John Paul McQueen leant forward as he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. His appearance hadn't really changed much in the past few years. He still had the soft clear skin that would flush a subtle pink when he got embarrassed or excited and the full gentle mouth that would curve into a delicate smile whenever he thought of the man he loved.

But if he looked a little closer, if he looked into the deep blue of his own eyes he could see a difference.

There was something in his eyes that hadn't been there when he was 17. It hadn't been there the day he first told Craig that he loved him, or the first time that they kissed or even the first time that they made love.

What he saw was new; it had only been there for a few months and had arrived around Christmas time, the same time that Craig Dean had come back to him.

What he saw in his eyes he couldn't find a name for. Maybe it was a confidence in who he was, who he had become. Maybe it was an assurance of what he wanted from his life, of where he was going. Or maybe, just maybe, it was simply the knowledge that he was loved. That without doubt or question he knew that the love he felt for Craig was returned to him, that no matter how far apart they might be right now one day soon they would be together again.

John Paul smiled at his reflection. If he closed his eyes he could almost feel Craig's breath on his neck, his arms around his waist and, if he breathed deeply he could, just for a second, catch a hint of Craig's scent in the air.

Passing his hand through his hair John Paul sighed. Thinking of Craig made him feel the usual conflicting emotions. His heart sang because he loved Craig so much, but it also broke with the knowledge that he was still so far away.

Shaking his head John Paul left the bathroom and headed back to his bedroom to get dressed ready for another day at Hollyoaks Community College.

---

Craig Dean ran a comb through his hair with a smile. His reflection in the living room mirror smiled back at him. There was something about a Friday that always made him happy. The end of a hard week and the start of the weekend, there was nothing like it. Of course he still had the day's work at Trinity to get through but that was just a minor detail. For the first time in weeks he had the weekend to himself, as he had been given both days off from the pub and he could do whatever he liked.

His eyes caught a glimpse of the photo frame on the mantelpiece and his smile faded. He picked up the simple wooden frame and ran his fingers over the two happy faces behind the glass. The picture had been taken a few months ago when John Paul had turned up in Ireland unexpectedly.

Suddenly the weekend with nothing to do felt less appealing. There was nothing he wanted to do if John Paul wasn't there to share it with him.

"You're really missing him aren't you?" Adam stood in the doorway with a sympathetic smile.

"It's been too long," Craig told him.

His eyes went back to the photograph. It still amazed him how things had changed since he was 18. Back then he had never ever questioned his sexuality, it had never crossed his mind that he would ever fancy anyone but a girl. Then he met John Paul and everything was different.

At first he just thought that he had found an amazing friend, someone he could share his deepest hopes and fears with.

And then John Paul said that he loved him and life was never the same again.

Craig had battled with his own feelings for a long time before he could admit that he loved another man, that he loved John Paul. But when he did, when he could finally let the world know that this was the person he wanted to be with Craig felt a tremendous sense of freedom.

His life became what it should have been a long time ago. He knew what it really meant to be in love. He had John Paul to thank for all of that and now they were apart again and Craig didn't know how much longer he could stand it.

"I'll buy you a drink tonight," Adam offered as Craig prepared to leave the flat.

"Deal," Craig agreed forcing the smile back to his lips as he wondered exactly where John Paul was at that moment and what he was doing.

---

John Paul sighed quietly to himself as he looked at his watch. The lecture seemed to have been going for hours but in truth only 20 minutes had passed since he had taken his seat.

As the voice at the front of the room droned on he had trouble concentrating on the words. Closing his eyes for a second John Paul smiled as the image of Craig's face formed in his mind. The soft full lips that always tasted so good and felt so hot against his skin and the deep brown eyes that looked at John Paul the way no one else ever had, love and passion burning in them with equal measure. His mind brought into focus Craig's hands sending small tremors through John Paul's flesh as he recalled the last time those hands had caressed him and held him and the pleasure that Craig had given him with his sensual touch.

John Paul's eyes snapped open as he felt a flush rise to his face. He looked around the room and was relieved to see that no one seemed to have heard the soft moan that had escaped his lips as he had let the memories of Craig wash over him.

Shaking his head John Paul took a deep breath and tried to focus all of his attention on the tutor stood at the front of the room but it wasn't long before he became distracted again.

---

Craig fidgeted in his seat as the day's lectures seemed to drag out before him. He normally relished the opportunities to learn that he had found at Trinity but today the thoughts of John Paul were proving more of a distraction than they usually did.

The lecturer had blue eyes Craig remembered with a smile. But they were nothing like John Paul's. John Paul's eyes were of a shade that defied description, a shade that changed with his mood. Craig had seen them go from pale and pained to dark and filled with desire in the space of a few minutes. And when John Paul looked at him with those deep dark eyes Craig felt powerless to resist, not that he ever wanted to resist him, not any more.

Craig turned his mobile phone over in his hands. Flicking through the photographs that he had stored on it he paused on the one that he had taken the day John Paul left Ireland.

John Paul was reclining on Craig's bed, a sheet lying crumpled over his lower half and a lazy satisfied smile played on his lips. They had made love with the desperation of those who knew they were about to be parted and Craig had wanted to hold on to the moment for as long as he could. He could still remember John Paul's laugh as he pulled at the sheet to cover himself.

"You're not getting one of THOSE pictures of me," John Paul had said as Craig reached for his phone.

Craig ran his thumb over the screen it was the closest he had been to touching John Paul's skin in such a long time and a need was aching through his body as his thumb passed over the phone's keypad.

---

The sudden vibration against his leg startled John Paul as his mobile phone announced the arrival of a message. He had long since learned the wisdom of having his phone set to "silent" during the day. There was nothing quite like the embarrassment of a roomful of students turning their heads in unison to look at you as your phone blared out the latest silly ring tone that had seemed like a good idea in the pub the night before.

Carefully slipping his phone from his pocket John Paul smiled to see Craig's name illuminated on the display. His thumb pressed quickly on the "read" option eager to know what Craig had to say.

"Thinking about u," the message began, "miss u so much… cant wait till we're together again so I can show u just how much!"

John Paul grinned as he pressed his reply into the phone. "Just been thinking about U. Wish you were here right now so that u could show me!"

John Paul looked around the room to make sure no one had observed his surreptitious texting as he held his phone tightly in the hand that rested on his lap hoping for another message.

He didn't have to wait for long as his phone trembled against his palm.

"Cant stop thinking about that tree in the park," Craig's next message read, "You looked so hot up against it dripping wet… gotta do that again soon."

John Paul swallowed hard as the memories of his walk in the Dublin park came vividly to mind, the rain soaking his skin, the touch of Craig's hot skin and the total abandonment he felt at that moment.

"There are some great trees in Chester," John Paul texted back quickly, "We should try them out…"

There was a pause as John Paul held his phone tightly, staring at the blank screen and urging it to jump back to life. The seconds turned to minutes without a reply and John Paul lifted his face back to the lecture in a pretence that he had been concentrating.

He jumped suddenly as his phone shuddered against his skin again.

"Gotta go…" Craig had sent, "Lecture is over… stuff to do… talk soon… real soon…"

John Paul smiled as he slipped his phone back into his pocket; somehow he had the feeling that their next conversation might just involve trees.

---

"Another?" Adam asked gesturing at the empty lager bottles on the table as he got to his feet.

"Why not," Craig replied with a halfhearted shrug.

It was just typical. His first Friday night off in ages and where was he? In the very same pub he worked in, spending his time with exactly the same people.

Texting John Paul earlier had given him the same feeling of euphoria that it always did. Connecting with him, even if it was only for a few minutes, remembering their time together and promising that they would be together again soon always made him feel good, made him feel alive. It made him remember that he wasn't alone and he never had to be again.

But all too soon that feeling would leave him and he would be left feeling even more alone than ever. John Paul was still so far away and there were times that Craig didn't know if he could cope with waiting until he graduated before they could be together again.

Adam placed a fresh drink in front of Craig who took hold of the bottle with a half-smile before emptying a good portion of its contents.

"That won't help," Adam advised taking a somewhat smaller drink from his own bottle.

"Got any better ideas?" Craig asked.

"You could call him."

Craig shook his head. It was only early and he was already well on the way to being seriously drunk, hearing John Paul's voice right now would be too hard. He didn't want to make drunken promises that he wouldn't be able to keep the next day.

"Have you ever thought of just going back to Chester…?" Adam asked.

"Of course," Craig told him, "What do you think I'm planning on this summer?"

"No I mean for good."

"You trying to get rid of me?"

"Course not… but sometimes you look so miserable here…"

Craig drained the last of the alcohol from his bottle before replying.

"He doesn't want me to," Craig said sadly, a comment which caused Adam to raise his eyebrows in surprise. "No that's not what I meant," Craig continued, "He doesn't want me to give up Trinity… I'd wanted it for so long… he doesn't want to be responsible for me quitting now… thinks I might resent him later… I dunno… maybe he's right…"

"But it doesn't make it any easier?" Adam sympathised.

"No it doesn't," Craig answered with a grateful smile.

There were days when he didn't know how he would cope without Adam's support. No matter how maudlin Craig got or how much he bleated on about John Paul Adam was always there with a sympathetic ear, or a bottle of beer and more often that not both at once.

"Another?" Adam asked as he rose to his feet again.

"It's my round," Craig told him.

"Don't worry about it mate," Adam replied patting his drunken friend on the shoulder, "My treat."

---

The early evening sun shone warmly on John Paul's back as he walked though the centre of Hollyoaks village. A soft smile played across his lips as he replayed Craig's text over in his mind. He was definitely going to have to find a nice secluded tree in a nearby park before Craig's next visit to Chester.

John Paul sighed to himself. If only he didn't have to wait so long for Craig's next trip home.

"John Paul!"

John Paul turned in surprise at the voice calling his name. He had been so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn't seen the man approaching him.

"Spike!" he replied with a smile, "How've you been?"

John Paul clasped his old boyfriend's hand warmly.

"Not bad," Spike said pulling John Paul in for a hug, "It's good to see you."

"You too… it's been ages."

"Yeah," Spike agreed, "Must have been… what… Christmas?"

"Yeah I guess it was…"

"You still with Craig?" Spike enquired casually.

"Yeah," John Paul said with a broad smile, "It's not easy some times… what with him being in Dublin so much…"

"I can imagine," Spike said biting back the twinge of jealousy.

"What about you?" John Paul asked, "How's it going with…."

John Paul paused as his mind went blank. He couldn't remember the name of Spike's boyfriend, or was it that Spike had never told him.

Spike frowned at John Paul's question not understanding who he could be referring to.

"What's his name," John Paul continued, "You'd just moved in together at Christmas."

Spike's frown deepened for a moment until he remembered the lie he had told John Paul the last time they met.

"Oh right..." Spike said uncomfortably, "That didn't work out… we split up."

"Oh I'm sorry mate," John Paul said patting Spike's shoulder with sympathy.

Spike shrugged as he quickly changed the subject.

"So where you headed?"

"No where… home…"

"Fancy a drink?"

John Paul thought for a moment before nodding. "Yeah," he said, "That'd be good."

---

"The thing is..." Craig said leaning on the table and pointing an unsteady finger at Adam, "The thing is about John Paul... he's got these eyes."

Craig's attempt at sounding serious was somewhat marred by his slurred voice and wavering motion in his seat.

He looked at Adam with a frown.

"You've got good eyes," he said.

"Thanks," Adam replied.

"They're green," Craig announced as if this would be of news to his friend.

"I know..."

"John Paul's got blue eyes..."

"Has he?"

"They're great..."

"So you said."

"Have you seen his eyes?"

"Yeah he's got two of them." Adam sighed as he felt the conversation slipping into the depths of drunkenness.

"He has," Craig nodded knowingly, "They're lovely."

Craig looked around the bar with a frown.

"Where is he?" he asked.

"Who?" Adam said.

"John Paul..."

"He's in Chester..."

"Is he? Where am I?"

"You're in Dublin."

"Oh yeah... Did I tell you about John Paul's eyes?"

"Yeah you did... both of them."

Craig slumped into his seat. "I miss them."

"Come on mate," Adam said getting to his feet, "I think it's time we got you home."

"Back to Chester?"

"No... back to the flat... come on."

Adam helped Craig to his feet and, with an arm around his friends' waist, guided him to the door.

---

John Paul rested his head on his hand laughing as his elbow slipped from the table.

"I think you've had one too many," Spike told him.

"Shhhh," John Paul replied, "Don't say anything and they won't notice."

"Who won't notice?"

"Any of them!"

"OK."

Spike couldn't help but smile as his old boyfriend giggled to himself in his seat. Even in this drunken state he had an unflawed beauty. His soft eyes, if slightly unfocussed, still shone their unearthly shade of blue.

"I miss Craig," John Paul slurred into his pint glass.

"How long has it been since you last saw him?" Spike asked.

"Too long…" John Paul lamented, "Months… not since I went to Dublin."

"Dublin's a great city," Spike said with a knowing nod, "Craig got a good place there?"

"Yeah," John Paul told him with a smile, "Him and Adam have a great little flat."

"Adam?"

"Hmm… Craig's flat mate."

"And what's he like?"

"OK… bit odd… strange sense of humour… but Craig likes him."

"Oh, strange in what way?"

John Paul emptied his drink and stared forlornly into the empty glass before answering.

"He thought it was funny to make out he'd been sleeping with Craig…"

"Doesn't sound like a very good joke."

"No it wasn't…" John Paul frowned into his glass desperately willing it to refill but it stubbornly refused.

"But it WAS just a joke," Spike continued.

"Yeah… he admitted it… and Craig wouldn't…"

"Wouldn't he?"

"No… not any more… he wouldn't."

Spike didn't answer for a moment as he watched John Paul slump further into his seat with a frown furrowing his brow.

"I'm sure you're right," Spike said at last, "You know him better than I do."

John Paul nodded. "I do," he agreed, "He loves me… he said so…"

John Paul made an attempt to rise but instead lost his footing and fell back heavily into his seat.

"Where are you trying to go?" Spike asked with a grin.

"Bar… we need drinks…"

"I don't think that's a good idea," Spike told him, "You've already had more that I should have let you… come on… let's get out of here."

"But it's only early…" John Paul complained while once again failing to get to his feet.

"It's really not John Paul," Spike said pulling his friend upright, "And if you have any more I'm gonna have to carry you home."

John Paul shrugged as he allowed himself to be manoeuvred out of the bar.

---

Craig shrugged off Adam's supporting arm as he wavered along the high street. Adam watched with concern waiting for the moment when he would have to rush to either prevent Craig from falling or, more likely, pick him up off the floor.

There was a solid thud as Craig slammed himself against the large glass window of a clothing store.

"Look at that," he said peering at the display.

Adam stood at his side and looked into the shop. "What?" He asked.

"That top," Craig said pointing unsteadily at a green and yellow hooded jumper, "John Paul's got one just like that."

"Has he?" Adam sighed, "And I bet he looks great in it."

"He DOES," Craig exclaimed in surprise, "Have you seen him wearing it?"

"Nah, just a good guess."

"Did I tell you about John Paul's eyes?"

"You might have mentioned them…"

---

John Paul held onto the railing outside the Dog letting the cool air flow over him as the alcohol rushed through his veins.

"I enjoyed tonight," Spike said standing at his side.

"Me too… it was good to see you."

"I've really missed you."

"You could have called… we could always go out for a drink."

Spike took hold of John Paul's hands turning the man to face him. "That's not what I meant," he said softly, "I miss YOU… being with you… I still care about you John Paul."

"Spike… I…?"

John Paul took a step to the side but his drunken footing caused him to lose balance and he fell forward against Spike.

Spike could hardly breathe as the deep blue eyes looked at him in confusion. He let his arms slip around John Paul's waist until they were stood chest to chest with their faces only inches apart.

John Paul's head swam. It felt good to be held again. To be in somebody's arms again, anybody's arms.

"Come back with me tonight John Paul," Spike breathed.

"I don't…" John Paul shook his head lightly, "Craig…"

Spike ran his hand lightly over the softness of John Paul's cheek. "Just for tonight," he said quietly.

John Paul's brain sought for the words to reply but as he was struggling to find them he felt Spike's lips pressing lightly against his own.

Somewhere at the back of his mind John Paul knew that he should stop this, that he should push Spike back and walk away before it was too late. He knew that was what he should do, but instead he felt himself pulling Spike tight against him and allowing kiss between them to deepen as all thoughts of Craig slipped from his mind.

---

Craig's hand was flat against the glass of the shop window,

"Do you plan on staying there all night?" Adam asked with a laugh, "Only if you are I'll go and get your duvet."

Craig turned around with a drunken grin. "You're a good mate," he said slapping Adam on the back.

"I am," Adam agreed, "I'm the best… now come on…"

They walked a few yards until Craig's unsteady feet steered him off course and he went stumbling into a shop doorway.

Adam reached after Craig, taking his friends hands to pull him back onto the street but instead Craig pulled the man into the doorway after him.

"You really DO have lovely eyes," Craig slurred not letting go of Adam's hand.

"I know," Adam replied, "We've already established that… but they're not as good as John Paul's."

"What would I do without you?" Craig asked tilting his head to look into the deep green eyes of his friend.

"You would be a drunken mess… now COME ON…"

Adam took a deep breath as Craig continued to stare at him. He had never noticed how deep Craig's eyes were before, how they looked right into your soul and how they seemed to see what you tried to keep hidden there.

"Adam…?" Craig tone was hushed as he took a step forward.

"Craig don't…"

Craig took no heed of Adam's words as he took another unsteady step towards the man until there was no distance left between them.

"You don't want to do this Craig," Adam said as his voice shook.

"I do," Craig replied as he let go of Adam's hands to take the man's face in his hands and kiss him.

Adam was surprised to find himself responding to Craig's kiss. Not only did he allow this kiss to happen but, before he realised it, he was returning it with equal, if not greater, desire.

After what could have been a second or possibly a lifetime Adam gripped Craig's shoulders firmly and pushed him back.

"You really don't want to do this Craig," he said firmly.

"I do," Craig argued trying to fight against the hands holding him at bay.

"No you don't," Adam repeated, "You're just drunk and you're missing John Paul and you're already gonna regret this in the morning."

"John Paul…" Craig said his body relaxing against the hands holding him. He looked at Adam with regret. "I'm really sorry," he said staggering backwards until the wall hit his back, "I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's OK mate," Adam reassured him, "Forget it… it was just the beer… come on let's get home, I think you need to sleep it off."

Craig nodded and silently followed Adam the rest of the way back to their flat as the guilt of what he had done, what he had almost done and what he had wanted to do turned over inside him until he felt physically sick.

---

The first thing that John Paul was aware of was the terrible pounding noise in his head and that was quickly followed by the excruciating pain in his temples and a rolling sense of nausea.

The only thing he was certain of at that moment was that he had drunk too much and he was never, ever, going to touch another drop of alcohol for as long as he lived.

Opening one eye a fraction he winced as the subdued light pierced into his fragile head. He opened his other eye as a frown spread across his face.

That wasn't his wallpaper and he realised as he moved slightly that he wasn't lying in his own single bed. But nor was he in a strange bedroom. It was far worse than that. He knew this room; he had been here many times before.

"Water, coffee and aspirin," an all too cheerful voice said walking into the room carrying the items listed.

"Spike," John Paul croaked as a fresh wave of nausea washed over him.

"Although judging by the way you look you probably need something stronger," Spike said with a grin setting the drinks down on the bedside table.

"Spike," John Paul repeated, "Shit!"