I miss you
By creassya
This is my Sacred Love series. Monica and Rachel are roommates. Joey lives by himself. Phoebe lives with her fiancé, Ross is newly married, and Chandler lives by himself in Long Island.
Chandler wrapped his arms around me as we sat on a blanket in Central Park. I leaned my head back against his shoulder. He planted a light kiss on my neck and I smiled. He and I had only been dating for a week. We had finally managed to leave the bedroom and venture outside. At least I was still in his arms. I looked up at the sky, which revealed thick clouds and thought to myself, what I wonderful day? Sure it was a little chilly, but that didn't matter. He and I had made love the entire morning before heading out. We walked to the park hand and hand. We found a secluded spot and sat for hours talking, just us. We didn't even notice when it started to rain. While everyone else scattered, we remained seated on the ground. Neither of us thought to get up and leave as the downpour soaked us. He just wrapped his arms tighter around me as I closed my eyes and we laughed. We were they only fools who weren't rushing to find a dry place to go to. I turned my head and looked up at him. He smiled just before leaning in to kiss me.
Tears leave my eyes as I lay here thinking about that day. I'm listening to Brian McKnight on my three discs CD changer in my room. Rachel is out so I have the apartment to myself. I haven't listened to this CD in a while. Listening to it now brings back memories. I sit up when this particular song comes on called 6, 8, 12.
6, 8, 12
Do you ever think about me
Do you ever cry yourself to sleep
In the middle of the night when
You awake
Are you calling out for me
Do you ever reminisce
I can't believe I'm acting like this
I know it's crazy
How I still can feel your kiss
(Chorus)
It's been six months, eight days,
Twelve hours
Since you went away
I miss you so much
And I don't know what to say
I should be over you
I should know better
But it's just not the case
It's been six months, eight days,
Twelve hours
Since you went away
Do you ever ask about me
Do your friends still tell you what to do
Every time the phone rings
Do you wish it was me callin' you
Do you still feel the same
Or has time put out the flame
I miss you
Is everything all right
(Chorus)
It's hard enough just passing
The time
When I can't seem to get you off
My mind
And where is the good in goodbye
In goodbye, goodbye
I wipe the tears from my eyes and lean back against the headboard.
"I miss you," I whisper to myself.
I sit on the couch and lay my briefcase next to me. This is the time of day I hate. I'm just getting home from work, to an empty house. This is when thoughts of Monica take over. Every night I think of calling her to hear her voice, but I don't. I walked out on our relationship six months ago. I had already planned to move out of the apartment that I shared with Joey before I ended things with Monica. My things were packed and my house was ready. All I had to do was move in. Most of my things were already here. There were still some things that needed to be packed, like a few of my suits, shoes, and toothpaste. I decided to move in a week earlier than I had planned, mainly because I ended things with Monica. I haven't been to the apartment since. I told Joey to pack up the rest of my things and bring them over. I also told him to tell Monica that it was over between us. Which was a cowardly thing to do. I just couldn't face her. I was angry and most of all, hurt.
When Joey asked me what happened, I told him that if I didn't leave, she would have. I couldn't bare that. I walk over to my stereo and hit play on the CD. I can't seem to find the remote. I walk back over to the couch and sit down. I lean back and close my eyes. Joey had told me yesterday that she's seeing someone. He overheard a conversation she had with the guy. She was trying to convince the guy she's seeing that she was over me. Tears fill my eyes at the unpleasant memory. I sit back listening to the song that hits home and asks the question, Where did love go? By Kenny Lattimore.
Where Did Love Go?
Where did our love go?
How could we just let it fade away?
To me it's all a mystery that's left
My heart in so much pain
Can't stop looking at your picture
Reminiscing on the way it used to be
Still holding on to yesterday with thoughts
I can't seem to put away
Chorus:
Where did love go? How could the feeling be gone?
Where did love go? Tell me just where we went wrong
Come let's make up
Tell me can you remember
All the time we shared so romantically?
Could someone else be loving you erasing
Your memory?
I don't want to get over you
If I did it wouldn't be tonight
If loving you is all I can do I'm gonna
Do that for the rest of my life
Chorus
How could we let it all slip away
All the dreams that we shared, seems
Like yesterday
Oh girl we had it all but now you say
The feeling's gone
What I wouldn't do to have you home
The next day, Chandler opens the door and I walk in. When I sit down on the couch, Chandler turns to me with tears in his eyes. This is serious. He never cries.
"What's wrong?" I ask, concerned.
"How serious are they?"
"What?"
"You heard me."
"What are you talking about Chandler?"
"Monica and that guy."
I close my eyes for a few seconds before looking back at him. I really didn't want to tell him about Monica seeing someone, but he kept asking me. Now that I'm looking into his face that's filled with pain, I wish I would have lied. I haven't seen him in this much pain since they broke up and even then he wasn't crying, at least not in front of me.
"They're not serious."
"You're just saying that."
"They've only been dating for a few weeks."
"What's his name?"
"Don."
"If they're not serious, why was she trying to convince him that she's over me?"
"I don't know Chandler. I didn't ask her."
"Where did she meet him?"
"Chandler, no disrespect. You left her and you never gave a good reason."
"I told you."
"Still not a good reason. If you want to know anything else, you'll have to ask her."
"She probably hates me."
"Why won't you tell me the real reason you walked out on her?"
"Joey…"
"After two years?"
He just looks at me without a word.
Samuel walks into the living room just as I get up off the couch. He stands in front of me and gives me a light kiss on the mouth.
"Breakfast is ready."
"Good. I'm starving."
When he goes back into the kitchen, I go over to answer the door after hearing a soft knock.
"Well, it's about time," I say to Monica and Don.
"Sorry," he says as they come in.
"The food's done."
"Then we're on time." Monica says.
"Thanks for inviting us over for breakfast Phoebe," Don says, placing his hands on Monica's shoulders.
"No problem. As long as I don't have to cook."
"Well, let's go eat," Monica says
After breakfast, as I'm helping Samuel with the dishes, the doorbell rings. I leaved the kitchen to go answer it. I'm not aware that Don and Monica are behind me until I open the door revealing Chandler on the other side. He smiles at me as he walks in, but stands frozen when he notices Monica. The smile instantly falls from his face. I look from him to Monica and back.
"I guess I came at a bad time," He says with his eyes not leaving Monica's face.
"We just finished having breakfast," I say, not knowing what else to say.
I look back at Monica's face and I'm surprised that she doesn't look angry, just shocked to see him after six months.
"Well Pheebs, I'll talk to you later."
He continues to look at Monica until he eases out of the house. When I close the door, the three of us look at each other in silence.
"I'm telling you. I've never seen him this miserable," Joey says to us.
"I don't feel sorry for him."
"Come on Ross."
"What he did was wrong. I mean he just walked out on her."
"I know he was wrong, but he's our friend. He needs us to be there for him."
"Wrong. He's your friend."
"Ross honey, it's clear that he's struggling with something. I know you're pissed at him for how he ended things with Monica, but that's between the two of them," Elaine says.
"She's right. He was hurt when he wasn't invited to your wedding."
"So."
"Ross, you don't mean that. You don't want to see him in any more pain than Monica."
"He was crying Ross. That never happens."
I suddenly feel bad for turning my back on Chandler. I'm not sure what happened to cause him to walk out on Monica the way he did, but I realize that he wouldn't intentionally hurt her. Something must have upset him or hurt him for him to just end things the way he did. It's a shame it took me six months to realize that or even acknowledge that.
"What do you want me to do?"
"Be his friend," Joey answers.
Sounds simple enough, but part of me is still angry with him for hurting my sister and I intent to let him know that.
I walk into the apartment just as Monica comes out of her room. I instantly notice that she's been crying. Without asking her what's wrong, I go over and hug her.
"I saw him today Rach," she says softly.
"Chandler?"
"Yeah."
"What did he say?"
"Nothing," she answers, sobbing.
"I'm sorry Mon."
"What did I do? Was it something I said? Why did he leave me?"
I pull away to look at her.
"What makes you think it was you?"
"It had to be. Why else would he just leave like that?"
"He's probably going through something. Guys tend to push us away when they're struggling with something."
"He didn't even say hi to me."
"He'll come around. Just give him some time."
"It's been six months Rach."
"I think he still loves you."
"Did he tell you that?"
"He doesn't have to tell any of us that. We can see it in his face."
"I thought about going over his house a few times."
"Why didn't you?"
"I got angry. I figured that he should be the one to come see me."
She walks away from me and goes into the kitchen. I follow behind her and we both sit at the kitchen table. She wipes the tears away and shakes her head.
"I miss him so much Rach."
"I'm sure he misses you too."
"Think so?"
"Of course he does. Regardless of whether he ended the relationship, he loves you and misses you. I don't condone the way he did things, but it's obvious that he needs space to figure things out. And when he does, he'll be back."
"How do you know?"
"Just a feeling I have."
The truth of the matter is, Chandler often confided in me about his feelings for Monica. There were times he felt that she would leave him. He was pretty insecure. He did whatever he felt would make her happy, but always felt that it wouldn't be enough to keep her in his life. Which is why I can't figure out why he left. Maybe he was tired of going out of his way to please her feeling that she would leave him anyway. I feel really bad for him, for both of them. One thing's for certain though. They love each other, and I know that the love they have for one another will eventually bring them back together. I just wish Monica felt the same way. At least knowing that will put her ease somewhat.
I walk up to Chandler's house and ring the doorbell. I stand here for a few seconds before ringing it again. When he doesn't come to the door, I look back to make sure that that's Chandler's black Altima in front of the house. I then look through the window and notice that he's lying on the couch. Thinking that he's asleep, I keep ringing the doorbell to wake him up. It takes him a minute to come to the door.
"Who is it?" He asks, irritated.
"It's Ross."
He waits for a few seconds before he opens the door to let me in. I instantly notice that his eyes are red from crying.
"I guess I don't need to ask how you're holding up," I say as I walk in.
"I'm surprised you're here."
"Yeah well, I wanted to see how you were doing. I haven't talked to you in a while."
"And to tell me that you're still pissed at me."
"I don't need to tell you that. Looks like you feel bad enough."
"Worst."
"I'm sorry I gave you a hard time. I know you wouldn't intentionally cause Monica any pain."
"I love her more than you know," He says, with tears in his eyes.
My heart goes out to him. I suddenly put myself in his shoes with Elaine. I imagine us apart and how miserable I would be without her in my life. It's enough to bring tears to my eyes as well. I get up off the couch and seconds later we embrace. When we break apart, we look at each other with tears in our eyes. It's so weird seeing Chandler crying. It's now that I see how much he loves Monica.
As I sit in front of Don watching his face as he talks, I don't really hear what he's saying because my mind is on Chandler. For six months I've been obsessing over why he called it quits. I can't think of a single thing I did to make him just give up on us. I also keep thinking about what Rachel said. I do feel that Chandler still loves me, but I can't make sense of why he left.
"Monica."
"Huh?"
"Y'know, for the past week you've been really distracted. Ever since you saw Chandler."
"I'm sorry."
"I know we've discussed this before, a number of times, but I need to know something. You're not really over him are you?"
"No. I tried, but we were together for two years. We've been friends since I was in high school. I can't get over him overnight."
"I'm sorry. I just can't focus on a relationship right now. I'm still nursing a broken heart."
"I can see that."
"I didn't want to hurt you."
"I'm not hurt. I'm disappointed though. That Chandler guy is lucky," He says getting up from the kitchen table.
"Thanks."
"Take care."
"I'll try."
I was wiping off the kitchen table when Chandler walked in. The lights were dim and the radio was on. The rest of the gang had gone out to the movies. I felt like having some alone time and hadn't counted on Chandler being around. All I had planned to do was sit on the couch and listen to Kenny Lattimore.
"Expecting company?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"I just wanted to spend some time alone listening to music since I have the place to myself."
"I see. Well, when you're done spending time with yourself let me know," he said smiling.
"You can stay. It's no problem."
"I don't wanna impose."
"Yes you do."
"You're right. I do."
I smiled at him and noticed that I had butterflies in my stomach. I walked over to the sink and dropped the sponge in. When I turned around, Chandler was over at the radio.
"I love this song," he said, turning the volume up.
"I didn't know you liked Kenny Lattimore."
He walked away from the radio and stood in the back of the couch.
"Come dance with me," he said playfully.
"Yeah right."
"Come on."
I walked over to him and placed my hands on his shoulders. We were slow dancing to the song, "All I Want." Seconds later, he wrapped his arms around my waist tightly. At that moment, my heart began to race. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his right shoulder. Chandler was no longer in a playful mood. His left was resting on the small of my back while he caressed the top half of my back with his right hand. It felt good. I closed my eyes when he brought his hand up to caress my hair. We were in each other's arms song after song, losing track of time. I hadn't even realized that "All I Want," had ended three songs ago. I lifted my head up off his shoulder to look at him. A few seconds passed before he leaned in and kissed me. I felt his tongue enter my mouth at the same time his hand cradled the back of my head. I placed both hands on his face as I enjoyed our first kiss. We stopped dancing as soon as our lips touched. I felt warm all over from the penetration of his tongue and the feel of his touch. We kissed for a good five minutes or so before we pulled apart. We both smiled as he stared into my eyes and caressed my left cheek.
Although our first kiss was shared a little over two years ago, I can still feel the warm sensation that ran through my body at the softness of his tongue and lips against mine. I sit here with the door locked, the lights dim, and the radio on listening to Kenny Lattimore. I lay my head back against the couch and close my eyes. Listening to this song..it's like I wrote those words specifically for Chandler.
Always Remember
I could watch TV tonight or I could
Practice my smile
I've got nothing else to do since you're not here
By my side
Now my time is dedicated to wondering
Where you are
Hoping all is well with you, so far
I could not believe you'd up and leave me
Just when I thought we had the perfect love
I may be a fool, but I'll leave the light on outside
For you
As an invitation home and a welcome
When you
Do
Chorus:
Always remember, I'll be here waiting
You know
Always remember
I know circumstances often call for
Making a change
And I must admit at times I've felt
Like giving you space
But the only way I'd ever go is moments
At a time
Then I'd hurry back to be by your side
Nobody knows, till you've been lonely
Quite what if feels like when you lose
Your love
But now that I do, I'm swearing to you
I'll be
Alone
Till you get yourself together and decide
You're coming home
Chorus
Sometimes we only need, someone to
Believe that we're worth it all
I'm that someone for you whatever you're
Going through
Not to judge
Not to judge you just to love you
Chorus
When the songs ends, I smile at the memory of our first kiss. My thoughts are quickly interrupted by a knock on the door. I slowly and reluctantly get up to see who it is. When I open the door, I'm surprised to see a guy standing there holding a dozen roses.
"Are you Monica Geller?"
"Yes."
"Then these are for you," he says, hading me the red roses.
He turns and leaves as I stand here looking at the roses. I close the door and sit at the kitchen table. I take out the card thinking that the roses are from Don even though we broke up, but I'm shocked to see that they're from Chandler. I open the card and read what it says.
I know this doesn't make up for what I did to you, but I want you to know how very sorry I am that I hurt you. I know that you're seeing someone right now and I don't want to get in the way of that, but I just want you to know that no matter what happens between us just know that I'll always love you.
Love Chandler
"I love you too," I say aloud.
Next…CAN'T LET YOU GO
By creassya
This is my Sacred Love series. Monica and Rachel are roommates. Joey lives by himself. Phoebe lives with her fiancé, Ross is newly married, and Chandler lives by himself in Long Island.
Chandler wrapped his arms around me as we sat on a blanket in Central Park. I leaned my head back against his shoulder. He planted a light kiss on my neck and I smiled. He and I had only been dating for a week. We had finally managed to leave the bedroom and venture outside. At least I was still in his arms. I looked up at the sky, which revealed thick clouds and thought to myself, what I wonderful day? Sure it was a little chilly, but that didn't matter. He and I had made love the entire morning before heading out. We walked to the park hand and hand. We found a secluded spot and sat for hours talking, just us. We didn't even notice when it started to rain. While everyone else scattered, we remained seated on the ground. Neither of us thought to get up and leave as the downpour soaked us. He just wrapped his arms tighter around me as I closed my eyes and we laughed. We were they only fools who weren't rushing to find a dry place to go to. I turned my head and looked up at him. He smiled just before leaning in to kiss me.
Tears leave my eyes as I lay here thinking about that day. I'm listening to Brian McKnight on my three discs CD changer in my room. Rachel is out so I have the apartment to myself. I haven't listened to this CD in a while. Listening to it now brings back memories. I sit up when this particular song comes on called 6, 8, 12.
6, 8, 12
Do you ever think about me
Do you ever cry yourself to sleep
In the middle of the night when
You awake
Are you calling out for me
Do you ever reminisce
I can't believe I'm acting like this
I know it's crazy
How I still can feel your kiss
(Chorus)
It's been six months, eight days,
Twelve hours
Since you went away
I miss you so much
And I don't know what to say
I should be over you
I should know better
But it's just not the case
It's been six months, eight days,
Twelve hours
Since you went away
Do you ever ask about me
Do your friends still tell you what to do
Every time the phone rings
Do you wish it was me callin' you
Do you still feel the same
Or has time put out the flame
I miss you
Is everything all right
(Chorus)
It's hard enough just passing
The time
When I can't seem to get you off
My mind
And where is the good in goodbye
In goodbye, goodbye
I wipe the tears from my eyes and lean back against the headboard.
"I miss you," I whisper to myself.
I sit on the couch and lay my briefcase next to me. This is the time of day I hate. I'm just getting home from work, to an empty house. This is when thoughts of Monica take over. Every night I think of calling her to hear her voice, but I don't. I walked out on our relationship six months ago. I had already planned to move out of the apartment that I shared with Joey before I ended things with Monica. My things were packed and my house was ready. All I had to do was move in. Most of my things were already here. There were still some things that needed to be packed, like a few of my suits, shoes, and toothpaste. I decided to move in a week earlier than I had planned, mainly because I ended things with Monica. I haven't been to the apartment since. I told Joey to pack up the rest of my things and bring them over. I also told him to tell Monica that it was over between us. Which was a cowardly thing to do. I just couldn't face her. I was angry and most of all, hurt.
When Joey asked me what happened, I told him that if I didn't leave, she would have. I couldn't bare that. I walk over to my stereo and hit play on the CD. I can't seem to find the remote. I walk back over to the couch and sit down. I lean back and close my eyes. Joey had told me yesterday that she's seeing someone. He overheard a conversation she had with the guy. She was trying to convince the guy she's seeing that she was over me. Tears fill my eyes at the unpleasant memory. I sit back listening to the song that hits home and asks the question, Where did love go? By Kenny Lattimore.
Where Did Love Go?
Where did our love go?
How could we just let it fade away?
To me it's all a mystery that's left
My heart in so much pain
Can't stop looking at your picture
Reminiscing on the way it used to be
Still holding on to yesterday with thoughts
I can't seem to put away
Chorus:
Where did love go? How could the feeling be gone?
Where did love go? Tell me just where we went wrong
Come let's make up
Tell me can you remember
All the time we shared so romantically?
Could someone else be loving you erasing
Your memory?
I don't want to get over you
If I did it wouldn't be tonight
If loving you is all I can do I'm gonna
Do that for the rest of my life
Chorus
How could we let it all slip away
All the dreams that we shared, seems
Like yesterday
Oh girl we had it all but now you say
The feeling's gone
What I wouldn't do to have you home
The next day, Chandler opens the door and I walk in. When I sit down on the couch, Chandler turns to me with tears in his eyes. This is serious. He never cries.
"What's wrong?" I ask, concerned.
"How serious are they?"
"What?"
"You heard me."
"What are you talking about Chandler?"
"Monica and that guy."
I close my eyes for a few seconds before looking back at him. I really didn't want to tell him about Monica seeing someone, but he kept asking me. Now that I'm looking into his face that's filled with pain, I wish I would have lied. I haven't seen him in this much pain since they broke up and even then he wasn't crying, at least not in front of me.
"They're not serious."
"You're just saying that."
"They've only been dating for a few weeks."
"What's his name?"
"Don."
"If they're not serious, why was she trying to convince him that she's over me?"
"I don't know Chandler. I didn't ask her."
"Where did she meet him?"
"Chandler, no disrespect. You left her and you never gave a good reason."
"I told you."
"Still not a good reason. If you want to know anything else, you'll have to ask her."
"She probably hates me."
"Why won't you tell me the real reason you walked out on her?"
"Joey…"
"After two years?"
He just looks at me without a word.
Samuel walks into the living room just as I get up off the couch. He stands in front of me and gives me a light kiss on the mouth.
"Breakfast is ready."
"Good. I'm starving."
When he goes back into the kitchen, I go over to answer the door after hearing a soft knock.
"Well, it's about time," I say to Monica and Don.
"Sorry," he says as they come in.
"The food's done."
"Then we're on time." Monica says.
"Thanks for inviting us over for breakfast Phoebe," Don says, placing his hands on Monica's shoulders.
"No problem. As long as I don't have to cook."
"Well, let's go eat," Monica says
After breakfast, as I'm helping Samuel with the dishes, the doorbell rings. I leaved the kitchen to go answer it. I'm not aware that Don and Monica are behind me until I open the door revealing Chandler on the other side. He smiles at me as he walks in, but stands frozen when he notices Monica. The smile instantly falls from his face. I look from him to Monica and back.
"I guess I came at a bad time," He says with his eyes not leaving Monica's face.
"We just finished having breakfast," I say, not knowing what else to say.
I look back at Monica's face and I'm surprised that she doesn't look angry, just shocked to see him after six months.
"Well Pheebs, I'll talk to you later."
He continues to look at Monica until he eases out of the house. When I close the door, the three of us look at each other in silence.
"I'm telling you. I've never seen him this miserable," Joey says to us.
"I don't feel sorry for him."
"Come on Ross."
"What he did was wrong. I mean he just walked out on her."
"I know he was wrong, but he's our friend. He needs us to be there for him."
"Wrong. He's your friend."
"Ross honey, it's clear that he's struggling with something. I know you're pissed at him for how he ended things with Monica, but that's between the two of them," Elaine says.
"She's right. He was hurt when he wasn't invited to your wedding."
"So."
"Ross, you don't mean that. You don't want to see him in any more pain than Monica."
"He was crying Ross. That never happens."
I suddenly feel bad for turning my back on Chandler. I'm not sure what happened to cause him to walk out on Monica the way he did, but I realize that he wouldn't intentionally hurt her. Something must have upset him or hurt him for him to just end things the way he did. It's a shame it took me six months to realize that or even acknowledge that.
"What do you want me to do?"
"Be his friend," Joey answers.
Sounds simple enough, but part of me is still angry with him for hurting my sister and I intent to let him know that.
I walk into the apartment just as Monica comes out of her room. I instantly notice that she's been crying. Without asking her what's wrong, I go over and hug her.
"I saw him today Rach," she says softly.
"Chandler?"
"Yeah."
"What did he say?"
"Nothing," she answers, sobbing.
"I'm sorry Mon."
"What did I do? Was it something I said? Why did he leave me?"
I pull away to look at her.
"What makes you think it was you?"
"It had to be. Why else would he just leave like that?"
"He's probably going through something. Guys tend to push us away when they're struggling with something."
"He didn't even say hi to me."
"He'll come around. Just give him some time."
"It's been six months Rach."
"I think he still loves you."
"Did he tell you that?"
"He doesn't have to tell any of us that. We can see it in his face."
"I thought about going over his house a few times."
"Why didn't you?"
"I got angry. I figured that he should be the one to come see me."
She walks away from me and goes into the kitchen. I follow behind her and we both sit at the kitchen table. She wipes the tears away and shakes her head.
"I miss him so much Rach."
"I'm sure he misses you too."
"Think so?"
"Of course he does. Regardless of whether he ended the relationship, he loves you and misses you. I don't condone the way he did things, but it's obvious that he needs space to figure things out. And when he does, he'll be back."
"How do you know?"
"Just a feeling I have."
The truth of the matter is, Chandler often confided in me about his feelings for Monica. There were times he felt that she would leave him. He was pretty insecure. He did whatever he felt would make her happy, but always felt that it wouldn't be enough to keep her in his life. Which is why I can't figure out why he left. Maybe he was tired of going out of his way to please her feeling that she would leave him anyway. I feel really bad for him, for both of them. One thing's for certain though. They love each other, and I know that the love they have for one another will eventually bring them back together. I just wish Monica felt the same way. At least knowing that will put her ease somewhat.
I walk up to Chandler's house and ring the doorbell. I stand here for a few seconds before ringing it again. When he doesn't come to the door, I look back to make sure that that's Chandler's black Altima in front of the house. I then look through the window and notice that he's lying on the couch. Thinking that he's asleep, I keep ringing the doorbell to wake him up. It takes him a minute to come to the door.
"Who is it?" He asks, irritated.
"It's Ross."
He waits for a few seconds before he opens the door to let me in. I instantly notice that his eyes are red from crying.
"I guess I don't need to ask how you're holding up," I say as I walk in.
"I'm surprised you're here."
"Yeah well, I wanted to see how you were doing. I haven't talked to you in a while."
"And to tell me that you're still pissed at me."
"I don't need to tell you that. Looks like you feel bad enough."
"Worst."
"I'm sorry I gave you a hard time. I know you wouldn't intentionally cause Monica any pain."
"I love her more than you know," He says, with tears in his eyes.
My heart goes out to him. I suddenly put myself in his shoes with Elaine. I imagine us apart and how miserable I would be without her in my life. It's enough to bring tears to my eyes as well. I get up off the couch and seconds later we embrace. When we break apart, we look at each other with tears in our eyes. It's so weird seeing Chandler crying. It's now that I see how much he loves Monica.
As I sit in front of Don watching his face as he talks, I don't really hear what he's saying because my mind is on Chandler. For six months I've been obsessing over why he called it quits. I can't think of a single thing I did to make him just give up on us. I also keep thinking about what Rachel said. I do feel that Chandler still loves me, but I can't make sense of why he left.
"Monica."
"Huh?"
"Y'know, for the past week you've been really distracted. Ever since you saw Chandler."
"I'm sorry."
"I know we've discussed this before, a number of times, but I need to know something. You're not really over him are you?"
"No. I tried, but we were together for two years. We've been friends since I was in high school. I can't get over him overnight."
"I'm sorry. I just can't focus on a relationship right now. I'm still nursing a broken heart."
"I can see that."
"I didn't want to hurt you."
"I'm not hurt. I'm disappointed though. That Chandler guy is lucky," He says getting up from the kitchen table.
"Thanks."
"Take care."
"I'll try."
I was wiping off the kitchen table when Chandler walked in. The lights were dim and the radio was on. The rest of the gang had gone out to the movies. I felt like having some alone time and hadn't counted on Chandler being around. All I had planned to do was sit on the couch and listen to Kenny Lattimore.
"Expecting company?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"I just wanted to spend some time alone listening to music since I have the place to myself."
"I see. Well, when you're done spending time with yourself let me know," he said smiling.
"You can stay. It's no problem."
"I don't wanna impose."
"Yes you do."
"You're right. I do."
I smiled at him and noticed that I had butterflies in my stomach. I walked over to the sink and dropped the sponge in. When I turned around, Chandler was over at the radio.
"I love this song," he said, turning the volume up.
"I didn't know you liked Kenny Lattimore."
He walked away from the radio and stood in the back of the couch.
"Come dance with me," he said playfully.
"Yeah right."
"Come on."
I walked over to him and placed my hands on his shoulders. We were slow dancing to the song, "All I Want." Seconds later, he wrapped his arms around my waist tightly. At that moment, my heart began to race. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his right shoulder. Chandler was no longer in a playful mood. His left was resting on the small of my back while he caressed the top half of my back with his right hand. It felt good. I closed my eyes when he brought his hand up to caress my hair. We were in each other's arms song after song, losing track of time. I hadn't even realized that "All I Want," had ended three songs ago. I lifted my head up off his shoulder to look at him. A few seconds passed before he leaned in and kissed me. I felt his tongue enter my mouth at the same time his hand cradled the back of my head. I placed both hands on his face as I enjoyed our first kiss. We stopped dancing as soon as our lips touched. I felt warm all over from the penetration of his tongue and the feel of his touch. We kissed for a good five minutes or so before we pulled apart. We both smiled as he stared into my eyes and caressed my left cheek.
Although our first kiss was shared a little over two years ago, I can still feel the warm sensation that ran through my body at the softness of his tongue and lips against mine. I sit here with the door locked, the lights dim, and the radio on listening to Kenny Lattimore. I lay my head back against the couch and close my eyes. Listening to this song..it's like I wrote those words specifically for Chandler.
Always Remember
I could watch TV tonight or I could
Practice my smile
I've got nothing else to do since you're not here
By my side
Now my time is dedicated to wondering
Where you are
Hoping all is well with you, so far
I could not believe you'd up and leave me
Just when I thought we had the perfect love
I may be a fool, but I'll leave the light on outside
For you
As an invitation home and a welcome
When you
Do
Chorus:
Always remember, I'll be here waiting
You know
Always remember
I know circumstances often call for
Making a change
And I must admit at times I've felt
Like giving you space
But the only way I'd ever go is moments
At a time
Then I'd hurry back to be by your side
Nobody knows, till you've been lonely
Quite what if feels like when you lose
Your love
But now that I do, I'm swearing to you
I'll be
Alone
Till you get yourself together and decide
You're coming home
Chorus
Sometimes we only need, someone to
Believe that we're worth it all
I'm that someone for you whatever you're
Going through
Not to judge
Not to judge you just to love you
Chorus
When the songs ends, I smile at the memory of our first kiss. My thoughts are quickly interrupted by a knock on the door. I slowly and reluctantly get up to see who it is. When I open the door, I'm surprised to see a guy standing there holding a dozen roses.
"Are you Monica Geller?"
"Yes."
"Then these are for you," he says, hading me the red roses.
He turns and leaves as I stand here looking at the roses. I close the door and sit at the kitchen table. I take out the card thinking that the roses are from Don even though we broke up, but I'm shocked to see that they're from Chandler. I open the card and read what it says.
I know this doesn't make up for what I did to you, but I want you to know how very sorry I am that I hurt you. I know that you're seeing someone right now and I don't want to get in the way of that, but I just want you to know that no matter what happens between us just know that I'll always love you.
Love Chandler
"I love you too," I say aloud.
Next…CAN'T LET YOU GO