…"
"Don't get mad, Cuddy. I'm just a pirate looking for some booty."
"I think your Vicodin could cover any needs you have, and then some."
"You know, if you were a pill, I'd overdose any day."
"You'd overdose on pancakes if it was possible."
"You're no fun."
"I'm not supposed to be. This is a hospital-"
"Your body is Wonderland, and I'm Alice. Shall we go down the rabbit hole tonight?"
"Do you have a book of these or something?"
"I'm all original, just like your beauty, Cuddles."
"Can you get these out of your system so we can have a serious discussion?"
"I could never have a serious discussion with you."
"Why not?"
"Because you smell. Let's go take a shower and we'll talk later."
"That one was just sad."
"Care to make me happy?"
"Not a hooker."
"Your lips say no, but your outfit just screams yes."
"My outfit-"
"Is hideous! You should take it off right now."
"House, shut up."
"How about instead we just make like fabric softener and snuggle?"
"Or you could act like a responsible adult and pay your bills."
"Didn't you know? Drug addicts don't pay bills. Too busy spending their money on drugs. Not sure how much that usually costs, maybe I should ask Thirteen…"
"Are you done with the lines now?"
"Yeah, I think I'm out of the good ones."
"None of them were good."
"You hear about the dragon in Huupantz?"
"Dragon in Huupantz?"
"My pants!"
"Uhhh. Forget it, forget it, just go play your GameBoy."
"Okay, but Cuddy, I really hope that the rest of your day is as radiant as your smile."
"Go to hell."
"I thought we couldn't sleep together anymore though."
"Ha, been there, done that, got the T-shirt."
"Want a matching pair of hickeys? They come with the buy lunch, get laid free package."
"GameBoy, you, now."
"I'm like a video game, you can play with me all day."
"And I'm like your boss, I can fire you."
"I think you mean you can… um… damn. Bosses just aren't sexy enough to have something go with them."
"Bosses aren't sexy?"
"Never."
"What about me?"
"What about you?"
"I'm a boss."
"You're an administrator."
"Same deal."
"Not same deal. They are two very different things. Bosses have to know what the hell they're doing. Administrators just wear slutty clothes and prance around."
"Thank you, House, for making me feel so great."
"I'd make you feel greater if you stayed over tonight."
"I love the approach. Now, let's see the departure."
"This plane runs on beauty, babe. I'm all sky high in your presence."
"That one just earned you clinic duty."
"But I thought I got a get out of jail free card, you know. 'Do not pass clinic. Do not collect STD-tests.'"
"Your card looks more like: 'Do not go home. Do not collect James Wilson.'."
"I always hated Monopoly."
"And I always hated pick-up lines."
"I know, that's why I used them."
"You're an ass."
"I know."
"You still have clinic duty."
"I know that too."
"And, you can pick me up at eight."
"Sweet."
"On the day all your clinic time is paid off."
"Damn."
"You might want to get started."
"This would go quicker if you took off some hours."
"Like you aren't going to unload it on the others anyway."
"True."
"See you later, House."
"See you at eight, Cuddy."
© Everything written above belongs to me (FF user, Paint Me a Symphony). If somebody is out there pushing this as their own, they are lying. I may not own House M.D, or its characters, but I do own this.