Sprout to Saviour
Disclaimer: PvZ is far too cool to belong to me (although some of the puns do seem like things I might have come up with).
Cultivation
Crazy Dave was certifiably insane and revelled in it. His kitchenware hat was a favourite accessory since before he even knew zombies existed.
Another practical advantage of raving lunacy was a...special talent for morticulture. Crazy Dave was the first customer of Bloom and Doom Seed Co, and with the size of his estate, the cost required to fully kit it with vegetable defenders was enough to kickstart the business and allow it to supply to all local homeowners.
In the zombie invasions that followed, some of the residents lost their brains and livelihoods to the ceaseless horde, but many others successfully repelled the threat. Increasingly, just the right plants for the people were available, trumping Zomboss' ability to outfit new units. Zomboss never could track down the corporate leaders and take them out of business - too many places to be, too many minions to oversee - and then the idea struck him.
He still had a surplus of brains, some abandoned buildings for space and his degree in thanatology. Immediately, Zomboss set to work ordering his shambling lackeys to build the Zomboss Academy, a special institution for training elite strike forces clever enough to bring artillery into the battlefield, easily outmanoeuvring static lawn guards.
Fortunately, Bloom and Doom Seed Co. professionally thought outside the box. Throughout suburbia, a grapevine network intercepted any information it encountered and took it into headquarters. As a result, Bloom and Doom Seed Co. was informed in advance of this movement, and began their own experiments. Through tireless labour, they eventually produced four seedlings and handed them to Crazy Dave on the house for a test drive.
Crazy Dave was not as clever as Zomboss, but the beauty of the project was that he only needed to raise the plants to be as good as they could be - their innate potential was already forged by their originators. At this job, he succeeded better than he could have hoped - perhaps, in part, because he insisted on taking them out for tacos and giving them a frankly ridiculous amount of fertiliser. In time, the line between gardener and father was blurred.
Walking into the greenhouse that was the host of his pet projects, he gazed upon his newest recruits with as much pride as his mismatched eyes could muster.
The peashooter ran to embrace Dave's leg with his pods in a facsimile hug. Dave patted him on the head.
The cactus inspected her stockpile of spikes, finding them to her liking. She gave Dave a wave in acknowledgement.
The chomper extended his tongue in a canine fashion and licked Dave, who rubbed the saliva off with a nervous chuckle.
The sunflower, meanwhile, was oblivious, still dancing to the rhythm of the Earth that only she could hear.
"To the future!" apparently, cacti could indeed arch their eyebrows. The sunflower finally stood at attention, while the chomper and peashooter looked positively enthused at the mission to come."I'll give you the briefing over a burger!"
Yes, I used the grapevine device again, although this time, it's because the plot sort of required it. The next updates will have more words.
Dorylus signing off.