soccer in the rain, a digimon fanfic

Title: Soccer in the Rain
Characters/Pairings: Daisuke, Jun, Iori, others implied
Summary: Full circle and then some.
Notes: written for mathkid at livejournal at the digimonexchange community. Prompts were soccer, teamwork, loss; optional items were soccer, teamwork, loss.

Daisuke likes playing soccer when it's raining, mud sloshing, slipping, diving, smoosh-smoosh when you step, ball going everywhere. It's more fun, dirtier, more exhilarating, and he has often gone out to kick the ball by himself when it's pouring (which is a habit that worries his mother and makes Jun turn her nose up when he walks in).

Soccer is Daisuke's—is, well, his everything. He had been, was, is? the odd kid out, the one without friends, sitting in the corner at lunchtime. Occasionally people would join him, but he felt like they pitied him more than actually liked him, and that almost hurt even worse (but not quite, because, you know, company is always good to have).

But then he joined soccer club and suddenly he belonged. His teammates may not have always liked Daisuke The Person, but they sure did like Daisuke The Player, and that was more than enough for him, really.

Daisuke draws the inevitable conclusion that playing soccer and being a Chosen Child are so similar that it is uncanny. Mostly, he thinks, it has to do with The Feeling, the belonging, the happiness, but there also is the teamwork—that's the base of saving the Digital World together and winning a game—plus, now, he's team captain (or leader, whatever) of both.

It's ridiculous, Daisuke knows, that he has been dealt such a good card in life—he has two opportunities to be with people who love and accept him that he loves, doing freaking great, amazing things.

He remembers finding a squirrel dead, lying on the ground, not breathing, still, still still. He must have been, oh, four or five at the time, so he picked it up, crying his eyes out, and ran to his mother, who had reacted as any respectable woman would have and screamed her head off.

"Oh Daisuke, that's gross, could be disease-ridden, you could get sick, it's just a squirrel, what were you thinking?"

Tears came harder and it was, oddly enough, Jun who had realized exactly what he needed. She helped him dig a little hole in the park by a nice tree and give the squirrel a small but satisfying funeral. The little white flowers, crumpled and dry, lying on the tree, that has always been one of his most vivid memories, with Jun singing some weird funeral song (maybe from a TV show?) in the background.

Then they went home and his mother made him take three showers.

(he didn't get any diseases)

Simple truth: Nobody can stay happy forever.

or so he's heard.

It's eeriely quiet, and that's what sticks out the most. That and well, the fact that he has dirt down his pants and it's kind of uncomfortable. But the silence really bothers him, because between himself and V-mon, they really should be talking each other's ears off.

He tries to think I'm the luckiest person ever, but being a Chosen doesn't seem so great when the mission to destroy the Control Spire goes down like this, him V-Mon ending up stuck in a freaking cave. He hasn't gotten a response from anybody yet, though he's sent out two emails, so he is stuck, in the quiet, for an indefinite period of time. And he's, you know, bleeding in a few places, and bruised in many more.

His life actually kind of seems to suck right now. But that's not right at all, because being a Chosen is awesome and that's all there is to it.

The ground of the soccer field smooshes between his feet, but the sun is out and he kind of hates it. He isn't sure what he wants the weather to be like (not sure what he wants at all anymore, period, really), but he's frustrated and alone and he hates it because he can.

Soccer, he thinks, was a stupid analogy. stupid-stupid-stupid. He'd misunderstood the Digital World, soccer, life, whatever. Misunderstood it completely. Soccer is a game. Fun and amazing (when he's not being so negative, that is), but it still is a game, and the Digital World is real.

Soccer is easy. You have your position, you play, you win or lose, whatever. It's different when the people are real and there are things at stake. There are injuries and losses and all sorts of blurred lines and messes.

He's tired on all levels—emotionally, physically, everything. He wants to go to sleep for a very long time and not deal with anything, because he's sick of getting battered and beaten up and seeing his best friends' lives at stake on a daily basis. And he's tired of not letting it show because of duty or obligations or whatever. Being a leader sucks.

That's what he's doing right now—attempting to forget, or at least get his mind together. Soccer has always been good stress relief for him, so maybe... He kicks the ball hard at the goal.

He misses.

But then there's that point where you just have to start going uphill again.

Hikari asks him to pick up her pictures and he obviously goes and does it, because it is Hikari, after all.

And then obviously he has to look at them, because he is Daisuke and he does that sort of completely awful, nosy thing.

And before you know it, there he is, looking at one of the photos and crying, crying, crying.

They're all there—the new Chosen and Digimon—sitting. And that's really it. Just sitting, with soft smiles or contented expressions. They haven't just won a battle or beaten some enemy, it isn't a party, it's just a moment in the Digital World.

And that's when Daisuke realizes that yes, it is worth it—worth the fatigue and the stress and the pain, because oh, there they all are, together.

That's what he's fighting for.

There is a dead baby bird on the ground, and Daisuke looks at it with a feeling of disconected sadness. He's past the stage of full-out depression due to the inevitable death of a wild animal, but apparently Iori is not, considering how the kid is next to him, bawling his eyes out.

This reaction is so completely out-of-character for Iori that all Daisuke can do is blink at him at first. Iori is probably the most mature person he knows, and here he is acting his age. Freaky.

But once he can process the cataclysmic event occurring in front of him, Daisuke realizes that Iori is still a kid and maybe he just needs to act like it every once in a while. So Daisuke half-smile and pats Iori softly on the head, and they have a little funeral for the poor bird.

It isn't till after Iori is home and he's heading there himself that he thinks of Jun's off-key voice and dirt between his fingers from an earlier even in his life. Maybe, if he was anyone else, he'd see symbolism there, but all Daisuke does is smile at the memory (and he'd almost forgotten that Jun used to be nice to him).

In the end (well, not really the end, because nothing has really ended yet, only come full circle and then some), Daisuke finds it—himself, happiness, everything. He has his fair share of unhappiness, sure, but he is Daisuke, as it is, and loves life and all it brings (he'd lost that unwavering optimism for a while, but he's glad he's gotten it back).

Daisuke's life is full of up's, down's, dirt, fun, losses, wins, exhiliration.

Soccer in the rain.

end.